Honest_Man#1 Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 1 hour ago, mizfit said: I once had to give a presentation to some utter moron and his assistants on my departments stats. He asked me if i “munch through the spreadsheet meticulously, or nibble carefully.” I instantly labelled him a dick and stopped speaking to him. Even away from the bullshit phrasing, it makes no sense as a question because they are both ultimately the same thing. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 1 hour ago, mizfit said: I once had to give a presentation to some utter moron and his assistants on my departments stats. He asked me if i “munch through the spreadsheet meticulously, or nibble carefully.” I instantly labelled him a dick and stopped speaking to him. He probably had a bet with his assistants that he could get away with it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 1 hour ago, Honest_Man#1 said: Even away from the bullshit phrasing, it makes no sense as a question because they are both ultimately the same thing. That's what I thought. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BallochSonsFan Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 1 hour ago, Honest_Man#1 said: Even away from the bullshit phrasing, it makes no sense as a question because they are both ultimately the same thing. I'm guessing that he didnt know the meaning of the word meticulously 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
highlandcowden Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 6 hours ago, mizfit said: I once had to give a presentation to some utter moron and his assistants on my departments stats. He asked me if i “munch through the spreadsheet meticulously, or nibble carefully.” I instantly labelled him a dick and stopped speaking to him. did you not politely inform him hed have difficulty doing either with no fucking teeth? 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inanimate Carbon Rod Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 Kept a note of things I've heard over the past few months just for this thread. Enjoy. Dafty 1 talking about nuking London because he doesn’t like it. Dafty 1 “North Korea is the best Korea” Dafty 1 “If you cant put all your clothes in a backpack and head out on the hills you’ve got too many” Dafty 1 “There’s not enough war profiteering” “put all your funds into war because Kim Jong might bomb us” Dafties 1 and 2 Chatting about drowning from drinking too much water. Dafties 1 and 2 Talking about the difference between magnolia paint and white paint. Dafty 1 “the native Americans had a point when they said that a camera takes your soul” Dafty 2 “Someone I worked with in asda declared himself bankrupt and he was fine” Dafty 1 “this boys straight of the boat from Oxford and telling me I can’t mountain bike in Holyrood park. I’m Scottish” Dafty 1 “The only thing worth collecting is firearms” Dafty 1 “ “the fact he sitting in his shed shows he needs to have an affair” Dafty 1 “they watered a plant with water they boiled in a microwave and it died” Dafty 1 “microwaves are a plot by the government to ‘do us in’” Dafty 2 “I always buy my bog roll in a years supply at a time.” Thats no a dafty thats a prime candidate for radicalisation. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason King Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 When there are 8 people in the office ahead of you in the morning and not one of them thinks its appropriate to switch on the two printers. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 1 hour ago, Jason King said: When there are 8 people in the office ahead of you in the morning and not one of them thinks its appropriate to switch on the two printers. Assuming you switch off the printers to save electricity, why would you not switch on the printer until someone needed to use it? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason King Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 We're a Govt office that prints lots of letters all day every day, its just lazy bassas who cant be arsed as it involves walking to the other side of the room. They just them to sit in the queue until someone else switches them on. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inanimate Carbon Rod Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 I was promoted to management over a year ago, welfare being basically my biggest focus, getting folks leave approved, ensuring they get the training or lateral moves they ask for, bringing new staff up to speed. Very rarely do I take time off them if they need away suddenly (you can accrue hours in my office), instead so long as they are all caught up I let them go and do my best to boost morale etc. But f**k me managing people is an absolute clusterfuck, lazy people who moan about staying an extra 15 minutes to finish off a report that they sat on their arse all day knowing they had to do, asking for paid overtime when they got away 30 mins early every day for the last week etc. Then you get people who are capable of doing their job but do it really half arsed and wonder why they don’t get moves etc and come and whine to you about being passed over for a move, then being professional and giving constructive feedback or take the time to build a work plan or organise training/secondments and they either fail to take on the learning or go and act like a fanny on secondment leading to the other department saying ‘ thank fcuk we passed him over’. That said I’ve got lots of really ambitious and keen folk on my team who make putting up with the above absolutely worth it, managed to help mentor one in particular towards a really good promotion opportunity which they’ve taken. Sometimes its like being a primary school teacher with the office politics but when you help make someone better at their job or do something to make work/life balance better and they appreciate it then its worth it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellaboz Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 I was promoted to management over a year ago, welfare being basically my biggest focus, getting folks leave approved, ensuring they get the training or lateral moves they ask for, bringing new staff up to speed. Very rarely do I take time off them if they need away suddenly (you can accrue hours in my office), instead so long as they are all caught up I let them go and do my best to boost morale etc. But f**k me managing people is an absolute clusterfuck, lazy people who moan about staying an extra 15 minutes to finish off a report that they sat on their arse all day knowing they had to do, asking for paid overtime when they got away 30 mins early every day for the last week etc. Then you get people who are capable of doing their job but do it really half arsed and wonder why they don’t get moves etc and come and whine to you about being passed over for a move, then being professional and giving constructive feedback or take the time to build a work plan or organise training/secondments and they either fail to take on the learning or go and act like a fanny on secondment leading to the other department saying ‘ thank fcuk we passed him over’. That said I’ve got lots of really ambitious and keen folk on my team who make putting up with the above absolutely worth it, managed to help mentor one in particular towards a really good promotion opportunity which they’ve taken. Sometimes its like being a primary school teacher with the office politics but when you help make someone better at their job or do something to make work/life balance better and they appreciate it then its worth it. At least you got employee of the month once though. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inanimate Carbon Rod Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 At least you got employee of the month once though. Theres this one guy looks a little like you minus the beard and hair who just wont stop eating donuts. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrishBhoy Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 New guy started in my work a few weeks ago and I’ve been tasked with showing him the ropes. The guy seems brand new but he has the exact same accent as the Limmy character in the ‘That Accent’ video and it’s driving me mad. Every sentence ends in him saying ‘kind a hing, ae’ which I’ve never encountered before. He’s from some wee village near Falkirk but I’ve worked with loads of people from around that area and none of them have the accent he has. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Blades Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 ^^^Will read again. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 Tl, dr 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 58 minutes ago, Brother Blades said: Reported 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 13 hours ago, Cardinal Richelieu said: Assuming you switch off the printers to save electricity, why would you not switch on the printer until someone needed to use it? It’s the folk that switch the printers off in the first place that need put against the wall. These machines go into sleep mode to save electricity and don’t need switched off. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boghead ranter Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 I'd happily take "don't switch on the printer" c***s before "shit, printer jam, I'll walk away and leave it for someone else to clear" c***s. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillonearth Posted June 30, 2019 Share Posted June 30, 2019 14 minutes ago, Boghead ranter said: I'd happily take "don't switch on the printer" c***s before "shit, printer jam, I'll walk away and leave it for someone else to clear" c***s. There's also a special circle of hell reserved for those who think that the person sitting next to a printer has magically become an expert on how to fix them. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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