Melanius Mullarkey Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 14 minutes ago, Bairnardo said: 20 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: I dont have exclusive rights to short and fat m8 Thank god for that. I was scared i was in breach of copyright with the second bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chomp my root Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 1 hour ago, Bairnardo said: I worked with a guy who I overheard claiming to have been in some Army regiment. Nothing wrong I hear you say, well he was a bit of a bullshitter so I googled the regiment. I dont recall it now but essentially they were triple hard b*****ds, the spearhead of the British Army, and only those who were too hard and mental to be in the SAS need apply. Well, someones got to be in it I suppose. The sticker woukd be that this guy was about 5 foot tall and 4 across. He also claimed that he took a bullet in the gall bladder. When someone recalled that he had previously told them he had his gall bladder removed as a child, his response was "yeah well, I got shot where my gall bladder would have been" The same guy who had been knocked off his bike at the roundabout got caught out. A couple of guys made up a person that they'd worked with before, full back story etc and started talking about him. The bullshitter joined in quite happily recalling the guy. When they told him that they couldn't know him as they'd made him up he bluffed it out telling them that they might not have known him but the bullshitter and him had been really good mates. What can you do when someone is that fecked up. 1 hour ago, Marsh said: Always tend to find ex military / TA guys are quite bad for this, and tell you their tales with an air of superiority despite them being utter fantasy. The guy I'm talking about was in the forces at the time. Was away hill walking with a group of guys who all worked together (and with the bullshitter) and ended up talking about the guy, everyone came out with a different 'tall tale' the guy had spun, heard most of them before but there were a couple of new ones. There were more like him but thankfully in a minority although I do enjoy meeting all the guys who were in the special forces and can't talk about it before being desperate to tell you all about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ICTChris Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 This is a previous post I made about a former colleague who had a habit of inventing things Quote He is a quite remarkable liar. He variously told people during my time working with him: - That he had been in the army - That he had suffered from testicular cancer - That he was Dutch - That he was South African - That he was entering a sponsored cycle race across South Africa for two weeks. - That he had worked offshore - That he was dyslexic - That he earned £30,000+ None of these things are true. A former flatmate of his filled us in on him after he left work. He had been a helper at Army Cadet training but the Cadets had started to notice things go missing and he became prime suspect. They went round to his flat to ask him if he knew anything about it and he answered the door in a full officers uniform. It's funny on so many levels: that he would steal Cadet officer uniforms, that he was sit around the house wearing them, that he would answer the door in it. He lived in a dodgy sub-let flat and when the landlord found out he kicked him out, although he did ask if he could live in the garden in a tent He also had the worst personal hygiene I've been exposed to. He stank of filth - sometimes it was like shit, sometimes like piss, sometimes musty. He didn't wash his clothes properly and once insisted that the brown mark on his white shirt was a design (he emailed this to our team of 20 odd people). He just reeked, it was indesribably awful, boke inducing. He smelled like the girls in FF's favourite Nightshift video. He had weird greasy hair an dyellow teeth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kennboy1978 Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 that is worryingGod knows why he feels the need. In his head he's a top lad, in reality he's a laughing stock. They've all but stopped now. The last one didn't even make sense. I was saying to him that we are thinking about heading to NZ again next year and it'll be a few grand for the flights. He then said he had just "lost" £1000, I asked how and where he lost it. It was actually £1400 he lost....as he bought a couch ? Obviously new couch = new TV, that was another £1000. Admitting to raping someone is a bit silly. A Rapey Giza as [mention=13234]Hedgecutter[/mention] said when I posted that and the Egypt story previously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shotgun Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 I did a series of evening classes with one of these types. A fat, middle-aged loser of a guy (no, I don't think he was on P&B why do you ask?) who had an incessant stream of stories which he carried round in his head. Presumably to escape the misery of his real life existence. He'd been a Navy Seal (they aren't forbidden to talk about their service but as a rule, don't.) He'd been a professional Nascar driver. His Dad was on Kennedy's security detail but had been on leave the day he was shot (I suspect he'd seen "In the Line of Fire.") In college he'd been scouted by the Chicago Bears but had turned them down. He was a direct descendant of William Wallace. He was a session musician who had recorded with pretty much every country artist you could name. A short list in my case but at least one of the ones I suggested died when this guy would've been a child. Like others mentioned on this thread, he was quite entertaining in his way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chomp my root Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 3 hours ago, Marsh said: Always tend to find ex military / TA guys are quite bad for this, and tell you their tales with an air of superiority despite them being utter fantasy. While I mind, as a rough yardstick, the fantasists will want to tell you 'war stories' while the 'real ones' will most likely want to bore you with drinking/shagging/eating dog shit type stories. Which reminds me about the time I single handedly fought off 30 Taliban..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrewDon Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 3 hours ago, Marsh said: Always tend to find ex military / TA guys are quite bad for this, and tell you their tales with an air of superiority despite them being utter fantasy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 throbber Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cosmic Joe Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 Some fantasyland stuff on the "how did you meet your partner" thread going on... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 There's a guy in my work who met Channing Tatum on holiday and is still in contact with him He also has a shotgun which can shoot things three miles away He also has a racing car of some sort but he only keeps it at "the track" Pretty much every topic of conversation that ever comes up, he has some expert insight to share with everyone He's entertaining provided you ignore him most of the time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanMc99 Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 3 hours ago, Kennboy1978 said: God knows why he feels the need. In his head he's a top lad, in reality he's a laughing stock. They've all but stopped now. The last one didn't even make sense. I was saying to him that we are thinking about heading to NZ again next year and it'll be a few grand for the flights. He then said he had just "lost" £1000, I asked how and where he lost it. It was actually £1400 he lost....as he bought a couch ? Obviously new couch = new TV, that was another £1000. A Rapey Giza as [mention=13234]Hedgecutter[/mention] said when I posted that and the Egypt story previously. sounds like a nutjob, i know someone who's work colleague was extremely deluded, they were doing a removal in a guys house and the guy was telling them about the horses he had and then my mates work colleague (who lives in a housing scheme on his own) starts going on about how he used to love taking his horse down to the shore and letting it run around. this is right in front of the guy he works with who knows him well and knows fine well it's a lie. bonkers how mental folk can be Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Equalizer Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 A guy I knew earned the middle name "Whopper" due to his propensity for telling fantastical tales. I'll have to tell you a pretty outlandish true story in order to lead in to my favourite "Whopper" of all time. He was walking down a street in Paisley and saw a privet hedge. He proclaimed he could clear it and decided to prove it. He didn't know there was a 9 ft drop on the other side straight down to a cement patio. He suffered several injuries including a broken arm and leg amongst others. After he had been in hospital for a week or so he discharged himself against the advice of Doctors and was hit by a taxi before he made it out of the hospital grounds. This resulted in more broken bones and the front page headline 'The luckiest man in Scotland" in the evening times (I think) complete with a picture of him in his recently reclaimed hospital bed. A couple of mates went to visit him to discuss his newly acquired fame and this is where his "Whopper" comes in. After they had been chatting to him a while a pretty nurse comes in to do the rounds and leaves after exchanging some pleasantries. So there is Andy, lying in bed with all 4 limbs in traction and he goes "see that nurse, I shagged her last night". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 A kid I went to primary school with claimed that women grow a penis as they get older. Being inquisitive children, we requested more information, and he said that he knew because he'd seen his gran getting changed, and she had a willy. (I never went to school in Fife, before anyone asks) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Edwards Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 A boy who was in my college class was in the cadets and used to pretend he was in the actual army and told people he'd been to Iraq and Afghanistan with the army. A few years later he got done for trying to touch up 14 year old lassies in his car. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dindeleux Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 A boy who was in my college class was in the cadets and used to pretend he was in the actual army and told people he'd been to Iraq and Afghanistan with the army. A few years later he got done for trying to touch up 14 year old lassies in his car.Didn’t know Adam Johnson had been in the cadets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Terrapin Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 A boy who did some joinery work for me has now claimed he has joined the SAS. Despite the fact he is 45, 5'8'' and 15 stone.He has sent a photo of himself wearing a berry to authenticate this claim. WTF. I actually feel these people are insulting you as they obviously think you are stupid enough to believe them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.A.F.C Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 Worked with a guy who claimed to be in the special forces and stationed in the falklands after the war. It was hard to tell if he was bullshitting at first but the stories kept getting more and more daft until I started feeling a bit sorry for him. ”was on an exercise guarding a bunker comms centre and fell asleep, woke up with a knife at my throat” ”used to have to clear up dead penguins on the minefield” Apparently he was called ‘the iceman’ as he would put ice in his beer and drink a pint before it melted at all. One summer day he brought in a bottle of coke that had ice in it, then announced ‘ahhh the iceman commmeth’ smugly and in front of about 100 people emptied half the bottle all over himself when taking the top off like mentos fountain effect. One guy laughed so much he fell off his chair adding to the hilarity. If he was special forces we are all f**ked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tutankhamen Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 On 29 June 2018 at 19:24, BigFatTabbyDave said: A kid I went to primary school with claimed that women grow a penis as they get older. Being inquisitive children, we requested more information, and he said that he knew because he'd seen his gran getting changed, and she had a willy. (I never went to school in Fife, before anyone asks) Ayrshire? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugster Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 23 minutes ago, Joe Terrapin said: a berry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cosmic Joe Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 3 hours ago, Richey Edwards said: A boy who was in my college class was in the cadets and used to pretend he was in the actual army and told people he'd been to Iraq and Afghanistan with the army. A few years later he got done for trying to touch up 14 year old lassies in his car. The two sets of circumstances aren't necessarily mutually exclusive... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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