The Chronicles of the Banter Years (2012 - ∞)

[Melanius Mullarkey]

29 minutes ago, Mark Connolly said:

That depends.

What school did she go to?

We need to see the nudey pics first.

[johnmc80]

Buddist monk is far to level headed to be posting on here. I say we chase him out with the pitchforks!!! We dont need these sensible posts.

[Pet Jeden]

2 hours ago, The DA said:

If I could have given this two Charles, I would have.

Some fans don't seem to be able to get their heads round the fact that not everyone in a position of power will abuse it.

Try finding anyone interested in being SPFL Chairman who doesn't support an SPFL team. Every chairman to date has supported one team or another.  Should they all have stepped down in favour of my Aunt Betty who hates football?

This is a reasonable point. But McLennan or the SPFL are in do-doo not because he might have a preferred team, but because it wasn't properly declared that his main job is dependent upon a good relationship with Desmond and the other Celtic Shareholder. This has then been interpreted as a sneaky attempt to place a biased person into an influential, neutral position. Of course, the club who feel most threatened by this is the club who is most likely to be facing all kinds of quasi-judicial decisions from the SPFL.

 

[Bairnardo]

The Derek McInnes debacle has simply confirmed what most of us already knew; the Banter Years are never going away.
As [mention=473]djchapsticks[/mention] correctly pointed out in the The Rangers Next Permanent Manager thread:
I believe that a full, comprehensive list of these fuckups needs to be kept enshrined somewhere on the internet, and where better to do so than on Pie and Bovril. All contributions welcome, and will be updating the OP with the best of the moments that you can remember from the last 5 years. Let's get the ball rolling, shall we?
The Banter Years
2011/12
13th February 2012: Rangers announce their intention to go into Administration.
14th February 2012: Rangers go into Administration. Fans gather outside the gates of Ibrox demanding answers. Rangers are also docked 10 points, ending any title bid.
16th February 2012:

, stating "we don't do walking away." This in no way comes back to haunt him.
17th February 2012: The fans pack Ibrox to the rafters, looking to send a defiant message to the rest of Scottish football. Only Kilmarnock stand in their way, Rangers lose 1-0.
3rd March 2012: Rumours surface that Rangers will not be granted a licence to compete in Europe next season, owing to accounts from 2011 not being submitted to UEFA. Little do they realise that, where they're heading, they won't be needing to worry about qualifying for European football any time soon.
5th April 2012: Rangers' debts are estimated to be some £134m, including just shy of £100m owed to HMRC.
7th April 2012: There is a full stadium display at Ibrox, whereby fans are encouraged to 'show a red card to liquidation'. Who can forget this HILARIOUS Union Bears display?
13th May 2012: A consortium - led by Charles Green - buys the club from Charles Whyte, confident of securing a CVA with HMRC in order to 'preserve the club's history'.
 
2012/13
12th June 2012: HMRC announce that they will reject the CVA and, two days later, Rangers enter liquidation.
4th July 2012: Newco Rangers are refused entry into the SPL. The hope is that they will be admitted into the SFL's top tier, Division 1, allowing a swift return to the top flight.
13th July 2012: Rangers ordered to start life in the 3rd Division.
29th July 2012: Rangers need extra time to beat Brechin in the first round of the Ramsdens Cup. The ball also gets stuck on top of a hedge.
7th August 2012: Kevin Kyle signs, he later recalls: “I sat down with the manager and he asked what I was looking for and I just said a crazy figure and I almost got what I wanted.”
9th September 2012: Rangers' game this weekend is postponed because of international call ups. Seriously.
18th September 2012: Queen of the South knock Rangers out of the Ramsdens Cup on penalties at Ibrox.
6th October 2012: Rangers lose 1-0 at bottom of the table Stirling Albion, who are without a manager for the day as Greig McDonald is attending a wedding. After 7 games, Rangers' Third Division record reads played 7, won 3, drawn 3 and lost 1.
23rd November 2012: Elgin City vs Rangers is postponed, after Elgin sell too many tickets and have to call off the game on safety grounds.
2nd December 2012:

29th December 2012: Some 30,000 Rangers fans travel to Hampden to play Queens Park. They require a 91st minute winner against the ten men.

 Meanwhile, future multi-million pound player Andy Robertson plays a full 90 minutes at left back for Queens Park and escapes the notice of the Rangers scouts.
16th January 2013: Ally McCoist beams proudly, standing with the single greatest bar chart ever produced.
2nd February 2013: Rangers draw Dundee United away in the Scottish Cup fifth round, and declare a boycott of Tannadice. 365 Rangers fans turn up anyway and United win 3-0.
3rd April 2013: Francisco Sandaza is sacked after falling for a prank call from a Celtic fan masquerading as an agent, in which he expressed his desire to move away from Rangers.
 
2013/14
24th July 2013: Rangers lose 1-0 in a friendly at Hillsborough. They unveil the most minterific banner ever seen.
3rd August 2013: Nicky Law's claims that Rangers can win the quadruple are extinguished by Forfar in the first round of the League Cup
12th September 2013: Ian Black is suspended for 10 games by the SFA after admitting to placing bets on football matches.
22nd September 2013: Rangers exact revenge on Forfar in the league with a 1-0 win. Ally McCoist blames the wind for Rangers not scoring more.
14th December 2013: Stenhousemuir vs Rangers is postponed due to high winds, after a burger van blows into a temporary stand at Ochilview.
4th January 2014: Ally McCoist goes to the media and complains about a fixture pile up of 4 games in 11 days, despite his side being 14 points clear at the top and having a wage bill at least 10 times the size of anyone else's in League One.
6th April 2014: The first of the big game Banter Year losses IMHO.

7th April 2014: Furious backlash as Rangers' staff party goes ahead as scheduled. Ally McCoist is caught doing karaoke just hours after loss to Raith.
12th April 2014: Despite being handed home advantage in a Scottish Cup semi final,

 
2014/15
27th June 2014: Kris Boyd returns to Rangers, he winds up scoring just 3 goals in 29 Championship games.
10th August 2014: Rangers find themselves in the Championship with both Hearts and Hibs. On the opening day, trailing 1-0 to Hearts in injury time, they pull a last minute equaliser out of the bag to rescue a point.

3rd September 2014: It is revealed that, in 2012, Mike Ashley bought the naming rights to Ibrox for a quid.
1st November 2014: Rangers progress to the League Cup semi final, and are drawn against Celtic for the first game between the two clubs since 2012. There is genuine excitement amongst the Rangers support.
3rd December 2014: Rangers are 2-0 up at Alloa and cruising into the Petrofac Training Cup final.

12 December 2014: Ally McCoist offers his resignation, it's all up in the air for a few days and Rangers eventually confirm this. But he carries on as manager until...
21st December 2014: Ally McCoist is placed on gardening leave. Kenny McDowall, with all the willingness of an Iranian hostage, becomes caretaker.
22nd December 2014: The Rangers AGM to end all Rangers AGMs. Held in a gazebo, fans stuck in the away corner of Ibrox, everybody booed. Just glorious.
27th December 2014: Rangers lose 4-0 at Easter Road to Hibs. Hearts go 15 points clear at the top.
16th January 2015:

, the fans then try to

20th January 2015:

It's bigger than Frost-Nixon.
8th February 2015:

, the ground's almost empty and Rangers are out of the Scottish Cup.
7th March 2015: Just a week after Hearts demolish Cowdenbeath 10-0, Rangers can only manage a 0-0 draw against the Blue Brazil.
12th March 2015: Stuart McCall is appointed Rangers manager. He starts off with home draws to relegation fodder Livingston and Alloa.
17th March 2015:

2nd May 2015: Despite comfortably having the biggest budget in the league, Rangers contrive to finish 3rd in the Championship.
28th May 2015: After seeing off Queen of the South and Hibs, a full house at Ibrox watches on

31st May 2015: This is the second big game in the Banter Years. Rangers go to Fir Park knowing anything less than a 2 goal win is insufficient.

 Here are just some of the incidents that occur: Lee McCulloch nearly has his eye taken out by a flag, Cammy Bell punches a looping ball into his own net, Bilel Mohsni punches Lee Erwin and Motherwell fans invade the pitch to goad the tiny allocation that Rangers were given. Rangers stay in the Championship for a second season, and their grand sweep back to the top flight of Scottish football is derailed.
 
2015/16
15th June 2015: Mark Warburton becomes Rangers manager.
25th July 2015: Rangers win 6-2 at Easter Road in the Challenge Cup. A good result, however their fans are preoccupied welcoming Hibs player Scott Allan (who has been linked with them all summer) to their club. This definitely doesn't come back to haunt them.
13th August 2015: Boyhood Rangers fan Scott Allan ends up joining Celtic instead. Hibs also get Liam Henderson out of the deal, he'll reappear later.
22nd September 2015: Rangers' storming start to the season is finally put on hold by St Johnstone's 3-1 win in the League Cup at Ibrox.
19th December 2015: Rangers manage to chuck away an 8 point lead and find themselves level on points with Hibs at the top of the table.
10th April 2016: Rangers win the Challenge Cup at the fourth time of asking, having wrapped up the league a few days earlier. Things are looking up.
17th April 2016: Rangers beat Celtic on penalties to reach the Scottish Cup final. This is it. The Rangers are back. We've got a title race on next season, and Rangers only have to beat Hibs in the final to secure European football and crown a fantastic season.
21st May 2016: Rangers lose 3-2 to Hibs in the Scottish Cup final. I'm biased, but this arguably might be the absolute peak of the Banter Years, solely because of what happens next. David Gray heads in a last minute winner, the full time whistle blows and thousands of Hibs fans stream onto the pitch as their side wins its first Scottish Cup since 1902. A couple of fans goad/mildly irritate Rangers players, who subsequently refuse to collect their runner up medals. A handful of Rangers fans attempt to restore order by going onto the pitch themselves, and scuffles break out. Rangers then release an utter heads gone of a statement, and claims are made that all 11 Rangers players have been attacked.
22nd May 2016: The true dawn of the statement era starts here. Rangers, sore from the defeat the day before, double down on their original statement. The website crashes as the whole of Scottish football attempts to get on and read it.
 
2016-17
24th May 2016: Rangers sign Joey Barton. Joey Barton immediately goes on the offensive promising all sorts of "I'll take on Celtic single-handedly" stuff.
6th August 2016: Rangers fans unveil big stadium display promising that they're "GOING FOR 55". They proceed to draw 1-1 at home to Hamilton Accies.
19th August 2016:

, who takes a red card for the team (AKA humanity).
20th August 2016: Rangers sign Joe Garner for £1.8m, their first £1m+ signing of the Banter Years. He doesn't even last a year.
10th September 2016: Rangers go to Parkhead, they lose 5-1.
13th September 2016: In attempts at 'clear the air' talks after the defeat, Joey Barton and Andy Halliday get into a massive spat. Barton is sent home from training.
19th September 2016: Marquee summer signing Joey Barton is banned from training for 3 weeks.
25th September 2016: Rangers go to Pittodrie, they lose 2-1 from a last minute free kick. Warburton rages about the free kick being given.
10th November 2016: Joey Barton leaves Rangers, with his autobiography firmly promoted.
16th November 2016: Martyn Waghorn, carrying a fish supper, is called "shite" by a schoolchild. Waghorn confronts the kid, who doesn't back down. It goes viral on Twitter.
23rd December 2016: Rangers fans hijack the generic Glad All Over chant to serenade Joey Garner, they try to take it to #1 in the Christmas charts. In their infinite delusion, they believe that they're close to doing so, when in fact they've only managed to get the song to 31st.
1st February 2017: Ian Cathro's Hearts beat Rangers 4-1. That is not a typo. Ian Cathro's Hearts beat Rangers 4-1.
10th February 2017: Mark Warburton resigns. Except he hasn't. Except he has. Except he hasn't. Except he has. This goes on all night, and eventually it's revealed that Warburton tried to jump ship to Forest and the Rangers board called his bluff. All in all, a PR farce. More statements released.
19th February 2017: Murtymania is running wild. Graeme Murty is the new caretaker manager. Rangers lose to Dundee. He does a headstand. Hilarity ensues.
24th February 2017: Rangers lose at bottom of the table, can't buy a win Inverness CT. Perhaps this Murty isn't all he's cracked up to be.
11th March 2017: Pedro Caixinha becomes Rangers manager. His first task is to watch Rangers take another pumping at Celtic Park, but wait...
12th March 2017: Rangers snatch a late point at Parkhead. Murty is now the messiah in the eyes of Rangers fans for drawing with Celtic, which shows just how hurt they must be.
7th May 2017: Rangers qualify for Europe with a win at Firhill. Some invade the pitch to celebrate. "The Banter Years are over!", they proclaim.
17th May 2017: Aberdeen win at Ibrox for the first time since 1991, another proud record of Rangers' falls.

21st May 2017: Rangers' 'Going for 55' season ends with them limping to 3rd, as close to St Johnstone in 4th as they are to Aberdeen in 2nd. Caixinha is kept on.
 
2017/18
19th June 2017: Rangers - starting their European journey where the group stages are a real hope - are drawn against Progrès Niederkorn, minnows of the Luxembourg league.
29th June 2017: In mildly embarrassing circumstances, Rangers are only able to take a 1-0 lead with them to Luxembourg for the second leg. The fans also throw paper at the Progrès keeper and will eventually be fined by UEFA for this.
4th July 2017: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

and go out of the Europa League 2-1 on aggregate at the very first hurdle. This is the JFK moment of the Banter Years, everyone will remember where they were.
12th August 2017: Rangers welcome Hibs to Ibrox for the first match between the two sides since the 2016 Scottish Cup final. The fans smell blood and with Neil Lennon in charge of Hibs this has the feel of an Old Firm game. Remarkably it's kept off TV, but Hibs win 3-2 (again) and Neil Lennon gestures to the fans.
13th August 2017: Club 1872 suffer a severe cranial detachment about said gestures and release a statement applauding their fans for not being provoked.
22nd October 2017: Rangers lose in the League Cup semi final against Motherwell, which is not really what any of their fans had expected, despite Louis Moult being a far better footballer than anything they have to offer. Cardoso suffers a broken nose from a Bowman elbow and, you guessed it...
23rd October 2017: Club 1872 suffer a severe cranial detachment about said elbow and general refereeing performance.
26th October 2017: After snatching a draw from the jaws of victory at home to Kilmarnock, Pedro Caixinha is sacked. A loyal servant to the Banter Years.
18th November 2017: Graeme Murty, somehow still in charge as caretaker of Rangers at this point, oversees Rangers' first league defeat to Hamilton since 1926.
24th November 2017: Not to be outdone from his last stint as Rangers caretaker, Murty again travels to the bottom club on a Friday night and loses. This time to Dundee.
3rd December 2017: Graeme Murty masterfully guides Rangers to two consecutive victories in the space of a week over Derek McInnes' Aberdeen to haul Rangers into second.
4th December 2017: But what's this? After 5 weeks of deliberation, Rangers have decided that they want Derek McInnes. The media tapping up goes into overdrive, it appears that Rangers have got their man until...
7th December 2017: Derek McInnes decides to stay at Aberdeen, Rangers release a pathetic 'didn't want him anyway' statement and use the word concomitant.
11th March 2018: Celtic go to Ibrox with Rangers knowing that a win for them will take them just 3 points behind, the title race is on when Josh Windass fires Rangers into a lead. With the game delicately poised at 2-2, Celtic are reduced to ten men. Surely this is the moment for Rangers to pounce? No, Édouard scores and 10 man Celtic win 3-2.
15th April 2018: But Rangers have one more chance to stop Celtic's double treble in their tracks. They lose 4-0 in an utterly gutless performance. Boyhood Rangers fan Andy Halliday is substituted before half time and is raging about it, and Candeias storms down the tunnel when he's taken off. Celtic are now undefeated in ten derbies.
17th April 2018: Captain Lee Wallace and veteran striker Kenny Miller are suspended after an altercation with Graeme Murty. The club is in turmoil.
24th April 2018: Hibs cut Rangers' away allocation at Easter Road for the final game of the season. Rangers release a late night statement full of tears and snotters, swearing revenge on Hibs for having the audacity to turn away the blue pound. It's not the first statement about Hibs that Jim Traynor has scrawled in crayon.
29th April 2018: As long as Rangers can avoid defeat at Parkhead, Celtic will not be able to win the title against their bitterest rivals. This plan falls apart as Rangers go 5-0 down within 53 minutes. Quite honestly, Celtic taking their foot off the gas is all that stops it being much, much worse.
1st May 2018: Graeme Murty is removed from his position as Rangers manager. Just who does Dave King turn to now?
4th May 2018: Steven Gerrard is appointed manager of Rangers, with much pomp and fanfare from the Ibrox club.
13th May 2018: Rangers, who famously refuse to settle for second best, are forced to settle for third for the second consecutive season. They end on a high note, a 5-5 draw against Hibs. Neil Lennon, a permanent thorn in the Rangers side, celebrates Hibs' last minute equaliser by running onto the pitch and making aeroplane gestures.

Some folk needing a reminder of the point of this glorious thread.....

[Ken Fitlike]

Some folk needing a reminder of the point of this glorious thread.....

If there is one thing Bennett and his fellow Pie and Bovril bears are good at, it is derailing threads in an attempt to stem the cascades of mockery and mirth.....

[Stellaboz]

Haha your club died!

[bennett]

10 hours ago, The DA said:

If I could have given this two Charles, I would have.

Some fans don't seem to be able to get their heads round the fact that not everyone in a position of power will abuse it.

Try finding anyone interested in being SPFL Chairman who doesn't support an SPFL team. Every chairman to date has supported one team or another.  Should they all have stepped down in favour of my Aunt Betty who hates football?

It's not about which team Shifty supports tho.....

4 hours ago, Stellaboz said:

Haha your club died!

Are they now to be known as sheepco?

 

[Stellaboz]

Fucking idiot.

[bennett]

Just now, Stellaboz said:

Fucking idiot.

Don't be so harsh on yourself, others will do that for you.

[Stellaboz]

Don't be so harsh on yourself, others will do that for you.

Oh, and you're fat. Like most of your Sevco kind.

[Forest of Dean]

6 minutes ago, Stellaboz said:

Fucking idiot.

Go outside mate. Head to a beer garden and watch the football.

It's really not healthy to get so easily wound up by bennett making one dad joke.

[Stellaboz]

I'm not wound up m9, I'm having very easy laughs at your club, former club and some the twats that support them. Hm guffaw!

[bennett]

13 minutes ago, Stellaboz said:

15 minutes ago, bennett said:

Don't be so harsh on yourself, others will do that for you.

Oh, and you're fat. Like most of your Sevco kind.

Surely a contender for P&B haymaker of the year comp....

 

 

[nsr]

Rangers are dead and only uneducated, unemployed halfwits would argue otherwise.

[sugna]

This is pretty amazing. He repeats some things that are known to be false, and which he himself must surely know to be false; and he pretty much beatifies himself for all of his past, present and future behaviour.

https://rangers.co.uk/news/headlines/dave-king-supporter-update/

It's sort of banter, but I do wonder if he's no longer simply being a GASL. Maybe he's started to believe his own version of history and reality, in honour of Trump's visit.

Still, at least the courts consistently bring him back to earth with a bump.

[MagicBeans]

Incredible statement. 

The gift that keeps giving.

it us truly amazing how he has managed to spin the Pedro sacking and failure to appoint McInness into a “we took our time to make sure we got the right guy”. 

The media continue to just let him away with lying.

[Jdog]

38 minutes ago, sugna said:

This is pretty amazing. He repeats some things that are known to be false, and which he himself must surely know to be false; and he pretty much beatifies himself for all of his past, present and future behaviour.

https://rangers.co.uk/news/headlines/dave-king-supporter-update/

It's sort of banter, but I do wonder if he's no longer simply being a GASL. Maybe he's started to believe his own version of history and reality, in honour of Trump's visit.

Still, at least the courts consistently bring him back to earth with a bump.

Unseen ****** hand still hampering Rangers way.

[LeeVanTeeth]

Love the bit about installing a 'new state of the art pitch during the close season'. Yeah Dave, the one that even Sevco fans were saying was atrocious last week.

[Bairnardo]

Unseen ****** hand still hampering Rangers way.

You can see it, you just need to make your eyes point in very specific, and totally different directions.

[bennett]

42 minutes ago, MagicBeans said:

Incredible statement. 

The gift that keeps giving.

it us truly amazing how he has managed to spin the Pedro sacking and failure to appoint McInness into a “we took our time to make sure we got the right guy”. 

The media continue to just let him away with lying.

I'm sure that you'll give us all an in-depth analysis on the statement, I look forward to reading it.....