Work colleagues

[Empty It]

There also seems to be some kind of link between retiring from the SAS and sliding into obesity.

Not fat, just resting muscle.

[101]

3 hours ago, hk blues said:

On an ex-pat website I use, there is a Scottish guy who isn't so much of a fantasist but one of those folk who, no matter what the topic, has a friend or knows someone related to each and every topic, particularly the more dodgy ones.  It's low level annoyance but still gets on my tits. 

I know a boy who runs an exact website and he says the same thing. Weird eh!

[hk blues]

Just now, 101 said:

I know a boy who runs an exact website and he says the same thing. Weird eh!

I suppose there's always one, or two, or three...

[Chinatoon Bairn]

Everyone in our office yesterday was asked to install some new software to allow us to view point cloud models. Most got on fine with it apart from the one person that I have mentioned multiple times in this thread before. Bare in mind that he works at a minimum 45 hours a week on a computer and has done for the past 15 years.

I handed him the hard drive with the software on it and told him to move the zip file onto his desktop then extract the contents of said zip file allowing him to install. After coaching him through the task of extracting stuff the interface popped up asking him for a location to which I replied "personal preference", he then asked me where does he find personal preference on his computer. 

He's a lost cause, a perpetual diddy and above all else, a tink.

[UsedToGoToCentralPark]

Where's the any key.

[Honest_Man#1]

Not a colleague, but a nonsense ‘company process’ moan.

I have a set of risk assessments required for staff, about 75 in total, all on separate excel documents. Told this week I need to put them all into the new template, which consists of the exact same format, but a couple of columns moved around, and some cells merged differently which means you can’t copy and paste the info across. I’ve now literally to go box by box individually copying and pasting the text into this new (but fucking identical) template 75+ times which will take absolutely ages. I’ve done 6 so far and it’s taken me about half an hour. Just f**k off.

[DiegoDiego]

There also seems to be some kind of link between retiring from the SAS and sliding into obesity.

I work with a genuine former SAS chap and he's borderline obese. He's been out of the military a good thirty years though

[thistledo]

Absolutely love these pathological liars that just pop up in life from time to time. Used to work with one who'd claim all sorts of nonsense, his dad invented Bluetooth technology, he had a fit nanny when he was young, obviously from the ages of 12 onwards he had regular sex with her and his dad only hired her for these purposes. I can just imagine that conversation "Yeah looking for a cleaner and a massive nonce to pump my pubescent son, all good? You're hired!" 

It was just bullshit after bullshit. One day in the office the subject of French language came up, which he immediately claimed to be fluent French. Cue a Moroccan lad on my team (who spoke about 4 languages) piping up in French to him. Instant backtracking with "oh I haven't spoken it in a while / accent was a bit thick" was a good laugh. 

Although, months later he went on holiday claiming to be going to New York to stay with his dad who had a giant mansion in the Hamptons, of course no one believed him. But on return he actually showed us pictures of a house in the Hamptons with a private beach. Could have been rented of course, but for that moment we were all like.... Maybe it was all true? 

[Shotgun]

I’ll add another SAS Alumni to the last. He pronounces it ‘Sass’. Told me within 10 minutes of me meeting him. He’s fought with the Ghurkas and was given a ceremonial kukri as a thank you for his service. (From the photo it looks very like one you can buy on Amazon). 

He’s worked undercover in China for the CIA, and was asked to join the FBI but didn’t want to work for those assholes. At the time he was a Polis in a small mountain time. I think that’s the only one of his fantasies that might be true. The high profile cases he solved, perhaps not so much. 

He worked security for Sean Connery, is a 7th Dan Tae-kwondo black belt. He’s performed in soft core porn and dated super models. 

And I still get people coming up to me with “Hey, did you know Scott used to work as bodyguard to Elvis Presley?”

Did he aye?

[WhiteRoseKillie]

5 hours ago, V.Aye.R said:

We had a guy in our group who was like this with stories. Said his uncle was a fighter pilot for the RAF despite being partially sighted. He also claimed to be a distant relative of Robinson Cruesoe.

I have to say, being related to a fictional character is some leap.

[Thorongil]

On 08/07/2021 at 08:45, Caledonian1 said:

I have now put dinner time (because thats what it is)  in my calendar for an hour each day between 12 and 1pm to try and stop others putting in meetings.  I had a particularly busy period a few weeks ago where it was constant teams meeting after teams meeting without any time to even stand up in between (I know that I should have done that anyway) Two or three times a week a meeting would be scheduled for 12-1pm - because thats the only time you are "free"

I have also started to schedule some meetings for 45 or 50 minutes instead of an hour - people seem to get great pleasure in making a 60 minute last the full hour - and it always seems to be the same people who attempt to stretch it out.

I despise these people. So desperate for your attention at work that they put meetings in at deeply antisocial times and then make sure the string the meeting out for the full time. Pathetic. 
 

I have 9-10 12-2 and 4-5 permanently blocked out every day. If anyone tries to book a meeting on for those times it gets declined without an explanation, and if anyone has a dig about it I have a good old passive aggressive go at them, explaining I make no comments about how others manage their time.

[Honest_Man#1]

Yeah I work 8-4, and the amount of times people get seething at me rejecting a meeting between 4-5 because they work 9-5 is ludicrous.

[Thorongil]

6 minutes ago, Honest_Man#1 said:

Yeah I work 8-4, and the amount of times people get seething at me rejecting a meeting between 4-5 because they work 9-5 is ludicrous.

I honestly don’t know who people think they are at times, that I should exist to fit around them. 

[GordonD]

45 minutes ago, Honest_Man#1 said:

Yeah I work 8-4, and the amount of times people get seething at me rejecting a meeting between 4-5 because they work 9-5 is ludicrous.

You should suggest the meeting is held at 8:00 instead.

[Fullerene]

In my previous job the boss was constantly trying to make out that I wasn't working as hard as everyone else.

On one occasion I came into work and saw several people piling into the conference room although none of them said anything to me.  I left them to it, made myself a coffee, went to my room and proceeded with my own work.

After a while, I checked my e-mails, only to discover I had been invited to the meeting they were having in the conference room.  I realised that if I went in late I would be criticised so I just ignored the e-mail and continued with my own work.

I resigned from that company shortly afterwards.  

[Sergeant Wilson]

10 minutes ago, Fullerene said:

In my previous job the boss was constantly trying to make out that I wasn't working as hard as everyone else.

On one occasion I came into work and saw several people piling into the conference room although none of them said anything to me.  I left them to it, made myself a coffee, went to my room and went back to sleep.

I resigned from that company shortly afterwards.  

 

[Theroadlesstravelled]

49 minutes ago, Fullerene said:

In my previous job the boss was constantly trying to make out that I wasn't working as hard as everyone else.

On one occasion I came into work and saw several people piling into the conference room although none of them said anything to me.  I left them to it, made myself a coffee, went to my room and proceeded with my own work.

After a while, I checked my e-mails, only to discover I had been invited to the meeting they were having in the conference room.  I realised that if I went in late I would be criticised so I just ignored the e-mail and continued with my own work.

I resigned from that company shortly afterwards.  

I bet they were sad to see you go.

[Miguel Sanchez]

The fantasist in my work snogged Amy Winehouse and was bffs with Bruce Springsteen when he used to work security. I'm sure he's been to the beach with Channing Tatum as well. He owns property in America where he keeps a racing car he was given as a gift, along with the shotgun he has that has a range of two miles. He can speak Danish and Korean. He knows how to do every job/task in the place, yet he's absolutely useless at all of them. He's like a human version of Ralph Wiggum from The Simpsons.

I remember the first day I met him. Another guy gave me the invaluable advice: "Here, don't listen to a word he says. If he starts trying to tell you a story, tell him to f**k off."

[die hard doonhamer]

5 hours ago, Honest_Man#1 said:

Not a colleague, but a nonsense ‘company process’ moan.

I have a set of risk assessments required for staff, about 75 in total, all on separate excel documents. Told this week I need to put them all into the new template, which consists of the exact same format, but a couple of columns moved around, and some cells merged differently which means you can’t copy and paste the info across. I’ve now literally to go box by box individually copying and pasting the text into this new (but fucking identical) template 75+ times which will take absolutely ages. I’ve done 6 so far and it’s taken me about half an hour. Just f**k off.

That sounds a pain in the arse. This advice is likely 5 hours too late, but linking the first one up then using the edit links function would likely have saved a good amount of time.

[Honest_Man#1]

1 minute ago, die hard doonhamer said:

That sounds a pain in the arse. This advice is likely 5 hours too late, but linking the first one up then using the edit links function would likely have saved a good amount of time.

I gave up after 10 and will need to go back to it and bits and pieces. 

Unfortunately I have no idea how to do what you’re trying to explain to me...