C**** on a Train

[Chicken Wing]

This seriously pisses me off. There is absolutely no excuse to stink given how cheap soap is.

I've no issue with 'fresh' BO or clearly BO as a result of working all day. It's that stale, never washed in months smell that fucks me off. How folk get to this stage absolutely baffles me and for them to go out in public and subject people to it is the sign of a true dickhead.

And that's just the guards!

[milton75]

On 20/02/2019 at 11:13, thistledo said:

The laptop brigade are pure fannies btw. 

There's a lad I've dubbed "red jacket man" I see him every day at Haymarket, he absolutely must be on the train before anyone else, recently I happened to be standing exactly where the door was when the train stopped, as I was ready to hit the button I could feel this c**t shuffling behind me and out of nowhere an arm appears for the button and somehow jumps on before me. The following day I saw him and for a laugh I thought nae chance is this happening again am blocking this c**t, seeing he couldn't get on the train before me he sprinted up to the next door and ran to a seat... On an almost empty carriage. A right fuckin weirdo. 

 

The opposite of this also annoys me - c*nts who absolutely must be first off the train. I'll qualify that by saying that I don't mind if they sprint off and are in a rush; they may be heading for a connection that if missed means a 30-minute wait. But there are dicks who sit nervously waiting to jump up when there's still several minutes to go till their stop, and then block other passengers once on the platform because they are slow and/or stupid. This often involves looking for their ticket to get through the barriers, as though they don't have to do this every day.

When I used to work in East Kilbride I would often get the bus rather than drive (C*nts on a bus thread for this pish).
On the occasions I did this there was always an ugly wee woman who would leave the bus at the same stop as me. She would get up from her seat the second the bus left the previous stop. She would then get off the bus and totter off down the footpath at a slow, short-legged, pace, carrying bags to either side of her, while all the other disembarking passengers struggled to find a way past her.
She would then get to the crossing over the road (again just a footpath - not much space) and block everyone from crossing while she dithered about. On several occasions I missed easy opportunities to cross during a gap in the traffic flow because of this daft cow. People would regularly and pointedly stomp through the muddy verge to get past her, but she remained oblivious.

Once or twice, out of sheer pettiness, I sat near the front of the bus and blocked her getting off by getting up immediately as we left the previous stop. She actually bumped into the back of me by bouncing around from foot to foot so much, driven insane by the fact she wasn't getting off first. I used to fantasise about pushing her under the wheels of the thing. 

[Stellaboz]

Ye cannae shove yer Granny off a bus.

 

But ye can throw her under it.

 

 

[Le Tout P'ti FC]

The opposite of this also annoys me - c*nts who absolutely must be first off the train. I'll qualify that by saying that I don't mind if they sprint off and are in a rush; they may be heading for a connection that if missed means a 30-minute wait. But there are dicks who sit nervously waiting to jump up when there's still several minutes to go till their stop, and then block other passengers once on the platform because they are slow and/or stupid. This often involves looking for their ticket to get through the barriers, as though they don't have to do this every day.
When I used to work in East Kilbride I would often get the bus rather than drive (C*nts on a bus thread for this pish).
On the occasions I did this there was always an ugly wee woman who would leave the bus at the same stop as me. She would get up from her seat the second the bus left the previous stop. She would then get off the bus and totter off down the footpath at a slow, short-legged, pace, carrying bags to either side of her, while all the other disembarking passengers struggled to find a way past her.
She would then get to the crossing over the road (again just a footpath - not much space) and block everyone from crossing while she dithered about. On several occasions I missed easy opportunities to cross during a gap in the traffic flow because of this daft cow. People would regularly and pointedly stomp through the muddy verge to get past her, but she remained oblivious.

Once or twice, out of sheer pettiness, I sat near the front of the bus and blocked her getting off by getting up immediately as we left the previous stop. She actually bumped into the back of me by bouncing around from foot to foot so much, driven insane by the fact she wasn't getting off first. I used to fantasise about pushing her under the wheels of the thing. 

More bus thread pish...

I used to get bus into Dalkeith, and at the point it left Dobbies the people who wanted off at Eskbank Toll would start shuffling forward. That's 1.2 miles of standing like a plumb according to Google maps.

It got so bad, I've moved miles away into the countryside so that my only sight of a bus is once or twice a day, keeping my PTSD at bay.

People from Eskbank liked nothing more than forming an orderly queue at the front of a bus moving at speed.

[BillyAnchor]

Need more info on the girls being mentioned in this thread. Wids?

[JamesP_81]

5 hours ago, Scary Bear said:

Cheers, James!

If you’re struggling with ideas, just take my text and draw a photo of a wee fat man with those stink lines coming off him.

 

[101]

3 hours ago, JamesP_81 said:

 

I was sat next to someone who was sat next to me from Waverley to Dalmeny and when I got home I needed to wash such was the stench of smoke. Thanks for your poster it will be useful!

[GordonD]

3 hours ago, JamesP_81 said:

 

But what if you're not in a snooker club?

[milton75]

 

This exact guy used to get on the 44 (now 4) bus in Glasgow. I assume he worked in Scottish Power in Cathcart as that's where he got on. I've never smelled a fag reek like it, and I used to share a flat with heavy smokers. It was like he'd rolled in old ashtrays.
This guy was in his 30s but had the white hair of a 60 year old. I liked to imagine it was bleached by standing in a constant cloud of smoke.

[Hillonearth]

Lots of fun today as my carriage was forced to listen to some daft lassie drone on about the importance of her job the whole way in, which would have been bad enough under normal circumstances but was made worse by the fact she had the most pronounced case I’ve heard in a long while of that annoying croaky vocal fry thing some burds do at the end of every sentence. She apparently was something in media.

Or medi-aarrgh as she would have it.

I assume she’s the one that makes the tea for the one who makes the coffee.

[thistledo]

On 20/02/2019 at 17:42, microdave said:

On 20/02/2019 at 11:13, thistledo said:

The laptop brigade are pure fannies btw. 
There's a lad I've dubbed "red jacket man" I see him every day at Haymarket, he absolutely must be on the train before anyone else, recently I happened to be standing exactly where the door was when the train stopped, as I was ready to hit the button I could feel this c**t shuffling behind me and out of nowhere an arm appears for the button and somehow jumps on before me. The following day I saw him and for a laugh I thought nae chance is this happening again am blocking this c**t, seeing he couldn't get on the train before me he sprinted up to the next door and ran to a seat... On an almost empty carriage. A right fuckin weirdo. 
 

Blocking this guy every morning would be my new hobby.

I only see him on my return journey and yes it is now my new thing. I often get the train with another lad I work with and we're planning some sort of combined effort to block two doors. I'll follow up on how this pans out. 

 

On 21/02/2019 at 11:50, milton75 said:

The opposite of this also annoys me - c*nts who absolutely must be first off the train. I'll qualify that by saying that I don't mind if they sprint off and are in a rush; they may be heading for a connection that if missed means a 30-minute wait. But there are dicks who sit nervously waiting to jump up when there's still several minutes to go till their stop, and then block other passengers once on the platform because they are slow and/or stupid. This often involves looking for their ticket to get through the barriers, as though they don't have to do this every day.

When I used to work in East Kilbride I would often get the bus rather than drive (C*nts on a bus thread for this pish).
On the occasions I did this there was always an ugly wee woman who would leave the bus at the same stop as me. She would get up from her seat the second the bus left the previous stop. She would then get off the bus and totter off down the footpath at a slow, short-legged, pace, carrying bags to either side of her, while all the other disembarking passengers struggled to find a way past her.
She would then get to the crossing over the road (again just a footpath - not much space) and block everyone from crossing while she dithered about. On several occasions I missed easy opportunities to cross during a gap in the traffic flow because of this daft cow. People would regularly and pointedly stomp through the muddy verge to get past her, but she remained oblivious.

Once or twice, out of sheer pettiness, I sat near the front of the bus and blocked her getting off by getting up immediately as we left the previous stop. She actually bumped into the back of me by bouncing around from foot to foot so much, driven insane by the fact she wasn't getting off first. I used to fantasise about pushing her under the wheels of the thing. 

That's infuriated me just reading this. How you resisted the urge not to boot her right down that path is beyond me. Some will power. 

 

Back to trains, sort of. I see this lanky c**t quite often on my train, a discourteous twat. Where the escalators are at Haymarket in the morning there is usually a kind of policy of letting one person go from alternate sides to keep the flow moving, but not this c**t. Same guy was trying to jump ahead of me to scan my ticket barcode and to top it off the he jumped in front of my path while crossing at the lights... Took a lot of effort not to two foot tackle the c**t right there and then on the pavement. 

[DosserDel]

Absolute tosser, 50ish, sitting opposite me earlier on train from Glasgow Central to Lanark, with his phone propped up on table and no earphones in , watching THIS MORNING at full volume.

Had to move through to next carriage as it was so fucking irritating, and because of angle I couldn't even get a swatch at Holly Willoughby. 

Death penalty for these cnuts. 

 

[Dons_1988]

Posted it in this thread before but there's a special place in hell for the guy I came across who gave his kids an ipad to watch some shit on full blast for the whole carriage to listen to whilst he put his earphones in and listened to music.

[Lambie's Pigeon Feed]

The guards have clearly been told to mark all tickets since the new year, whoever gave that dictat is a c**t. I had a great system of accumulating free tickets from Edinburgh to Glasgow which has now been scuppered, I had about 10% of tickets marked over the last 2 years I've had 100% of tickets marked in 2019.

[ShaggysBeard]

On 20/02/2019 at 17:42, microdave said:

On 20/02/2019 at 11:13, thistledo said:

The laptop brigade are pure fannies btw. 
There's a lad I've dubbed "red jacket man" I see him every day at Haymarket, he absolutely must be on the train before anyone else, recently I happened to be standing exactly where the door was when the train stopped, as I was ready to hit the button I could feel this c**t shuffling behind me and out of nowhere an arm appears for the button and somehow jumps on before me. The following day I saw him and for a laugh I thought nae chance is this happening again am blocking this c**t, seeing he couldn't get on the train before me he sprinted up to the next door and ran to a seat... On an almost empty carriage. A right fuckin weirdo. 
 

Blocking this guy every morning would be my new hobby.

You'll not beat me today, I've got my trainers on.

[Busta Nut]

42 minutes ago, Lambie's Pigeon Feed said:

I had a great system of accumulating free tickets from Edinburgh to Glasgow which has now been scuppered

What do you mean sorry?

How is an unmarked ticked any good?

[Adam]

9 minutes ago, Busta Nut said:

What do you mean sorry?

How is an unmarked ticked any good?

If he buys the flexipasses, he will be able to use them the next day if he goes to an unbarred platform.  Quite a lot of folk use these to commute from Glasgow to Edinburgh. 

[Busta Nut]

cool I don't do that commute and I'd hate to since it costs an arm and a leg.

[Adam]

4 minutes ago, Busta Nut said:

cool I don't do that commute and I'd hate to since it costs an arm and a leg.

It's just shy of £115 for ten flex passes.  So if you can get away with using one ticket twice, maybe thrice, it certainly helps.  

You also have to write the date on the ticket, but loads of people use a pen that you can rub out or just slightly alter the date.

[thistledo]

1 hour ago, Lambie's Pigeon Feed said:

The guards have clearly been told to mark all tickets since the new year, whoever gave that dictat is a c**t. I had a great system of accumulating free tickets from Edinburgh to Glasgow which has now been scuppered, I had about 10% of tickets marked over the last 2 years I've had 100% of tickets marked in 2019.

Have noticed this as well actually, so have given up using the paper passes for the scotrail card now. A couple of conductors were moody as f**k about me not having written the date on it.