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Biggest diddies you have seen at your club...


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2 hours ago, Raidernation said:

Just remembered *shudders* a goalie we had, Tony Warner, IIRC.
Was during the Derek Whyte years.
IIRC an end of season game we lost 0-5 to hearts and he was shitier than a bag full of shite

Was going to mention him too - he did go on to have a decent career in England but was so bad for us!  Played for Celtic too in the old firm game before joining us on loan.

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Sorry, but Ferne Snoyle was a very good player.
Technically ahead of everyone else in the same Dons team.


Yeah he started brilliantly and looked a real player, I really hoped we’d keep him.

Tbf towards the end he regressed into looking a diddy but again has no place on this thread given the shite we’ve had.
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After watching the performance of Sean Clare last night, I think he has the potential to be one of the worst players I have ever seen play for Hearts.  It's incredible that someone gave this diddy a shree year deal.   Hopefully I'm proved wrong but I can't see it.   
Anyone it got me thinking about some of the other shite I have witnessed over the years.
First up has to be Hans Eskilsson who appeared in the mid nineties for a handful of appearances, he looked like a viking and played like he had a helmet wedged over his eyes, one impressive feat was to miss an open goal from 3 yards in a Derby, yup he was pish.
Secondly is Mirsad Beslija the record signing at £850k which was clearly part of some money laundering scam.  Played sporadically in his stay, was utterly shite and gave a modicum of revenge to the Bosnian pensioners that Vlad shafted,
Thirdly is Austin McCann one of the worst full backs in existence, he had the mobility of a sherman tank and pretty much hit the first man with every cross he ever made.  In his defence though he did score a cracker of a goal to win a game against Celtic.  Was going to pick that Nigerian chap but can't mind his name.
Fourthly has to be another striker, it could have been Calum Elliott, Paul McCallum, John Sutton or many others but take a bow Michael Ngoo,  this imposter came from Liverpool where he must have been washing the cars.  Missed a couple of sitters in a league cup final and now plying his trade in Albania.
Finally the 4000 Lithuanians that Vlad brought to the club, with a few notable exceptions they were utterly shite.
 
So what diddies have you seen play for your club over the years?


This post makes me think you’ve only been to about 4 Hearts games in your life.
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In terms of across the board, Phil Airey will take some beating.

 

However in terms of players who left their mark at club by lingering like a bad smell unfortunately, here's my XI:

 

Simon Brown - Horrendous goalkeeper, always will remember him for the goal he conceded at Tynecastle where he thought the ball was going past the post so he made no attempt to reach for it, low & behold the ball trickled into the net.

 

David Stephens - Out of his depth, remembered by most Hibs fans for Colin Calderwood's decision to play him as a makeshift striker against St Johnstone when we had the Maltese referees. He was about as good a forward as he was a defender, which says a lot about his ability.

 

 

 

Colin Murdock - This man was slower than a week in jail, was rather partial to putting the ball in his own net aswell. Last seen playing for Northern Ireland in that soccer sixes competition putting his wits against Robert Pires & co in what is the greatest mismatch since the 2012 Scottish Cup final but more about that in a moment...

Pa Saikou Kujabi - He came with the tag of being the 'Gambian Roberto Carlos' that would of been true if Roberto Carlos played with a blindfold, that blindfold was firmly wrapped tight around his eyes when he sold the jerseys for Darren Barr's goal in  the aforementioned Scottish Cup final by playing Barr onside. Also a special mention must be made for 'that' free-kick against Motherwell.

 

Ryan McGivern - He has already been mentioned on here many times, need I explain any further? With his playing ability & bleach blonde hair he was akin to a gormless Eminem.

 

 

 

Matt Thornhill - One of the harsher inclusions in this XI but nonetheless his spell will be remembered for a number of unmemorable appearances. Signed by Colin 'bag of sweeties' Calderwood.

 

Martin Scott - Another one of Calderwood's duds, we actually paid Ross County for his services. He certainly left his mark at the club by leaving Sean Welsh, one of our youth players at the time in hospital with a broken jaw after punching him during a pre season training session. Scott did however score an absolute zinger in Ian Murray's testimonial.

 

Alan O'Brien - He was sold to us as being like Ivan Sproule on motorcycle, shame that the motorcycle had no wheels. His end product was non existent & again like Martin Scott, we actually paid money for this dud.

 

Danny Haynes - Surprisingly the first player on this list signed by Terry Butcher. Haynes was another player that came to us with a big reputation, but again like the rest of them on this list he failed to deliver. He played in the capitulation against Hamilton in the playoffs, well at least for eight minutes before going off injured.

 

 

 

Rowan Vine - Another player from our ill fated relegation season, on paper he looked like an exciting signing. Only five or so months before he signed for us he ripped us a new one at Easter Road whilst playing for St Johnstone, this performance was probably the impetus for us signing him. His lasting memory with the Hibs support will be that atrocious beard that he had, that alone would been enough to make this list but his lack of ability helps cement his place.

 

Amadou Konte - He was the Malian wizard, the only thing majestical about his stay at Easter Road was he eventually left after nearly two years at the club where he registered a solitary league, which in fairness did get us into Europe. Konte also once had the opportunity of heading the ball into an empty he net, he of course elected to duck when the ball was delivered for him to head into the net.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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On ‎30‎/‎12‎/‎2018 at 16:45, Flybhoy said:

In the thirty odd years i've been watching Celtic there truly is an embarrassment of shitness to call upon here...

 

Tony Cascarino

Martin Hayes

Amido Balde

David Hannah 

Mo Bangura

Jos Hooijveld

Mo Camara

Jo Inge Berget

Chris Killen

Willo Flood

Zhen Zhi

Daryl Murphy 

Olivier Tebily

Gary Gillespie

Wayne Biggins

Josh Thompson 

Some truly honking guff in amongst that lot.

Carl Muggleton, Wayne Biggins, Stuart Slater......

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On 05/01/2019 at 10:29, Southside Hibee said:

Rowan Vine - Another player from our ill fated relegation season, on paper he looked like an exciting signing. Only five or so months before he signed for us he ripped us a new one at Easter Road whilst playing for St Johnstone, this performance was probably the impetus for us signing him. His lasting memory with the Hibs support will be that atrocious beard that he had, that alone would been enough to make this list but his lack of ability helps cement his place.

Vine's career is actually somewhat impressive, in a quantity-over-quality way. He's actually played at something like 23 different clubs in his career, everyone from QPR down to Hartley Wintney, whatever that is, and including two spells of playing for 4 different clubs in the same calendar year, though obviously a lot of those are at the arse end of the English League pyramid these days.

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I’d like to nominate Adam Morgan.

The highlight of his 6 month spell at us being a sending off in a reserve match, before being given a motivational message on twitter from some random Celebrity.

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20 minutes ago, mizfit said:

I’d like to nominate Adam Morgan.

The highlight of his 6 month spell at us being a sending off in a reserve match, before being given a motivational message on twitter from some random Celebrity.

It was Ian Beale :lol:

My highlight was an away game at Inverness, when he spent a warm up three yards from goal blootering the ball into the net, in front of Saints fans, then strutting off as if he'd proven some kind of point. I'm fairly certain he almost sclaffed one wide.

Edited by RandomGuy.
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  • 1 year later...

One from last season for us, Harvey St Clair.

Watched him play one half, ran about like a headless chicken, chasing shadows, looked like he never seen a football pitch in his life.

Astonishing how he spent 12 years at Chelsea....

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43 minutes ago, C4mmy31 said:

One from last season for us, Harvey St Clair.

Watched him play one half, ran about like a headless chicken, chasing shadows, looked like he never seen a football pitch in his life.

Astonishing how he spent 12 years at Chelsea....

It means nothing. We had the captain of their u23 team or something, and he was howling.

Pass tackle head shoot run; all things he couldn't do.

Edited by Ranaldo Bairn
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4 minutes ago, Ranaldo Bairn said:

It means nothing. We had the captain of their u23 team or something, and he was howling.

Pass tackle head shoot run, all things ge couldn't do.

The point I was trying to make was after 12 years of top level youth coaching, you'd think he would have learnt something, anything.

It beggars belief how badly out of his depth he was.....

Edited by C4mmy31
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1 minute ago, C4mmy31 said:

The point I was trying to make was after 12 years of top level youth coaching, you'd think he would have learnt something.

It beggars belief how badly out of his depth he was.....

Sorry I must have been unclear, I was agreeing with you. Sammut had been there for ages too and was utterly hopeless. 

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17 minutes ago, Biscuits said:

Any c**t that Stubbs signed. Tho still not as big a c**t as Stubbs himself. c**t

Not true. John McGinn was one of Stubbsy's signings and he's nobody's idea of a diddy.

Image result for pieandbovril gif

 

Edited by Aim Here
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On 25/06/2020 at 16:24, Ranaldo Bairn said:

It means nothing. We had the captain of their u23 team or something, and he was howling.

Pass tackle head shoot run; all things he couldn't do.

Ruben Sammut I'm sure it was :D 

 

We also had fucking Gregg Wylde who even managed to fail at Clyde recently, away to fucking Darvel :D waste of a career, shiter of a boy

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