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On 25/09/2017 at 13:43, mizfit said:

I hate our IT department, who've managed to accidentally revoke my access to everything when changing department, and can't figure out how to fix 2 of the main things I need.

Clever lads, clearly passing as incompetent.

Does the mouse at your workstation smell like sweaty arsecrack, by any chance?

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Clever lads, clearly passing as incompetent.
Does the mouse at your workstation smell like sweaty arsecrack, by any chance?



I have never felt the need to sniff my mouse, and I pray to fucking god I never need too.
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The "Big boss" is heading over from the US for his 1 week a year at the start of December. He has told us that he wants the whole department to go Curling. I don't understand why he doesn't stick to the traditional "Take us out for a steak and a few beers", which I know we all appreciate.

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The "Big boss" is heading over from the US for his 1 week a year at the start of December. He has told us that he wants the whole department to go Curling. I don't understand why he doesn't stick to the traditional "Take us out for a steak and a few beers", which I know we all appreciate.


Probably referring to the inevitable toe-curling CEO speech, usually involving all the offices being part of 'one big family' regardless of distance.
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7 minutes ago, Hedgecutter said:

Probably referring to the inevitable toe-curling CEO speech, usually involving all the offices being part of 'one big family' regardless of distance.

He isn't really the type for speeches, pretty sound guy but only comes here because he is contractually obliged to. We will get the toe curling speech in January at our year end event, delivered by the boy who runs the European office. His speeches are legendary in length. The last couple of years we have had folk running a book on how long it would last. Think it was around 55 minutes last time.

Edited by Ross.
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18 minutes ago, Ross. said:

The "Big boss" is heading over from the US for his 1 week a year at the start of December. He has told us that he wants the whole department to go Curling. I don't understand why he doesn't stick to the traditional "Take us out for a steak and a few beers", which I know we all appreciate.

As you're Scottish and will be playing against some Swiss and Yanks if you don't smash them totally at Curling you will have failed and will have embarassed and let down your whole nation.

But no presssure.

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2 minutes ago, MEADOWXI said:

As you're Scottish and will be playing against some Swiss and Yanks if you don't smash them totally at Curling you will have failed and will have embarassed and let down your whole nation.

But no presssure.

Switzerland and the US are on a par with Scotland as second rate Curlers. I'll just make sure the Canadian boy downstairs is in my team. They are the daddy's at Curling. Either that or I'll pay Rhona Martin to wear a mask with my face on it and play on my behalf.

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17 hours ago, Raidernation said:

Just me in the office today. Boss was in for about an hour, staring galikitly at his computer, then left. His wife was here for a couple of hours chasing up invoices, she's now fucked off. My other colleague isn't here as apparently a friend of his got hit by a train and killed last night :o, so it's just me (and the lassies that answer the phones from a different office)

Some length of arms on them.

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3 hours ago, Ross. said:

He isn't really the type for speeches, pretty sound guy but only comes here because he is contractually obliged to. We will get the toe curling speech in January at our year end event, delivered by the boy who runs the European office. His speeches are legendary in length. The last couple of years we have had folk running a book on how long it would last. Think it was around 55 minutes last time.

He's a second career as a Free Presbyterian minister with sermons like that.

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I agreed to organise the works Xmas lunch/bevvy in my new job (I know)

In reality that means phoning pub and confirming they can accommodate, emailing the team and then letting my admin assistant deal with all the pish of taking orders and deposits etc this is for a team of about 16.

I was then cc'd into an email with 6 other randomers saying get in touch with me to book. Apparently old colleagues, including some who left 10 years ago, get invited too.

Get tae f**k. If you want to hang about with your pals do it in your own time. So, if anyone fancies a Xmas lunch at Braes in Dundee PM me as apparently it's a fucking free for all.

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Attended a 2 day conference for our customers. I have to deliver a presentation to 200 odd  delegates. Decide to introduce some levity and get some folk to play a game for which I need volunteers. Have the bright idea of chucking 4 stress balls into the crowd. In an attempt to launch a ball to the back of the hall, I end up flinging one full-whack straight into the face of an elderly woman, breaking her glasses. I realise this hasn't got much to do with work colleagues (apart from the fact they were all pishing themselves) but it was the highlight of their day. Not sure I'll be asked back. 

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1 minute ago, Cardinal Richelieu said:

Attended a 2 day conference for our customers. I have to deliver a presentation to 200 odd  delegates. Decide to introduce some levity and get some folk to play a game for which I need volunteers. Have the bright idea of chucking 4 stress balls into the crowd. In an attempt to launch a ball to the back of the hall, I end up flinging one full-whack straight into the face of an elderly woman, breaking her glasses. I realise this hasn't got much to do with work colleagues (apart from the fact they were all pishing themselves) but it was the highlight of their day. Not sure I'll be asked back. 

So your cunning plan worked, then?

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2 hours ago, Cardinal Richelieu said:

Attended a 2 day conference for our customers. I have to deliver a presentation to 200 odd  delegates. Decide to introduce some levity and get some folk to play a game for which I need volunteers. Have the bright idea of chucking 4 stress balls into the crowd. In an attempt to launch a ball to the back of the hall, I end up flinging one full-whack straight into the face of an elderly woman, breaking her glasses. I realise this hasn't got much to do with work colleagues (apart from the fact they were all pishing themselves) but it was the highlight of their day. Not sure I'll be asked back. 

I figured that the interview process for P&B moderator would include more hammer-throwing and hot-tub sterilisation, but I can see how battering the elderly could be considered a plus.

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58 minutes ago, BigFatTabbyDave said:

I figured that the interview process for P&B moderator would include more hammer-throwing and hot-tub sterilisation, but I can see how battering the elderly could be considered a plus.

Especially Granny Danger. 

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I agreed to organise the works Xmas lunch/bevvy in my new job (I know)
In reality that means phoning pub and confirming they can accommodate, emailing the team and then letting my admin assistant deal with all the pish of taking orders and deposits etc this is for a team of about 16.
I was then cc'd into an email with 6 other randomers saying get in touch with me to book. Apparently old colleagues, including some who left 10 years ago, get invited too.
Get tae f**k. If you want to hang about with your pals do it in your own time. So, if anyone fancies a Xmas lunch at Braes in Dundee PM me as apparently it's a fucking free for all.

I’ll have the steak pie please
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