Cardinal Richelieu Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 5 minutes ago, ICTChris said: In my old work a new lassie joined and a few weeks afterwards she turned 30 so there was a collection for her - only milestone birthdays got a collection, which is more sensible than every birthday. Fair enough. Then she got married a few months later on and we had another collection. Almost immediately after the marriage they seperated and she started seeing another guy in our work, they got engaged about nine months after her first wedding and the first thought people had was "not another fucking collection". I'm sure she did it all just to get some more Debenhams vouchers, or whatever shite we bought her. I'm the exact opposite. Joined the company just after my 30th birthday, and didn't get married or have kids. I must have forked out hundreds of pounds over 8 or 9 years to basically reward people for having sex. I ended up having to hand my notice and leave the company, just to get a payout. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 I'll sign a card but I never contribute to collections at work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotty Tunbridge Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 I'll sign a card but I never contribute to collections at work. Not even surprised about this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nutz_the_Squirrel Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 At school plays and there's a pupil choir or crappy band performance and some uber parents start clapping to a beat which doesn't exist, making the rest of the reluctant audience, who are only there to see their own child on stage for 10 seconds to get a certificate, join in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nutz_the_Squirrel Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 Seeing pals who have drifted away over the years. "Aye man, we need to catch up at some point. Defo mate". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unleash The Nade Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 2 minutes ago, ali_91 said: Being round at your parents watching TV and a sex scene comes on. Solution : Stop watching the Adult Channels when you’re round at your parents . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herman Hessian Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 5 minutes ago, ali_91 said: Being round at your parents watching sex and the TV comes on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unleash The Nade Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 Old guys with pony tails who think they’re trendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandarilla Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 I don't think there's anything cringey in itself about a leaving speech/ceremony - unless it becomes cringey. If folk can't manage a few words without it becoming awkward then that's a separate issue.These things are part of basic human emotion, especially when someone has worked somewhere for a significant period of time. It's nice. And if you're complaining about whip rounds then you're probably a bit of a stingey c**t. Sort yourself out. First dance a wedding though...that's a whole other level of cringe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herman Hessian Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 12 minutes ago, Unleash The Nade said: Old guys with pony tails who think they’re trendy a tenous link, but well worth it: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kennboy1978 Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 Being round at your parents watching TV and a sex scene comes on. My mum and dad were visiting my grans one night. Phoenix Nights was just about to start and my dad made his excuses to watch it upstairs. "It's okay just watch it here" said my gran. My dad explained that it probably wasn't suitable for her. "It's fine" she said. Of course it was the Ladies night episode when Paddy was a stripper. Sinking deeper into the couch my dad was almost begging to be allowed upstairs. Then came the Holy Mary scene when she faints after enjoying some love eggs. "Oh, she's won the lottery" Says my gran with eyebrows raised. There was a dad shaped hole in the living room door after that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HTG Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 Some utter w****r in my line of business but based in London has implemented Project Smile. Basically every c**t has to get a photo of themselves and fire it in so that organograms of the future can include the full horror of your photo beside your name. Not only is there a request for a photo, there are tips on best lighting in which to take said photo, why it's important we do this to "bring us all closer together" and various other irrelevant reasons. The whole thing made me cringe at the thought if this boy thinking it's a good idea, his boss not wanting to offend him and loads of people going along with it for no good fucking reason. It also made me seething and he can stick his Project Smile up his dimly lit hoop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Ferguson's Hat Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 Every time I hear someone say 'not all heroes wear capes'. Honking patter used exclusively by idiots. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trainspotter Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 4 hours ago, NJ2 said: We’ve had a few people leave recently. One of whom I actually got on. Was I f**k standing staring at them for 15 minutes while someone spoke pish though. I put in to their collection and messaged them saying saying all the best and keep in touch. Cringe inducing nonsense. It got me thinking to leaving, I reckon I’ll say to my boss the day before my leaving date that I’ll not be in the following day, my last day, as I can’t be arsed with the fuss. I'm surprised that this little "confession" has passed without comment so far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 1 hour ago, Scotty Tunbridge said: Not even surprised about this. Why? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotty Tunbridge Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 Why?Just because you are always raging. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 4 minutes ago, Scotty Tunbridge said: Just because you are always raging. I think you actually believe that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Connolly Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 8 hours ago, Ylf said: People who suck up to the boss This is a brilliant post, you're the best, we all need to get on board with this sentiment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillonearth Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 I'd do away with the entire leaving presentation/speech pish with the boss reading from the line manager's crib notes not having a clue who the person is. A mumbled thanks, a desultory round of applause and everybody drifting away... The works' whipround tradition is at its worst though when you get a wee coven of middle-aged wifies who think they're a fucksight more popular than they actually are and who start sending a sheet round every time one of them has any kind of tangential life event...Susan's non-landmark 43rd birthday, Karen's cousin's new baby, flowers because Liz's great auntie finally pegged it, Caroline's new fridge freezer and so on. My all time favourite was a legendarily cuntish boss who the other suits had the temerity to send a card round for when he left. Slim pickings from what I recallr along the lines of some coppers, some pesetas and most memorably a big crusty snotter... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Edwards Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 56 minutes ago, Hillonearth said: The works' whipround tradition is at its worst though when you get a wee coven of middle-aged wifies who think they're a fucksight more popular than they actually are and who start sending a sheet round every time one of them has any kind of tangential life event...Susan's non-landmark 43rd birthday, Karen's cousin's new baby, flowers because Liz's great auntie finally pegged it, Caroline's new fridge freezer and so on. I have not, and never will, contributed to any whip round. If you REALLY want to buy someone flowers for some nonsense reason then get them yourself. There was a whip round for my old boss (who wasn't universally popular) getting married for the third time. Hilariously, the whip round raised the grand total of about 40p. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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