Work colleagues

[D.A.F.C]

Meggied?
Dafuq?

[Buzz Killington]

Some of my colleagues have been complaining about electric shocks from the metal filing cabinets.

I work with idiots.

[Thistle_do_nicely]

On 2/24/2018 at 14:57, Melanius Mullarkey said:

Found out yesterday that according to some made up shite, I’m actually doing 18% more work than expected.

 

The real key now is to work out a method of doing 17% less work than you're currently doing. You'll still be 1% above expected performance.

Unless of course they reassess your targets from, say, April and your current performance level is now the baseline. Feel for you if this is the case.

[Mark Connolly]

On 2/24/2018 at 14:57, Melanius Mullarkey said:

Found out yesterday that according to some made up shite, I’m actually doing 18% more work than expected.

 

Expected level of work: 0%

Actual level of work: 18%

[Torpar]

Quite often when I go for my afternoon toilet visit, I will find a copy of the Toronto Star (broadsheet newspapers made up of a few sections) lying on the floor of the toilet cubicle. It raises so many questions for me. Who the f**k reads a whole broadsheet newspaper on the bog?

How long are they in there for?

Why instead of putting it in the bin just outside of the cubicle do they feel the need to leave it on the floor for a cleaner to pick up, after being in your shitey hands? 

[nsr]

We are currently working on a software application called, for reasons unknown to me, "the SEA". When the boss asks me to add extra functionality to it, I like to reply "OK let's get that into the SEA". He doesn't get it.

[GordonD]

On 22/12/2017 at 18:45, BigFatTabbyDave said:

I'm going to guess Granny works with his own kids.

He's not allowed to work with anybody else's...

[senorsoupe]

"Comic Sans" font should never be used for work related documents and emails.

[Cardinal Richelieu]

On 01/03/2018 at 14:24, nsr said:

We are currently working on a software application called, for reasons unknown to me, "the SEA". When the boss asks me to add extra functionality to it, I like to reply "OK let's get that into the SEA". He doesn't get it.

Similarly, when I asked the secretary for the key to the stationery cupboard and she would always tell me which numbered cupboard it was. EVERY SINGLE TIME I would quip "Yes I know, it's stationary". 

She never laughed once

[Torpar]

I often seem to be end up at the toilet at work at the same time as one particular guy, and he likes talking to himself the whole time. Often he seems to be geeing himself up or just reminding himself he's alive "OK come on now Peter" and "OK let's do this Peter" seem to be some of his favourite sayings. Yesterday I learned what he had planned for dinner "emmm what to have tonight, maybe carrots, yup carrots, veggie night for me" 

He's also one of a few people I've noticed at work who wash their hands before they piss

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

1 minute ago, Torpar said:

I often seem to be end up at the toilet at work at the same time as one particular guy, and he likes talking to himself the whole time. Often he seems to be geeing himself up or just reminding himself he's alive "OK come on now Peter" and "OK let's do this Peter" seem to be some of his favourite sayings. Yesterday I learned what he had planned for dinner "emmm what to have tonight, maybe carrots, yup carrots, veggie night for me" 

He's also one of a few people I've noticed at work who wash their hands before they piss

 

[Alex_14]

One of my colleagues is a serial whistler. Whistles to every song on the radio. We turn the radio off, he’ll whistle anyway. We politely ask him to stop, he’ll whistle anyway. It’s getting to the stage where I’m ready to pack in the job, he does my head in that much. Infuriating.

[Lordofthewing]

"Comic Sans" font should never be used.

FTFY

[Buzz Killington]

Half of my work colleagues start every single conversation with the word so.

[welshbairn]

2 minutes ago, Buzz Killington said:

Half of my work colleagues start every single conversation with the word so.

So what?

[Boghead ranter]

3 hours ago, Buzz Killington said:

Half of my work colleagues start every single conversation with the word so.

So do mine.

[D.A.F.C]

 

[ayrshire_nomad]

 

I cannot like this more than once, that is unfair

[Jacksgranda]

19 hours ago, Torpar said:

I often seem to be end up at the toilet at work at the same time as one particular guy, and he likes talking to himself the whole time. Often he seems to be geeing himself up or just reminding himself he's alive "OK come on now Peter" and "OK let's do this Peter" seem to be some of his favourite sayings. Yesterday I learned what he had planned for dinner "emmm what to have tonight, maybe carrots, yup carrots, veggie night for me" 

He's also one of a few people I've noticed at work who wash their hands before they piss

O.K., thanks for sharing.

[Jambomo]

Mine are ok but they do have a tendency to complain about absolutely everything which is doing my head in.

Yesterday was an hour long moan about why it was terrible that workmen fitting a new boiler (new pipes the lot) had made a mess of the room (dust etc).

To me this seems like an obvious and unavoidable peril of the job but to them, well you’d think that the workmen has shit in her kettle, the way she’s going on about it. f**k sake.