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Stories from the Courts


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One often comes across amusing stories from the court reports in the newspapers and whilst some of these often end up in the Have I Got Local News For You thread, they're not really best suited for that thread.  Thus, i have created a repository for all amusing court reports here. 

Image result for laughing judge gif

 

I'll start us off with this one from, none other than the Bilbao of the East Coast, Dundee.

Local man remanded after repeatedly telling sheriff his name was Casper the Ghost

https://www.eveningtelegraph.co.uk/fp/man-remanded-after-repeatedly-telling-sheriff-his-name-was-casper-the-ghost-in-court/

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There is an old story that used to do the rounds about the flash young lawyer giving a plea in mitigation after his client had been found guilty. It was wonderfully erudite and lengthy, describing how his client had been in the wrong place at the wrong time, and more than happy to assist the police with their enquiries.

The sheriff replied "f**k off".

 

 

 

 

"That's what your client said to PC Murdoch when he was put under arrest at the scene".

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I've been on jury duty a few times.

First one was in Airdrie Sheriff court. The young guy was up for apparently assaulting an older man with a Bucky bottle. First up was the victim, who stumbled and stuttered his way through questions from the defence, making no sense whatsoever. Up came the prosecution, clearly straining under the pressure of getting any sense out of him.

"Could you please show the jury your head injury caused by the accused"

"Ah cannae"

"Why not?"

"Ah pit gel in ma hair this morning, cause ah wis it court. Ye cannae see it when I pit gel in."

IMG_20180914_154826.jpg

We then retired for lunch. Came back out to be told that the trial had collapsed.

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Another one here from Dundee Sheriff Court concerning a chap who who had been charged with resisting arrest. He was fined £400 and his solicitor informed the sheriff that his client would be able to pay the fine at £2.50 a fortnight.

With a baleful gaze the sheriff told him :

"I'm not here collecting for a catalogue" and upped the payments to £10

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Not sure if this actually happened, but there was a German brought up on a minor charge at Aberdeen Sheriffs Court, and the Sheriff asked if anyone in the courtroom could translate and someone volunteered. "Ask him his name please." "Vot eess yoor naym?" As I remember it he got done for contempt.

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This from Glasgow Sheriff Court.....

A witness was being quizzed by an Edinburgh Advocate, who asked why he had gone to his friend's house late that night.

"Tae get a tap" he replied.  

"Is your friend a plumber?" asked the advocate. 

A colleague urgently whispered to the advocate, explaining some local vernacular, so the advocate changed tack and asked the witness if he had gone to his friend's house to borrow money? Again the witness said no. At a loss he finally asked what kind of tap this was.

"A Rangers Tap" came the reply.

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