Work colleagues

[GordonD]

1 hour ago, microdave said:

I was in the toilet this afternoon when the fire alarm went off.

Did you evacuate as quickly as possible?

[Jacksgranda]

1 hour ago, microdave said:

I was in the toilet this afternoon when the fire alarm went off. I quickly sorted myself out and left the building via the quickest direct route. A few minutes later, a colleague who was due to leave appeared all ready to go and off she went. I'm amazed that she thinks a fire would wait for her so it wouldn't put her out. There wasn't a fire but nobody knew that when it went off.

That's what happens when you set fire to your farts.

[DiegoDiego]

A post in another thread reminded me of this former colleague of mine:

We were really struggling to get chefs in to the hotel so they were hiring anyone who applied. One night this chap turns up, we never figured out where he was from, he spoke Hungarian, but not natively.

After settling in (accommodation was provided) he came down to the bar with a slab of R. Whites Lemonade. "Could you use this? I bought it but thought it was the sugar free." So, fully aware he had lifted it from his previous employer, we took the case off his hands and gave him a pint to say thanks.

The next night he comes back down to the bar. "How much do you sell lemonade for? Maybe when you sell one of those cans you can give me 50p for it. Actually, it's probably easier if you just give me £20 now."

The next day some guests checked into their room to find him sat on the bed, naked, unaware of their presence, listening to music on headphones. The search for chefs continued.

[Miguel Sanchez]

6 minutes ago, DiegoDiego said:

A post in another thread reminded me of this former colleague of mine:

We were really struggling to get chefs in to the hotel so they were hiring anyone who applied. One night this chap turns up, we never figured out where he was from, he spoke Hungarian, but not natively.

After settling in (accommodation was provided) he came down to the bar with a slab of R. Whites Lemonade. "Could you use this? I bought it but thought it was the sugar free." So, fully aware he had lifted it from his previous employer, we took the case off his hands and gave him a pint to say thanks.

The next night he comes back down to the bar. "How much do you sell lemonade for? Maybe when you sell one of those cans you can give me 50p for it. Actually, it's probably easier if you just give me £20 now."

The next day some guests checked into their room to find him sat on the bed, naked, unaware of their presence, listening to music on headphones. The search for chefs continued.

Did he get his £20?

[DiegoDiego]

Did he get his £20?

He was told to f**k off. I'd said to the bar manager he was at it from the start but the manager was a nineteen-year-old idiot from Grantown and took some persuading. Needless to say there were one or two "I told you so"s after he came looking for £20.

[Arthur daley]

22 minutes ago, DiegoDiego said:

A post in another thread reminded me of this former colleague of mine:

We were really struggling to get chefs in to the hotel so they were hiring anyone who applied. One night this chap turns up, we never figured out where he was from, he spoke Hungarian, but not natively.

After settling in (accommodation was provided) he came down to the bar with a slab of R. Whites Lemonade. "Could you use this? I bought it but thought it was the sugar free." So, fully aware he had lifted it from his previous employer, we took the case off his hands and gave him a pint to say thanks.

The next night he comes back down to the bar. "How much do you sell lemonade for? Maybe when you sell one of those cans you can give me 50p for it. Actually, it's probably easier if you just give me £20 now."

The next day some guests checked into their room to find him sat on the bed, naked, unaware of their presence, listening to music on headphones. The search for chefs continued.

Do you suspect he will be turning up to his new employers with a case of Schweppes ginger ale ? 

[DiegoDiego]

Do you suspect he will be turning up to his new employers with a case of Schweppes ginger ale ? 

He was caught sneaking back into the kitchen after being fired. Apparently "just looking for some garlic" in the fridges.

The same place (before my time) had a head chef fired who on the way south on the train phoned up Brakes and put in an order for "a huge wedding" they were catering. Two days later thousands of pounds worth of pigeon, venison, et cetera turned up.

[philpy]

I've been getting a couple of new guys settled in, and getting them organised to work Saturday mornings on their own, but one of them claims he can only work the same Saturday as his wife (who works at a sister company branch about 5 miles away) so they can use the one car. They both have their own cars and work at different places anyway, so what's the difference for one fucking day??

[Scotty Tunbridge]

8 minutes ago, philpy said:

I've been getting a couple of new guys settled in, and getting them organised to work Saturday mornings on their own, but one of them claims he can only work the same Saturday as his wife (who works at a sister company branch about 5 miles away) so they can use the one car. They both have their own cars and work at different places anyway, so what's the difference for one fucking day??

Got to think of the environment bro, this guy has the right idea.

[Arthur daley]

19 minutes ago, philpy said:

I've been getting a couple of new guys settled in, and getting them organised to work Saturday mornings on their own, but one of them claims he can only work the same Saturday as his wife (who works at a sister company branch about 5 miles away) so they can use the one car. They both have their own cars and work at different places anyway, so what's the difference for one fucking day??

He just wants a drink on a Friday night and to get a lift in the next morning so he can arrive safely , give the lad a break . 

Edited September 16, 2021 by Arthur daley

[GordonD]

11 hours ago, Arthur daley said:

 

Ant giving Dec a lift in to work?

[red23]

Got an ex colleague who applies for various jobs, gets the interview (one even flew him down to Leicester, hotels food etc for 2 days), he then gets made the offer then rejects them as he never had any intention of taking the job.

He sees it as getting his name out there and just politely declines.....its utter madness?!?!?!?! i explained to him you are just wasting peoples time and that those companies will NEVER want to touch him with a bargepole ever again, but he thinks nothing of it.

Edited September 21, 2021 by red23

[GordonD]

8 hours ago, red23 said:

Got an ex colleague who applies for various jobs, gets the interview (one even flew him down to Leicester, hotels food etc for 2 days), he then gets made the offer then rejects them as he never had any intention of taking the job.

I worked beside a guy who would apply for the job every time a football manager got sacked. As he had zero qualifications he never got anywhere but he had an impressive stack of reject letters on club notepaper.

[coprolite]

We had a suspected thief working in the pub one time. We didn't have secure lockers and folk just hung coats and bags in a cloakroom. The manager photocopied a fiver, put it in the coat nearest door and kept the copy behind the bar. The guy finished his shift and went to change it for the machine. Police called, sacked, called a c**t by everyone. Good day's work for the boy. 

[Arthur daley]

18 minutes ago, coprolite said:

We had a suspected thief working in the pub one time. We didn't have secure lockers and folk just hung coats and bags in a cloakroom. The manager photocopied a fiver, put it in the coat nearest door and kept the copy behind the bar. The guy finished his shift and went to change it for the machine. Police called, sacked, called a c**t by everyone. Good day's work for the boy. 

 

[thistledo]

10 hours ago, red23 said:

Got an ex colleague who applies for various jobs, gets the interview (one even flew him down to Leicester, hotels food etc for 2 days), he then gets made the offer then rejects them as he never had any intention of taking the job.

He sees it as getting his name out there and just politely declines.....its utter madness?!?!?!?! i explained to him you are just wasting peoples time and that those companies will NEVER want to touch him with a bargepole ever again, but he thinks nothing of it.

Even to this day interviews still stress me out, despite having to do them a lot as a contractor, I don't know why anyone would put themselves through that. Also, if you turn up acting like you don't give a f**k, it's very easy to tell so won't get offered anyway. 

[scottsdad]

8 hours ago, OneBrianIrvine said:

Colleague was photocopying some professional certificates one day when I mused that their surname was spelt wrong.

No they replied, that’s how it’s spelt. Apparently IT set up their email wrong when they were hired and subsequently everybody else followed suit therefore every bit of paper with their name on it company wide was incorrect.

They didn’t understand why I found it strange they hadn’t requested a correction two years previously.

Genuinely didn’t think it was an issue.

It would have driven.me.mad.

I have more than one student whose name appears officially on the university systems as:

.,Firstname Lastname

The punctuation marks before their first names always put them to the top of any alphabetical list, but that would drive me barmy.

[GordonD]

53 minutes ago, thistledo said:

Even to this day interviews still stress me out, despite having to do them a lot as a contractor, I don't know why anyone would put themselves through that. Also, if you turn up acting like you don't give a f**k, it's very easy to tell so won't get offered anyway. 

 

[scmwell]

I worked beside a guy who would apply for the job every time a football manager got sacked. As he had zero qualifications he never got anywhere but he had an impressive stack of reject letters on club notepaper.

Stuart Baxter ?

[GordonD]

11 minutes ago, scmwell said:

Stuart Baxter ?

Can't remember his name but that wasn't it.