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SaintDougie

Things that make you cringe

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I'd do away with the entire leaving presentation/speech pish with the boss reading from the line manager's crib notes not having a clue who the person is.  A mumbled thanks, a desultory round of applause and everybody drifting away...

The works' whipround tradition is at its worst though when you get a wee coven of middle-aged wifies who think they're a fucksight more popular than they actually are and who start sending a sheet round every time one of them has any kind of tangential life event...Susan's non-landmark 43rd birthday, Karen's  cousin's new baby, flowers because Liz's great auntie finally pegged it, Caroline's new fridge freezer and so on.

My all time favourite was a legendarily cuntish boss who the other suits had the temerity to send a card round for when he left. Slim pickings from what I recallr along the lines of some coppers, some pesetas and most memorably a big crusty snotter...

Edited by Hillonearth

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56 minutes ago, Hillonearth said:

The works' whipround tradition is at its worst though when you get a wee coven of middle-aged wifies who think they're a fucksight more popular than they actually are and who start sending a sheet round every time one of them has any kind of tangential life event...Susan's non-landmark 43rd birthday, Karen's  cousin's new baby, flowers because Liz's great auntie finally pegged it, Caroline's new fridge freezer and so on.

I have not, and never will, contributed to any whip round. If you REALLY want to buy someone flowers for some nonsense reason then get them yourself.

There was a whip round for my old boss (who wasn't universally popular) getting married for the third time. Hilariously, the whip round raised the grand total of about 40p.

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3 minutes ago, Edmond Dantès said:

I have not, and never will, contributed to any whip round. If you REALLY want to buy someone flowers for some nonsense reason then get them yourself.

There was a whip round for my old boss (who wasn't universally popular) getting married for the third time. Hilariously, the whip round raised the grand total of about 40p.

Did his ex-wives get 13p each?

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The whip-round thing...does anyone ever check that the money actually goes to the intended recipient? I ran into two folk that I'd worked with at one company who claimed they hadn't even received a card, and I can remember the money being collected. I got the impression that the folk who were likely to stay in touch with colleagues would get something sent their way, while the folk who kept to themselves were given hee-haw and the cash went into the head of HR's pocket (as it was always she who managed the collection). Made me wonder how often that happens at other firms.

@DA Baracus - I recommend giving that as your excuse for not contributing, while fixing the collector with an icy, accusatory stare. Should make the rest of the day a bit more lively, at least.

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My work is under strict instructions to never acknowledge any of my birthdays, and I'd imagine this would be applied to any workplace unfortunate enough to have me in it in the future.

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7 minutes ago, BigFatTabbyDave said:

The whip-round thing...does anyone ever check that the money actually goes to the intended recipient? I ran into two folk that I'd worked with at one company who claimed they hadn't even received a card, and I can remember the money being collected. I got the impression that the folk who were likely to stay in touch with colleagues would get something sent their way, while the folk who kept to themselves were given hee-haw and the cash went into the head of HR's pocket (as it was always she who managed the collection). Made me wonder how often that happens at other firms.

@DA Baracus - I recommend giving that as your excuse for not contributing, while fixing the collector with an icy, accusatory stare. Should make the rest of the day a bit more lively, at least.

I don't make any excuses. I just politely decline.

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Just now, DA Baracus said:

I don't make any excuses. I just politely decline.

There's your mistake. That's why they keep asking you.

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i've worked at my current job for 28 years - at least 18 of which are because staying there and enduring hell on earth for nine hours a day is infinitely preferable to undergoing some shithouse "leaving do" - i'm going to outlast you all, you set of c***s !

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12 hours ago, Cardinal Richelieu said:

I have a friend who can't watch stuff like Borat and Bruno cos they make him cringe. Fair enough cos it's "real people", but he can't even watch stuff like Peep Show and Alan Partridge for the same reason. 

all of the above are utterly brilliant, but i used to really struggle with the office on occasion - david brent was the arsehole to end all arseholes....

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I'll be sitting on a bus and a memory of behaving like a twat years ago will hit me and I'll be full blown cringe mode, and sweaty blushing. Nothing major, just embarrassing  memories. Still building up the courage to watch the latest Borat thing.

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3 minutes ago, welshbairn said:

I'll be sitting on a bus and a memory of behaving like a twat years ago will hit me and I'll be full blown cringe mode, and sweaty blushing. Nothing major, just embarrassing  memories.

Yeah. I think maybe the brain comes with some kind of failsafe to stop you getting carried away with yourself, and reminds you that you're still a useless shite from time to time. Probably a good thing.

I wonder when Donald Trump had the operation to have his removed?  :P

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30 minutes ago, welshbairn said:

I'll be sitting on a bus and a memory of behaving like a twat years ago will hit me and I'll be full blown cringe mode, and sweaty blushing. Nothing major, just embarrassing  memories. Still building up the courage to watch the latest Borat thing.

The idea of having to travel by bus would make me cringe.

 

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I'll be sitting on a bus and a memory of behaving like a twat years ago will hit me and I'll be full blown cringe mode, and sweaty blushing. Nothing major, just embarrassing  memories. Still building up the courage to watch the latest Borat thing.
Aye I do that. Horrible.

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A site agent I worked with years ago came into work one Monday morning and told me that he'd been out on an all day drinking session, when around 6pm the barmaid told him he'd had enough and wasn't getting served. Being a short guy he naturally suffered from small man syndrome and reacted accordingly by ripping off the Guinness "pint" and throwing it and a volley of abuse at the barmaid before leaving.

He later found himself flat on his back in a crowded kebab shop crying his eyes out like a little girl after the barmaid (who'd by now finished her shift at the pub) responded to his earlier outburst with a "proper knee to the bollocks" that entailed "both arms up over his shoulders" and a "knee to the bollocks with such vergence that it lifted me (sic) off my (sic) feet"

Whilst I couldn't help but laugh and wince at his story, I did cringe for him at having to live that down in a such a  small town.

 

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Collecting for c***s that have succeeded in procreating or convinced some fud to marry them seems as rife in the oil as it is in other industries, even though we are pretty handsomely paid in this racket. That's in the UK - I'm happy to say that in my 18 months working in Norway, not once have I been approached to chip in for any c**t's wedding / birthday / bairn. Maybe it helps that no one carries cash here.

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