lying to kids

[Herman Hessian]

in order to hasten P&B's increasingly rapid decline in to Mumsnet Mk II (rather than sticking this in the children and parenting or teaching grandkids threads) I thought this should be an additional sprog-related thread.

my son's  nearly 17, and has somehow made it that far having been bought up on a diet of halftruths, misinformation, white lies and general piss-taking; a few of the stand-outs have been:

- wheelbarrow is the longest word in the world (this served him very well in primary school)

- everyone knows that owls don't say "twit-twoo" - it's two owls - one says "twit" and the other one responds with "twoo"; this is also true for cuckoos - and it's always the male who says "cuck" and the female which responds with "oooo" - this is obviously true, as if it was the other way round, they'd be called "oo-cucks", which they're not

- christmas trees feel the cold which is why folk originally fetched them indoors over the festive season

- male and female flower heads off cow parsley stick together like velcro which was how it was invented (sort of true)

- people in the southern hemisphere drive the "wrong way" round roundabouts, same as water goes down the plughole in the opposite direction

- if you're tall (i'm 6'5" - he's now 6'3" and has always towered over his peers) all of you is proportionately larger, so you have a bigger brain and are therefore more intelligent than short folks cf neanderthals

any other white lies that you've imparted to impressionable children, with a dead straight face - ideally that they've gone on to relate to their friends, as absolute fact ???

[John Lambies Doos]

Santa
End thread

[Dindeleux]

The myth that sticks and stones may break your bones but names will never hurt you.

 

Then the kid gets old enough for social media and discovers a world where saying anything even slightly controversial to someone results in potential jail time.

[scoobles]

That the world was in black and white until they turned on colour in the 1970's.
Nursery teacher ruined that one

Sent from my CLT-L09 using Pie and Bovril mobile app

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

K & G ' Well Sean and Amelie, a bad man broke into the room and that's the last we saw of her'

[Dindeleux]

My gran used to tell me there was a competition ran by Polo mints for whoever could get the polo mint down to the thinnest circle.   Understand now she was just trying to keep me quiet while she watched TV.

[Cerberus]

My mum used to tell me that if I ate ice cubes parts of my mouth would fall out.
Still suspicious it might be true tbh.

If I didn’t go to school they’d come and take her away and put her in jail.
That one worked a cracker.

[Shotgun]

Committing any one of a seemingly endless list of largely arbitrary 'sins' would result in your spending all of eternity in hell. Including the sin of daring to question this doctrine. Although to be fair to my parents, the teachers were the perpetrators of that one.

c***s.

[Newbornbairn]

The oil rigs in the Forth are actually police watch towers looking out for kids throwing litter on the beach

[welshbairn]

If you make a funny face or walk and the wind changes you'll be stuck with it forever.

[Thistle_do_nicely]

Years n' years ago my older brothers once both pretended as a wind-up that I was completely invisible and were no longer able to see/hear me. I laughed it off at first and tried pushing them about so that they could feel me shoving them, calling them rude names to get a reaction etc. but they kept up the game and just said stuff to each other along the lines of "Oh hey, can you feel something? Feels like there's something pushing me right now but there's nothing there" etc.

I screamed at them that I was off to tell Dad what was going on and ran off to find him - they followed, most likely fearful of a possible bollocking. I went up to my Dad and told him that they were saying they couldn't see or hear me, but (presumably with them standing behind me smirking) he cottoned on quickly and played along with it.

I had a mini-breakdown/existential crisis at that point, although tbf to my Dad he very quickly stopped, calmed me down by telling me that they were all just winding me up and gave me a hug. 

A few years later my brothers (teenagers at this point, I was probably 9ish) both pretended to be possessed by demons while my mum and dad were away at some drinks do, which ended with me locking myself in the bathroom and trying to sleep using towels as pillows/covers until they came back and wondered what the hell was going on. That was fun.

[Melanius Mullarkey]

Told the bairn when she was about 4 that she couldn’t come to the dump whenever I went with any big items because the dump had a “no tights rule” and there was a big sign that said so and the scaffies at the skips check cars for tights before they let them in.

Complety forgot about this until a few months back and she was in the car with me and we had to stick some stuff into the skips and she was wondering where the big “no tights” sign was. 

She was seething.

[madwullie]

The ice cream man plays his tune to let you know he's ran out of ice cream. 

[ah-dee]

was regularly told by my mother that if you played with yourself it would fall off.

[banana]

We have a mouse that comes out at night steals/hides everything from iPads to sweets to money.

[banana]

[heedthebaa]

I used to say if they didn’t go to sleep Freddy Kruger would come for them

[GAD]

Told my nephew last weekend that all the sharks in deep sea world were in the fish prison because they'd eaten people. He thought that was cool as f**k.

[Tony Ferrino]

33 minutes ago, heedthebaa said:

I used to say if they didn’t go to sleep Freddy Kruger would come for them

...and now Dr Shipman will come for Nana?

[Unleash The Nade]

If you tell lies , you’ll go to the burning fire !