Rizzo Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 When I was around 4yo I distinctly remember my mum being given an exercise bike by my dad. I hope to God she asked him to purchase it but I just don't know. They're still together so I assume it was a request but even 4yo me was wondering just what the f**k he was thinking. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Ferrino Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 My wife doesn't bother getting me anything these days, but back when we made an effort I remember getting an Abba cd, a book on after dinner speeches and a succesion of jumpers Fred West wouldn't be seen dead in. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deanburn Dave Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 Novelty Xmas socks and Xmas pants. NO, NO, NO !!! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeeVanTeeth Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 Talking about shite Christmas presents, does anybody know when the Barras shuts tonight cos I better be making a move soon to buy the missus something. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deanburn Dave Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 A gift of anti-wrinkle cream to the wife carries a high risk of a barny. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 (edited) 3 hours ago, G_Man1985 said: 9 hours ago, Sergeant Wilson said: My mate told me yesterday that he has got his wife seeds to grow a thistle, £1.25. What time of you year do you start to grow the thitsles ? He said any time. He got her a pot to put in as well. Edited December 24, 2018 by Sergeant Wilson 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 5 hours ago, Lord Snooty said: I got a pack of Tennent's lager. Gnat's piss strained through a sweaty sock. Two presents? Lucky you! 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flybhoy Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 2 hours ago, LeeVanTeeth said: Talking about shite Christmas presents, does anybody know when the Barras shuts tonight cos I better be making a move soon to buy the missus something. 24 hour Esso garage is your friend mate. Get her a bottle of screenwash, a grab bag of Doritos and a copy of Chat magazine, she'll fucking love that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigBo10 Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 A gift of anti-wrinkle cream to the wife carries a high risk of a barny. My mum was going on about these things and said she’d need to get them as she’s getting wrinkled around her eyes. My dad remembered this and spent a fortune on whatever the ones were she had mentioned. Her face was a feckin picture when she opened it. My dad had no idea what he’d done wrong as he said “It’s the only f@&!?n thing you said you wanted all year. “ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted December 25, 2018 Share Posted December 25, 2018 https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2018/12/19/worst-gifts-boyfriends-give-girlfriends-can-opener-sonogram/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.f06d1de3ec2c When Jennifer Purdie’s new boyfriend handed her a jewelry box, she felt embarrassed that she’d been outdone. They’d been dating only two months! She had assumed that they’d go small and sweet with their Christmas gifts, so she had baked him cookies. And here he was, giving her jewelry. Or was he? Purdie, then in her mid-20s, opened the box to find a slip of paper. It was a sonogram — an image of the inside of another woman’s uterus. Purdie was confused. Maybe this was his way of announcing he was going to be an uncle? Wrong again. “I’m going to be a daddy!” her boyfriend said. No, he hadn’t cheated on Purdie — he’d just (accidentally) gotten his ex-girlfriend pregnant before they broke up, and this was his way of sharing the news. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flybhoy Posted December 25, 2018 Share Posted December 25, 2018 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shotgun Posted December 25, 2018 Share Posted December 25, 2018 4 hours ago, Flybhoy said: 24 hour Esso garage is your friend mate. Get her a bottle of screenwash, a grab bag of Doritos and a copy of Chat magazine, she'll fucking love that. Jasper Carrott used to have a line about knowing when people had forgotten to buy you anything until they were on the way over. "The only places open on Christmas Day are petrol stations and Asian grocers. I can't tell you how many times I've been given a packet of dried yams and two dozen sachets of windscreen wash." 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted December 25, 2018 Share Posted December 25, 2018 7 hours ago, Shotgun said: Jasper Carrott used to have a line about knowing when people had forgotten to buy you anything until they were on the way over. "The only places open on Christmas Day are petrol stations and Asian grocers. I can't tell you how many times I've been given a packet of dried yams and two dozen sachets of windscreen wash." That'll be why he's not on the telly any more. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BawWatchin Posted December 25, 2018 Share Posted December 25, 2018 A friend of mines got a board game, which involves a park, dogs and........ yep, shite. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Edwards Posted December 25, 2018 Share Posted December 25, 2018 Somecunt bought me a talking clock for Christmas one year. It told you the time every fifteen minutes and there was no way to mute it. I took the batteries out after an hour and a half and never put them back in. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken Wing Posted December 25, 2018 Share Posted December 25, 2018 An afro comb. (I suffer from male pattern baldness) To be fair to my daughter, she thought it would be just the thing to tidy up my beard since I'm currently described as looking like a "jakey tramp" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken Wing Posted December 25, 2018 Share Posted December 25, 2018 And here it is! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted December 25, 2018 Share Posted December 25, 2018 18 minutes ago, Chicken Wing said: I'm currently described as looking like a "jakey tramp" A poster on here, I don't believe it? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted December 25, 2018 Share Posted December 25, 2018 27 minutes ago, Chicken Wing said: And here it is! Still got the Afro, m8? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken Wing Posted December 25, 2018 Share Posted December 25, 2018 Still got the Afro, m8?Aye 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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