Work colleagues

[TheScarf]

1 minute ago, oaksoft said:

Swiftly followed by the selfish b*****ds who only fill the kettle for themselves and always leave the kettle empty.

I never get this argument.  Why do you have to fill a kettle for someone else to use?  Why can't the person about to use it fill it up?  It takes 6 seconds.

[TheScarf]

Just now, oaksoft said:

I'm not about to start doing "basic manners" lectures without being paid. 

It's hardly a lack of basic manners to not fill a kettle up for someone else is it.  What's stopping the lazy cunts from doing it themselves?

[Melanius Mullarkey]

Imagine being seething at an empty kettle. 

[Florentine_Pogen]

He knows a lot about empty vessels........

[TheScarf]

1 minute ago, oaksoft said:

Whit? You'll be advocating that we should stop holding doors open for people next. Let the lazy b*****ds open the doors themselves. 

That's not the same though is it.  It's rude to close a door in someone's face.  It's hardly rude to not fill a kettle for someone who may want to use it in 4 hours time.  

You're pretty good on the Covid thread but you're absolutely fucking having one here Oaky m8.

[thistledo]

 

3 minutes ago, oaksoft said:

Whit? You'll be advocating that we should stop holding doors open for people next. Let the lazy b*****ds open the doors themselves. 

ETA. This has all the beginnings of a "heads gone" moment so I'm off for a mug of tea. From a kettle my wife kindly filled up the last time she emptied it. 

18 minutes ago, oaksoft said:

Never been more glad of being retired from all this childish pish.

 

Seems like you're not retired from this childish pish after all... 

[fuzzydunlop]

probably not strictly work colleagues but I'll post here anyway...

We've got the auditors in at the moment(not a euphemism) so that's taking up most of time... the annoying c*nts.

However it does remind of an episode of my younger days. 

I was working in an office in Cumbernauld on a Machinery Plant Hire Desk.   I was the only one in the Hire department - although as a company we covered the UK so a fairly big name in the business.   

At that point in my life I really couldn't give a F*ck about the job, was first in, first out..usually hungover.  A bit of a nightmare as an employee.

One day, this guy turns up to the depot unannounced(maybe I was told but I didn't remember) to audit the company files. 

I get word that there's an auditor in the building making his way round the departments and I must admit in my naivety I had no idea what was required of me.  So i asked someone in the Service department what he was doing. and was told he was checking our files to make sure all the relevant documents were in there and everything signed for. 

Therein lied the problem - as I did such a half arsed job, all sorts of stuff was missing and I was sending out machinery on hire worth thousands of pounds without the customers signing contracts as I couldn't be bothered creating the contracts.  I had delivery notes missing, alllsorts of complete and utter laziness.  Looking back it was daft behaviour but then i was daft laddie. 

I did have a few files that were spot on, going back to when I first started the job when I was making an effort.  So i dug those out, plus a few that were maybe 80% complete.  My theory being I give the auditor these files, he gives me a big tick for the completed ones and I take a bit of flak for the ones that aren't fully signed which i'm ready to blame on someone else or blag.  Sorted.

The guy sits down at my desk and opens his laptop.  He's got a random list of contracts that he wants to see - only maybe 4 or 5 - to make sure we're all ok.  I go into panic - I didn't realise he would be asking for the contract numbers randomly - i thought he'd ask me to give him the contracts I wanted to give him and I'd oblige.

 As I fumble about my filing cabinet trying to buy time, the bloke decides he's going to go out for a cigarette. 

As he goes out the door I noticed the laptop he's using, and the excel file he's using to log the contracts is open.  Didn't think twice, was on his laptop changing the contract numbers he wanted to see to the ones I knew that were spot on. Then any that were missing signatures I did a few false signatories...(sure I signed Burt Reynolds for one) all the time sh*tting myself looking at him coming through the workshop back into my office.

Managed to pull it off, guy came back asked for the contract numbers I changed and all was good...  funnily enough it didnt make me change either...still continued to be a lazy c*nt until I was made redundant...unsurprisingly 

     

[The Holiday Song]

On 12/12/2021 at 15:52, Thorongil said:

Contractors aren’t in any way cheaper. In IT particularly the cost circa double. FTCs are an option companies sometimes use but workers largely don’t want that. They want the security and benefits that come with a perm job or the extra pay that comes with being a contractor.

The higher up the salary range the more expensive a contractor becomes. You could have a perm project manager on say £65k per annum. For a contractor you’re looking at £500 per day which is £115k. That’s much more expensive than having an employee, but you might only need them for a year. 
 

At the lowest end of the scale, the AWR regulations come into play, and there is agency margin as well as the cost of NI and holiday pay built into the charge rate.

there are a few different categories to consider. Agency temp, contractor, consultant and freelancer. All have their differences but none of them are cheaper than hiring employees.

Very late to the conversation here, but have to remember a permanent salary of 65k per annum is a lot more than that if there is NI cont., pension costs, annual bonus etc. 

Don't disagree with your central point but remember from working at a bank that the contractor cost doing the same job wasn't considerably more than the salaried position when included all the costs.

[scottsdad]

12 minutes ago, fuzzydunlop said:

probably not strictly work colleagues but I'll post here anyway...

We've got the auditors in at the moment(not a euphemism) so that's taking up most of time... the annoying c*nts.

However it does remind of an episode of my younger days. 

I was working in an office in Cumbernauld on a Machinery Plant Hire Desk.   I was the only one in the Hire department - although as a company we covered the UK so a fairly big name in the business.   

At that point in my life I really couldn't give a F*ck about the job, was first in, first out..usually hungover.  A bit of a nightmare as an employee.

One day, this guy turns up to the depot unannounced(maybe I was told but I didn't remember) to audit the company files. 

I get word that there's an auditor in the building making his way round the departments and I must admit in my naivety I had no idea what was required of me.  So i asked someone in the Service department what he was doing. and was told he was checking our files to make sure all the relevant documents were in there and everything signed for. 

Therein lied the problem - as I did such a half arsed job, all sorts of stuff was missing and I was sending out machinery on hire worth thousands of pounds without the customers signing contracts as I couldn't be bothered creating the contracts.  I had delivery notes missing, alllsorts of complete and utter laziness.  Looking back it was daft behaviour but then i was daft laddie. 

I did have a few files that were spot on, going back to when I first started the job when I was making an effort.  So i dug those out, plus a few that were maybe 80% complete.  My theory being I give the auditor these files, he gives me a big tick for the completed ones and I take a bit of flak for the ones that aren't fully signed which i'm ready to blame on someone else or blag.  Sorted.

The guy sits down at my desk and opens his laptop.  He's got a random list of contracts that he wants to see - only maybe 4 or 5 - to make sure we're all ok.  I go into panic - I didn't realise he would be asking for the contract numbers randomly - i thought he'd ask me to give him the contracts I wanted to give him and I'd oblige.

 As I fumble about my filing cabinet trying to buy time, the bloke decides he's going to go out for a cigarette. 

As he goes out the door I noticed the laptop he's using, and the excel file he's using to log the contracts is open.  Didn't think twice, was on his laptop changing the contract numbers he wanted to see to the ones I knew that were spot on. Then any that were missing signatures I did a few false signatories...(sure I signed Burt Reynolds for one) all the time sh*tting myself looking at him coming through the workshop back into my office.

Managed to pull it off, guy came back asked for the contract numbers I changed and all was good...  funnily enough it didnt make me change either...still continued to be a lazy c*nt until I was made redundant...unsurprisingly 

     

Not all heroes wear capes. 

[Thorongil]

17 minutes ago, The Holiday Song said:

Very late to the conversation here, but have to remember a permanent salary of 65k per annum is a lot more than that if there is NI cont., pension costs, annual bonus etc. 

Don't disagree with your central point but remember from working at a bank that the contractor cost doing the same job wasn't considerably more than the salaried position when included all the costs.

Yes, you’ve got to account for the full costs of both but here’s a breakdown. 

Project Manager - permanent. £60k per annum. Full cost including taxes and benefits circa £80k.

Project Manager - contractor. £500 per day pay rate. Conservative charge rate £550 per day. Total cost £127k if you are lucky. Plus VAT. £152k.

[thistledo]

1 hour ago, fuzzydunlop said:

probably not strictly work colleagues but I'll post here anyway...

We've got the auditors in at the moment(not a euphemism) so that's taking up most of time... the annoying c*nts.

However it does remind of an episode of my younger days. 

I was working in an office in Cumbernauld on a Machinery Plant Hire Desk.   I was the only one in the Hire department - although as a company we covered the UK so a fairly big name in the business.   

At that point in my life I really couldn't give a F*ck about the job, was first in, first out..usually hungover.  A bit of a nightmare as an employee.

One day, this guy turns up to the depot unannounced(maybe I was told but I didn't remember) to audit the company files. 

I get word that there's an auditor in the building making his way round the departments and I must admit in my naivety I had no idea what was required of me.  So i asked someone in the Service department what he was doing. and was told he was checking our files to make sure all the relevant documents were in there and everything signed for. 

Therein lied the problem - as I did such a half arsed job, all sorts of stuff was missing and I was sending out machinery on hire worth thousands of pounds without the customers signing contracts as I couldn't be bothered creating the contracts.  I had delivery notes missing, alllsorts of complete and utter laziness.  Looking back it was daft behaviour but then i was daft laddie. 

I did have a few files that were spot on, going back to when I first started the job when I was making an effort.  So i dug those out, plus a few that were maybe 80% complete.  My theory being I give the auditor these files, he gives me a big tick for the completed ones and I take a bit of flak for the ones that aren't fully signed which i'm ready to blame on someone else or blag.  Sorted.

The guy sits down at my desk and opens his laptop.  He's got a random list of contracts that he wants to see - only maybe 4 or 5 - to make sure we're all ok.  I go into panic - I didn't realise he would be asking for the contract numbers randomly - i thought he'd ask me to give him the contracts I wanted to give him and I'd oblige.

 As I fumble about my filing cabinet trying to buy time, the bloke decides he's going to go out for a cigarette. 

As he goes out the door I noticed the laptop he's using, and the excel file he's using to log the contracts is open.  Didn't think twice, was on his laptop changing the contract numbers he wanted to see to the ones I knew that were spot on. Then any that were missing signatures I did a few false signatories...(sure I signed Burt Reynolds for one) all the time sh*tting myself looking at him coming through the workshop back into my office.

Managed to pull it off, guy came back asked for the contract numbers I changed and all was good...  funnily enough it didnt make me change either...still continued to be a lazy c*nt until I was made redundant...unsurprisingly 

     

Superb, showing a bit of initiative if you ask me. 

Being an auditor must be like openly admitting you're a bit of a Lee Wallace on a professional basis. 

[Honest_Man#1]

2 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkay said:

Imagine being seething at an empty kettle. 

Similarly embarrassing to being utterly raging that someone has overfilled the kettle a bit for their cup of tea whilst you weren’t even in the room.

[Melanius Mullarkey]

9 minutes ago, Honest_Man#1 said:

Similarly embarrassing to being utterly raging that someone has overfilled the kettle a bit for their cup of tea whilst you weren’t even in the room.

I was using the kettle. It was boiling away perfectly. Someone came in, interrupted the boiling and filled the kettle then pissed off. 
 

Far more serious. f**k them. Poor kettle etiquette. Or Kettlequette as I like to call it.

[Honest_Man#1]

6 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkay said:

I was using the kettle. It was boiling away perfectly. Someone came in, interrupted the boiling and filled the kettle then pissed off. 
 

Far more serious. f**k them. Poor kettle etiquette. Or Kettlequette as I like to call it.

I didn’t realise they had stopped kettle mid boil. I take my comment back, that’s weird behaviour.

[coprolite]

Boiling more water than you need wastes energy. 

People who fill up kettles are personally responsible for polar bears going extinct. 

Some fanny at my previous office put up a laminated notice asking people to refill the kettle. I never did because I'm a maverick who makes my own rules. 

[TheScarf]

10 minutes ago, coprolite said:

Boiling more water than you need wastes energy. 

People who fill up kettles are personally responsible for polar bears going extinct. 

Some fanny at my previous office put up a laminated notice asking people to refill the kettle. I never did because I'm a maverick who makes my own rules. 

People are weird.  Getting annoyed at an empty kettle is the mark of a total moron.

[Left Back]

16 minutes ago, Honest_Man#1 said:

I didn’t realise they had stopped kettle mid boil. I take my comment back, that’s weird behaviour.

Don't think that's been established tbf.

They might have filled it after it had boiled.  Could be they stole MM's water (w**k) then did the right thing by re-boiling the kettle (good guy) but overfilled it and took out a few polar bears (w**k)

[Melanius Mullarkey]

I know exactly what happened and who was responsible.

Probably.

[thistledo]

3 minutes ago, oaksoft said:

One of many reasons why I avoided employing people outside my family.
When you're the boss of the house you can simply lay down a rule and enforce it with an iron fist not too dissimilar to a youthful Julius Caesar but without the knife in the back from my mates. 

Good company benefits under tyrannical rule? 

[Melanius Mullarkey]

My kitchen? What the f**k are you on about?