Donkeys XI

[Estragon]

2 hours ago, Tony Wonder said:

Klimek was worse than McCallum and Mole.  

We've had a spectacular amount of dross over the years like, Cinikas and Screpis wouldn't even make the bench.

Most of it later surfaced with us tbh.

[Dons_1988]

Quite surprised Davide Grassi doesn't feature prominently in Aberdeen selections, genuinely looked like a work experience kid given a game for the amusement of others. 

 

He probably would have made mine but I started thinking about it and got too seething to continue.

[coprolite]

1 hour ago, Flybhoy said:

Quite surprised Davide Grassi doesn't feature prominently in Aberdeen selections, genuinely looked like a work experience kid given a game for the amusement of others. 

He had an Aberdeen superhero mask, so was spared by having good guy points (see also:  duff man; Mackie)

[RandomGuy.]

No point even thinking about ours, John Connollys side pretty much strolls it. 

Abject dross we've loaned from England like Morgan put up a hell of a fight though.

[houston_bud]

8 hours ago, GAD said:

Danny Grainger, Tonet (ok, only two appearances, but they were spectacularly bad), Sean Lynch, Paddy Gregg, Paul McQuade, Gregg Wylde and Callum Ball were all shit and most played a bit. That's all guys who played for us in the top league. If you go to some of the teams pre Gus and post Lennon there is a mental amount of dross in there.

Grainger was such a disappointment, a decent career both before and after us.  Callum Ball, classic pre season Pele, bags a hatful against some non league no marks then goes on to be shite. I remember him scoring at Firhill, must have been his only goal.

Who was the centre half that played 45mins the season Hendrie got his jotters? I'm sure he was German, or maybe Austrian. Subbed at half time and never seen again.

[GAD]

7 minutes ago, houston_bud said:

Grainger was such a disappointment, a decent career both before and after us.  Callum Ball, classic pre season Pele, bags a hatful against some non league no marks then goes on to be shite. I remember him scoring at Firhill, must have been his only goal.

Who was the centre half that played 45mins the season Hendrie got his jotters? I'm sure he was German, or maybe Austrian. Subbed at half time and never seen again.

Klaus Dietrich I think his name was. Played 45 mins against ICT in a big defeat. Might even have been Hendrie's last game. There was also a guy called Fellner or something who played a few more and was also shit. There were some really bad players back then, guys like Ricky Robb and Derek Scrimgour.

[Nadroj]

Jesus christ this will be hard for Killie. We have had a LOT of shite over the years.

I'll go with a 4-4-2 formation.

Also want to add, we have had several utterly shite players who have only played one or two games for us but I want to try and select guys who played a decent amount. There will be a couple who only featured a few times though.

Gk - Craig Samson: Absolutely fucking woeful. He is the worst keeper I have ever seen, the time he came up for a corner against Dundee and didn't bother going back had me the most seething I've ever been at a game. Absolute diddy.

Rb - Jamie Cobain: Yep, me neither.

Cb - Miles Addison: I've seen milk turn quicker than this fat c**t. Scored a goal in the play off but apart from that he was useless.

Cb - Steven Old: Remarkably shite. I was about 8 when I seen him play and I still remember him being pish.

Lb - Kevin Mchattie: Deary me, part of one of the most depressing Kilmarnock squads in my lifetime. Apparently he is playing in the Irish league just now which speaks for itself. He could not defend and him parading around with Tope Obadeyi as if they had both won the champions leage when we stayed up via the play-offs is still one of the biggest riddys I've seen.

Rm - Paul Cairney: An absolute balloon. One of Gary Locke's superb signings. Spent most of his time injured then whenever he did play he was blowing out of his arse within five minutes. 

Cm - Kyle Jacobs: Depressing again. The weakest midfielder I have seen play for us. Folk just waltzed passed him like he was a ghost. He offered f**k all. 

Cm - Scott Robinson: Yet another wonderful Gary Locke signing. Do you see a pattern here? Similar to Jacobs he was utterly useless. It astounds me that he plays for Livi but he plays slightly further forward for them. The midfield combination of him and Jamie fucking Hamill still gives me nightmares.

Lm - Graeme Owens: Couldn't run, couldn't cross, couldn't do anything.

St - Willie Aubemayang: Yeah, we got the shite brother.

St - Michael Ngoo: An absolute donkey.  Tall, awkward and apparently a bit of an arsehole. Was sacked from the club after an "altercation" with a female member of staff, IIRC.

Subs: Chad Harpur, Jamie Hamill, Mark Burchill, Aimie Kodou, Ross Barbour, Patrick Ada.

[alsy]

2 minutes ago, Snafu said:

Inverness Caledonian Thistle

---------------------- I couldn't think of a right back who would fit this line up, sure we have had players who have filled in for the regular but they could perform better in their normal position so I've left it blank

Collin Seedorf stakes a pretty good claim for this unless you don't think he was given enough opportunities to prove himself. 16 appearances in all comps last season, and his performance against Joe Cardle at EEP was one of the worst rabbit-in-headlights displays I've ever witnessed. After three pre-season friendlies I seem to recall people were predicting he was going to be as good as his uncle... 

[RandomGuy.]

30 minutes ago, Snafu said:

 

Gregory Tade - Tade - football genius or just awful, St. Johnstone robbed us of ever finding out. 

 

The answer is both.

[the west curve]

2 hours ago, Moomintroll said:

5 hours ago, the west curve said:

Willie Furphy was the worst player I ever saw in God’s blue and white. 

You clearly weren't at Clydebank the day Ronnie McQuilter was inflicted on us then.

I was indeed. John McCechran  was another that should never have been allowed to pull on a Killie shirt.

[Guest Moomintroll]

I was indeed. John McCechran  was another that should never have been allowed to pull on a Killie shirt.

OYF, what was it with us and useless defenders.

Sent from my SM-J320FN using Tapatalk

[djchapsticks]

I won't include any current players as they deserve the chance to turn it around. There are certainly a few candidates in there though. 

Gk - Scott Strang. Signed from Renfrew juniors on day before a 4-0 defeat at Dingwall. He was a career junior player who played like a a career junior player. Perhaps harsh on one performance but his career before and since backs up the fact that he was no good. 

LB - Mo Camara. What an absolute disaster. Signed as we missed out on Ian Harte and you'd imagine a guy with nearly 100 caps for his country, Premier league and champions league experience would prove a shrewd signed. Nope!! 

RB - Luke Conlon. Signed on loan from Burnley in 2015 and didn't appear to have ever player right back. Amazingly still playing league football at Morecambe. 

CB - Klaus Dietrich. Technically a trialist but he played a first team match. Story goes that this guy knocked Tom Hendrie's door and claimed he'd played a few games on trial for Hibs at centre half. He walked straight into the first team on the Saturday and we lost 4 goals to Caley Thistle, with this guy at fault for 3. Hooked at half time and never seen again, Tom Hendre got his jotters the following week. 

CB - Viktor Genev. Big Bulgarian guy, wasn't at all any good. Nothing much to add on this one. 

LM - Kevin Twaddle. Signed to much fanfare and guarantees that we were going to get the best of him now his injury woes were over. Got injured right away. Finally made it back to the team and got hit in the face (not particularly hard either) with the ball at Inverness and got subbed. Apparently when the team went back in at half time, he was lying with his face pressed on the cold slate of the dressing room floor panicking that he was having a brain haemorrhage. I dunno if this story is true but I hope it is. 

RM - Chris McGroarty. Don't even remember if he is a right mid as such but he definitely played there a couple of times and absolutely deserves a place in this team. Hopeless is being kind. 

CM - Andy Dow. There were plenty of players I remember coming through who just weren't good enough but Dow was the very first guy I remember in a St Mirren shirt that I could honestly say was a wage theif. Was it the Motherwell administration and screwing over of his contract that killed his love for it? I dunno. He was without doubt a man down though. Horror show of a player. 

CM - Stuart Carswell. Another centre mid signed from Motherwell (Jim Gardner missed the cut cos he was 90s...guessed who we signed him from?). Another empty shirt. So little did he contribute that the preferred shout 70 minutes into games of 'Get Carswell on' knowing that he's started games sums up Saints fans feelings on him. Points very well though. Can tell other players where to go without issue but f**k knows what he himself is up to. 

ST - Johan Arquin. Sent off on his debut against the club we signed him from. And really THAT was the highlight of him time with us. He was a lazy, uninterested lump of wood who just didn't want to be there. No goals. 

ST - Eddie Annand. A player who sums St Mirren and our historical signing policy up perfectly. Prolific goalscorer, signs for club when past his best. Gets injured straight away and once back, scores no goals and contributes heehaw. 

 

 

Greg Wylde would have had a shout had he now had a good first 6 months with us. 

Djemba Djemba, Alan Gow, Scott McLean, Greg Denham, Jens Paeslack, Lee Sharp, Ross Caldwell all lucky to miss out. 

[The Minertaur]

11 hours ago, Snafu said:

Markus Paatelainen - never been so disappointed with a new signing. Should have been a star for us. Big, strong, quick, bags of skill and trickery he seemed to have left all that back at Central Park and seemed to spend more time on his backside than doing what he was supposed to do.

Think if you had gotten Markus without the horrendous injury he picked up against Elgin then you'd have gotten a gem.  Up there with the best player I've seen playing for us along with Greg  Stewart.

Fairly sure he retired years ago due to injuries. 

[DeeTillEhDeh]

Quite surprised Davide Grassi doesn't feature prominently in Aberdeen selections, genuinely looked like a work experience kid given a game for the amusement of others. 

Could have had him in a Dundee XI too.

 

[Willie adie]

Langfield, watching this fucking cretin was like watching a regard trying to f**k a door knob, he even made fatty brown look good.

Stuart Duff,  duffers wasn't a right back i hear you cry, fucking right wish someone had told McGhee that.

Jerel ifill.

Dave Bus.

Vudjanovic.

 

Mark Kerr ,weasel faced fucking  weaselly  weasel.

Gary McDonald, the ghost.

Chris Clark.

Cato guntviet

 

Tommy Wright

Calvin zola

 

[coprolite]

6 minutes ago, Willie adie said:

Langfield, watching this fucking cretin was like watching a regard trying to f**k a door knob, he even made fatty brown look good.

Stuart Duff,  duffers wasn't a right back i hear you cry, fucking right wish someone had told McGhee that.

Jerel ifill.

Dave Bus.

Vudjanovic.

 

Mark Kerr ,weasel faced fucking  weaselly  weasel.

Gary McDonald, the ghost.

Chris Clark.

Cato guntviet

 

Tommy Wright

Calvin zola

 

forgot Gary mcdonald, funnily enough.

Thought guntveit was consistently ok though.

[RawB93]

3 hours ago, DeeTillEhDeh said:

On 14/11/2018 at 17:46, Flybhoy said:

Quite surprised Davide Grassi doesn't feature prominently in Aberdeen selections, genuinely looked like a work experience kid given a game for the amusement of others. 

Could have had him a Dundee XI too.

Quite easily.

Mind when big Rab got injured and so he took the goal kicks for the afternoon? 

 

[Illgresi]

A lot of the most juicy ones have been taken already, so I've gone on a tangent. I present to you the slowest team in the history of slowness.

Jason Brown

David McNamee
Youl Mawene
Dave Bus
Andrew Considine

Stuart Duff
Gary Dempsey
Neil MacFarlane
Stephen Hughes

Tommy Wright
Dyron Daal
 

[C4mmy31]

On 14/11/2018 at 20:30, Nadroj said:

Jesus christ this will be hard for Killie. We have had a LOT of shite over the years.

I'll go with a 4-4-2 formation.

Also want to add, we have had several utterly shite players who have only played one or two games for us but I want to try and select guys who played a decent amount. There will be a couple who only featured a few times though.

Gk - Craig Samson: Absolutely fucking woeful. He is the worst keeper I have ever seen, the time he came up for a corner against Dundee and didn't bother going back had me the most seething I've ever been at a game. Absolute diddy.

Rb - Jamie Cobain: Yep, me neither.

Cb - Miles Addison: I've seen milk turn quicker than this fat c**t. Scored a goal in the play off but apart from that he was useless.

Cb - Steven Old: Remarkably shite. I was about 8 when I seen him play and I still remember him being pish.

Lb - Kevin Mchattie: Deary me, part of one of the most depressing Kilmarnock squads in my lifetime. Apparently he is playing in the Irish league just now which speaks for itself. He could not defend and him parading around with Tope Obadeyi as if they had both won the champions leage when we stayed up via the play-offs is still one of the biggest riddys I've seen.

Rm - Paul Cairney: An absolute balloon. One of Gary Locke's superb signings. Spent most of his time injured then whenever he did play he was blowing out of his arse within five minutes. 

Cm - Kyle Jacobs: Depressing again. The weakest midfielder I have seen play for us. Folk just waltzed passed him like he was a ghost. He offered f**k all. 

Cm - Scott Robinson: Yet another wonderful Gary Locke signing. Do you see a pattern here? Similar to Jacobs he was utterly useless. It astounds me that he plays for Livi but he plays slightly further forward for them. The midfield combination of him and Jamie fucking Hamill still gives me nightmares.

Lm - Graeme Owens: Couldn't run, couldn't cross, couldn't do anything.

St - Willie Aubemayang: Yeah, we got the shite brother.

St - Michael Ngoo: An absolute donkey.  Tall, awkward and apparently a bit of an arsehole. Was sacked from the club after an "altercation" with a female member of staff, IIRC.

Subs: Chad Harpur, Jamie Hamill, Mark Burchill, Aimie Kodou, Ross Barbour, Patrick Ada.

How did you manage to forget about Dapo Kayode ? 

[craigkillie]

2 minutes ago, C4mmy31 said:

How did you manage to forget about Dapo Kayode ? 

Can you pick a player who quite possibly doesn't exist? If so, sling Billy Berntsson and Scott Evans in too.