Jump to content

Really easy New Year's resolutions


Fullerene

Recommended Posts



Getting wanked off in the bath by your father in law is weird right enough. Did you return the favour? You’ll make the papers if you follow through with this fantasy. Better stop it now before people get hurt and you split the family.

Are you married?


There was no sexual favours being exchanged we were just sharing a bath and watching football. Not married yet no.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 59
  • Created
  • Last Reply


There was no sexual favours being exchanged we were just sharing a bath and watching football. Not married yet no.


How did you both fit in a bath tub without any touching, whether accidental or intentional?
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My bucket list has such dream day outs as:

1. Walking across the Forth Road Bridge.
2. Running along the beach at Kirkcaldy.
3. Walking up the Tiel Burn.

Easy to achieve but yet I haven’t bothered.

My New Year Resolutions From last year weren’t exactly a stretch.

1. Do some exercise - [emoji736]
2. Stop gambling - [emoji777]
3. Get Chartered- [emoji777]

To be fair I did stop gambling until the summer, then I got bored.

I can’t be fucked with Nee Year Resolutions and a Bucket List, so the resolutions can get to f**k.

Link to comment
Share on other sites



I suppose I was perched in between his legs. The little spoon.


Definitely sounds like some kind of gay fantasy thing. Please write to Dear Deirdrie in The Sun for some top notch advice on how to handle it.
Link to comment
Share on other sites



Definitely sounds like some kind of gay fantasy thing. Please write to Dear Deirdrie in The Sun for some top notch advice on how to handle it.


I think you’re reading too much into this.
Link to comment
Share on other sites



I think you’re reading too much into this.


Possibly, but spooning with your father in law in a bath tub sounds a bit sexual. I think you’ve dreamed up the ‘watching football’ element as a cover story.

Where does your girlfriend fit into this?
Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 hours ago, Miguel Sanchez said:

I live on the third floor of a tenement

My name is Miguel
I live on the third floor
I live upstairs from you
Yes I think you've seen me before
If you hear something late at night
Some kind of trouble, some kind of fight
Just don't ask me what it was
Just don't ask me what it was
Just don't ask me what it was
 
(apologies to Suzanne Vega) 
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 11 months later...

Gotta love The Daily Gael

 

 

 


Inverness Man not sure which New Year’s Resolution he broke first last night

Having  decided to give up alcohol, dairy products, gluten and his ex girlfriend Siobhan in 2018, Colin MacLeod of Inverness woke up  hungover this morning covered in cheese and breadcrumbs in Siobhan’s bed.

“It is not yet apparent which one of Collin’s 4 pointless resolutions he f*cked first” said  Chief Inspector Malcolm Boab.

“The lesson here is don’t try and better yourself if you live in Inverness.”

Colin was last seen leaving an Inverness pub spinning a loaf of Hovis above his head while screaming; “look Siobhan I’m a wind farm, how do you like me now?”

“He was covered in cheese and breadcrumbs when he arrived – like a human pasta bake” claimed Siobhan.

“Be yourself, but be your best self” advised Colin.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...