Work colleagues

[Busta Nut]

With the A or B thing it depends on what it is. If it is something I can leave at 2pm once we are finished type deal. A all day.

If it is a day where skive in needed and you can pronling this before goin back to yer desk. B

[HenryHill]

4 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

Those fucking B's man.

Utter, utter worstcunts. The collective sigh and eyeroll from the A's in that scenario is one of natures most perfectly choreographed events

Especially when they keep asking questions before coffee/lunch/home time. f**k off.

[ICTChris]

Sometimes I ask loads of questions to annoy people. I. Generally only do it to annoy people I know and who will appreciate what I’m doing but can’t say anything.

[Cerberus]

I never ask questions at meetings. I don’t want to show interest or have any knowledge about the subject of the meeting.
I do the absolute bare minimum at work.

[Melanius Mullarkey]

28 minutes ago, Cerberus said:

I do the absolute bare minimum at work.

Disgraceful behaviour.

[anotherchance]

Icebreaker games and the forced, Grade Z banter that goes with it are the real evil in training sessions.

[Honest_Man#1]

8 hours ago, Marsh said:

I have experienced this several times.  I was on a first aid course and there was an ex military medic guy on it.  "In the field, we'd have done this..." ,  When bullets are flying over your head, you've not got time for x, y and z". Asking questions just to show that he had a more in depth knowledge than everyone else.  Cringeworthy doesn't cover it.  Obviously had that misplaced air of arrogance you get with a lot of ex-military folk as well.  Sit doon, shut up and let's just get this overwith.

First aid was the worst for me too, except it was a middle aged weegie woman who had a (clearly made up) story for almost every section we covered. Each time a new ailment/injury was introduced she’d pipe up straight away with “my dad had that, so what I did was blah blah blah”.

[nsr]

12 hours ago, Cerberus said:

I do the absolute bare minimum at work.

When asked how long a task will take, say it will take 1hr, I double that to 2hrs to account for things that might go wrong, then double it again to 4hrs because I'm a lazy arsehole. I then spend 1 hr doing the task, 2hrs arsing around on P&B etc, then take credit for being an hour ahead of schedule. Win all round.

Edited November 15, 2019 by nsr

[welshbairn]

25 minutes ago, nsr said:

When asked how long a task will take, say it will take 1hr, I double that to 2hrs to account for things that might go wrong, then double it again to 4hrs because I'm a lazy arsehole. I then spend 1 hr doing the task, 2hrs arsing around on P&B etc, then take credit for being an hour ahead of schedule. Win all round.

[MONKMAN]

I’ve always lived by the method of doing as little as possible at work, without arousing suspicion that I’m a lazy fucker and truly despise working.

[MSU]

19 minutes ago, MONKMAN said:

I’ve always lived by the method of doing as little as possible at work, without arousing suspicion that I’m a lazy fucker and truly despise working.

Living the dream.

[nsr]

I fervently wish my client's support staff weren't such blatantly incompetent and lazy tossers whose response to any problem they can't fix in 15 minutes is to look around for someone clearly uninvolved to whom to pass the buck.

[D.A.F.C]

We get these sorts of sessions for things like live working with electricity and I always think the folk who go around work places doing these sorts of sessions have the easiest fucking job out. Travel to a work place for 9/10am, get your free tea and coffee, sift through some slides whilst reading technical bumph that nobody really takes in, go for your free lunch, come back and take some questions, give out a "how happy are you with my training" feedback sheet and get up the road at 4pm. I can't imagine there's any stress for them and their day gets broken up so well. The downside is that all of these folk are generally people who have worked in an industry for their entire lives and do that as a sort of "wind down to retirement" gig, so the chances of me walking into one of those jobs at 30 is minimal, but still, I hope one day to have such an easy going job.

Six sigma trainer.
If you can convince yourself to learn utterly meaningless drivel then you can go around telling companies how to do their jobs.
Its total bollocks. Basically cover fucking everything in tape and labels and avoid all the actual important stuff like giving staff what they need to do a better job.
If you have backing from senior management it's good but most of it is just window dressing so easy for a consultant to just nip in with a wee course.
Easy money, just need to be a good actor.

[Bairnardo]

I will always appear a lazy fucker because I will simply never make any attempt to look busy. If I am busy, fine. If I have a job to do I will do it. However, if there is nothing on, I am tossing it off. End of story. Take the rough with the smooth

[Dan Steele]

12 minutes ago, Bairnardo said:

However, if there is nothing on, I am tossing it off. 

[Bairnardo]

28 minutes ago, The Skelpit Lug said:

Speaking of which, I have worked with two guys over the years who were both followed to my work by accusations of them being caught wanking in the workplace. 

Has any P&Ber ever been caught, or in deed caught anyone, having a tussle with their cheesy muscle when they should be "hard at it"?

[Dan Steele]

2 minutes ago, Bairnardo said:

having a tussle with their cheesy muscle

[Bairnardo]

[emoji23]

[emoji2399] The Big Man of Chewin the Fat

[Sergeant Wilson]

4 minutes ago, Bairnardo said:

Speaking of which, I have worked with two guys over the years who were both followed to my work by accusations of them being caught wanking in the workplace. 

Has any P&Ber ever been caught, or in deed caught anyone, having a tussle with their cheesy muscle when they should be "hard at it"?

Use the disabled toilet, you can take all your clothes off and spread out a bit...so I'm told.

[Melanius Mullarkey]

4 hours ago, MSU said:

Living.

Ftfy