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16 minutes ago, parsforlife said:

It’s absolutely hilarious the panic that happens over this.    Senior staff are not there to see how clean the place is.  They want to see the core of the business, what’s going to make them a big bonus, and that’s not if there’s a speck of dust on the skirting board or not.

 

And the only takeaway they have is that the place looks too good and there are far too many employees so they can make some cuts.........

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Ah yes. "The bigwigs are coming, get the place tidied ASAP".  this happened at work 2 weeks ago. Did the c***s turn up?? Did they f**k . We are in the middle of a refurbishment, which makes keeping the place tidy a little bit difficult at times. 

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One of my old gaffers got an email from IT questioning his heavy usage, and suggested that if he was transferring large volumes of data, to get in touch with them as there would be more efficient ways.... A fishing email if you will.

He sent a reply saying

"I have been watching the snooker on the works PC. Hope this clears everything up."
Aye but only from the green.
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3 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

One of my old gaffers got an email from IT questioning his heavy usage, and suggested that if he was transferring large volumes of data, to get in touch with them as there would be more efficient ways.... A fishing email if you will.

He sent a reply saying

"I have been watching the snooker on the works PC. Hope this clears everything up."

He sounds an absolute hero. An absolute unemployed hero, but a hero nonetheless.

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On 21/10/2021 at 14:54, Day of the Lords said:

Back in 2009 I was in a boring as f**k job with the Council's Roads Department, and whiled away much of my time pissing about on here. Sadly this was also in the days where internet usage was heavily monitored. I was called in the to managers office to explain why my internet usage had been 20X higher than anyone else's in the last month and asked what "Pie & Bovril" was. That was awkward. 

I think I might have posted this before but at an old job a few years ago, the ops manager came over to our team and asked if any of us knew what a particular site was used for; the site in question is one of those free movie streaming ones (I was only familiar with it as my girlfriend would regularly use it to watch shows and films, won't name it as its likely a malware infested hellhole) I awkwardly told the ops manager that I'd heard of it before, she asked whether it was a dodgy site and I said it was a bit iffy as far as I knew.

Turned out someone on the backshift in a different department had been regularly using it when it was quiet and the IT department at the company had flagged it up to the ops manager, said silly bugger who was going onto the iffy site(s) ended up getting summarilly dismissed/gross misconducted for misuse of IT equipment. Had limited sympathy for them in the end as there's plenty of safe for work ways to kill time whenever its quiet on shift. P&B chief among them - thanks, Div.

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If we're doing misuse of IT equipment...

When I was a fresh-faced young shaver at college, back in the days before cloud storage, we each had a 10MB storage drive on the college network for saving our work. I was bored in class one day and started downloading part of a game that I'd been gradually leeching off some warez site for days at home, thinking I'd take the files away on floppy disks (did I mention it was a very long time ago?)

Suddenly Novell Netware error messages started spreading across the screens in the classroom, and people started complaining that they'd lost their copies of whatever we'd been working on that morning. I managed to shut down my download, as I obviously didn't want to get caught with pirate software, but it didn't matter - the college's sole tech burst into the room in a fury and started looking for me, as the heaviest user of the 33.6k internet connection that morning. According to him, I'd filled up the storage drive and caused literally everyone (including, and especially, the principal) to be locked out of their files, and to lose data from what they'd been working on  :shutup

I got away with it, though. When he calmed down the next day, the angry tech admitted that he hadn't configured the network storage properly; everyone's data was stored on a single hard drive split into hundreds of accounts, and the 10MB limit hadn't been implemented properly, so people could store as much as they wanted (I'd taken up a monstrous 20MB). The other issue that came to light was that an unnamed faculty member's account took up two-thirds of the entire storage drive with his (by Nineties standards) extensive collection of gentlemen's special interest literature  :lol:

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5 hours ago, Miguel Sanchez said:

Important person coming in today. Top manager, two shift leaders and twice the usual amount of staff in all morning, panicking away making everything immaculate for someone who comes in for ten minutes then fucks off, never to be seen again. No doubt being paid much more than all of the rest of us combined. Come in on a Monday or a Saturday when there's three people trying to do all that work, see what you think of the place then.

I remember some government bigwig came to interview staff at the Ministry of Paperclips where I worked.

The management saw fit to send Tam the Malcontent off to the basement to find some old files during the visit for some reason..

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9 hours ago, parsforlife said:

It’s absolutely hilarious the panic that happens over this.    Senior staff are not there to see how clean the place is.  They want to see the core of the business, what’s going to make them a big bonus, and that’s not if there’s a speck of dust on the skirting board or not.

 

Then they shouldn't announce their plans to visit ahead of time.

They should just turn up unannounced.

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7 hours ago, tamthebam said:

I remember some government bigwig came to interview staff at the Ministry of Paperclips where I worked.

The management saw fit to send Tam the Malcontent off to the basement to find some old files during the visit for some reason..

 

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I got a call from our IT department at a previous company I worked at asking why I was using so much bandwidth and I explained I was testing out a free trial on website at work to see how good it was before paying for it at home. It was a guitar tutorial website and the reason for the call, as the female it manager awkwardly put it, was because it was called Lick Library. I didn’t even consider what that would sound like to someone who doesn’t play guitar and was delighted she quickly realised I was telling the truth and not pulling the heid aff it to some porn site during my lunch break. 

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I got a call from our IT department at a previous company I worked at asking why I was using so much bandwidth and I explained I was testing out a free trial on website at work to see how good it was before paying for it at home. It was a guitar tutorial website and the reason for the call, as the female it manager awkwardly put it, was because it was called Lick Library. I didn’t even consider what that would sound like to someone who doesn’t play guitar and was delighted she quickly realised I was telling the truth and not pulling the heid aff it to some porn site during my lunch break. 

A site I use a fair bit for work is experts-exchange, it never used to have the hyphen and never a visit goes by without me saying (in my head) expert sex change.
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On 21/10/2021 at 15:21, The Moonster said:

I'm going to place this guys career ambition currently at the "coast it all the way to retirement" level. 

Is there any other way? I’ve been well and truly in that zone, since the first day I was gainfully employed. 

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On 22/10/2021 at 09:47, Empty It said:
On 22/10/2021 at 08:55, MEADOWXI said:
Been in new job 22 weeks. WFH full time. I have meet boss, but not meet my direct boss or any of the 7 in my team, or anyone else yet. Have two teams meetings a day but cameras are not switched on. There is a night out tonight for everyone ( about 24 of 30+ going ). 5 or 6 of us are in same boat of having never met anyone.
Despite my general reservations about work nights out I have been persuaded to go. I feel a free bar and drunken paranoias for many tomorrow. 

Work night out cant be that bad when you work from home full time, you don't have to walk past the people you made a c**t of yourself in front of every day.

If you know you made a c**t of it, sure, but when you wake up on Wednesday morning with about 8 missed calls, 5 completed calls, a message from your flatmate asking you to turn the tunes down, a rip in your jeans, a cut on your hand, and no memory past 11pm then it's much better being able to gauge your colleagues reactions face-to-face than trying to guess through limited Teams interactions.

Speaking hypothetically of course.

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20 hours ago, MONKMAN said:

Is there any other way? I’ve been well and truly in that zone, since the first day I was gainfully employed. 

There was never enough of this hammered into my head from a young age and I think you should spend your free time being a motivational speaker to school leavers on career days.

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Is there any other way? I’ve been well and truly in that zone, since the first day I was gainfully employed. 
A common topic for me, but these guys who are still grafting past retirement age have me truly, truly stumped. This patter of "oh I dont know what I would do" or "I would be bored".....

Jesus Christ man, I knows loads, and the older guys always know more, of guys who dropped dead early on in their retirement. Heed the warnings. Especially working in an industry with various substances and shift patterns that will all have taken a toll on how long you can expect to get.


Fucking bored..... Aye well why not come and sit next to me on a 12 hour night shift and we'll make stuff go through pipes
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