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Dosser-fae-the-shire

C**** on Holiday

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That's absolutely fine because if you're all inclusive there's no booze in those cocktails.

I've found myself fairly hammered after a few hours of hotel cocktails, could be the sugar in the fruit juice I guess...

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1 minute ago, printer said:

The biggest plane c*nts are the flight companies themselves who can't put in place a simple, efficient process for boarding planes.

1. First Class Passengers
2. Elite / Gold Club Members
3. Passengers with special needs
4. Passengers traveling with young children
5. Active or ex-military
6. People who've paid an extra fee to get priority boarding

Half the damn plane gets priority boarding. By the time we back-of-the-bus peasants are allowed to get on, the aisles are completely clogged with people at the front trying to wrestle their steamer trunks, kiddie strollers and baskets of chickens into the overheads.

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2 minutes ago, Shotgun said:

1. First Class Passengers
2. Elite / Gold Club Members
3. Passengers with special needs
4. Passengers traveling with young children
5. Active or ex-military
6. People who've paid an extra fee to get priority boarding

Half the damn plane gets priority boarding. By the time we back-of-the-bus peasants are allowed to get on, the aisles are completely clogged with people at the front trying to wrestle their steamer trunks, kiddie strollers and baskets of chickens into the overheads.

cornette.png

Tell me that's not a thing

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1 minute ago, Miguel Sanchez said:

Tell me that's not a thing

Oh, it's a thing.

ETA: Nope; I've made a c**t of it. Active, not ex.

Edited by Shotgun

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3 minutes ago, Miguel Sanchez said:

cornette.png

Tell me that's not a thing

It is in the USA

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7 minutes ago, NorthernJambo said:


I've found myself fairly hammered after a few hours of hotel cocktails, could be the sugar in the fruit juice I guess...

I was about to say, it depends on where you go.  In the Caribbean the resort drinks are actually quite potent.  I actually usually stick to beer during the daytime in order to be able to properly pace myself, especially as a smaller guy.  I like having a buzz at the beach but getting too shitplowed by mid afternoon isn't as fun

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8 minutes ago, Shotgun said:

6. People who've paid an extra fee to get priority boarding

Dave Gorman did a routine about how he and his wife paid for priority boarding. This turned out to mean they were first on the bus taking them to the actual plane - after which of course everybody else got on the bus, so they were first off. Gorman and his wife therefore paid extra to be last on the plane.

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cornette.png
Tell me that's not a thing


In the good ol US of A military personnel in uniform get priority boarding. They also get fawned over by the airline staff, must be good being in the forces(when not being shot at).

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Just now, GTG_03 said:

 


In the good ol US of A military personnel in uniform get priority boarding. They also get fawned over by the airline staff, must be good being in the forces(when not being shot at).

 

Or cleaning toilets on a base in Mississippi. 

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I was about to say, it depends on where you go.  In the Caribbean the resort drinks are actually quite potent.  I actually usually stick to beer during the daytime in order to be able to properly pace myself, especially as a smaller guy.  I like having a buzz at the beach but getting too shitplowed by mid afternoon isn't as fun

Aye, I try not to get hammered before having an evening meal or that but there's been occasions it's happened. f**k it, on holiday after all.

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6. People who've paid an extra fee to get priority boarding

I paid for priority boarding once. Simply because the check in queue was massive, but if we paid priority boarding we went to different check in queue which had nobody. I paid extra to get to the bar quicker.

"Can all those with priority boarding come to the gate now please?"

"Can we stay in the bar and board with everyone else?"

"Of course you can sir"

"Thank you"

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16 minutes ago, GTG_03 said:

In the good ol US of A military personnel in uniform get priority boarding. They also get fawned over by the airline staff, must be good being in the forces(when not being shot at).

 

I've written before about how the military are worshiped to an unhealthy degree here. You'll see guys strutting around wearing baseball caps with the name of a battleship on them, or 'Vietnam Veteran' and the like and almost everyone feels the need to tell them 'Thank you for your service', which is of course, what they're after. If they're in uniform; people will pick up their tabs in restaurants, bring their kids over to shake their hands and if they walk into a bar, you can actually hear the sound of women's underwear falling to the floor.

On the plus side; this has led to the trend of saddos buying military gear online and wearing it around town so they can enjoy the bennies of being military without having to do the toilet cleaning in Mississippi bit. There are quite a few videos floating around of real veterans calling them out which make for entertaining watching. 

Edited by Shotgun

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Scottish people abroad that must make conversation with anyone else that's Scottish.
There's absolutely no reason for this.  Do these same people try to start up a banal conversation with you in Glasgow Central, asking where you're from, where you're currently heading, where have you been so far, have you been to Glasgow before, if you're travelling by yourself, if you have kids, if you think Brexit is a good idea, etc etc


Usually the same folk that have to mention being Scottish in every conversation they have. Heard one last week boasting about how because he was Scottish he'd drink anything etc. They seem to want some form of recognition for what they consider their unique nationality.

The other day in Gran Canaria one Scottish individual tried to reserve 12 beds the side of the pool for their family. They got to about 8 before I got 4 towels down to spilt off the remaining 4. At no point in the day was there ever anywhere near a dozen of them at the pool at any one time as well.

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26 minutes ago, Miguel Sanchez said:

4. Passengers traveling with young children

Once, when boarding a plane in Dallas, I saw a family (Mum, Dad + 2 kids) muscle their way to that front of the queue when this was announced. Only problem was that the kids were about 15 and 17. Credit to the airline staff, the family were sent back (to a few grins from those who had noticed).

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It's funny how everyone I speak to considers seat recliners to be c***s and yet planes are always full of them. 

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If the wife and I hear 'english/scottish' accents in a shop or whatever abroad we both know to not speak and quickly move away as we've had really awkward conversations with people who try and lump us in with them etc. If i wanted to go on holiday and speak to loads of British people, id holiday in Britain.

You're so outward looking, open to new cultures and just generally superior to all us beach holiday goers...

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I've written before about how the military are worshiped to an unhealthy degree here. You'll see guys strutting around wearing baseball caps with the name of a battleship on them, or 'Vietnam Veteran' and the like and almost everyone feels the need to tell them 'Thank you for your service', which is of course, what they're after. If they're in uniform; people will pick up their tabs in restaurants, bring their kids over to shake their hands and if they walk into a bar, you can actually hear the sound of women's underwear falling to the floor.
On the plus side; this has led to the trend of saddos buying military gear online and wearing it around town so they can enjoy the bennies of being military without having to do the toilet cleaning in Mississippi bit. There are quite a few videos floating around of real veterans calling them out which make for entertaining watching. 



Aye, I found it a bit strange. Only seen it a couple of times but you would have thought they were royalty the way they were strutting around.
By and large the media's fault I'd guess. A constant narrative of heroes risking their lives to bring democracy to less developed countries.
No wonder some go mental when they join 'civvy street'.

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11 minutes ago, Shotgun said:

On the plus side; this has led to the trend of saddos buying military gear online and wearing it around town so they can enjoy the bennies of being military without having to do the toilet cleaning in Mississippi bit. There are quite a few videos floating around of real veterans calling them out which make for entertaining watching. 

That's quite common in a number of places - there's a website that's dedicated to outing people who pretend to be veterans of the South African special forces units from apartheid.  Quite why you'd want to boast about that is beyond me but there you go.  I've seen a few people 'outed' for pretending to be ex-SAS as well.

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I've found myself fairly hammered after a few hours of hotel cocktails, could be the sugar in the fruit juice I guess...

I've tanned them all day in Mexico in AI and barely had a dunt then as soon as it's after dinner time 2 blow the head off you. I am sure they're told to take it easy with what they put in during the day.

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3 minutes ago, Northboy said:

Once, when boarding a plane in Dallas, I saw a family (Mum, Dad + 2 kids) muscle their way to that front of the queue when this was announced. Only problem was that the kids were about 15 and 17. Credit to the airline staff, the family were sent back (to a few grins from those who had noticed).

Ha! That brings up a slightly off-topic memory from when I worked in bank back in the 1980's. If you bought traveller's cheques (ask your parents) from us, it included travel insurance for children if they were travelling with a parent. I had to explain to one customer that even though she was going on holiday with her mother, she didn't qualify because she was in her fifties and therefore, not a child. When she first asked; I thought she was just having some fun with the idea but no, she was deadly serious. Talked about getting a solicitor onto us and everything. 

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