Work colleagues

[Empty It]

I never mention my birthday at work when it comes up and funnily enough it's only the oddballs that go on about their birthday in the weeks leading up to it.

[RiffRaff]

Birthday cards are a load of shite.

Every workplace iv ever had, the rule is if its your birthday, you bring some cake/sweeties or whatever in.

This is the correct response.

Any other "celebrating" of a colleague's birthday can get in the sea.

[Jacksgranda]

4 hours ago, KnightswoodBear said:

Yep.  This is correct

That was the way it worked in the last two offices I worked in.

[Theroadlesstravelled]

13 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

Birthday cards are a load of shite.

Every workplace iv ever had, the rule is if its your birthday, you bring some cake/sweeties or whatever in.

A woman who was the manager of a different department once said to a work mate “I’m on a diet. Can you bring in some cold meat?”

She didn’t even eat the tin of corn doby plopped on a plate.

[madwullie]

17 hours ago, Pato said:

I probably dislike being the person receiving the leaving gift thing more than the annoyance of finding a fiver to donate to someone else's one as it's invariably based upon some glib remark I made at tea 5 years ago about liking cooking and getting a Jamie Oliver cookbook and a voucher for TK Maxx.

Couldn't agree more. At my old work we would have a "surprise" do at morning interval at the staff base. It was a pretty small department, 8 or 9 folk or so. People would bake and bring in snacks and all sorts. Everyone would chip in for a gift, then we'd all sit round the big table and chat all interval with everyone smiling and me the centre of attention etc. Lovely lovely people, not a nasty bone in any of their bodies. Would have been quite happy to hide in my room or have the earth open up and swallow me whole. Agonising stuff. 

Edited May 12, 2021 by madwullie

[steelmen]

" userid="34042"] lassie in my work many moons ago did near enough the same thing, with the added bonus of prior to carrying out the plan actually telling folk she was going to get pregnant, rip the c**t out of the no-questions-asked maternity sick-leave policy, take her maternity, then use up the annual leave she'd accrued over that period and then go on the sick again. She was back for a few weeks on reduced hours after her sick leave, then announced she was pregnant again and the cycle continued until she was caught for tax credits fraud and fired.

Ahh I forgot about that, she’d have had carried forward her 30 days leave and 13(?) public/bank holidays too, so she would have had another free 3 months off without touching the current years leave.

She never advertised it, or more likely I never paid any attention if she did.


There was another guy I worked with when I moved to the IT team, off work for 5.9 months with ‘stress’. in that time he met someone, got engaged, stag do, wedding and honeymoon. He freely admitted he was only back because after 6 months you went down to half pay.

[Shandon Par]

At my old work, when someone was leaving we’d go to the pub and everyone would choose a spirit to put in a pint glass. Everyone would choose the strongest, most minging drinks and the lucky person would have to down their pint of 15 or so shots. They usually got quite a nice present too. 

[hk blues]

2 minutes ago, Pato said:

Leaving to a new job: "best of luck"

Having a baby/getting married: "congrats"

Deid: "sorry to hear that"

I'm the Hemingway of card messages

You could've just used congrats for all 3 t.b.h.

[TheScarf]

20 minutes ago, steelmen said:

Ahh I forgot about that, she’d have had carried forward her 30 days leave and 13(?) public/bank holidays too, so she would have had another free 3 months off without touching the current years leave.

She never advertised it, or more likely I never paid any attention if she did.


There was another guy I worked with when I moved to the IT team, off work for 5.9 months with ‘stress’. in that time he met someone, got engaged, stag do, wedding and honeymoon. He freely admitted he was only back because after 6 months you went down to half pay.

That is absolutely superb to be fair.

[Empty It]

At my old work, when someone was leaving we’d go to the pub and everyone would choose a spirit to put in a pint glass. Everyone would choose the strongest, most minging drinks and the lucky person would have to down their pint of 15 or so shots. They usually got quite a nice present too. 

There would always be one c**t who chooses Kahlua or Tia Maria.

[Comrie]

I generally try to have as little interaction with work colleagues as possible. I don't dislike them, I just don't really want anything to do with them.

[Shandon Par]

4 minutes ago, Empty It said:

20 minutes ago, Rasputin said:

At my old work, when someone was leaving we’d go to the pub and everyone would choose a spirit to put in a pint glass. Everyone would choose the strongest, most minging drinks and the lucky person would have to down their pint of 15 or so shots. They usually got quite a nice present too. 

There would always be one c**t who chooses Kahlua or Tia Maria.

I’d always chuck in a Pernod. 

[Honest_Man#1]

1 hour ago, madwullie said:

Couldn't agree more. At my old work we would have a "surprise" do at morning interval at the staff base. It was a pretty small department, 8 or 9 folk or so. People would bake and bring in snacks and all sorts. Everyone would chip in for a gift, then we'd all sit round the big table and chat all interval with everyone smiling and me the centre of attention etc. Lovely lovely people, not a nasty bone in any of their bodies. Would have been quite happy to hide in my room or have the earth open up and swallow me whole. Agonising stuff. 

This brings back memories of when I worked in London, where my teammates on Burns Night bought a microwaveable haggis, neeps and tatties meal and summoned me to the canteen where they all stood watching me eat it. I think they were trying to be nice, but it was surreal looking back.

On another subject, I can’t be the only person who utterly despises, and refuse to do it for longer than about 10 seconds, work small talk. If I’m speaking to my client or a contractor, I won’t discuss the weather or anything with them and will just fire straight into the relevant subject matter to save time. When I work from home and listen to my partners calls going on, at least 50% of the time on the call is utterly pointless wasted time that could be spent actually working.

[Empty It]

I’d always chuck in a Pernod. 

You monster.

[Hedgecutter]

15 hours ago, Empty It said:

I never mention my birthday at work when it comes up and funnily enough it's only the oddballs that go on about their birthday in the weeks leading up to it.

I've found that if you let it be known that it's your birthday when you're offshore then there's a good chance you'll be given cake...  applied to the top of your head or the side of the face.  Doubt you'd be able to get away with it in a regular office, but it would be an excellent way of getting the attention seekers to shut the f*** up.

I suggest a two option system: 1) bring in the cake and expect nothing else other somebody acknowledging the event with a simple half-arsed "happy birthday"; 2) get a card along with a cake to the puss.  That should sort out the issue rather quickly.

[Busta Nut]

2 hours ago, Rasputin said:

At my old work, when someone was leaving we’d go to the pub and everyone would choose a spirit to put in a pint glass. Everyone would choose the strongest, most minging drinks and the lucky person would have to down their pint of 15 or so shots. They usually got quite a nice present too. 

The pubs seem to refuse to do that now. Last time I mind the guy saying "I will give you the shots and an empty pint glass, it's on you"

1 hour ago, Empty It said:

2 hours ago, Rasputin said:

At my old work, when someone was leaving we’d go to the pub and everyone would choose a spirit to put in a pint glass. Everyone would choose the strongest, most minging drinks and the lucky person would have to down their pint of 15 or so shots. They usually got quite a nice present too. 

There would always be one c**t who chooses Kahlua or Tia Maria.

Great drinks. I could go a black russian now.

1 hour ago, Rasputin said:

I’d always chuck in a Pernod. 

Another class drink. Wee bit of black currant. 

[Bairnardo]

1 hour ago, Honest_Man#1 said:

This brings back memories of when I worked in London, where my teammates on Burns Night bought a microwaveable haggis, neeps and tatties meal and summoned me to the canteen where they all stood watching me eat it. I think they were trying to be nice, but it was surreal looking back.

 

This has made me feel uncomfortable

[Honest_Man#1]

6 minutes ago, Bairnardo said:

This has made me feel uncomfortable

At the time I remember thinking it was a bit weird but not being that bad (outside of the abysmal microwaved haggis), but when looking back now it just seems utterly bizarre and quite uncomfortable.

Also makes me realise they are lucky I’m not sensitive/bothered by that type of thing. Imagine they’d pulled the one black guy in the office into the canteen and gave him a plate of some stereotyped dish like fried chicken to eat whilst they all watched, complete HR nightmare. Obviously I know it’s not the same thing, but still very strange.

Edited May 12, 2021 by Honest_Man#1

[NotThePars]

Another class drink. Wee bit of black currant. 

I’m sure there’s some weird rule about specific measurements and so on in drinks? An actual barman on here would know more.


Anyway, I like being in the office but my work colleagues are sound and a good laugh. It also has a good view of the city which is very nice.

[Rugster]

3 minutes ago, Honest_Man#1 said:

At the time I remember thinking it was a bit weird but not being that bad (outside of the abysmal microwaved haggis), but when looking back now it just seems utterly bizarre and quite uncomfortable.

Sounds like a scene that would fit in perfectly in The Office with Mackenzie Crook's big googly eyes watching you eat the haggis