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MixuFixit

Infuriating things your parents do

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On 20/12/2018 at 13:36, Steven Mill Out said:

Shag when I'm trying to sleep.

 

If you lived in Dingwall they would expect you to join in.

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i) It's Sellotape.
ii) You're evidently one of those people who say Sellotape when they mean adhesive tape .  Sellotape is a brand name.


I didn't realise Blue Peter meant sellotape when they said sticky back plastic until I was in my mid-20s.

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1 hour ago, carpetmonster said:

 


I didn't realise Blue Peter meant sellotape when they said sticky back plastic until I was in my mid-20s.

 

Well, no. They were referring to sheets of coloured vinyl, which you can still get from craft stores. Here's a link, if you haven't yet made Christmas presents for your family or friends. (I'm assuming you already have plenty of toilet roll tubes).

https://www.hobbycraft.co.uk/fablon-craft-sticky-back-red/599157-1000

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4 hours ago, carpetmonster said:

 


I didn't realise Blue Peter meant sellotape when they said sticky back plastic until I was in my mid-20s.

 

 

Indeed. Why didn't the goons just say sticky tape?

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On ‎12‎/‎16‎/‎2018 at 02:24, throbber said:

we were all sat around the TV watching "The theory of everything" about the life of Steven Hawking. He was drifting in and out of the film whilst on his ipad not really paying much attention. There is this very touching scene somewhere around the mid point of the film where young Steven is walking through a courtyard, the Motoneuron disease clearly getting the better of him and he's really struggling to walk the length of himself whilst sad music plays in the background,. He eventually walks into a library and at the point where someone says "Come in Steven" he is stood right next to this Victorian wooden spiral staircase, my father who could only have had a split second to think about this blurted out "We're upstairs!".

Even though it's been almost 3 months since you posted this, can I just say it still makes me laugh out loud when I think of it.

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Even though it's been almost 3 months since you posted this, can I just say it still makes me laugh out loud when I think of it.


It was the funniest moment of my life, I was gone for about an hour and a half. Was all about the timing and how off guard it caught me. I doubt I’ll ever find anything as funny as that again!

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Anyone got any more crackers of their parents?

I just got phoned up today to be told they've managed to get ransomware on both their computers and need my help because the man on the phone that they gave remote access to wants £400 to unlock them...

 

tenor.gif

Edited by MixuFixit

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Anyone got any more crackers of their parents?
I just got phoned up today to be told they've managed to get ransomware on both their computers and need my help because the man on the phone that they gave remote access to wants £400 to unlock them...
 
tenor.gif&key=374ec8c906f540e98489659c6b31f93038847f30715fae24adfc9e4879e681f1
Mine are hopeless with technology. I got them a NowTV stick and went to show them how to work it. They seem to manage though or they aren't using it.

I was round the other day and put something on YouTube via NowTV. We were leaving together and my dad went to turn YouTube off with the black controller and failed even though he kept pushing almost every button on the remote, as if pushing the wrong button harder would make it work. My mum then stormed in and told him he was an idiot and was using the wrong controller. She likes to think she's more clued up but she's equally fucking useless. So she swoops in and soon becomes as puzzled as my dad when the silver controller doesn't turn YouTube off. She then grabs the black controller which I can only imagine she thinks must be the right one and that my dad was just making an arse of it. She then starts pushing the buttons my dad had just been pushing, which he makes sure she knows by telling her. At this point I'm standing behind them with my arms crossed wondering how long it'll take. I nudge my brother to let him see the hilarity and pose the question, how many useless duffers it takes to figure out that neither of the controllers they are thumping are going to be able to fix their problem. So for a wee while they are mumbling to each other stuff like "aye it's normally that button", "no, I tried that", "Is it broken?". Eventually I can't keep my laugh quiet and suggest they use the NowTV remote. Maybe you had to be there, but I enjoyed how my mum thought she knew better and ended up getting my dad's back up only for them to end up working on the project together as they were as equally fucking useless.

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They're now refusing to change their passwords because they think it's one guy having a guess and after 3 wrong ones he'll be locked out and not a botnet brute forcing a billion email address of which theirs are now a couple with every permutation of the dictionary.

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1 hour ago, 19QOS19 said:

Mine are hopeless with technology. I got them a NowTV stick and went to show them how to work it. They seem to manage though or they aren't using it.

I was round the other day and put something on YouTube via NowTV. We were leaving together and my dad went to turn YouTube off with the black controller and failed even though he kept pushing almost every button on the remote, as if pushing the wrong button harder would make it work. My mum then stormed in and told him he was an idiot and was using the wrong controller. She likes to think she's more clued up but she's equally fucking useless. So she swoops in and soon becomes as puzzled as my dad when the silver controller doesn't turn YouTube off. She then grabs the black controller which I can only imagine she thinks must be the right one and that my dad was just making an arse of it. She then starts pushing the buttons my dad had just been pushing, which he makes sure she knows by telling her. At this point I'm standing behind them with my arms crossed wondering how long it'll take. I nudge my brother to let him see the hilarity and pose the question, how many useless duffers it takes to figure out that neither of the controllers they are thumping are going to be able to fix their problem. So for a wee while they are mumbling to each other stuff like "aye it's normally that button", "no, I tried that", "Is it broken?". Eventually I can't keep my laugh quiet and suggest they use the NowTV remote. Maybe you had to be there, but I enjoyed how my mum thought she knew better and ended up getting my dad's back up only for them to end up working on the project together as they were as equally fucking useless.
 

My sister used to write reams of instructions for stuff like that for my very elderly and one demented parents. Only thing that worked was giving the less demented one the controls and leaving her alone, with a bit of very basic advice. She usually worked it out after the initial panic.

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Letting Catherine FaceTime my mum there and all we could see was her big beady eye until I told her to move the phone back a bit. I guess it’s a step up from the first time when she had the phone at her ear instead of looking at it. And yes, I’m talking about my mum, not Catherine. Hopeless. 

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On 13/03/2019 at 21:10, MixuFixit said:

Anyone got any more crackers of their parents?

I just got phoned up today to be told they've managed to get ransomware on both their computers and need my help because the man on the phone that they gave remote access to wants £400 to unlock them...

 

tenor.gif

My mother agreed to  upgrade her Virgin TV box for a new Tivo box and booked an appointment for an engineers visit. It was only when I went round and told her she doesn't have a Virgin box as I got her a Youview box for her Christmas. Turns out when she moved house an engineer came round to install the cable but she said she didn't want it, only the phone line. Turns out the engineer didn't bother telling Virgin and they've been billing her for TV for 6 months. After about an hour on the phone with them I managed to get it refunded. God knows how much longer this would have gone on.

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My late father was the master of the cock-block. Whenever we went on holiday and I made myself a female friend, he would always come over and say stuff like "Oh, I see you've got yourself a girlfriend" and I'd have to go and have a quiet cringe somewhere. 

On the subject of the older generation and mobile phones, my Canadian aunt has a smartphone and even knows how to use Whats App. But despite paying $20+ per month for a contract, she refuses to get data. Indeed, she pays $2.50 a month (they've just put the prices up as well) for the feature that blocks her from using data. Yes, she is paying NOT to use something she owns. Fucking madness. 

Edited by Cardinal Richelieu

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Ma Bam voted for Brexit. 

 

and after the total and utter clusterf*ck that has happened, she would still vote for Brexit....

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9 minutes ago, tamthebam said:

Ma Bam voted for Brexit. 

 

and after the total and utter clusterf*ck that has happened, she would still vote for Brexit....

If my Dad had still been alive, he would've voted for it too. And I'll bet to this day he would be arguing that black was white and up was down in order to avoid admitting he was wrong.

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10 hours ago, Shotgun said:

If my Dad had still been alive, he would've voted for it too. And I'll bet to this day he would be arguing that black was white and up was down in order to avoid admitting he was wrong.

Mine too. He used to have a pound symbol pin badge back when there was talk of the Euro replacing the Pound. 

I miss him :(

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I got the dreaded "can you phone home asap" voicemail from my mum a couple of weeks ago. We all know this is the special code for 'somebody close has died'.

Phoned back to get "hi love, I was just wondering if you're still going to your cousin's wedding next week", this being the that one I booked a hotel and travel for weeks earlier. Still raging inside.

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On 16/12/2018 at 09:24, throbber said:

Shitting in the toilet next to the living room in our flat rather than use the en suite in the bedroom he is staying in is completely typical behaviour from my father. To say he is an absurd individual is a massive understatement, he really is just from a different planet and growing up I always wondered why he couldn't be normal, like other peoples Dads. He worked away on ships for most of his life and there is almost nowhere in the world he hasn't visited, I'm pretty sure this shaped him into the oddball that his and that he spent the entire time alone with his own thoughts not giving a f**k about what was going on around about him and not really socialising with anyone. Me and him never properly bonded, possibly because I was too attached to my mother but largely because we shared no common interests but he still didn't even pretend to have any interest in my life from a young age, he never even taught me how to shave and instead would make jokes about where my stubble had gone in front of people, the sort of behaviour you would expect from an older brother trying to show off to his mates. A few of his absurdities that I can remember from growing up:

Portugal 1996 - Him and my mother met a Sottish couple with a couple of kids around my age at a beach side restaurant, the father was a doctor  (some sort of gynaecologist) and my Dad blurted out "I bet you still don't deal with as many c***s as I do!" In. full earshot of everyone including several young children, I didn't even know what the word meant. 

Crete 98 - Doing a mini bus tour around the island with a bunch of little Englanders on board asked if he could go and get some "messages" in his stupid hill billy teuchter accent, completely unaware that nobody outside of Scotland uses that term.

Rhodes 00 - Staying at a hotel not too far from Faliraki, there were a few young wild English holiday makers there despite it being mostly a family hotel but I remember being slightly intimidated by some of the pool side residents. My father was getting out the pool and his shorts came all the way down exposing his big hairy white arse to everyone, much laughter ensued and I was mortified as was my mother and sister, I don't think he even noticed what had happened.

Around about the year 2000 (when you still had to dial up and block the phone line to use the internet) he was sitting on the computer, which was in the landing outside of my bedroom. He often sat there for hours on end, mostly getting more and more furious with the connection speed but occasionally giggling at something he had seen/read. One time his laughter was hysterical to the point I had to go and see that he was alright, he had clearly seen something that had broken him and he was unable to say what it was. A few days later I heard him proudly telling someone in the pub that he was on a forum for pond enthusiasts asking how best to seal a pond, he was told to use cat litter (meaning the actual stuff you buy in bags) for it and then came back a few days later pretending that he actually used cat shit saying "I tried using cat litter but it killed all my fish and there was a bad smell of ammonia around my pond" which provoked much outrage from Americans calling him a jerk etc.

One time the school bus went past the house on a dark winter morning and he had his head stuck out the curtains looking like something from a horror movie staring at the bus provoking much laughter from some of the banter boys on the bus, again to my mortification. One time I got home from school and he was dissecting a dead deer in the front garden. At my graduation in 2017 he sneezed and didn't cover his mouth in time and covered the back of the man in front of hims head.

One time he made me laugh hysterically, we were all sat around the TV watching "The theory of everything" about the life of Steven Hawking. He was drifting in and out of the film whilst on his ipad not really paying much attention. There is this very touching scene somewhere around the mid point of the film where young Steven is walking through a courtyard, the Motoneuron disease clearly getting the better of him and he's really struggling to walk the length of himself whilst sad music plays in the background,. He eventually walks into a library and at the point where someone says "Come in Steven" he is stood right next to this Victorian wooden spiral staircase, my father who could only have had a split second to think about this blurted out "We're upstairs!". It was obviously in poor taste but I couldn't stop laughing about it for hours on end, we had visitors not long after and I was unable to make proper conversation because I was too hysterical about it all. I never even saw the end of the movie and haven't seen the scene back, hopefully it comes on Netflix soon!

Funnily enough my mother is fairly normal, she doesn't really annoy me apart from when nagging me to stop drinking. 

Your Dad sounds fucking amazing. I can understand the pressure you must be under to live up to him. 

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