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Things that make you cringe


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5 minutes ago, ICTChris said:

In my old work a new lassie joined and a few weeks afterwards she turned 30 so there was a collection for her - only milestone birthdays got a collection, which is more sensible than every birthday.  Fair enough.  Then she got married a few months later on and we had another collection.  Almost immediately after the marriage they seperated and she started seeing another guy in our work, they got engaged about nine months after her first wedding and the first thought people had was "not another fucking collection".  I'm sure she did it all just to get some more Debenhams vouchers, or whatever shite we bought her.

I'm the exact opposite. Joined the company just after my 30th birthday, and didn't get married or have kids. I must have forked out hundreds of pounds over 8 or 9 years to basically reward people for having sex. I ended up having to hand my notice and leave the company, just to get a payout. 

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I don't think there's anything cringey in itself about a leaving speech/ceremony - unless it becomes cringey. If folk can't manage a few words without it becoming awkward then that's a separate issue.

These things are part of basic human emotion, especially when someone has worked somewhere for a significant period of time. It's nice.

And if you're complaining about whip rounds then you're probably a bit of a stingey c**t. Sort yourself out.



First dance a wedding though...that's a whole other level of cringe.

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Being round at your parents watching TV and a sex scene comes on. 

My mum and dad were visiting my grans one night. Phoenix Nights was just about to start and my dad made his excuses to watch it upstairs. "It's okay just watch it here" said my gran. My dad explained that it probably wasn't suitable for her. "It's fine" she said.

 

Of course it was the Ladies night episode when Paddy was a stripper. Sinking deeper into the couch my dad was almost begging to be allowed upstairs. Then came the Holy Mary scene when she faints after enjoying some love eggs.

 

"Oh, she's won the lottery" Says my gran with eyebrows raised.

 

There was a dad shaped hole in the living room door after that.

 

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Some utter w****r in my line of business but based in London has implemented Project Smile. Basically every c**t has to get a photo of themselves and fire it in so that organograms of the future can include the full horror of your photo beside your name. Not only is there a request for a photo, there are tips on best lighting in which to take said photo, why it's important we do this to "bring us all closer together" and various other irrelevant reasons. 

The whole thing made me cringe at the thought if this boy thinking it's a good idea, his boss not wanting to offend him and loads of people going along with it for no good fucking reason. It also made me seething and he can stick his Project Smile up his dimly lit hoop.

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4 hours ago, NJ2 said:

We’ve had a few people leave recently. One of whom I actually got on. Was I f**k standing staring at them for 15 minutes while someone spoke pish though. I put in to their collection and messaged them saying saying all the best and keep in touch. Cringe inducing nonsense.
It got me thinking to leaving, I reckon I’ll say to my boss the day before my leaving date that I’ll not be in the following day, my last day, as I can’t be arsed with the fuss.

I'm surprised that this little "confession" has passed without comment so far.

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I'd do away with the entire leaving presentation/speech pish with the boss reading from the line manager's crib notes not having a clue who the person is.  A mumbled thanks, a desultory round of applause and everybody drifting away...

The works' whipround tradition is at its worst though when you get a wee coven of middle-aged wifies who think they're a fucksight more popular than they actually are and who start sending a sheet round every time one of them has any kind of tangential life event...Susan's non-landmark 43rd birthday, Karen's  cousin's new baby, flowers because Liz's great auntie finally pegged it, Caroline's new fridge freezer and so on.

My all time favourite was a legendarily cuntish boss who the other suits had the temerity to send a card round for when he left. Slim pickings from what I recallr along the lines of some coppers, some pesetas and most memorably a big crusty snotter...

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56 minutes ago, Hillonearth said:

The works' whipround tradition is at its worst though when you get a wee coven of middle-aged wifies who think they're a fucksight more popular than they actually are and who start sending a sheet round every time one of them has any kind of tangential life event...Susan's non-landmark 43rd birthday, Karen's  cousin's new baby, flowers because Liz's great auntie finally pegged it, Caroline's new fridge freezer and so on.

I have not, and never will, contributed to any whip round. If you REALLY want to buy someone flowers for some nonsense reason then get them yourself.

There was a whip round for my old boss (who wasn't universally popular) getting married for the third time. Hilariously, the whip round raised the grand total of about 40p.

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