Cinema Code of Conduct and general stories of arsehole behaviour at your screen of choice

[milton75]

I remember hearing some Ricky Gervais thing years ago and found myself in agreement with him.

The jist of it was that the Age Rating of the film ought to be set not only to tell you that the film is unsuitable for viewers below a certain age, but also that if you are above said age, you should be capable of understanding and "getting" the film.

So, if you go to see a 15 rated film, and then spend a chunk of the time asking your partner or friend what's going on, you should be ejected from the cinema on the grounds that you are mentally subordinate to a 15 year-old, and lacking in either the cognitive faculties or basic attention span required to enjoy the movie. You will be asked to only attend screenings of films with a lower Age Rating in future.

[honestly united]

1 hour ago, milton75 said:

Yes.

No.

It's really pretty much never fair enough. I'm willing to concede that once in a blue moon someone might hire an advertising firm that puts together something surprising and leftfield, and that maybe it's amusing, but 99.9% of the time adverts are obvious, trite, and irritating. 
I once saw a woman laugh uproariously at those Vauxhall adverts in which the kids talk as though they're the adults in the situation. She was creaming herself as though this paradigm was the new epitome of wit. I wanted to punch her fat stupid face in.

People should either chat quietly among themselves during adverts or sit in mute, embarrassed, silence; acknowledging that by watching them we're jointly participating in a grim & demeaning experience, only tolerated because they sponsor the feature soon to play.

When the trailers play everyone should be quiet. If a trailer for something particularly lackwitted is shown, people are aloud to mutter contemptuously, but this should be kept to a minimum.

In the day and age where the huge swaiths of people watch reality TV as entertainment, and the complete dross that passes as comedy on TV, I am willing to forgive people a little 'titter' [insert kenneth williams pic here] at their first viewing of something new that is meant to be considered funny or witty. Lets put it down to human nature not being able to control the laughter as its something new that you haven't seen before. 

But when its the same adverts you see every night inbetween corrie how can you be unaware of it and still find it funny!! - these people should not be allowed in a cinema as you know they are going to ruin the movie, they should be removed from the cinema before the movie starts

However im with you that as soon as the Trailers start there should be no talking except if something looks really good, I will allow a little nudge of the person you are with and a whisper of "that looks good2, or "wouldn't mind seeing that"  but only once it has finsihed and before the next one starts - just during the bit where the screen is usually black with some writing on it about the film

 

[DA Baracus]

Anyone laughing at any advert with those meerkats in them should be incinerated on the spot.

[DA Baracus]

18 hours ago, supermik said:

When I went to watch Grease when it was first released most of the audience got out their seats and danced in the aisles and down the front during each song. In fact the dancing started before the film even started when there was music being played in the cinema to get everybody in the mood.

When I went to see the Warriors everybody was very aggressive whilst leaving the cinema. A lot of doors were kicked open and some folk were blatantly bumping into each other trying to force a confrontation.

god, I miss the 70's. Loved life back then.

This sounds like one of the worst things to have ever happened. Genuinely an appalling thought.

[Ira Gaines]

Seems to be a lot of miserable c***s on here tbh.

[milton75]

3 hours ago, Randy Giles said:

Seems to be a lot of miserable c***s on here tbh.

Or just people who don't tolerate fools gladly.

[mizfit]

Last time I went to the cinema was in December.

Midday Saturday during peak Xmas shopping, not quite dead, but quiet.

The quietest I've ever had was screen 1 at Perth playhouse for attack of the clones. Myself and 3 other kids when we were 11 or 12. Easter holidays lunchtime viewing.

[Arch Stanton]

4 hours ago, Randy Giles said:

Seems to be a lot of miserable c***s on here tbh.

Sssssshhhhhhh!

[Ira Gaines]

21 minutes ago, mizfit said:

Last time I went to the cinema was in December.

Midday Saturday during peak Xmas shopping, not quite dead, but quiet.

The quietest I've ever had was screen 1 at Perth playhouse for attack of the clones. Myself and 3 other kids when we were 11 or 12. Easter holidays lunchtime viewing.

Quietist I've ever seen was me. Just me. Eye in the Sky on a Tuesday night showing in Greenock.

[JamieStevenson]

I had Sicario to myself not so long back. Rare to have no distractions, brilliant film too.

[Rugster]

The last advert I genuinely remember laughing at was that one for a beer I can't remember the name of with the guy wearing the fox hat.

[BFTD]

Where to start  

Best nutter I've seen was at a showing of Batman Begins in the big Cineworld on Renfrew Street. He was silent until the first time Christian Bale appeared on screen, whereupon he shrieked "IT'S BATMAN!", which he then repeated every time they cut to Bale. Eventually folk started wandering out to complain but, when the staff came in to ask him to cut it out, he lay down on the floor and just started screaming generally. They had to carry him out in the end. Glasgow, eh?

Wouldn't have minded, but Bale hadn't even been revealed as Batman by that point. Fucking spoilers!  

Edit: American cinemas are worse, surprisingly. As a kid, I used to hanker for their ratings system, which would have allowed my mum to take me to see Gremlins in the cinema before I was 15, but I didn't take into account the fact that people are complete fucking morons. Every horror movie has at least one pair of idiots who couldn't get a babysitter and decide to take their newborn along to the latest zombie gore blockbuster, while the toddlers run around the aisles banging on the back of everyone's seats.

True, the staff usually drag these imbeciles out once the blood starts flying and the kids noisily soil themselves, but it doesn't change the fact that you've spent the first fifteen minutes of the film watching the Jerry Springer drama taking place in the auditorium.

[monthelie']

On ‎15‎/‎06‎/‎2017 at 11:12, sergie's no1 fan said:

The good thing about having a fancy brand new cinema at Excape, Braehead is the one in Linwood is always dead. Even at peak times on Fridays and Saturdays. I assume all the c***s go to the Braehead one.

Only negative point is the Linwood cinema smells of feet sometimes but i can put up with that if the place is empty.

I wrongly assumed that too, until T2 at Linwood when an arsehole couple sat in front. Spoke all the way through, had a fucking picnic with them, and when her phone went off the 4th time, she couldn't fucking find it!

Obviously I was too polite to point out that she must know where it was, as she spent the whole fucking film on it. Plus her partner may have booted the shit out me if I mentioned it.

[salmonbuddie]

3 hours ago, Rugster said:

The last advert I genuinely remember laughing at was that one for a beer I can't remember the name of with the guy wearing the fox hat.

Miller lager. I remember seeing it on telly once (and only once!) pre 0600 breakfast show, no-one believed me...

[Boghead ranter]

6 hours ago, Rugster said:

The last advert I genuinely remember laughing at was that one for a beer I can't remember the name of with the guy wearing the fox hat.

A very young Rich Hall.

3 hours ago, salmonbuddie said:

Miller lager. I remember seeing it on telly once (and only once!) pre 0600 breakfast show, no-one believed me...

 

[Shandon Par]

I've found the audiences at Cineworld in Edinburgh to be very respectful. Never had any bother, though I did have to stomp on some feet when people were slow to move.

Got turfed out of the old cinema in Dunfermline a couple of times as a youth for overly-heavy petting with my girlfriend. 

The missus is a bit of a code breaker, rustling sweet wrappers at quiet bits and talking/asking inane questions.  

[killienick]

I'm 6 foot 6 so when I go to the cinema it's generally a squeeze but I cope. However, there is almost always one of two people behind me who somehow can't fit in the space but are invariably considerably smaller than me ;

1) The 'seat kicker' who batters away at the back of your chair oblivious to the fact that someone is in it, (at least I hope they're kicking it - that w**king story earlier has me thinking ),

2) The 'seat puller' who needs to get up 5 times an hour, for whatever reason, and needs to pull themselves up by your chair whilst you are in it,

On the above and also the chatty joes, my wife thinks I'm a grumpy old git but I generally just tell them to quit it. Even weans chatting to their Dads and guys on first dates trying to impress their lady friend have felt my wrath. I honestly couldn't care less if this makes me a miserable c**t or not.

[Stellaboz]

Baracus should tell his "mom" tale from the cinema.


I can't really remember having a particularly bad experience in the cinema, had the odd c**t given a death stare for talking the odd time but nothing too bad. Must be lucky.

[11thHour]

I never go see a film until its been out at least 2 weeks, means the number of people in the screening should be at a minimum.

Just the usual stuff that's been covered on here:
Folk who sit on their phone - Using yer phone up until the film starts is fine but after that put the fucker away. You're there to watch a film, social media can wait a wee while.
Folk who go and sit and chat through the whole thing - f**k off to a café for a chat ya wanks.
Folk who constantly ask whits going on and the other person who actually responds - Tell them to f**k off if they ask you whats going on.

 

[ftk]

Seems to be a new trend of tits that come in late to the film then use the torch on their phones to find their seats. This irritates and annoys everybody else that could be bothered to turn up on time.