Do you love your parents?

[ViktorVic]

I love my mum and my late father, even though we've not been on the best terms at any point in my life.

[SlipperyP]

19 hours ago, Flybhoy said:

Interesting to see what @SlipperyP contributes to this thread. 

The answer is YES, Why would you ask that question?

If you had read the book, killing & loving is a separate emotion....Do you love your Papa enough to kill him?

 

[BFTD]

I see my mum most days, and we usually go to see the Wasps together. We've ended up doing voluntary work at the same place, which has been a great excuse for us to spend time together without needing to make a big deal out of it; I can wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone who finds it hard to think of things to talk to their parents about. We get on pretty well, and normally stay away from pushing each others' buttons.

I'm not as close with my dad, but we talk on the phone once a week and get on well enough, probably because neither of us are bothered enough to start a proper fight about anything. He's a hardcore Daily Mail reader these days - refers to it as "my paper", not "the paper" - and is very keen to relay whatever trash they're trying to sell, which surprised me for a while and absolutely shocks my mother whenever I decide to relay the latest theory that he's read. I literally heard him tell his brother once that the country started falling apart when "they let the coloureds in", and he's convinced that the Chinese and Indians are trying to destroy the UK by stealing our precious bodily fluids knowledge. He obviously cares about me, though, as he tries to stay off these subjects, and I obviously do too, as I try not to pick him up on them. He's obviously not going to change at his age, and I certainly hope that I don't.

I think I'm doing pretty well, all things considered. I don't have a big family, but I think it's important to stay close to the ones you've got, if you can. Always get a wee pang when someone on here loses a parent; Godspeed to you all.

[hk blues]

Both of mine are sound.  Our relationship was never that bad save for the usual teenage years problems, and as we have all gotten older the relationship has gotten better if anything.  I'm not sure what their views are on any of the big stuff because we have never discussed those kind of things.  My old man and I pretty much only talk about football,  whenever we stray off of that I feel less comfortable so we tend to get back to the football stuff quickly.  My old dear is pretty much the same as most I'd imagine, always someone to depend on no matter what.  We never see each other now, haven't for about 7 or 8 years and suspect we won't again.  

[Raidernation]

Both dead, mother in 1990 father 2001, so, aye, things are great

[Barry Ferguson's Hat]

Can always count on a Raidernation post to brighten your day. 

He's the P&B equivelant of the late night radio host from Chewin' the Fat. 

[Hedgecutter]

On 14/07/2018 at 13:18, DA Baracus said:

Barely see them. Not close to them really. I've lived in Dundee for nearly 4 years and they've visited me once (it's a circa 45 drive for them).

They haven't phoned me in a long time; I always have to phone them. I don't dislike them at all and get on fine with them when I see them. It's all very odd. We don't speak about it all though and there does seem to be a undercurrent of tension, as if we're all avoiding it.

Pretty much snap.  I've been around Aberdeen for ~15 years now  and in that time I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen her up here, despite the invites.  Last visit was last year but only because her 'new' husband / my step-dad ended up in ARI (after a cycling accident in the forest 2 miles from my house when he didn't even mention he was up).  Like you also describe, there's always that undercurrent of tension and it's also always me who has to phone her, otherwise I probably won't hear anything for months.  When she does phone however, it's pretty much always about money, and whenever I phone her, I'll maybe get a few sentences in as she spends the rest of the phone call talking about herself and work. 

This said, she did a lot for me and my brothers as a single parent for the majority of my childhood (which can't be easy juggling that with work and it is always deeply appreciated) but from high school age onwards there was a lot of tension as a result of me still wanting to see my dad, who eventually emigrated to Australia under some dodgy circumstances.   She decided to stop talking to me ~3 years ago after a further bust up over it all (yes, over a decade of this saga) after I made it clear that I wasn't going to disown him (and other family members), but although I can't remember how things calmed down, we're on 'normal' terms again.   It's far from an ideal situation, but it's certainly far better than it was before.

As for my dad, we keep in touch roughly monthly with him being the one that phones me (more than my mum who loves to let me know how much he doesn't give a s**t about me, despite paying more attention / showing more interest than her) and see each other whenever he's over, which might be every 3 years of so.  We have similar interests and there's never been any need for awkward small-talk, but the whole thing feels like a f***ing tight-rope that could come crashing down at almost any time and I think we all know it.

 

[The Moonster]

Aye. My dad can do my nut in some times with his pish but they're both good people who have done everything to give me a good life. Since I moved out I try and go round for dinner every Sunday, I only live a 10 minute walk away so it's no hassle. We're all Dumbarton season ticket holders too so I see them at games quite often.

[pandarilla]

Aye, completely.

 

My dad's a communist and he's passed on a lot of his principles and ideas on the world - even though I think he just about accepts that it's not the right solution anymore (Soviet style communism that is).

 

He's a brilliant guy, very involved in the local community and helping folk as much as he can.

 

Him and my mum have never been a good couple, but they were both outstanding parents in their own right. They put their own happiness to one side and muddled on (not great for mental well-being but they're both old and I suppose it's a generational thing).

 

I suppose I've always been a bit of a mummy's boy but within reason. She'll do anything for me and my family so I'm very, very lucky.

 

 

[ah-dee]

My Mum has passed on and I loved her very much.
My Dad is still alive and a cock of the highest order.

exactly this. i have met very few people in my adult life who have anything decent to say about my dad. havent spoken to him in years and i have no interet in doing so

[Trackdaybob]

I always got on better with my Dad. I think Mum and me were too much alike to really get on. Particularly when I was a teenager. 

It all changed in 2010-11. They were both starting to have problems with drink. It was starting to get a little aggressive too. Looking back, the signs were there, I just didn't see them. He was displaying symptoms of early onset dementia. Then one night in Nov 2011, he beat the absolute shit out of Mum whilst I was in detached in Italy (Libya conflict). Thankfully the rest of the family and neighbors rallied round until I got back. In 2012 we got him into a care home in Blairgowrie where he was well looked after and lived the life of Riley, he just didn't know it. I visited as often as I could. Mum visited 2-3-4 times a week. Then in December 2015 he was admitted to hospital with pneumonia and died a week later on Christmas eve. He was 78. 

Tbh, it was a bit of a relief. I'd lost him in 2011 if I'm honest. Mum dealt with it a lot better than I thought she would. Which considering I'm 400 miles away most of the time was a weight off my mind. The neighbors are great and help out best as they can. They keep a good eye on her. It has brought Mum and I closer. I think that was inevitable with hindsight.  She's no problems with drink either. It could have went really, really wrong back then thinking about it. 

Even though I know he was ill, I've never quite been able to forgive him for that night he beat Mum up. I'm not sure I ever will. 

It was because of him I am into motorbikes. He never got to see me race. It's the only regret I really have. I do miss talking bikes and racing with him. 

[DA Baracus]

As grim as this sounds, I hope my mum goes before my dad does, because she depends on him for pretty much everything. There's no way she could manage alone. She doesn't really have any friends and works a very low paying part time job. No one really likes being around her that much.

As I mentioned earlier, she's an alcoholic, albeit a sort of functioning one. She gets drunk on wine every single night. She was a nursery manager many years back but the owners screwed her and the other employees and she never recovered (they basically ran away with everyone's wages and shut the place down overnight without telling anyone, so they all instantly lost money and their jobs). She sort of gave up. She never applied for any sort of role like that again. Indeed she never applied for any role in the industry again, despite having worked in it for a long term and working her way to manager (pretty much running the place in almost all aspects). She settled for a crappy job in retail which she hates but has been in for over 12 years, at the exact same level. She's become quite bitter. I'm almost certain she's suffering from depression and this is her way of coping.

Her drinking used to be a bit amusing. As kids we'd seen her have bit too much on a few occasions and it was pretty funny to us to see her have to get a piggy back home from the old man home. She didn't drink all the time and usually didn't get smashed when she did. 

I can't quite place when it changed though. Most likely it became more regular when she lost the aforementioned job. It became more and more regular until she drank every single night. She comes in from work then pours her wine and drinks until she passes out on the couch. She no longer has any friends and has become at times a horrible person. For some reason she started to bully my older brother when we were younger and it drove him away. She still belittles him and makes fun of his fiancee behind his back. She's never apologised to him. She's an incredibly selfish person and times, and is often quite rude to people. She also mistreats my dad at times to the point that she's an abusive spouse (not physically though).

At times I've hated her. I have to admit, if she wasn't my mum I'd want nothing to do with her. She is my mum though, so of course I do love her. I even like her fairly often.

She quite clearly needs help but it's just something we never talk about. 

My old man provides everything for her. He's lost a few friends because of her as well. Family members have commented on her before as well.

It's just a sad situation. 

I often think that they don't really bother with me that much because they've got enough to deal with. 

The thing is that I'm worried I'll lose them if I bring up the subject. I know my dad has tried to speak to her about it before (I've heard him) but her reaction was incredibly petty and immature, and horribly bitter. It was classic denial and defence. It's something I've never discussed with them. It hangs over us all the time I feel and probably is why we don't have a close relationship. It's a shame it's like that.

I do think of it often, and I'm actually pretty close to just doing it, to just letting it all out to them and try to help and mend things. If things don't work out then it's not really going to be all that different to now anyway. My mum is killing herself and my dad is probably dying with stress and worry over it.

[pandarilla]

If you do go with the honest approach DA, make sure you don't just hit them with it and run.

 

You're right she'll probably not react in any way positively, and you'll probably need to give her some time and space. But make sure you go back, again and again if need be. Relationships are worth saving but sometimes it takes an awful lot of effort.

 

 

[heedthebaa]

Still got both and are sound. Both get telt I love them as I leave, Fither gets a kiss on the head, my maw on the cheek, bless them both. The only time they venture out is for doctor and hospital appointments, so they’re very rarely in nowadays 

[welshbairn]

1 hour ago, DA Baracus said:

As grim as this sounds, I hope my mum goes before my dad does, because she depends on him for pretty much everything. There's no way she could manage alone. She doesn't really have any friends and works a very low paying part time job. No one really likes being around her that much.

As I mentioned earlier, she's an alcoholic, albeit a sort of functioning one. She gets drunk on wine every single night. She was a nursery manager many years back but the owners screwed her and the other employees and she never recovered (they basically ran away with everyone's wages and shut the place down overnight without telling anyone, so they all instantly lost money and their jobs). She sort of gave up. She never applied for any sort of role like that again. Indeed she never applied for any role in the industry again, despite having worked in it for a long term and working her way to manager (pretty much running the place in almost all aspects). She settled for a crappy job in retail which she hates but has been in for over 12 years, at the exact same level. She's become quite bitter. I'm almost certain she's suffering from depression and this is her way of coping.

Her drinking used to be a bit amusing. As kids we'd seen her have bit too much on a few occasions and it was pretty funny to us to see her have to get a piggy back home from the old man home. She didn't drink all the time and usually didn't get smashed when she did. 

I can't quite place when it changed though. Most likely it became more regular when she lost the aforementioned job. It became more and more regular until she drank every single night. She comes in from work then pours her wine and drinks until she passes out on the couch. She no longer has any friends and has become at times a horrible person. For some reason she started to bully my older brother when we were younger and it drove him away. She still belittles him and makes fun of his fiancee behind his back. She's never apologised to him. She's an incredibly selfish person and times, and is often quite rude to people. She also mistreats my dad at times to the point that she's an abusive spouse (not physically though).

At times I've hated her. I have to admit, if she wasn't my mum I'd want nothing to do with her. She is my mum though, so of course I do love her. I even like her fairly often.

She quite clearly needs help but it's just something we never talk about. 

My old man provides everything for her. He's lost a few friends because of her as well. Family members have commented on her before as well.

It's just a sad situation. 

I often think that they don't really bother with me that much because they've got enough to deal with. 

The thing is that I'm worried I'll lose them if I bring up the subject. I know my dad has tried to speak to her about it before (I've heard him) but her reaction was incredibly petty and immature, and horribly bitter. It was classic denial and defence. It's something I've never discussed with them. It hangs over us all the time I feel and probably is why we don't have a close relationship. It's a shame it's like that.

I do think of it often, and I'm actually pretty close to just doing it, to just letting it all out to them and try to help and mend things. If things don't work out then it's not really going to be all that different to now anyway. My mum is killing herself and my dad is probably dying with stress and worry over it.

It was a lot easier for me because my Mum had stopped working, but trying to cope with my Dad with increasingly bad dementia might have set her off on a litre a day whisky habit. Ended up having to move up to their retiral home in Inverness, more to help with my Dad than my Mum. Over a period of time which included having to send for an ambulance to get her up the stairs to bed, which was well embarrassing, I managed to get her to accept that her whisky would be given like medicine a few times a day. Took her a while to realise it had been watered down. Took it from me as a fellow drinker, doubt if she would from my churchie sisters.

[The_Craig]

Quite jealous of all you lot with your nice maws and das.

Mine are quite the pair.

My mum was a single parent. My father never had anything to do with me. When I was 7, she met my stepdad, who became dad. He was a bully. His family were the overbearing type. We had to do everything together. His brothers were horrid to me too, used to torment me terribly. Then mum and dad had their family. 13 years between me and my brother, 15 between my sister and I. Dad was also a functioning drunk, drinking most nights. I think my mum had a terrible time so one night she did a midnight flit with her new bidey-in.

The morning after was like the scene from Trainspotting the morning after Renton takes the money. Recriminations were plentiful and I took the brunt of it, both physically and mentally. I was studying at the time and had nowhere else to go. My girlfriend, now my wife, was great and helped me through it.

It’s not until I reflect on it now that I realise how bad things were for me. Sure, there’s nice times but the bitterness remains. Towards him for being a b*****d and towards mum for bringing him into our lives and for leaving me to deal with him.

I’ve got my own family now and they’ve never met my dad and only see my mum at birthdays and Christmas.

Shame.

[pandarilla]

This is an excellent thread

[Big Fifer]

I've been jammy as f**k with my parents. Through growing up, my mum was always good at the serious stuff, keeping me on track with school, letting me know why I should and shouldn't do stuff. My dad was good at the fun stuff, taking me to the fitba, stock cars, camping, and all that shit, and he also made hefty wads 20 years ago through owning his own business so we were on holiday loads. Being an only child as well means they were both totally focused on me, so ridiculously lucky.

Now we've got to the point I see my parents as a couple of my best pals. Seems a bit sad when you actually read those words typed out, but going for a few beers and dinner with them is a cracking laugh.

[Raidernation]

TBF to my folks, they were brilliant.
I don’t think I ever heard them argue, I was never beaten or abused, I always felt loved and cared for, wasnae spoilt but if it was something I could genuinely “prove” I wanted then in all likelihood somehow I’d get it (golf clubs, decent bike etc.)
In return I treated them respectfully and lovingly.
Sadly, like many others on here, my mother drank herself do death after we’d left home, a combination of I think boredom, replacing cigs with whisky and I suspect a natural leaning towards alcoholism ( runs in the family)
My Father was a genuinely good guy, got really close the last couple of years of his life after I moved back closer to home to teach. Someone I could’ve genuinely have called a friend as well as my Dad.
Miss them both

[Dazzle]

I have a good relationship with both my parents now, always have with my dad but lived with my gran from ages 8-19 when she died as me and my mum pretty much hated each other for spells of my childhood. She was too young to be a mum really and I think she regretted having me when her and my old man had to stop having fun and grow up at 17 and 20, my old man took to it like a duck to water and she struggled. That said both worked incredibly hard to give me everything I needed growing up and I can't thank them enough for it.

Me and mum have a good relationship now, after my gran passed I was destroyed and my mum was worse, she ended up nearly drinking herself to death for a long while and I really thought me and my old man would lose her, with help though she came out of it and we now get on great, I'm thankful to have both them in my life and visit as much as I can, were never going to be a close, talk about deep issues family, me and my old man love talking all sports and my mum loves hearing about what I'm up to and all the wedding plans etc, she adores my fiance as well and they get on great which is really nice. The only gripe I have with them nowadays is how much they do for my sister when she actually needs a boot up the arse but that's by the by.

Anyway I've rambled about nothing there, my folks are good c***s that as an adult I would class them as friends as well as family.