Melanius Mullarkey Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 3 hours ago, BigFatTabbyDave said: How do people manage to w**k in manky public lavvies? Closest I've managed was for a fertility test at the old Stirling Royal, and even that required help from the missus. (Reasonably Normal, by the way. That's how they phrased it) Shut your eyes, Dave. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honest_Man#1 Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 3 hours ago, BigFatTabbyDave said: How do people manage to w**k in manky public lavvies? Closest I've managed was for a fertility test at the old Stirling Royal, and even that required help from the missus. (Reasonably Normal, by the way. That's how they phrased it) Is that actually allowed? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 46 minutes ago, Thistle_do_nicely said: There's been something of an inquest recently, as seemingly someone has been leaving puddles of piss in the gents bathroom regularly. It's all been rather bizarre having meetings along the lines of "leave the fucking toilet in a clean state, give it a quick check before you go". Should add I'm about 99% certain it isn't me (toilet aim is pretty solid and I'm good at remembering to flush, not exactly something I ever thought I'd type out but here we are) but there was a weird kinda nagging doubt of "f**k am I managing to do it somehow but not even realising?", up until we had a meeting and someone stated there was pretty much a puddle of pish on the toilet floor which sounds borderline deliberate. Possibility of a disgruntled employee is there too but tbh I reckon it'll just be laziness. Heard a rumour the culprit had managed to get it on a doorhandle too one time which... yeah. Couldn't really figure that one out, as it presumably meant someone must also somehow ended up with pishy hands when operating the toilet. Did once have to use the disabled toilet as the gents was being cleaned one time and there was what can only be described as blackish brown toxic sludge of a skidmark some clatty fucker had left in the pan that was larger than my average shite. Office toilets: not even once. Shortly after the organisation I work for moved into our fancy new offices, the landlord was forced to put notices in each cubicle, stating how important it was to keep the facilities clean, such was the mess that was being left. We have had instances of people shitting on the floor on more than one occasion. Should add I did manage to get @Sir Kevin Of Kilsyth a short lived gig in the call centre in our work, but fairly sure it wasn't him... Anyway, I work in a team which has a fairly large sized chasm which splits us down the middle, however about a year ago we got a new boss who wanted to try and get everyone working more closely together, so that if one area of the team is a man down, the other side can pitch in. Our job is to write scripts and extract large sections of data and segment as instructed. The other side are mainly report based workers. Each week we have a Skype call to allocate data requests that have been sent in by other areas of the business, with both teams included on the call. It's just completely pointless having them on the call. Yesterday we had a call that lasted one hour, with the three of us in my team taking about 20 pieces of work each, which we really need to have finished by next week. I don't know why it bothers me so much having them on the call. They obviously can't do the work because they don't have a clue how to extract the data, but it's utterly demoralising listening to their silence and three of us delegating each other work. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thistle_do_nicely Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 (edited) We had another meeting there. Seemingly there was another incident today, with someone (surely) deliberately pissing over to the right hand side and someone had to get a mop and bucket to clean it up. HR have now been up as part of the meeting to reiterate that the facilities need to be kept clean as it comes under health and safety. Having only used the toilet facilities once today, and that a couple of minutes before the meeting started - giving it a nice thorough inspection before I left lest I end up being accused of being the Phantom Pisser - I'm now ruling myself out of somehow entering some sort of amnesia state and pissing all over the place whenever I go in. Yass. From the sound of things it could well be someone that's disgruntled as it sounds like the incident today was definitely deliberately aimed to miss. It's not quite as glamorous as Milky Gem, but I'll try to keep you all posted. Edited January 17, 2020 by Thistle_do_nicely 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillonearth Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 4 hours ago, BigFatTabbyDave said: How do people manage to w**k in manky public lavvies? Closest I've managed was for a fertility test at the old Stirling Royal, and even that required help from the missus. (Reasonably Normal, by the way. That's how they phrased it) "Right, where do you want her to dump this...?" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nsr Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 DNA testing required IMO. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Priti priti priti Patel Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 Any experienced w****r knows to use the disabled toilet for cleanliness, space, privacy, and easy access to paper towels for cleanup. I don't understand people who have never had a w****r at work. Give it a try. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 Just received a belter of a leaving email. No bridge-burning, but likewise, none of this pish with your linkedin details and weeping about how much you'll miss everyone. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 16 minutes ago, Cardinal Richelieu said: Just received a belter of a leaving email. No bridge-burning, but likewise, none of this pish with your linkedin details and weeping about how much you'll miss everyone. This person has clearly read 'Living With A Seal'. That is basically the note David Goggins left for Jesse Itzler after living with him for a month. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvilScotsman Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 31 minutes ago, Dee Man said: This person has clearly read 'Living With A Seal'. That is basically the note David Goggins left for Jesse Itzler after living with him for a month. Funny name for a seal. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Lambies Doos Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 I was at work today for the frist time since the 30th of Dec. I had holidays in and a member of the missus family passed away on the 1st (funeral yesterday), so today was the first day I was in. Found out the person who went mental was shouting about "how I was getting away with murder/at it/(shite along those lines)" after I didn't show up due to a death in the family. A true fuckin' crackpot. Don't kill her mate, you'll get the jail. Just kick her in the pie when no one's looking then pretend you were at a Funeral 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 1 hour ago, Cardinal Richelieu said: Just received a belter of a leaving email. No bridge-burning, but likewise, none of this pish with your linkedin details and weeping about how much you'll miss everyone. I hope you replied with a simple 'Thank you'. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mizfit Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 We had another meeting there. Seemingly there was another incident today, with someone (surely) deliberately pissing over to the right hand side and someone had to get a mop and bucket to clean it up. HR have now been up as part of the meeting to reiterate that the facilities need to be kept clean as it comes under health and safety. Having only used the toilet facilities once today, and that a couple of minutes before the meeting started - giving it a nice thorough inspection before I left lest I end up being accused of being the Phantom Pisser - I'm now ruling myself out of somehow entering some sort of amnesia state and pissing all over the place whenever I go in. Yass. From the sound of things it could well be someone that's disgruntled as it sounds like the incident today was definitely deliberately aimed to miss. It's not quite as glamorous as Milky Gem, but I'll try to keep you all posted.A few years back we had the phantom shitter. Every 6-7 months someone would shit in the sink at work. Then it happened 3 times in a week. HR Were involved and the floor manager said she would personally find the person responsible. Then it stopped. Never figured out who it was or if they were caught but I still laugh thinking of the email from HR stating the sink was for washing hands, and not for “leaving faecal matter deposited.” 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weirdcal Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 Just received a belter of a leaving email. No bridge-burning, but likewise, none of this pish with your linkedin details and weeping about how much you'll miss everyone. A former team member of mine was *mutually consented* out the door and his leaving email was about leaving to upskill himself and better his employment prospects.Absolutely everyone who received this email instantly knew he was punted and the reasons why. It's coming up 3 years since, he's not been replaced and productivity and service levels have massively improved. Go figure... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Empty It Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 Just before Christmas the work hired a new engineer, we have a decent bunch of guys and the bosses/owners are a decent pair. This new guy comes in doesn't know anyone and right away starts running his mouth.After a couple of days new guys stories get more and more far fetched. His father in law retired from the docks on a 25 million pound pension, hes just moved into a new 500k house because he split up with his girlfriend, he was out one weekend in Stirling with his multi millionaire pal who was carrying 10k in his wallet, just a few of his stories. On top of all that I think he worked maybe one full week because he kept taking sick days (one to get a tattoo).Bosses notice on monday hes putting in hours that hes not worked, ask him about it and apparently one of us have been sabotaging his time sheet. Takes another sick day yesterday so the bosses sack him, cue meltdown. Guy starts phoning all the other engineers saying hes resigned, the company is shit ect but two of us had to go collect his van. Turn up, he stays in a mid terrace in a council estate in west lothian, starts pretends to be all nice then starts talking about how he's got a job at another company on double the money. Van gets collected back to work, more phone calls and subtle threats, can see the guy coming back and torching the place absolute Walter Mitty loon ball. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boghead ranter Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 2 hours ago, Empty It said: he was out one weekend in Stirling with his multi millionaire pal who was carrying 10k in his wallet To be fair, that's just 20 £500 notes. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 17 hours ago, Thistle_do_nicely said: We had another meeting there. Seemingly there was another incident today, with someone (surely) deliberately pissing over to the right hand side and someone had to get a mop and bucket to clean it up. HR have now been up as part of the meeting to reiterate that the facilities need to be kept clean as it comes under health and safety. Having only used the toilet facilities once today, and that a couple of minutes before the meeting started - giving it a nice thorough inspection before I left lest I end up being accused of being the Phantom Pisser - I'm now ruling myself out of somehow entering some sort of amnesia state and pissing all over the place whenever I go in. Yass. From the sound of things it could well be someone that's disgruntled as it sounds like the incident today was definitely deliberately aimed to miss. It's not quite as glamorous as Milky Gem, but I'll try to keep you all posted. Many thanks Kind regards thanks not the phantom pisher 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 15 hours ago, EvilScotsman said: Funny name for a seal. He was a navy seal... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteRoseKillie Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 He was a navy seal...Funny colour for a seal - aren't they mostly grey? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 18 minutes ago, WhiteRoseKillie said: Funny colour for a seal - aren't they mostly grey? This one was wearing a Rangers top. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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