Donkeys XI

[DA Baracus]

Are some of you making some of these up?

[LogieLivi]

1. Colin Stewart (GK) - Worst goalkeeper I have seen in a Livi shirt. Got himself sent off in a league game against Morton by handballing the ball outside the box. Twice. Then proceeded to applaud the fans as he left the pitch. Sure he spent the rest of that season on the bench.

 

2. Jonny Brown (RB) - Always had a mistake in him. Signed from hearts I believe originally on loan but signed permanently. Had a time with injuries but was tipped to be our right back saviour after many years of having terrible right backs. He wasn't.

 

3. Chris Malone (LB) - Most Livi fans had high hopes for the boy but his attitude was awful. After leaving us he joined Airdrie where he was sacked shortly after for arguing with the manager that he should be first name on the team sheet.

 

4. Neil Hastings (CB) - Worst. Player. Ever. Got sent off in a friendly. Joined our coaching staff. No idea where he is now.

 

5. Ewan Moyes (CB) - Just terrible. He couldn't head the ball. Couldn't tackle. Couldn't defend. Scored more og's than any other Livi player I believe.

 

6. Hugo Faria (CM) - Portuguese pal of Burchill. Just a huge, bald lump on a green pitch.

 

7. Anthony McPartland (RM) - Signed and personally I had high hopes for him. Had pace but absolutely nothing else. Believe he had an attitude problem and was released.

 

8. Darren Cole (CM/CB) - Constantly gave the ball away. Part of our relegation squad. Again he had attitude problem. Case of "Iveplayedforrangerssothereforebetterthananyoneelseinthesquaditis".

 

9. Rob Ogleby (CF) - Boy couldn't hit a barn door with a banjo. No pace, no skill and no goals. Punted out on loan to Wrexham then released.

 

10. David Luongo (CF) - Never actually played for us. Got injured in pre season and then just disappeared. Stayed listed as a player on our club website the entire time with no updates at all on his injury. We all reckon he was a tax dodge.

 

11. Jordon Morton (LM) - Very selfish style of player again with that attitude of he thought he was better than everyone else. Loads of pace and scored the occasional belter but many times caught in possession.

 

Honerable mentions

Ludovic "Butterfingers" Roy.

Sergio Berti.

Mark Tinkler.

Liam Fox (Probably controversial).

Harald Pinxten.

Steven Craig.

 

ETA - Derek Adams. Should be first team but canny be arsed. Boy was a waste of a jersey. Absolute pish.

[FuzzyBear]

David Hutton or Darren Jamieson can’t decide both terrible keepers.
Jack Ross
Kurakins
Xavier Tomas
Nico Sumsky
Kemy Augustine
Chris Turner
Sam Kelly
Richard Roy
Oumar Diaby
Lucas Akins
 

Tomas should be nowhere near that. Izzy Iriekpen is the worst defender I have seen at Accies and made Tomas look like Franz Beckenbauer

[FuzzyBear]

I would also have Marvin Andrews, Luis Rubiales, John Paul Kissock and Leon Knight in there plus the guy who appeared to pay for a game at Ibrox and never appeared again - ? Welsh.

[Tony Wonder]

Eddie Kurskis

Nerjius Barasa

David Winnie

David Kucharski

Kenny Milne

Marius Kiszys

Brian Hamilton 

Kenny Anderson

Leigh Jenkinson

Ricardas Beniusis

Arkadius Klimek

Subs: Lee Hollis, Thomas Kanchelskis, Wilfred Ouefiou, Linas Pilibaitis, David Witteveen, Thiago Costa

 

 

[Dindeleux]

To go back to the OP - Glenn Lovvens nickname at Celtic was Donkey so it’s been a good addition.

[Snifter Pee Rot]

My tuppence from watching Hibs late 80s on.

 

Zibi Malkowski - Ropier than the Gordian knot. Hampered the Mowbray golden generation.  Somehow managed 51 butter fingered apps  (just edges Makalambay for shiteness)

Tortolano - CULT figure during Miller era but generally slow as a Saughton weekend and as a result worst utility left back I've ever seen at Hibs- whopping 222 apps. Pips Benny Brazil by 15 apps so gets his jersey here.

Stevie Tweed - GAME enough big huddy but ran like a lame giraffe in leg irons. A whopping 108 apps get him a jersey. 

PC Colin Murdoch - WORST touch I have ever seen on a Hibs footballer, 37 torturous apps in Blobby era get him a jersey,  apparently the most unpopular player ever at Preston when we signed him.

Zarabi - SIGNED by Mixu on a video tape sent by some agent just having a laugh - 7 apps only but as they would make a glass eye bleed he gets a jersey. 

Alan O'Brien - SOLD to Johnny Collins as Sproule on a motorbike, sadly the motorbike was a moped with dodgy steering ridden by a TOOL. 47 apps too many get him a jersey. 

Ross Chisholm - POSSIBLY the worst midfielder I have ever seen at Hibs. 43 hair pulling apps earn him a donkey shirt.  Mixu again.

Jarko Wiss - HEIDLESS chicken was worth 47 apps. Went on to Tampon United in Finnish lower leagues. Gets a jersey for being gash.

Eddie D Graff.  DE GASH  was signed with much herald by Yogi Hughes from Eredivisie outfit NAC Breda, their sides must still be hurting. 19 apps of nowt get him a shirt.  

Rowan Vine - Wee Paddy Fenlon saw something nobody else did. He still sees something nobody else did. 10 WTF apps, not including the Malmo 0-7 shame = a stick on jersey

Amadou Konte - Was labelled the Mali Magician by some ironic fans. Sadly the magic was Hogwash not Hogwarts. His 27 Blobby era apps still haunt me. 

[The OP]

Jack Hendry is definitely worse than Glenn Loovens was. Other than playing up front away to Benfica and being a big lump who didn’t score in that game Chris Killen never did anything of note ever.

Googled Pukki to check the spelling of his first name (Teemu) and discovered Norwich apparently currently think he’s great.

[wellinwigan]

Seen too many at for park these are some i can remember

 1.Michael fraser

2.Derek Murray

3.Rab Shannon

4.Holm Kraska

5.Alex Jones

6.Tony straker

7.John Davies

8.Kai Nyssonen

9.Stephen Halliday

10.John Hendry

11.demi petravicious

Subs

12. John Gardiner

13.Crawford Baptie

14.Paul Keegan

And numerous others that I scratched from memory

[ShrooTheLookingGlass]

Done a hibs donkeys eleven excluding the ones snifter got first in his above post.

The amount of horrific strikers we've had!     A good half dozen who almost made the list.                                        

 

                                                Graeme Smith

          Sean O'Hanlon      Daniel Boateng      Pa Kujabi 

 Owain Tudor-Jones     Matt Thornhill     Joe Keenan    Brian Kerr

          Valdas Trakys     Eduardo Hurtado    Danny Haynes

 

Tony Caig

Michael Hart

David Van Zanten

Antonio Murray

Shefki Kuqi

Junior Agogo

Frederic Daquin

 

 

[D.A.F.C]

Man, you guys don't know you're born. Can you beat a trialist coming on for airdrie and scoring an og direct from the corner seconds afterwards?

A full international from Bayern Munich. Let me get my violin.

 

[EdinburghLivi]

3 hours ago, LogieLivi said:

 

Some good banter year shouts but Steven Craig and particularly Liam Fox shouldn't be near it.

To add to your list:

Greg Strong 05/06

Pierre Martini and Jean-Jose Cuenca from Massone era 08/09 (also loads of other random signings who never played)

Ibra Sekajja 14/15

Spas Georgiev 15/16

[JamieThomas]

Eduardas Kurskis - must have won his goalie gloves in a raffle, and I imagine they're still ****ing spotless. Literally a worse keeper than Lee Wallace.

Wishart - only gets one name. He's lucky that name isn't c***.

Kenny Milne - something something Blackpool beach. I genuinely believe this arsehole brays. 

Gordan "Buckaroo" Petric - good only for stacking wee plastic hats and buckets on. Looked marginally less haunted than I did every time I watched him.

Jim Weir - the first Hearts player I ever hated. Come the day, I swear I will make George Square on April 8 2013 look like Pyongyang on 19 December 2011.

Brian Hamilton - I hated this hapless p***k less when he played for Hibs than when he played for Hearts.

Kevin Twaddle - the equivalent of watching your old dog dragging it's back legs begging for that final trip to the vet. Unfortunately Twaddle didn't get that trip.

Danny Swanson - as skinny as he was good. Looked like Charlie Adam's disabled cousin, played like Charlie Adam's disabled cousin.

Jamie Hamill - an awful human being, who - give him credit - somehow managed to be an even worse football player.

Jamie Mole - Went from Hearts to Blyth Spartans, where he was abruptly chased. Probably now a security guard.

Paul McCallum - Jesus ****ing Christ, get my PTSD tablets.

 

[coprolite]

Bossu

McQuilken Bus Diamond Ifil Mcnamara

Thornley Winter Young (De)

Fallon Wright(T)

 

 

[LogieLivi]

Some good banter year shouts but Steven Craig and particularly Liam Fox shouldn't be near it.
To add to your list:
Greg Strong 05/06
Pierre Martini and Jean-Jose Cuenca from Massone era 08/09 (also loads of other random signings who never played)
Ibra Sekajja 14/15
Spas Georgiev 15/16

Steven Craig was woeful for us. Absolutely pish.
Liam Fox was the most frustrating player I have ever seen in a Livi shirt. Constant pass backs to the keeper and sideways passes. That's the reason he's on the subs bench. Purely for being frustrating.
Greg Strong I forgot about.
Martini and Cuenca never really got a game. Martini was a sub keeper so it would be like saying Ross Stewart is also a Diddy....
How could I forget Spas though. That's a good shout.

[Scotty Tunbridge]

I would also have Marvin Andrews, Luis Rubiales, John Paul Kissock and Leon Knight in there plus the guy who appeared to pay for a game at Ibrox and never appeared again - ? Welsh.

 

The guy that played at Ibrox wasn’t actually a footballer so don’t know if he counts. He was one of Ronnies pals sons. Ronnie got a free bottle of whisky for letting him play at Ibrox.

[gannonball]

9 hours ago, D.A.F.C said:

Man, you guys don't know you're born. Can you beat a trialist coming on for airdrie and scoring an og direct from the corner seconds afterwards?

A full international from Bayern Munich. Let me get my violin.

 

There have been far worst left backs than him, Mo Camara and Tyker Blackett being far worst. I think its because of the guys reputation that was why he was considered so bad. He actually was in a world cup final that year ffs. He certainky wasn’t a donkey though, just underwhelming. He was meant to be an cock according too according to Mark Wilson on the si ferry podcast.

[Joe Terrapin]

12 hours ago, Snifter Pee Rot said:

My tuppence from watching Hibs late 80s on.

 

Zibi Malkowski - Ropier than the Gordian knot. Hampered the Mowbray golden generation.  Somehow managed 51 butter fingered apps  (just edges Makalambay for shiteness)

Tortolano - CULT figure during Miller era but generally slow as a Saughton weekend and as a result worst utility left back I've ever seen at Hibs- whopping 222 apps. Pips Benny Brazil by 15 apps so gets his jersey here.

Stevie Tweed - GAME enough big huddy but ran like a lame giraffe in leg irons. A whopping 108 apps get him a jersey. 

PC Colin Murdoch - WORST touch I have ever seen on a Hibs footballer, 37 torturous apps in Blobby era get him a jersey,  apparently the most unpopular player ever at Preston when we signed him.

Zarabi - SIGNED by Mixu on a video tape sent by some agent just having a laugh - 7 apps only but as they would make a glass eye bleed he gets a jersey. 

Alan O'Brien - SOLD to Johnny Collins as Sproule on a motorbike, sadly the motorbike was a moped with dodgy steering ridden by a TOOL. 47 apps too many get him a jersey. 

Ross Chisholm - POSSIBLY the worst midfielder I have ever seen at Hibs. 43 hair pulling apps earn him a donkey shirt.  Mixu again.

Jarko Wiss - HEIDLESS chicken was worth 47 apps. Went on to Tampon United in Finnish lower leagues. Gets a jersey for being gash.

Eddie D Graff.  DE GASH  was signed with much herald by Yogi Hughes from Eredivisie outfit NAC Breda, their sides must still be hurting. 19 apps of nowt get him a shirt.  

Rowan Vine - Wee Paddy Fenlon saw something nobody else did. He still sees something nobody else did. 10 WTF apps, not including the Malmo 0-7 shame = a stick on jersey

Amadou Konte - Was labelled the Mali Magician by some ironic fans. Sadly the magic was Hogwash not Hogwarts. His 27 Blobby era apps still haunt me. 

But he was great at pointing

[FuzzyBear]

3 hours ago, Scotty Tunbridge said:

 

The guy that played at Ibrox wasn’t actually a footballer so don’t know if he counts. He was one of Ronnies pals sons. Ronnie got a free bottle of whisky for letting him play at Ibrox.

Have heard this before - could it be true .

[Swello]

11 hours ago, wellinwigan said:

3.Rab Shannon

Massively harsh  - he probably suffered by comparison by being in arguably our best team of the last 30 years - but should be nowhere near this list IMO. 

1. Micheal Fraser

2. Allan Sneddon

3. Stephen Hendrie

4. Gunni Johnsson

5. Daniel Sengewald

6. John Davies

7. Roberto Martinez

8. Brian McClair (2nd time)

9. Demi Petravicious

10. Tony Straker

11. Paul Kinnaird