Jump to content
  • Announcements

    • Div

      Pie and Bovril Nostalgia Mobile Phone Cases!   12/09/18

      We are delighted to have partnered up with Nostalgia Cases to offer a huge range of fantastic Scottish Football phone cases to our visitors. These high quality cases are available in a range of retro and up to date designs and there variations available for all Premiership, Championship and League 1 clubs as well as four of the League 2 teams. Within each club there are a range of choices. You'll find it difficult to choose! This is an Edinburgh based start-up, and they also provide a custom design service so if there is a kit you don't see that you'd love for your phone you can get in touch with them and they'll add it to their range. Naturally there is a HUGE support for all the major phone manufacturers and models and what's more delivery in the UK is completely FREE. What's even better is that Pie and Bovril users can get 10% off their order using the coupon code PIEANDBOV Take a look and browse the full range for your favourite club by clicking through to the website below. https://bit.ly/2M5laZs
Scary Bear

C**** on a Train

Recommended Posts

Anyone who uses their phone or tablet or laptop without headphones.

Only trumped by the single mum who gave their b*****d offspring a tablet to watch Peppa Pig at full volume for the whole carriage to hear while they ignore the situation by putting their own earphones in and playing on their phone.

 

This is annoyingly common.

 

Had one recently who's toddler would just keep saying (in a particularly annoying SE England accent) "mommaaaaaay, mommaaaaaay, mommaaaaaay, mommaaaaaay..." for minutes on end trying to get her attention, only for her to give in and ask what he wanted rather than get him telt. Repeat this x5. Of course, this kid has clearly clocked that this technique actually works (and that there are no 'time-out' rooms on public transport), to the detriment of wider society.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Think it was in the Herald Diary some years ago, by Tom Shields, where it I read this....

Two wimmin friends talking on a train :

Woman (a)  The last time I was on this train a man sat beside me and tried to put his hand up my skirt.

Woman (b) OMG, how awful for you.

Woman (a)  Yes, and it was my Jaeger skirt, you know the one with the pleats....

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by ICTJohnboy

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I heard three pretty tidy cabin crew workers on the Glasgow Airport bus(oops, is there a bus thread?) and I'm pretty sure they were summing me up 

"Yeah?" 

"Nah"

"Hmmm"

Followed by 

"Maybe"

"No"

"NAW"

Both agreed it was a Naw as I got closer, and closer to my seat. 

I was delighted to even been in contention, a bit like the wildcard at Wimbledon getting papped out in the first round 6-1, 6-0, 6-0.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, invergowrie arab said:

Delighted someone has started this important topic. It's too big for PTTGOYN.

Folk sitting in your pre booked seats " oh is this yours?" Well you know it's not fucking yours.

PS I only do this on very busy trains and when I'm in company I'm not an utter weirdo.

People standing up and queueing to get off too early. Usually South Gyle for Haymarket or BishopBriggs for QS. Especially at Glasgow as the train terminates there.

Got the train back to Dundee on Sunday and c***s were standing up to queue to get off whilst we were still crossing the bridge

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Morons who are too stupid to read a departures board and who then compound that stupidity by mistaking me for a Scotrail employee. "Is this the East Kilbride train?" f**k off you lazy c**t.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

People who don't understand the concept of how a ticket barrier works.  You tend to need to actually have your ticket in your hand for it to work.  Twice in the last few months I've been stuck behind somebody who has gotten to the gate before getting their wallet/purse out for the ticket.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
13 minutes ago, DA Baracus said:

Got the train back to Dundee on Sunday and c***s were standing up to queue to get off whilst we were still crossing the bridge

I don't get why everyone gets so annoyed by this. Who cares if the dafties stand up early? Same as people queuing early at airport gates, just lets you know exactly when to finish your pint and stroll through the gate.

Edited by welshbairn

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've took the London - Dundee train about three or four times and usually end up speaking to the person opposite. 

Met an Australian, otolaryngologist (ear doctor?) who was going from London to York for some conference and seemed sound enough for most of the journey then about 10 minutes before getting off he started talking about Brexit and ''all those who come to Australia on boats and what do they offer to our country?" and then start to rant on about the Aborigines, and his taxes, etc.

You are always like what the f**k a bit, when someone you thought was pretty sound turns out to be a bit of a toad.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Twa space cadets on the train from KDY to Glasgow who, as per, were talking louder than was required pretty much wanting the whole train to know how many times they've been in the jail and who's door's been kicked in lately. I got close to tipping point when one of them got a phone call and proceeded to put the phone on loudspeaker to have their conversation.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I got stuck on a train next to some utter fanny of a business woman on my way to Glasgow who described her life to me as 'surfing on the edge of chaos' because her phone rang once during the hour long journey. 

I've told this story before but I'm 90% sure I got stuck opposite @Div on a train back from Inverness in about 2011/12. I ordered a beer from the trolley and it came with a free packet of some crisps that were on promotion or something. I drank my beer quietly whilst looking out the window only to hear a crunching sound from across the table where Div (or Guy Incognito) had opened the bag and was munching on my crisps. 

Edited by Bobby Skidmarks

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Twa space cadets on the train from KDY to Glasgow who, as per, were talking louder than was required pretty much wanting the whole train to know how many times they've been in the jail and who's door's been kicked in lately. I got close to tipping point when one of them got a phone call and proceeded to put the phone on loudspeaker to have their conversation.

 

 

I once witnessed a Partridge-type moment where one guy was shouting away on the phone, highlighting he'd just got a 2:1 at uni etc etc, only for it to ring mid sentence. Laughing stock of the carriage.

 

I shall however include planes for a moment as this has reminded me of a guy who once shouted at an air hostess "I'm studying a management degree at the University of Aberdeen, what have you done with your life?!!" as she told him he couldn't use the toilet whilst the 'fasten seatbelt' sign was on. Cringe.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
27 minutes ago, Bobby Skidmarks said:

I got stuck on a train next to some utter fanny of a business woman on my way to Glasgow who described her life to me as 'surfing on the edge of chaos' because her phone rang once during the hour long journey. 

I've told this story before but I'm 90% sure I got stuck opposite @Div on a train back from Inverness in about 2011/12. I ordered a beer from the trolley and it came with a free packet of some crisps that were on promotion or something. I drank my beer quietly whilst looking out the window only to hear a crunching sound from across the table where Div (or Guy Incognito) had opened the bag and was munching on my crisps. 

@Div still let's you post on here after you presumably kicked his fucking head in for eating your crisps?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, Melanius Mullarkey said:

Impossible. Have you seen Div's head?

True, it's like the Goodyear blimp isn't it?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I once overheard a couple of neds having a pleasant chat;

"did ye hear aboot James battering Tammy coz she widnae stop huvin her period"

True love 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
This thread should be like a moth to a flame for [mention=12169]19QOS19[/mention]



I could comfortably add a new post to this topic every day.


I was travelling back from London on Sunday and a guy (and his 11/12 year old son) said to a young lassie and middle aged woman they were in their seats. The lassie got up without a fuss but the older cow wouldn't budge. Saying she'd paid £150 and wasn't standing. I was livid as a spectator and the guy was fucking furious. Long story short he sat down and stood on the woman's foot (on purpose apparently) which caused a mini scene. It was right in front of us so we could see through the gap. The guy had his boy on his knee and his holdall was practically on the woman's knee.

After an hour or so the guard came through and the guy told her the situation. The old boot argued for a but with the guard but eventually moved (taking her suitcase with her that was previously blocking the fucking aisle). As she started to walk away the guy said to her "Can I just say, you're lucky you moved. I get off at the next stop and was intending to throw my drink all over you" - more scenes!

The guy certainly didn't cover himself in glory but the woman seriously fucked me off. The whole point of reserving seats is s you guarantee yourself a seat on busy services. So folk bother to do that then you get c***s like her sauntering up ignoring the system. She's probably the same kind of c**t who puts her bags on the seat next to her on busy services when folk are standing.

Part of me wished the guard never came just for the continued scenes after he poured his drink on her :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, welshbairn said:

I don't get why everyone gets so annoyed by this. Who cares if the dafties stand up early? Same as people queuing early at airport gates, just lets you know exactly when to finish your pint and stroll through the gate.

Because their genitals are at head height and they bang into folk as the train moves about.

They make the place look untidy too.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

Im glad you said that, not me.

Been nice knowing you, m8.  Hope everything works out for you.

@Div knows I love him and that he's welcome to munch on my crisps (not a euph) without asking anytime.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, pleslie99 said:


Oh yeah, and the cretins had forgot bottle openers for their drink, asked us to assist and being good, respectable citizens we told them to f**k off!

Are there still people who don't know you can open bottles on the carriage ceiling?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Regarding seat bookings, let's not let the "well he's in my seat, so you'll need to get him to move if you want yours" brigade off lightly here.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×