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dufc289

Ally McCoist Stories

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Just a fun post to hear any funny stories other users have heard from Ally McCoist at past dinners/charity events. A true character of Scottish football and presenting.

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He's a sectarian promoting, bigoted c**t that is an embarrassment to Scottish football. But he's a cheeky chappy that played for the ***s so that's ok. 

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1 hour ago, dufc289 said:

 

Just a fun post to hear any funny stories other users have heard from Ally McCoist at past dinners/charity events. A true character of Scottish football and presenting.

 

You drunk again, Ally?

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I pissed myself when Patsy Kensit shopped their shagging to the tabloids as the duplicitous wankstain wouldn't leave his wife like he said he would. 

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I once went to the TESCO in Greenock that used to be a Wm Low before it closed to get some essentials (Two Toblerone, a Jive Bunny CD and three onions if ye must know) and saw Mr. McCoist standing at the fruit and veg isle holding two, what seemed to me to be, identical bananas. He was weighing each one up in a hand each giving it very loud "hmmms" until a store worker came over and said "Can I help you?"
"Aye. I'm trying to figure out which of these two bananas would make a better birthday present for Stuart McCall."
"Well.... does he have a preference?"
"Naw. Disnae even like bananas. I'll just get him an orange."
He then went and picked up a coconut, gave the guy a fiver, and walked out whistling the theme tune to Quantum Leap.

Edited by AsimButtHitsASix

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Claimed he doesn't walk away, then, walks away. In an effort to one up Ally, his son decides to do driving away

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2 hours ago, AsimButtHitsASix said:

I once went to the TESCO in Greenock that used to be a Wm Low before it closed to get some essentials (Two Toblerone, a Jive Bunny CD and three onions if ye must know) and saw Mr. McCoist standing at the fruit and veg isle holding two, what seemed to me to be, identical bananas. He was weighing each one up in a hand each giving it very loud "hmmms" until a store worker came over and said "Can I help you?"
"Aye. I'm trying to figure out which of these two bananas would make a better birthday present for Stuart McCall."
"Well.... does he have a preference?"
"Naw. Disnae even like bananas. I'll just get him an orange."
He then went and picked up a coconut, gave the guy a fiver, and walked out whistling the theme tune to Quantum Leap.

That's a B&M Home Store now.  Wonder if Ally knows?

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My sister once had a rather disturbing encounter with Ally McCoist (steady). 

She's been a chiropractor for a number of years now, but not long after she started seeing her own patients she noticed that she had an appointment scheduled with a certain 'Alistair McCoist'. 

She's not into football, but was aware of who he was and was a little surprised when it turned out to be the Alistair McCoist. 

It was a fairly straightforward appointment, but as part of the treatment my sister had to check that both legs were of an equal length (sounds ridiculous to me, but apparently its not uncommon for one to be shorter than the other). 

For this part my sister generally lets patients keep their shoes on so long as the soles are fairly flat. The relatively flat soles can help in identifying any discrepancies in the length of the legs.

In this case, however, one of Ally's shoes was absolutely caked in dog shite. Not a thin spread either, quite a thick coating and still reasonably moist.

Absolutely disgusted, but managing to be as professional as possible, my sister asked Ally to remove his shoes so she could perform the treatment. 

Off came the shoes, but now it was apparent that his sock on the same foot was also absolutely covered in shite. Not even just around the ankles either, as if he'd stood on a shite and it had squelched upwards, but all over the heel and arch. 

It was as if he'd stood on a shite in socks, managed not to notice then put on his shoes and stood on the same shite. 

Utterly appalled, my sister sped through the rest of the appointment and got him the f**k out of there. 

 

Edited by Barry Ferguson's Hat

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3 hours ago, Barry Ferguson's Hat said:

My sister once had a rather disturbing encounter with Ally McCoist (steady). 

She's been a chiropractor for a number of years now, but not long after she started seeing her own patients she noticed that she had an appointment scheduled with a certain 'Alistair McCoist'. 

She's not into football, but was aware of who he was and was a little surprised when it turned out to be the Alistair McCoist. 

It was a fairly straightforward appointment, but as part of the treatment my sister had to check that both legs were of an equal length (sounds ridiculous to me, but apparently its not uncommon for one to be shorter than the other). 

For this part my sister generally lets patients keep their shoes on so long as the soles are fairly flat. The relatively flat soles can help in identifying any discrepancies in the length of the legs.

In this case, however, one of Ally's shoes was absolutely caked in dog shite. Not a thin spread either, quite a thick coating and still reasonably moist.

Absolutely disgusted, but managing to be as professional as possible, my sister asked Ally to remove his shoes so she could perform the treatment. 

Off came the shoes, but now it was apparent that his sock on the same foot was also absolutely covered in shite. Not even just around the ankles either, as if he'd stood on a shite and it had squelched upwards, but all over the heel and arch. 

It was as if he'd stood on a shite in socks, managed not to notice then put on his shoes and stood on the same shite. 

Utterly appalled, my sister sped through the rest of the appointment and got him the f**k out of there. 

 

 

4F40E051-ACBF-423F-8211-79FCA7F4C906.jpeg

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i heard that at his peak in the 90s mr McCoist was a massive coke head. was in a taxi one night going home from a do with alan McLaren snorting lines in the back seat. this is what i was told by the taxi driver who i know and isnt a gobshite. seems far fetched but he swears its true. i also met mccoist in a pub toilet in montrose just after they were punted to the seaside leagues. he took it well when i, wih great glee, reminded him they were fucked!

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His managerial career at Rangers was genuinely one of the best alternative comedy performances of the 21st century for me.

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18 hours ago, 7-2 said:

He's a sectarian promoting, bigoted c**t

He struggled to get anything promoted so I'm dubious about this claim. 

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