milton75 Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 17 hours ago, The Moonster said: What sort of hillbilly workplace still makes their employees sign in with a pen and paper? Clocking in machines are available for about £200. The owner of that company is definitely coining every last cent of profit. Clocking in and out using a machine is also a bit hillbilly anyway tbh. I work in the head office of my company, and everyone just comes and goes, and miraculously the work all gets done. No clocking in. No flexi. No bollocks like that needed. We have to put clocking-in machines in the regional service centres and workshops because otherwise the assholes there simply wouldn't turn up. And, speaking from experience of their antics, would claim overtime for the days they weren't in. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 We've got an app on our phones that we clock in and out with. Heavily reliant on people not taking the piss in order to create flexitime when you're not even in the building. I wouldn't work for free, and my manager would never expect me to either. That said, any time I work from home I only ever submit that I have worked for seven hours, even if I have been logged on for slightly longer, mainly because I don't want people to think that I am at it, creating hours when I haven't been working. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Moonster Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 6 minutes ago, milton75 said: Clocking in and out using a machine is also a bit hillbilly anyway tbh. I work in the head office of my company, and everyone just comes and goes, and miraculously the work all gets done. No clocking in. No flexi. No bollocks like that needed. Aye, ideally they aren't required at all, but making your employee swipe a card on a machine is far less of a hassle than having them all queue up to write their name and time on a bit of paper. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milton75 Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 True. That does seem insane. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 1 hour ago, welshbairn said: Could you not just take a wax imprint like they do in heist movies? Sounds like too much hassle. Chopping off a finger takes seconds. 47 minutes ago, milton75 said: Clocking in and out using a machine is also a bit hillbilly anyway tbh. I work in the head office of my company, and everyone just comes and goes, and miraculously the work all gets done. No clocking in. No flexi. No bollocks like that needed. We have to put clocking-in machines in the regional service centres and workshops because otherwise the assholes there simply wouldn't turn up. And, speaking from experience of their antics, would claim overtime for the days they weren't in. Good that your employers have faith in everyone not to abuse the trust put in them. Despite us clocking in and out of work using our fingerprint, some greedy little p***k still managed to f**k it up for everyone else by going and sitting in the canteen next to the machines for between 15 minutes and half an hour before clocking out. Now we have to enter our finish time in a book and hunt for a supervisor to sign it before we can f**k off. No idea why he didn't get the sack when he got caught. Wee dick. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 6 hours ago, Dee Man said: We clock in and out our work with fingerprint recognition so no skiving at our place unless you cut your finger off and give it to a workmate. Which finger? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEADOWXI Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 Years ago I worked for Lothian Regional Council (Inroads @ MacLeod Street) I was in charge of the flexi machine as an extra on my job. Everyone had a card to swipe in and out. Download on a Monday and sort missed in/outs due to engineers out on site, sick, holidays etc. So I had the access to do amendments to the flexi computer system 4 week period so at end of week three could go back and alter times in week one, and add an hour here or there to boost your flexi. No-one in the team I worked in ever had negative flexi. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hk blues Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 6 minutes ago, MEADOWXI said: Years ago I worked for Lothian Regional Council (Inroads @ MacLeod Street) I was in charge of the flexi machine as an extra on my job. Everyone had a card to swipe in and out. Download on a Monday and sort missed in/outs due to engineers out on site, sick, holidays etc. So I had the access to do amendments to the flexi computer system 4 week period so at end of week three could go back and alter times in week one, and add an hour here or there to boost your flexi. No-one in the team I worked in ever had negative flexi. I was responsible for writing the time cards and checking them against the time-sheets in a previous job. Was a ball-ache and I lost the will to chase up the Supervisors when things didn't match up. Safe to say, I didn't put my heart and soul into the task, and neither did the guys on the shop-floor so everyone was a winner. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drs Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 Oh my, someone just said that airshow pilot must have been innocent as " I saw in Die Hard 2 how you can change the height a pilot thinks the plane is at" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathematics Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 Twat I used to work with in MacDonalds got promoted to Shift Manager. Branch office noticed that he had an unusually high pay one month. Checked the hours worked and he had been signed in for an extraordinary amount of hours. However, while checking the logs, they noticed that he had personally altered his clock in times on the work computer (with his log in) so that he essentially had an additional two hours on each shift. Sacked. Another guy, in the same store, got caugh dipping the safe over the period of a couple of years using some quite clever double ended book-keeping. His excuse: his ex was asking him for loads of money for their kid. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 What is 'MacDonalds'? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 31 minutes ago, DA Baracus said: What is 'MacDonalds'? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senor Bairn Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 Woman with the smelly downstairs was taken into a hearing last Friday and and hasn’t been back all week. Luckily I wasn’t in on Friday so I missed this all, the one thing I have not missed is the stank. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 On 06/03/2019 at 17:12, Dele said: Nothing bammy, just scary. Young labourer at work, not long turned 18. A few weeks ago I had to teach him (!!) how to make a pot noodle. Yesterday he told me he doesn't like fig rolls because he "doesn't like the chocolate in the middle." That's just off the top of my head, there is literally one a day where the world just stops and you stand and think WTF, is he having me on? It's a brilliant laugh. More a mascot than a colleague. Hoping that the youngster if not already a member gets encouraged to join and post his side. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milton75 Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 On 3/8/2019 at 18:17, Senor Bairn said: Woman with the smelly downstairs was taken into a hearing last Friday and and hasn’t been back all week. Luckily I wasn’t in on Friday so I missed this all, the one thing I have not missed is the stank. Well that's not lucky. If you'd been in you could have posted the full details of the fallout. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bairnardo Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 Woman with the smelly downstairs was taken into a hearing last Friday and and hasn’t been back all week. Luckily I wasn’t in on Friday so I missed this all, the one thing I have not missed is the stank. Was she taken into a hearing or taken into a smelling? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UsedToGoToCentralPark Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 Nobody can beat this masterful skiver:https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/world/2016/feb/12/long-lunch-spanish-civil-servant-skips-work-for-years-without-anyone-noticingThis guy knows how it works as well:https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-21043693 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 Work colleague of mine accepted two of these at the till yesterday. These aren't the actual notes, but the ones we ended up with looked exactly the same. Now, you might have to look closely to see why, but surprisingly these aren't legal tender 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 9 hours ago, milton75 said: Well that's not lucky. If you'd been in you could have posted the full details of the fallout. Wait. Something fell out? Wonder how long it had been in there. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted March 10, 2019 Share Posted March 10, 2019 25 minutes ago, BigFatTabbyDave said: Work colleague of mine accepted two of these at the till yesterday. These aren't the actual notes, but the ones we ended up with looked exactly the same. Now, you might have to look closely to see why, but surprisingly these aren't legal tender I can understand why someone would quickly take them and bung them in the till without noticing. The Chinese probably says "Copies, not the real thing!" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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