DA Baracus Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 1 hour ago, The Minertaur said: Today I have just discovered that a colleague of mine goes to Tesco most days and buys a sandwich. He then returns to his desk and eats it using a knife and fork. Report him to the authorities immediately 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chicken Wing Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 Today I have just discovered that a colleague of mine goes to Tesco most days and buys a sandwich. He then returns to his desk and eats it using a knife and fork. Report him to the authorities immediatelyYou once ate a pie with a spoon at Ochilview! If anyone requires reporting it's you. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crroma Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 Managed to sneak a look at yesterday's sign out sheet today. Folk no leaving the office till 1845. Muppets. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheScarf Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 Could be folk leaving at 5 but just writing down 6.45? If it's just a manual sign in/out I'd be doing that. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 13 minutes ago, Chicken Wing said: You once ate a pie with a spoon at Ochilview! If anyone requires reporting it's you. For a commendation I would hope. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Moonster Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 What sort of hillbilly workplace still makes their employees sign in with a pen and paper? Clocking in machines are available for about £200. The owner of that company is definitely coining every last cent of profit. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ICTChris Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 In one of my old places of employ a guy who lived next door to the office used to get up early, go and clock in, go back to bed and then come in a couple of hours later [emoji23] He got caught and fired. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 1 hour ago, The Moonster said: What sort of hillbilly workplace still makes their employees sign in with a pen and paper? Clocking in machines are available for about £200. The owner of that company is definitely coining every last cent of profit. Clocking machines are great if you have a mate who'll clock in and out for you. Gets a bit awkward if they have to start forging signatures. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
supermik Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 1 hour ago, welshbairn said: Clocking machines are great if you have a mate who'll clock in and out for you. Gets a bit awkward if they have to start forging signatures. Heard that when the Edinburgh infirmary was being built there was about 700 people clocked in for work on a weekend shift. There was a fire alarm and the head count only showed about 500 folk onsite. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 Two guys in the printers where my dad worked were at the fiddle every Sunday. They were supposed to start at eight but they'd turn up just before nine and put a little piece of sticky paper on their cards so when they clocked in the '8' was on the card itself but the '58' was on the paper. Then they'd peel off the paper and move it across then clock in again at nine - this time the '00' was on the card and the '9' was on the paper. When that was peeled off the card read '8 00' which was when they should have started. This went on for several weeks until one day the guy with the keys slept in. He appeared at half past eight, with everybody standing out in the street waiting for him to open up. And half an hour later the two jokers rolled up, oblivious to all of this, and went through their usual procedure. Which meant they appeared to have clocked in before the place was open. Not sure if they got the sack but their collars were felt. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigBo10 Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 In one of my old places of employ a guy who lived next door to the office used to get up early, go and clock in, go back to bed and then come in a couple of hours later [emoji23] He got caught and fired.I worked in a garage many moons ago. The clocking in machine had a faulty glass cover that we could move to reset the clock. Needless to say nobody was ever late. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BallochSonsFan Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 Given the recent news about suspicious packages being sent, I was reminded of a story I was told in my last office. We regularly have fire and bomb drills. Usual practice is for our contracts/facilities folk to place an obviously fake package (usually a printer paper box wrapped in plain paper and with the word BOMB written on it) and then announce over the PA system that they've received a threat. Fire and bomb wardens on each floor know it's a drill but we're supposed to encourage staff to check their area and phone the single point of contact when somebody finds the package. We then evacuate when instructed, avoiding whatever area we're told to avoid. One day they were running a drill. The new fire and bomb wardens had been told to report any suspicious package found to the contracts section. The PA announcement is made and staff have a quick look around their part of the office. After a couple of minutes of searching some utter plamf turns up at the contracts/facilities desk, places said fake bomb on the table and asks the contracts manager "Is this what you're looking for?". 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cerberus Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 Nah, they're all done to death. As I said, he's scarily daft. Another recently was he went to the bakers and got a lorne and egg roll but was complaining they got his order wrong. He was adamant they gave him a burger simply because the lorne was round. "You can't get round lorne, it was a burger. If you could get round lorne, why do they call it square sausage?" He’s right to be concerned.Anyone who serves a round Lorne is a bigger beast than Michael Jackson. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillonearth Posted March 7, 2019 Share Posted March 7, 2019 1 hour ago, welshbairn said: Clocking machines are great if you have a mate who'll clock in and out for you. Gets a bit awkward if they have to start forging signatures. We had a guy a good while back at our place who was already on a warning for something or other and persuaded a guy I know to key him out at 6pm having left at 3 - he only agreed to do it reluctantly and on the proviso that if he was caught he was on his own. Needless to say, he got found out - by this point management were watching him like hawks - and at the meeting for dismissal unsuccessfully tried to save his own skin by grassing the guy who keyed him out. Unbelievably, he had the gall to show up at a works' do a few months later like nothing had happened...the guy he grassed literally booted him up and down the street...the bouncers in the pub we were in were initially going to break it up, but when we told them what the score was, left him to it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 We clock in and out our work with fingerprint recognition so no skiving at our place unless you cut your finger off and give it to a workmate. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milton75 Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 11 hours ago, MixuFixit said: Nobody can beat this masterful skiver:https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/world/2016/feb/12/long-lunch-spanish-civil-servant-skips-work-for-years-without-anyone-noticing https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-india-30722515 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BallochSonsFan Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 12 hours ago, Hillonearth said: We had a guy a good while back at our place who was already on a warning for something or other and persuaded a guy I know to key him out at 6pm having left at 3 - he only agreed to do it reluctantly and on the proviso that if he was caught he was on his own. Needless to say, he got found out - by this point management were watching him like hawks - and at the meeting for dismissal unsuccessfully tried to save his own skin by grassing the guy who keyed him out. Unbelievably, he had the gall to show up at a works' do a few months later like nothing had happened...the guy he grassed literally booted him up and down the street...the bouncers in the pub we were in were initially going to break it up, but when we told them what the score was, left him to it. Guy who agreed to key him out is a fucking idiot who also deserved to be disciplined. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 12 hours ago, MixuFixit said: Nobody can beat this masterful skiver:https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/world/2016/feb/12/long-lunch-spanish-civil-servant-skips-work-for-years-without-anyone-noticing Not all heroes wear capes. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 3 hours ago, Dee Man said: We clock in and out our work with fingerprint recognition so no skiving at our place unless you cut your finger off and give it to a workmate. Could you not just take a wax imprint like they do in heist movies? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted March 8, 2019 Share Posted March 8, 2019 13 minutes ago, MixuFixit said: Superb work. Non work, Shirley? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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