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What are the odds of Derek Allmark and Derrick Allmark being up in court on the same day? Was one of them in for identity fraud on the other.

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Just now, John Lambies Doos said:
On 15/09/2018 at 00:04, welshbairn said:
Not sure if this actually happened, but there was a German brought up on a minor charge at Aberdeen Sheriffs Court, and the Sheriff asked if anyone in the courtroom could translate and someone volunteered. "Ask him his name please." "Vot eess yoor naym?" As I remember it he got done for contempt.

Only Fools and Horses take

Don't think so, pretty sure it happened about the same time a girl was charged with nicking a salami sausage by stuffing it down her trousers, also in Aberdeen. In mitigation she said she was missing her Italian boyfriend. That one might have been in the Sun though.

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Don't think so, pretty sure it happened about the same time a girl was charged with nicking a salami sausage by stuffing it down her trousers, also in Aberdeen. In mitigation she said she was missing her Italian boyfriend. That one might have been in the Sun though.
Definitely Only Fools

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KI'm afraid my story isn't as funny as others on account of it being true and not lifted from the telly.

 

Got jumped by some guys at work a few year back and it went to trial with me and my mate as witnessess. Twice we turned up to be told it had been put back because they kept asking for the third witness but he has buggered off to work in the mines in Australia.

 

Then by the time of the third attempt it was the day after a mate's leaving do. We were gonna take it easy but got carried away and ended up pulling all nighter off our tits on eccies and after a right skinful of drink. Telling ourselves it'd be postponed again anyway because the other witness is still in Oz.

We start sobering up/coming down with a horrible hangover but don't have time to get changed. I turnt up in a pair of shorts, odd trainers and a Dead Kennedy's t-shirt and my pal in a wife beater/Hawaiian shirt combo.

Prosecuter is not pleased with us and even less so when my mate excuses himself to be sick rigglht outside the courthouse.

Luckily they pled guilty because f**k knows if we coulda managed taking the stand in that state.

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I’ll never forget the time at Glasgow Sheriff Court when a dodgy market trader  was up for non payment of income tax and VAT. He was having a secretive talk on tactics with his lawyer. Well, he must’ve been preoccupied with what he was saying because he didn’t notice the sheriff clerk had lifted a moveable part of the bench as she walked past. He went to lean against it and fell to the floor mid sentence, it was utterly hilarious.

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Prosecutor, trying to establish the credibility of the arresting officer: "How long have you been in the force PC  Smith?"

Witness "Twenty five years"

Accused, interjecting loudly from the dock "Aye, and yer still only a fuckin' constable"

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The Sheriff Court in Dundee (and I assume elsewhere) is a depressing place.  People for whom regular court appearances is simply a way of life.

I think working in that environment in any capacity would be pretty depressing too.

 

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2 hours ago, The OP said:

I’ll never forget the time at Glasgow Sheriff Court when a dodgy market trader  was up for non payment of income tax and VAT. He was having a secretive talk on tactics with his lawyer. Well, he must’ve been preoccupied with what he was saying because he didn’t notice the sheriff clerk had lifted a moveable part of the bench as she walked past. He went to lean against it and fell to the floor mid sentence, it was utterly hilarious.

Only Fools and Horses thread for this pish

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14 hours ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

Plead guilty by (open) letter.

What's the story about the open letter, I missed it at the time.

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On 15/09/2018 at 00:04, welshbairn said:

Not sure if this actually happened, but there was a German brought up on a minor charge at Aberdeen Sheriffs Court, and the Sheriff asked if anyone in the courtroom could translate and someone volunteered. "Ask him his name please." "Vot eess yoor naym?" As I remember it he got done for contempt.

I think that's an Only Fools and Horses scene when Uncle Albert tries to speak to a lost pregnant German woman.

Edited by ShaggysBeard

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1 minute ago, ShaggysBeard said:

I think that's an Only Fools and Horses scene when Uncle Albert tries to speak to a lost pregnant German woman.

If so it doesn't mean it didn't also happen for real in an Aberdeen court. I'm as sure as I can be that it did, but it was decades ago so there's no way of proving it.

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51 minutes ago, welshbairn said:

If so it doesn't mean it didn't also happen for real in an Aberdeen court. I'm as sure as I can be that it did, but it was decades ago so there's no way of proving it.

I'm pretty sure someone will have been taking notes.

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Greenock Sheriff Court domestic violence case.

Prosecution "Where these beatings a rare occurrence? "

victim "They might have been rerr for him but they were a bastirt fur me."

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7 hours ago, The OP said:

I’ll never forget the time at Glasgow Sheriff Court when a dodgy market trader  was up for non payment of income tax and VAT. He was having a secretive talk on tactics with his lawyer. Well, he must’ve been preoccupied with what he was saying because he didn’t notice the sheriff clerk had lifted a moveable part of the bench as she walked past. He went to lean against it and fell to the floor mid sentence, it was utterly hilarious.

 

4 hours ago, Snobot said:

I’ll never forget the time at Glasgow Sheriff Court when a dodgy market trader was up for stealing a chandelier from a country house. The court heard that he was having a secretive talk on tactics with his old man and younger brother,  who were waiting below with a sheet to catch it. Well, he must’ve been preoccupied with what he was saying because he didn’t notice that there were 2 chandeliers in the room and he was hammering the wrong fitting! He went to hit it with a hammer and it fell to the floor mid sentence, it was utterly hilarious.

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