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MixuFixit

Infuriating things your parents do

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On 23/12/2018 at 08:52, MixuFixit said:

 

Indeed. Why didn't the goons just say sticky tape?

because its special Sellotape that's sticky on both sides ,hence sticky back plastic

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because its special Sellotape that's sticky on both sides ,hence sticky back plastic
Naw it's just sellotape

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I didn't realise Blue Peter meant sellotape when they said sticky back plastic until I was in my mid-20s.
You did well to get it so early.

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On 16/12/2018 at 09:24, throbber said:

hopefully it comes on Netflix soon!

It’s on Netflix now, around about 39 minutes 45 seconds. Just watched there for first time since his comment.

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Forgot how good Throbbers stories were, walking in to find his Dad naked has had me in kinks for the past few minutes. 

On the subject of parents, and this being a football forum, thought some might enjoy the below read: 

https://sabotagetimes.com/sport/millwall-its-a-father-and-son-thing

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My old mans a pain in the arse when it comes to phone calls. You phone him when he's busy and he'll quickly inform you that he can't speak and rushes you off the phone. You tell him you're busy when he calls, and he questions what you could be doing that's so important that you can't spare time to speak to your old dad.

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My dad, bless the old soul, takes 10 minutes to tell a story I could tell in 10 seconds.

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Was staying at my folks last week and just after me and the mrs went to bed there was a bit of commotion in the kitchen which was just down the hall from the room we stayed in, I went to see if all was okay and my mum was in a hysterical laughing fit about something so shocking she couldn’t repeat it. We found out the next day that she had said to my dad (talking about an injury to her finger) “My cut is really sore” he mistakenly thought she had dropped the C bomb and replied rather aghast “You’re WHAT?!” With an apparent look of utter terror on his face. For the rest of the week they both kept saying “sore cut!” and giggling away to one another whilst me and the girlfriend remained rather unsettled at the thought.

 

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3 hours ago, nsr said:

My dad, bless the old soul, takes 10 minutes to tell a story I could tell in 10 seconds.

I guy I know does this (3 sec gap between each line)

 

Well...

I was in town the other morning...

and...

half way along the high street...

there was this...

what do you call them?...

busker type person...

and she asked me... (6 sec gap here)

Now...

I forget exactly what was it now...

but I think it was along the lines of...

Me:

tumblr_n5viooa2QL1tq4of6o1_500.gif

 

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4 hours ago, Hedgecutter said:

I guy I know does this (3 sec gap between each line)

 

Well...

I was in town the other morning...

and...

half way along the high street...

there was this...

what do you call them?...

busker type person...

and she asked me... (6 sec gap here)

Now...

I forget exactly what was it now...

but I think it was along the lines of...

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

Me:

tumblr_n5viooa2QL1tq4of6o1_500.gif

 

 

 

screen-shot-2018-01-11-at-22-22-15.png

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Mine came home from a week in Tenerife with the great news they’d signed up to a Holiday Club that entitled them to a holiday in Tenerife in year one, a holiday in the Caribbean in year two and a weeks cruise in year three. ‘No’, they insisted, ‘its not a timeshare or a scam, they were all above aboard and had an office and everything’. Said holiday firm had given them paperwork that looked like a ten year old had knocked it up. Three minutes of Google work later, I’d to tell them they’d been emptied of £1700 for nothing. Only during the payment process, they’d been told the card reader hadn’t worked and to try again, which they did, leaving them out £3400 for nothing. Naturally, this leads to both of them insisting they were the one who said they didn’t like the look of the people involved but only went along with it because the other insisted it was legit. That argument went on longer than the one about the three and a half grand side hole in their bank account, which they didn’t really seem that bothered about. And whenever there’s a story on the news about some rube who has been similarly scammed, they’ll sit and lol at them for being rubes.

They go through tech stuff like it’s a race, like digital cameras and phones and previously CD players. Buy them, use them once, and then bin them after deciding they don’t work properly. I don’t know where they get phones from but Maw regularly comes home with phones I have never heard of and which are the least intuitive pieces of shit you’ll ever see.

And they watch the news, for no reason other than to moan about it. Every night. STV News then Reporting Scotland. Cheezes H.

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9 hours ago, Jimmy Shaker said:

Mine came home from a week in Tenerife with the great news they’d signed up to a Holiday Club that entitled them to a holiday in Tenerife in year one, a holiday in the Caribbean in year two and a weeks cruise in year three. ‘No’, they insisted, ‘its not a timeshare or a scam, they were all above aboard and had an office and everything’. Said holiday firm had given them paperwork that looked like a ten year old had knocked it up. Three minutes of Google work later, I’d to tell them they’d been emptied of £1700 for nothing. Only during the payment process, they’d been told the card reader hadn’t worked and to try again, which they did, leaving them out £3400 for nothing. Naturally, this leads to both of them insisting they were the one who said they didn’t like the look of the people involved but only went along with it because the other insisted it was legit. That argument went on longer than the one about the three and a half grand side hole in their bank account, which they didn’t really seem that bothered about. And whenever there’s a story on the news about some rube who has been similarly scammed, they’ll sit and lol at them for being rubes.

They go through tech stuff like it’s a race, like digital cameras and phones and previously CD players. Buy them, use them once, and then bin them after deciding they don’t work properly. I don’t know where they get phones from but Maw regularly comes home with phones I have never heard of and which are the least intuitive pieces of shit you’ll ever see.

And they watch the news, for no reason other than to moan about it. Every night. STV News then Reporting Scotland. Cheezes H.

I can get their money back. PM their details to me.

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10 hours ago, Jimmy Shaker said:

Mine came home from a week in Tenerife with the great news they’d signed up to a Holiday Club that entitled them to a holiday in Tenerife in year one, a holiday in the Caribbean in year two and a weeks cruise in year three. ‘No’, they insisted, ‘its not a timeshare or a scam, they were all above aboard and had an office and everything’. Said holiday firm had given them paperwork that looked like a ten year old had knocked it up. Three minutes of Google work later, I’d to tell them they’d been emptied of £1700 for nothing. Only during the payment process, they’d been told the card reader hadn’t worked and to try again, which they did, leaving them out £3400 for nothing. Naturally, this leads to both of them insisting they were the one who said they didn’t like the look of the people involved but only went along with it because the other insisted it was legit. That argument went on longer than the one about the three and a half grand side hole in their bank account, which they didn’t really seem that bothered about. And whenever there’s a story on the news about some rube who has been similarly scammed, they’ll sit and lol at them for being rubes.

They go through tech stuff like it’s a race, like digital cameras and phones and previously CD players. Buy them, use them once, and then bin them after deciding they don’t work properly. I don’t know where they get phones from but Maw regularly comes home with phones I have never heard of and which are the least intuitive pieces of shit you’ll ever see.

And they watch the news, for no reason other than to moan about it. Every night. STV News then Reporting Scotland. Cheezes H.

They don't sound as if they're short of money. Aren't you worried they're wasting your inheritance?

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On ‎17‎/‎12‎/‎2018 at 10:59, throbber said:

 

 


Don’t recall any other weird presents, I remember another funny one from about 2011 when I was 24 and living at home and doing work not far from the house on a couple of projects. I was working with this absolutely gormless 16 year old apprentice, he was properly stupid and lacked any confidence whatsoever and most my days at work were spent with me getting more and more annoyed at him and his constant stupidity but I was told to persevere with him regardless. Anyway, I stopped in at the house at 10 o clock for my tea break as I did fairly often if in between jobs and took the apprentice into the house with me (occasionally if he had annoyed me too much in the morning I would have told him to stay in the van). We entered the house via french doors that had to be unlocked by a key that was kept under the decking, the doors open up into a small hallway in between our kitchen/dining room and our kitchen was sharp to the left. Our kitchen had a breakfast bar that sat at a 90 degree angle from the work top and stood at the breakfast bar was my dad totally naked making himself some coffee. Now if he had been observant in any way he could have heard the van pull up, could have heard us walking on the decking and certainly should have heard me unlocking the french doors in time for him to have made a run out of the kitchen and back upstairs to get changed but he was just stood there completely in his own world and only noticed we were there when we entered the room, both me and the apprentice frozen on the spot with no idea where to look. Considering we had already seen his arse he could have easily scurried off to the far side of the breakfast bar and then faced us and the situation would be somewhat less awkward but in a blind panic he shuffled into the corner of where the breakfast bar met the work top with his arse still facing us, he then in a desperate attempt to rid the situation of any further awkwardness turned his head to us and said in a rather strange and seductive manner “hello boys”. I physically grabbed the young apprentice and made a run back to the van, drove about a mile up the road and had my breakfast in a lay by in complete silence. I don’t think the young lad really appreciated what had gone on, he seems to have grown up and come out of his shell a bit in recent years going by his Facebook updates so I may one day ask him how he felt about the events of that morning. I haven’t spoke to my dad about it and probably never will.

 

Still quality.

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On ‎14‎/‎12‎/‎2018 at 16:52, MONKMAN said:

My dad lives in Spain, and has spent years working all over.  I don't speak to him that much but I'll get a random text at 11am asking if I fancy a few pints before the football, and probably a few after as well.  What kind of notice is that to give someone, who literally doesn't have a fucking clue what country he happens to be in at any given time.  He's clearly had flights booked and arranged to stay at my uncles so a bit of notice, preferably more than an hour, wouldn't go a miss.

He doesn't love you.

On ‎17‎/‎03‎/‎2019 at 12:19, Hedgecutter said:

I got the dreaded "can you phone home asap" voicemail from my mum a couple of weeks ago. We all know this is the special code for 'somebody close has died'.

Phoned back to get "hi love, I was just wondering if you're still going to your cousin's wedding next week", this being the that one I booked a hotel and travel for weeks earlier. Still raging inside.

My Maw did similar to me, my dad has terminal cancer (annoying, I know) but while we were getting things checked or it could have been during an op he had my Maw had the stupidity to text me

"JAMES, NOT GREAT NEWS. SEE YOU WHEN YOU COME DOWN TOMORROW"

What the f**k was she expecting me to do with that?? "cheers maw. xx". I replied with "Are you fucking kidding me on? Get on the phone and tell me what the f**k it is".

Was I supposed to sit for 12 hours and stew? Granted I was a bit harsh in my reply but that really boiled my piss.

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5 minutes ago, Busta Nut said:

He doesn't love you.

My Maw did similar to me, my dad has terminal cancer (annoying, I know) but while we were getting things checked or it could have been during an op he had my Maw had the stupidity to text me

"JAMES, NOT GREAT NEWS. SEE YOU WHEN YOU COME DOWN TOMORROW"

What the f**k was she expecting me to do with that?? "cheers maw. xx". I replied with "Are you fucking kidding me on? Get on the phone and tell me what the f**k it is".

Was I supposed to sit for 12 hours and stew? Granted I was a bit harsh in my reply but that really boiled my piss.

This year my dad phoned me to say happy birthday and then followed it up with the news that because of his age, my 95yo grandfather might not wake up from the general anaesthetic needed to remove his prostate tumour that afternoon.  What a happy birthday that was.

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22 minutes ago, Busta Nut said:

My Maw did similar to me, my dad has terminal cancer (annoying, I know) but while we were getting things checked or it could have been during an op he had my Maw had the stupidity to text me

"JAMES, NOT GREAT NEWS. SEE YOU WHEN YOU COME DOWN TOMORROW"

What the f**k was she expecting me to do with that?? "cheers maw. xx". I replied with "Are you fucking kidding me on? Get on the phone and tell me what the f**k it is".

Was I supposed to sit for 12 hours and stew? Granted I was a bit harsh in my reply but that really boiled my piss.

My father-in-law couldn't face telling my wife that her mother had terminal cancer. I had to field that phone call and break the news to her. Cheers big man.

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