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My da was telling my brother some story about something which I can't quite remember which might take away from the quality of this post but I'm not prepared to make something up, so there you are. Anyway, after the auld man had finished telling the story my brother farted to which my da replied "He fucking did!".

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3 hours ago, I'm Brian said:

I'm up for jury service soon. Does anyone have any court related farting tales to give me some motivation or could I be done for contempt of court?

I was summoned for jury service but in the end I didn't get to go in.

I ordered a curry that night and done some right stinking farts in my bed.

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  • 3 months later...

I lived in Hong Kong for 13 years, where virtually everywhere you go there are Tower blocks with lifts.
Cracking a silent fart when the lift was full would cheer me up on a boring day. [emoji23]
Oh and always leave a fart if you’re the last man out of the lift. They linger in a lift for ages! [emoji23]

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12 minutes ago, expatowner said:

I lived in Hong Kong for 13 years, where virtually everywhere you go there are Tower blocks with lifts.
Cracking a silent fart when the lift was full would cheer me up on a boring day. emoji23.png
Oh and always leave a fart if you’re the last man out of the lift. They linger in a lift for ages! emoji23.png

So that was you ya c**t!

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I once farted so loud I woke up my wife on the other side of a super king bed.

I can confirm that being in the company of (your own) small children is the perfect cover for a fart. It gets a little more difficult when they grow out of nappies, I'll admit.

Farting in church is always awkward. There are some people I know who'd go ballistic if I dared let a noisy one out. Usually I'll wait until the organ is playing (fnar) or squeeze it out silently and keep a straight face.

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I walk this French bulldog everyday, his farts can be rather loud, there have been times he has let rip a loud one on the street and the person in front has turned around, of course i point at him and say "it was him" and they just look at me as if to say "yeah right blame the dog" PhotoGrid_1560775226538.jpg

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Don’t know if you can still get them, but when I was younger, in one sitting, I ate an entire packet of aniseed flavoured Tic-Tacs. Fart fuel? Not half. I let one rip and roughcasted someone’s house.

Edited by pozbaird
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On 8/24/2018 at 21:01, Ron Aldo said:

Those plastic chairs at school were always good for amplifying the sounds of a fart.

I mind one time at English and the teacher had left the room but left the door open.

From the other side of the class a loud parp richocheted off the chair to a Motson-esque cry of "ONE NIL". Within a nanosecond I replied with a lengthy rasper "AND THERE'S THE EQUALISER".

Unbeknown to us our teacher was just outside, had heard all this and popped his head round the door to say "the next one who scores will be going to see the Head Teacher".

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Being type2 diabetic, I try and take as little sugar as I can, so the only biscuits I eat are sugar free, and to be honest whatever the sugar replacement is, it gives me horrendous wind

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