Donkeys XI

[Flybhoy]

Always good for a giggle and pass the time during international break week these type of threads, simply name the worst starting eleven you have seen at your club in recent years, going to limit it to this millennium i.e have to have played post 2000 as some of the players from years ago many might not recognise, at least im doing that, feel free to ignore the time limit. 

 

1. Lukasz Zaluska.   Maybe a tad harsh as he was a decent goalkeeper in general for Dundee United, but never convinced me playing for Celtic, a particular lowlight his contribution to a 4-0 humping in Utrecht, giving away a ridiculous penalty and selling the jerseys at two others. Will be best rembered for getting battered on a night out with Niall McGinn and calling Mark Wilson a *** for being out that night with Paul Paton. A decent achievement being rated a worse Celtic goalkeeper than Doris De Vries. Garbage. 

2. Edson Brafhied. Came on loan from Bayern Munich in the Mowbray season and looked like he'd rather be anywhere bar Scotland, awful attitude accompanied by equally awful performances. Remarkably made a substitute appearance for Holland in 2010 World Cup Final v Spain. Arsehole of a guy.

3. Danny Fox. Another flop from the Mowbray bombscare season who lasted barely six months, rumoured to have been absent from training a lot suffering from the Colombian cold and was punted soon after with some terrible performances in his brief stay, absolute shite.

4. Glenn Loovens. A centre half on whom we spent a lot of energy and money trying to pinch from under the noses of Rangers (RIP), we needn't have bothered, looked frightened against physical strikers, a catastrophic own goal v the **** in 2010 when bullied by Lafferty saw him finally exit. Pish

5. Josh Thompson.  A young defender signed, I think from Rochdale, hailed as the next Rio Ferdinand based, presumably on the fact he looked like him, played more like the singer from Franz Ferdinand, shite.

6. Adam Virgo. One of Gordon Strachan's first signings. Had the physique of his namesake John, the snooker player and commentator who, would probably have beaten him in a 50 metre sprint. Was he a defender, a midfielder or a striker? He was equally as chronic in all three roles, fucking garbage. 

7. Jo Inge Berget. A last minute Ronny Deila signing in summer 2014, remarkably played in a Champions League qualifier away to Legia Warsaw less than a day after joining without a single training session with his team mates , looked like he'd never had a football training session full stop so hopeless he was that night and in his entire four month spell at the club, prime example of a manager signing his pal. Utterly crap.

8. Momo Sylla. Looked a real player at St Johnstone, looked a real headless chicken at Celtic, always ran about giving his all but, ultimately 100% of f**k all is still adds up to f**k all. Terrible.

9. Amido Balde. I make no exaggeration in saying he is the worst player I have ever seen in a Celtic jersey and one of the worst ever in top flight football anywhere, his second touch was a tackle, his positional sense and awareness would be bettered by David Blunkett, would not be surprised if his agent was like that guy who conned Graeme Souness into signing the 'cousin' of George Weah, looked like he'd taken up the sport of football a week before he joined us, hilariously fucking woeful. 

10. Mo Bangura. Fourteen appearances and zero goals from a 'striker' we paid over £2million for, he was lucky to get zero, I remember Anthony Stokes teeing him up for a virtual open goal in a game at St Johnstone after we'd won the league to break his duck and he still contrived to miss, another who looked like he'd struggle to keep a straight face when saying to people he was a professional footballer, absolute fucking diddy last heard of playing lower league football in Cyprus which is still way above his level, seriously depressing we paid a significant sum of money for this crock of shite, fucking hopeless. 

11. Carlton Cole.  Was a more than decent player in his prime with Chelsea and West Ham, sadly that was at least five years and five fucking stone before he joined us on a free transfer in the midst of a striker crisis in that the only fit one we had was Nadir Ciftci, whom looked fit, thin and talented next to this fucking lump of wood, while we didn't pay a fee for him he would have picked up a hefty signing on fee and wage in his short stay, any suggestions most it was spent in Burger King are probably true, fell on his fat arse when presented with an open goal on his debut at Inverness but still tried to claim it despite the defender knocking the loose ball into his own net, presumably hoping for a goal bonus to spend in the all you can eat buffet at the Bombay Palace.  Useless wage thief fat fucking b*****d. 

 

Substitutes.

Doris De Vries, his main weakness was shots straight at him, not a  good feature for a goalkeeper truth be told .

Mo Camara. Played with a bandage on his arm all the time, looked like he had the mobility of a man with a plaster cast on both legs.

Willo Flood. Looked like an orphan with rickets, played like one too.

Morten Rasmussen. Another Tony Mowbray signing, spent six months banging into opposing defenders and team mates and constantly conceding possession before being thrown into the River Clyde inside a sack filled with bricks.

Nadir Ciftci. Ineligible for the first six weeks of the league campaign after trying to eat an opponent in the final game of the previous  season in his last game with Dundee Utd,  that's where the comparisons with Luis Suarez end, looked to have spent said six weeks in McDonald's, fat and hopeless. 

[senorsoupe]

You forgot Willo Flood

Also Tyler Blackett was much worse for Celtic than Josh Thompson (signed from Stockport County, not Rochdale)

[Flybhoy]

6 minutes ago, senorsoupe said:

You forgot Willo Flood

Edited him in. Had to at least have him in the squad. 

[Flybhoy]

18 minutes ago, senorsoupe said:

You forgot Willo Flood

Also Tyler Blackett was much worse for Celtic than Josh Thompson (signed from Stockport County, not Rochdale)

Tyler Blackett was a left back ,think he played only three or four admittedly terrible  games before being sent back to Man Utd, Josh Thompson was a centre half who played semi regularly for a season or so hence his inclusion as i've tried to leave out anyone who barely played, only those who disgraced the hoops over a reasonable period of time are included meaning for example the 45 minute horror show from Du Wei at Clyde doesn't make the cut.

[senorsoupe]

Anyways here is my Terrible XI for Celtic since 2000

Dorius De Vries

Efrain Juarez

Olivier Tebily

Edson Brafhied

Tyler Blackett

Alex Tonev

Willo Flood

Zheng Zhi

Derk Boerrigter

Amindo Balde

Carlton Cole

[Flybhoy]

I'd forgotten about Boerigtter and Tonev, as well as the equally inneffective Wakaso and Scepovic, in midfield and up front we really have been graced with some utter dumplings in the Strachan/Lennon/Mowbray/Deila years 

[senorsoupe]

8 minutes ago, Flybhoy said:

Tyler Blackett was a left back ,think he played only three or four admittedly terrible  games before being sent back to Man Utd, Josh Thompson was a centre half who played semi regularly for a season or so hence his inclusion as i've tried to leave out anyone who barely played, only those who disgraced the hoops over a reasonable period of time are included meaning for example the 45 minute horror show from Du Wei at Clyde doesn't make the cut.

He actually made 9 appearances in all competitions for Celtic (same as Willo Flood).  I put my threshold at 8 first team appearances to be able to accomodate them lol

[senorsoupe]

3 minutes ago, Flybhoy said:

I'd forgotten about Boerigtter and Tonev, as well as the equally inneffective Wakaso and Scepovic, in midfield and up front we really have been graced with some utter dumplings in the Strachan/Lennon/Mowbray/Deila years 

It's a very difficult exercise to narrow down 11 terrible players from the last 18 years, especially into a coherent formation given the number of terrible strikers and defenders Celtic has signed over these years.

[Diamonds are Forever]

47 minutes ago, Flybhoy said:

I'd forgotten about Boerigtter and Tonev, as well as the equally inneffective Wakaso and Scepovic, in midfield and up front we really have been graced with some utter dumplings in the Strachan/Lennon/Mowbray/Deila years 

 

Signing some diddies is a necessary consequence of Celtic's recent signing policy of buying cheap and relatively young and then selling them on. For every van dijk, Wanyama or Hooper there is a Bangura, Balde and a Rasmussen.

However, even given that, how anyone could ever have thought Willo Flood was a player good enough for Celtic is baffling.

[gannonball]

Just now, Diamonds are Forever said:

 

Signing some diddies is a necessary consequence of Celtic's recent signing policy of buying cheap and relatively young and then selling them on. For every van dijk, Wanyama or Hooper there is a Bangura, Balde and a Rasmussen.

However, even given that, how anyone could ever have thought Willo Flood was a player good enough for Celtic is baffling.

Agreed, due to the inflated market we are selling to we could even easily enough afford 2 or 3 diddies for one hit. 

As for flood, the window in which we signed him was even  baffling all our strikers were crocked or totally off form so we signed a midfielder for 50 grand which we didnt want or need. For all Peter Lawwels business nous he should be binned from being anywhere a negotiation table when purchasing players. 

[jagfox]

Colin Kazan-Richards was a bit of a joke too.

[Estragon]

This is why I hate the OF y'know. I'd probably have slapped a blind wean to have pretty much any of those players at Killie.

You do not know shite players. Don't even know them....

[Scotty Tunbridge]

David Hutton or Darren Jamieson can’t decide both terrible keepers.

Jack Ross

Kurakins

Xavier Tomas

Nico Sumsky

Kemy Augustine

Chris Turner

Sam Kelly

Richard Roy

Oumar Diaby

Lucas Akins

 

[Falcor Roar]

Perry Kitchen 

[accies1874]

Can I do one simply from this season's players? Might have too many though.

[DeeTillEhDeh]

Our current first XI?

 

[Tony Wonder]

19 minutes ago, Falcor Roar said:

Perry Kitchen 

Absolutely nowhere near our worst XI.

[RossC93]

David Cornell (GK) - Joined on loan from Swansea as one of Tommy Craig's first signings. Useless. 
Mo Camara (LB) - Signed after the Ian Harte fiasco, what a mess. 
Cole Kpekawa (CB) - One of Stubbs' first signings. After a promising debut in the cup at Rugby Park, he followed it up with some woeful performances. 
Massimo Donati (CB) - Maybe slightly harsh, as he only played a couple of games but a complete waste of money. 
Nick Hegarty (winger) - Bizarre signing from Danny Lennon after an average career at Grimsby Town. Broke his ankle attempting to take a corner kick and was never seen again.
Eric Djemba-Djemba (CM) -
Stewart Carswell (CM) - Utterly woeful. Specialised in breaking up our attacks by giving an awkward pass back to our goalkeeper several times in every game. 
Sander Puri (winger) - Looked like he might've been a good signing at the time. Plenty international caps and several years experience at decent levels in Europe, turned out shite.
James Marwood (ST) - Another one of Tommy Craig's endless list of terrible footballers. 
Stephane Bahoken (ST) - "the one we were waiting for" according to Danny Lennon. Joined on loan from Nice, in the hope that he could make the same kind of impact Isma Goncalves made. Nope. Has actually carved out a decent career since leaving us, scoring a winner against PSG last season, making his debut for Cameroon and playing every week in Ligue 1.

Can't think of a particularly bad RB but plenty more other defenders that could join the list. 

[captainkev]

2 hours ago, Flybhoy said:

7. Jo Inge Berget. A last minute Ronny Deila signing in summer 2014, remarkably played in a Champions League qualifier away to Legia Warsaw less than a day after joining without a single training session with his team mates , looked like he'd never had a football training session full stop so hopeless he was that night and in his entire four month spell at the club, prime example of a manager signing his pal. Utterly crap.

I remember seeing him at Celtic and thought he looked absolute garbage. Still managed to score against us though.

Twice. 

[houston_bud]

14 minutes ago, RossC93 said:

David Cornell (GK) - Joined on loan from Swansea as one of Tommy Craig's first signings. Useless. 
Mo Camara (LB) - Signed after the Ian Harte fiasco, what a mess. 
Cole Kpekawa (CB) - One of Stubbs' first signings. After a promising debut in the cup at Rugby Park, he followed it up with some woeful performances. 
Massimo Donati (CB) - Maybe slightly harsh, as he only played a couple of games but a complete waste of money. 
Nick Hegarty (winger) - Bizarre signing from Danny Lennon after an average career at Grimsby Town. Broke his ankle attempting to take a corner kick and was never seen again.
Eric Djemba-Djemba (CM) -
Stewart Carswell (CM) - Utterly woeful. Specialised in breaking up our attacks by giving an awkward pass back to our goalkeeper several times in every game. 
Sander Puri (winger) - Looked like he might've been a good signing at the time. Plenty international caps and several years experience at decent levels in Europe, turned out shite.
James Marwood (ST) - Another one of Tommy Craig's endless list of terrible footballers. 
Stephane Bahoken (ST) - "the one we were waiting for" according to Danny Lennon. Joined on loan from Nice, in the hope that he could make the same kind of impact Isma Goncalves made. Nope. Has actually carved out a decent career since leaving us, scoring a winner against PSG last season, making his debut for Cameroon and playing every week in Ligue 1.

Can't think of a particularly bad RB but plenty more other defenders that could join the list. 

I'm shuddering at some of those names. There's a few there who never really played so we can only assume they were shite rather than seeing for ourselves. Hegarty and Puri must only have 3 or 4 appearances between them. I loved Danny Lennon but he did seem to sign dozens of players that never played and  were shipped out in the following transfer window.

For a worst 11 I'd also give special mentions to Viktor Genev, Ross Caldwell, Alan Gow, and Kyle Hutton.