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Infuriating Things Your Partner Does


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Only ever missed 3 flights. 

Chicago-Atlanta , no matter how quick we moved it was never gonna work. 

Lesson learned.  Avoid going through immigration while having an internal connection if you can.

 

Charles de Gaule-Heathrow.  Again never gonna happen due to times between connection.

Lesson learned.  Never completely trust your travel agent.

 

Boston-LA should have happened as had 5 hours between flight.

Lesson learned.  Don't allow 5 guys to use the free scratch cards that allow you to buy half bottles of whiskey for 75p in Manchester then once on the bevvy in Boston airport crack them all open to share with American guys you meet in the lounge.

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6 hours ago, Hedgecutter said:

Other half: "whilst you're at the chemist, can you see if they have any KY Jelly please?"

Me (somewhat surprised): "this is a change"

Her: "No, I need it for going up to the stables this evening"

Me: "You might want to explain this one a bit more..."

  Reveal hidden contents

It's for lubricating a rectal thermometer for a horse there.  Apparently.

Tell her to use a bit of Geordie charm, like everyone else.

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Only ever missed 3 flights. 
Chicago-Atlanta , no matter how quick we moved it was never gonna work. 
Lesson learned.  Avoid going through immigration while having an internal connection if you can.
 
Charles de Gaule-Heathrow.  Again never gonna happen due to times between connection.
Lesson learned.  Never completely trust your travel agent.
 
Boston-LA should have happened as had 5 hours between flight.
Lesson learned.  Don't allow 5 guys to use the free scratch cards that allow you to buy half bottles of whiskey for 75p in Manchester then once on the bevvy in Boston airport crack them all open to share with American guys you meet in the lounge.


I missed the Dubai to India leg of a Glasgow/Dubai/India flight despite having 3 hours in Dubai airport departures before the India flight.

I put all my stuff in the tray at transfer security on arrival in Dubai and went through the scanner but my passport was in my pocket, so went back and put it in a separate wee tray. Got through the other side and picked up all my stuff in the big tray and off I went

It was only when they were checking passports at the gate during boarding of the India leg I realised I didn’t have my passport. Cue mad dash back to security to retrieve my passport but too late by the time I got back to the gate

Fanny
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7 hours ago, Hedgecutter said:

Other half: "whilst you're at the chemist, can you see if they have any KY Jelly please?"

Me (somewhat surprised): "this is a change"

Her: "No, I need it for going up to the stables this evening"

Me: "You might want to explain this one a bit more..."

 

  Reveal hidden contents

It's for lubricating a rectal thermometer for a horse there.  Apparently.

Neigh chance!

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7 hours ago, Raithie said:

Wife's first day back at work today after the Christmas/New Year break. She's had breakfast, she's showered, hair and make up done, lunch is made, jacket and shoes on - she's effectively all ready and her next step would be to leave the house and get in the car, she's already running a bit late. She starts panicking "oh no, does the car need defrosted" (it's still dark outside) and proceeds to stand in the living room with the blinds open, big light on and staring intently to ascertain if the windscreen looks frosty. Just leave the house woman and you'll see if the cars needing defrosted!

What she means is why haven't you been outside to check for me and scrape it so I can just jump in and drive away

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8 hours ago, Hedgecutter said:

Other half: "whilst you're at the chemist, can you see if they have any KY Jelly please?"

Me (somewhat surprised): "this is a change"

Her: "No, I need it for going up to the stables this evening"

Me: "You might want to explain this one a bit more..."

 

  Reveal hidden contents

It's for lubricating a rectal thermometer for a horse there.  Apparently.

Did you know you other half had a horse? If no, red flag!

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4 minutes ago, alta-pete said:

Did you know you other half had a horse? If no, red flag!

She doesn't own a horse!

 

she looks after other people's horses when they're away, giving all the benefits without the stable, food & vet bills.  Smart.

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18 minutes ago, Hedgecutter said:

She doesn't own a horse!

 

 

  Hide contents

she looks after other people's horses when they're away, giving all the benefits without the stable, food & vet bills.  Smart.

 

Sounds very much like the relationship between me and the Tayside WPC I was seeing between Mrs a-p-1 and the now Mrs a-p-2
 

Spoiler

Although as far as I can recall she never stuck a thermometer up my bottom, with or without KY. 
 

Spoiler

Might occasionally have been a cheeky wee finger though. 

 

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28 minutes ago, Hedgecutter said:

She doesn't own a horse!

  Hide contents

she looks after other people's horses when they're away, giving all the benefits without the stable, food & vet bills.  Smart.

I knew someone who did that years ago. Apparently owners of stallions have to wash their willies or they get infections. Takes a vigorous rubbing behind the foreskin with Fairy Liquid.

That was her excuse for doing it, anyway.

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18 minutes ago, BFTD said:

I knew someone who did that years ago. Apparently owners of stallions have to wash their willies or they get infections. Takes a vigorous rubbing behind the foreskin with Fairy Liquid.

That was her excuse for doing it, anyway.

Did you use any sort of glove, or go for it bare-back?  🤔 😆

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1 hour ago, broon-loon said:

Did you use any sort of glove, or go for it bare-back?  🤔 😆

f**k that for a game of soldiers. The horse's cock could rot off before I polished its apple.

One of the many reasons that the SSPCA would never let me own a horse.

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2 hours ago, BFTD said:

I knew someone who did that years ago. Apparently owners of stallions have to wash their willies or they get infections. Takes a vigorous rubbing behind the foreskin with Fairy Liquid.

That was her excuse for doing it, anyway.

 

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She's watching the figure skating.

Her: What's this music?
Me: It's 'At Last'
Her: It's really familiar but I can't place it.
Me: 'At Last', by Etta James
Her: Oh wait, I can rewind it.
Me: You don't need to rewind it. It's 'At Last'.
Her: They put it on the screen.
Me: It's 'At Last'.
Her: Oh, it's 'At Last'.
Me: Yes, I know.
<Pause>
Her: Is that what you said?

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On 30/12/2021 at 15:19, Jimmy Shaker said:

Bits coming from IKEA.

Her - You in this week?
Me - Am working Thursday and Friday morning, 0600-1200hrs, will be out
Her - I've stuff coming from IKEA, will you be in to receive it?
Me - Other than those hours, yes

Short pause...

Her - It's coming in two loads on Thursday and Friday morning, between 0830 and 1230hrs. 

Bravo, hen. 

Does your Mrs recieve loads often while you're at work?

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You can all put it down in your notepads, that they don't change over here in Thailand.

When she cooks (she is a great cook) the kitchen looks like a wedding party for 300 has just been served.

Needless to say I do all the washing up (I'm a great washer upper).

Ying and Yang

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10 hours ago, BFTD said:

I knew someone who did that years ago. Apparently owners of stallions have to wash their willies or they get infections. Takes a vigorous rubbing behind the foreskin with Fairy Liquid.

That was her excuse for doing it, anyway.

Another post to add to the evidence pile for Police Scotland once they inevitably check your hard drive.

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Wife: "When you take that parcel for to the shop to deliver it, can you pick up bananas and a bunch of flowers for my workmate?"

Me: "What parcel?"

Wife: "It needs to be at the shop by noon for next day delivery."

Me: "What parcel? What shop?"

Wife: "Oh, did I not tell you? I need you to go to the Hermes shop and hand in a parcel for delivery."

Me: "Hermes shop?"

She looked at me like I was insane for not knowing all this stuff. 

 

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