Work colleagues

[TheScarf]

12 hours ago, Torpar said:

Woman near me is talking/moaning about how much of a waster and a bum the father of her daughter is, I really want to tell her she shouldn't have let some useless tosser blow his beans up her muff! 

I know so many women like that.  So much of a waster that you opened your legs for him, several times presumably.  

Again, presumably, he didn't turn into a waster and a bum after the child was born, and was one before that.

[Gaz FFC]

He's maybe a waster and a bum but he knows what he's doing with the ladies.

You on the other hand are clearly anybodys after a glass of prosecco.

Also what is her number?

[microdave]

I was subjected to dog pictures today. All the while, the woman was giggling away with some shite anecdote about what was happening in said pictures. And I saw her showing at least another two folk the same. Nobody's interested in your shitey wee dug!

[TheScarf]

Is there anything worse than some cunt going 'never mind that, we need to do this' when you point out something needs done, or something isn't doing what it should be in your line of work?  I mean something that needs to be addressed pretty much instantly, then when it's not something goes tits up. 

Happened to me at work yesterday.  Naturally I took enormous pleasure in saying 'Yeah, you should maybe listen to your peers a bit more m8'.

[Gaz FFC]

16 hours ago, microdave said:

I was subjected to dog pictures today. All the while, the woman was giggling away with some shite anecdote about what was happening in said pictures. And I saw her showing at least another two folk the same. Nobody's interested in your baby

FTFY

[Nkomo-A-Gogo]

Was in a file stores job few years back when we were all called in by management as someone had written "Bernadette sucks Dave's cock" on the back of one of the dirty vans.(Two of the managers) Everyone knew what was written but a few were asking in the meeting what it was. Eventually a fuming Bernadette said it out loud. Dave started trying to say it's not on but boys will be boys. Then Bernadette stood up furious and shouted at Dave "YOU START LOCKING THE DOOR WHEN YOUR DOING A SHITE TOO" and stormed off.

 

[Scary Bear]

On a similar theme, when I was an apprentice electrician we were working at Capital Copiers office through in Edinburgh. We were bored and scribbled things on material boxes. Things like ‘10 things about a typical [insert company name] van’, ‘10 things about a shitty company X job’ and the likes and just loads of shitty comments about the company.


Around the same time one of the more artistic apprentices has drawn a notebook sized collage of two of the more senior people at our work spit-roasting their favourite apprentice with a wee bubble coming out of the mouth of the one on pumping duty saying “more tallow, Phil!” - tallow is used when threading conduit, think lubricant. Names were obviously scribbled on each of the characters. This lovely scene was left by these boxes which were picked up and taken to our workshop.

I - along with others from this job - was called back to the office and interviewed to establish who had done this foul thing and besmirched the good name of the company. After much questioning and denials it became clear that, thankfully, the missing spit-roast scene was not the cause of the angst. It was merely some derogatory comments about our shitty old vans. Once that was established I had no problem owning up to being involved and lowering my head in shame while promising never to do such a thing again. All the top 10 comments were, of course, absolutely true no matter the offence caused. I am fairly certain Phil was never spit-roasted by Jock and Bob though and have no idea where that fantastic artwork ended up.

[Melanius Mullarkey]

36 minutes ago, Scary Bear said:

On a similar theme, when I was an apprentice electrician we were working at Capital Copiers office through in Edinburgh. We were bored and scribbled things on material boxes. Things like ‘10 things about a typical [insert company name] van’, ‘10 things about a shitty company X job’ and the likes and just loads of shitty comments about the company.


Around the same time one of the more artistic apprentices has drawn a notebook sized collage of two of the more senior people at our work spit-roasting their favourite apprentice with a wee bubble coming out of the mouth of the one on pumping duty saying “more tallow, Phil!” - tallow is used when threading conduit, think lubricant. Names were obviously scribbled on each of the characters. This lovely scene was left by these boxes which were picked up and taken to our workshop.

I - along with others from this job - was called back to the office and interviewed to establish who had done this foul thing and besmirched the good name of the company. After much questioning and denials it became clear that, thankfully, the missing spit-roast scene was not the cause of the angst. It was merely some derogatory comments about our shitty old vans. Once that was established I had no problem owning up to being involved and lowering my head in shame while promising never to do such a thing again. All the top 10 comments were, of course, absolutely true no matter the offence caused. I am fairly certain Phil was never spit-roasted by Jock and Bob though and have no idea where that fantastic artwork ended up.

^^^Phil.

[GordonD]

10 hours ago, Nkomo-A-Gogo said:

Was in a file stores job few years back when we were all called in by management as someone had written "Bernadette sucks Dave's cock" on the back of one of the dirty vans.(Two of the managers) Everyone knew what was written but a few were asking in the meeting what it was. Eventually a fuming Bernadette said it out loud. Dave started trying to say it's not on but boys will be boys. Then Bernadette stood up furious and shouted at Dave "YOU START LOCKING THE DOOR WHEN YOUR DOING A SHITE TOO" and stormed off.

 

Hope she wasn't talking about the door of the van

[Gaz FFC]

12 hours ago, Nkomo-A-Gogo said:

Was in a file stores job few years back when we were all called in by management as someone had written "Bernadette sucks Dave's cock" on the back of one of the dirty vans.(Two of the managers) Everyone knew what was written but a few were asking in the meeting what it was. Eventually a fuming Bernadette said it out loud. Dave started trying to say it's not on but boys will be boys. Then Bernadette stood up furious and shouted at Dave "YOU START LOCKING THE DOOR WHEN YOUR DOING A SHITE TOO" and stormed off.

 

Is nobody gonnae ask?

[Raidernation]

Wid?

[Melanius Mullarkey]

On 15/06/2019 at 19:55, Gaz FFC said:

Is nobody gonnae ask?

What do you call a women who sets fire to her electricity bills?

[D.A.F.C]

What do you call a women who sets fire to her electricity bills?

Mrs Watt

[Melanius Mullarkey]

1 hour ago, D.A.F.C said:

1 hour ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

What do you call a women who sets fire to her electricity bills?

Mrs Watt

[Cerberus]

I had to fill in a work satisfaction survey.
It was anonymous so I absolutely panned everyone and everything about the place. 

The best way to deal with your problems is to be very passive aggressive.

[The_Kincardine]

3 minutes ago, Cerberus said:

I had to fill in a work satisfaction survey.
It was anonymous so I absolutely panned everyone and everything about the place. 

This seems perfectly acceptable.  It's what employee surveys are all about.

4 minutes ago, Cerberus said:

The best way to deal with your problems is to be very passive aggressive.

Terrific use of words.  Your next employer will, I'm sure, make good use of them.

[Shotgun]

3 hours ago, Cerberus said:

I had to fill in a work satisfaction survey.
It was anonymous so I absolutely panned everyone and everything about the place. 

The company I used to work for had an annual "Employee Satisfaction Survey", which we were told was anonymous. Completing it wasn't mandatory but...it kinda was. Our managers pushed us pretty hard to do so. It wasn't until I became a manager myself that I learned the results were distributed to each of the department heads "for review." So yes, the employee's names weren't included but given I only had 6 people reporting to me; it wasn't hard to figure out who had said what. To my relief, my team's comments were almost all positive but I certainly cringed when I thought back to some of the things I'd said about my own bosses over the years, thinking they would never know it was me.

[D.A.F.C]

I had to fill in a work satisfaction survey.
It was anonymous so I absolutely panned everyone and everything about the place. 
The best way to deal with your problems is to be very passive aggressive.

Did you do it on paper?
From a pc its not anonymous.
Most senior managers are devious scheming narcissistic shitebags who will do anything to prevent themselves getting found out.

[Boghead ranter]

3 hours ago, Shotgun said:

The company I used to work for had an annual "Employee Satisfaction Survey", which we were told was anonymous. Completing it wasn't mandatory but...it kinda was. Our managers pushed us pretty hard to do so. It wasn't until I became a manager myself that I learned the results were distributed to each of the department heads "for review." So yes, the employee's names weren't included but given I only had 6 people reporting to me; it wasn't hard to figure out who had said what. To my relief, my team's comments were almost all positive but I certainly cringed when I thought back to some of the things I'd said about my own bosses over the years, thinking they would never know it was me.

Yup, my old employers' annual survey was anonymous, but contained compulsory questions like gender, age, length of service and such like that would  really narrow down the possibilities for who completed each one........if you answered those questions truthfully.

[UsedToGoToCentralPark]

Yup, my old employers' annual survey was anonymous, but contained compulsory questions like gender, age, length of service and such like that would  really narrow down the possibilities for who completed each one........if you answered those questions truthfully.[emoji41]

I always put a random office for my location. Also worth checking if the link you are sent is different from everyone else as well. These thing might be anonymous but ultimately aren't if anything that could be taken as a disciplinary matter is reported in them.