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Infuriating Things Your Partner Does


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18 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

Every fucking time. 

I now sit her down and ask here "DO YOU NEED ANYTHING FROM THE SHOP" before I leave the house. 

"DO NOT TEXT OR WHATSAPP ME AFTER IVE LEFT THE LIVING ROOM AS I NOT RESPOND"

Just as Im leaving the checkout "oh can you get me liquorice allsorts and fags"

"TOO FUCKING LATE"

She needs the art of a subtle guilt trip in there. "we need medicine for the children. Oh, and while you're in there, a bottle of cava." 

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6 minutes ago, Bairnardo said:

Its nice that you have posted what you hope one day you will have the nerve to do... Gives you something to strive for apart from.... Cement and that

Sent from my SM-G780G using Tapatalk
 

You think I went back in an bought the sweeties?  Ha ha ha

Spoiler

Of course I fucking did :(

 

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5 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

Every fucking time. 

I now sit her down and ask here "DO YOU NEED ANYTHING FROM THE SHOP" before I leave the house. 

"DO NOT TEXT OR WHATSAPP ME AFTER IVE LEFT THE LIVING ROOM AS I NOT RESPOND"

Just as Im leaving the checkout "oh can you get me liquorice allsorts and fags"

"TOO FUCKING LATE"

Fags and now liquorice allsorts?

If she takes a sudden liking to garlic too, take the hint.

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13 hours ago, Empty It said:

f**k knows what she does with toilet roll but we go through more than a family of 10 and its just the two of us, kitchen roll aswell.

One of life's great mysteries. When I lived on my own, I'd get a two-pack of Andrex when I needed it - nowhere near every week*. Now, It comes in 24-packs, and easily once every three weeks. There's me, her, and one remaining Rosette at home. What the blue fúck are they doing with it?**

*Aided, obviously, by my "shit when you're getting paid for it when possible" philosophy.***

**And yes, I realise that they need to use it for both types of ablutions, but not a fucking roll at a time, surely?

*** Which is still extant.

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48 minutes ago, WhiteRoseKillie said:

One of life's great mysteries. When I lived on my own, I'd get a two-pack of Andrex when I needed it - nowhere near every week*. Now, It comes in 24-packs, and easily once every three weeks. There's me, her, and one remaining Rosette at home. What the blue fúck are they doing with it?**

*Aided, obviously, by my "shit when you're getting paid for it when possible" philosophy.***

**And yes, I realise that they need to use it for both types of ablutions, but not a fucking roll at a time, surely?

*** Which is still extant.

Same here - me, wife, daughter.(Occasionally assorted small children.)

The amount of times I go into the bathroom to discover a practically full roll has disappeared over the course of a day is mind boggling.

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Wife normally takes the car to work as I'm predominantly working from home. On route home from her work she has to go via Morrisons so if we're low on some shopping I'll ask her to nip in on the way home from work. Several times in the past I've text her, she'll read it (but ignore it), and she'll come home with the "oh, I never seen the message" - which is female talk for "couldn't be bothered" and then it's me that ends up going out for the shopping. Anyway, she phoned me for a blether when about to leave work yesterday. Me and the bairn were leaving the house early to head to the football last night so asked her if she could grab something quick for tea rather than this Mindful Chef stuff she's addicted to but ultimately takes fucking forever to cook as she gets distracted by her phone. I'm banned from cooking (suits me - I do the dishes i.e. put everything in the dishwasher). 

"can you go to Morrisons on the way home and grab something quick for tea, me and the bairn are heading early to the football tonight mind"

"....I'll come home first then I'll go back out and get something"

"what? why? you're going passed Morrisons, what a waste of petrol to drive home for one of us to go back out again immediately"

"yeah but I need a pee first"

"well use the bog in Morrisons or the bog at your work"

"oh no, I'm not pishing in a public toilet"

Anyway she gets home, we were leaving in about an hour from her getting home. Telt the bairn slyly we'll dine out at the San Starko. Suited him as he knew he'd get a mars bar out of it. As suspected the wife gets home, sits in the bog for about 20 minutes browsing through her phone then potters about the house. f**k all toilet paper left after she's done whatever she's done in the bog.

"right that's us away, see you when we're back"

"wait?!?!? what about tea?"

If anyone's seen the 50 Cent gif with Captain Picard in the backseat. Essentially mine and the bairns reaction when driving away.

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18 hours ago, Empty It said:

f**k knows what she does with toilet roll but we go through more than a family of 10 and its just the two of us, kitchen roll aswell.

I've always imagined they chew it up to make a nest like that episode of the Xfiles when the guy can squeeze thru letterboxes and shit.

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On 27/09/2021 at 18:20, beesher said:

Chucks stuff out from the fridge for absolutely no reason at all. Chucked a tub of Parmesan out last week despite it being in date, this week an unopened tub of Greek yoghurt.

Does my nut in when I go to cook something and a couple of the ingredients are missing.

You shouldn't be buying parmesan in tubs. I think she did you a favour.

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10 hours ago, Raithie said:

"yeah but I need a pee first"

"well use the bog in Morrisons or the bog at your work"

"oh no, I'm not pishing in a public toilet"

 

This... wtf is this about? She'd genuinely rather sit there bursting for 4 hours and near greeting with pain than spray a wee drop hand sanitiser on some bog roll and wipe the seat. 

We'll never understand them. 

Mine has been nipping my head to go to the doctor for a sprained ankle because it still hurts after ~3 weeks. I pointed out it's nigh on impossible to get a doctors appointment just now, and even if I miraculously did I'd be told to keep weight off it and rest til it heals (which is what I've been trying to do). Best case scenario is a physio referral which will be a waiting list of a year plus - but apparently I'll feel loads better if I follow these simple steps.

Long story short I'm now shelling out £80 for a private physio consultation next week.

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Security is not her strong point.

The carpark in our street is such that everyone uses their back door rather than the front as their main access to the house. I've come home (again) tonight to find the back door wide open, with her handbag and car keys lying right there on the worktop.

Wander into the house to find her upstairs fannying about with some tat she's bought for the spare room, but I'm the cnut for calling her out.

Actually happened a few weeks ago on a warm day when I came in to find her bag, phone and car keys lying on the table in the garden, but that was ok as she'd 'just nipped upstairs to change into something lighter'. and would only be a minute.

Like some opportunist thief would pass up the chance of some cash and bank cards, an i-phone and the keys to a 6 month old Mini since she'd 'be back in a minute'.

Headcase.

 

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7 minutes ago, 'WellDel said:

Security is not her strong point.

The carpark in our street is such that everyone uses their back door rather than the front as their main access to the house. I've come home (again) tonight to find the back door wide open, with her handbag and car keys lying right there on the worktop.

Wander into the house to find her upstairs fannying about with some tat she's bought for the spare room, but I'm the cnut for calling her out.

Actually happened a few weeks ago on a warm day when I came in to find her bag, phone and car keys lying on the table in the garden, but that was ok as she'd 'just nipped upstairs to change into something lighter'. and would only be a minute.

Like some opportunist thief would pass up the chance of some cash and bank cards, an i-phone and the keys to a 6 month old Mini since she'd 'be back in a minute'.

Headcase.

 

You're right mate that's not on.

Send me your address and I'll nip round and have a word.

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6 hours ago, 'WellDel said:

Security is not her strong point.

The carpark in our street is such that everyone uses their back door rather than the front as their main access to the house. I've come home (again) tonight to find the back door wide open, with her handbag and car keys lying right there on the worktop.

Wander into the house to find her upstairs fannying about with some tat she's bought for the spare room, but I'm the cnut for calling her out.

Actually happened a few weeks ago on a warm day when I came in to find her bag, phone and car keys lying on the table in the garden, but that was ok as she'd 'just nipped upstairs to change into something lighter'. and would only be a minute.

Like some opportunist thief would pass up the chance of some cash and bank cards, an i-phone and the keys to a 6 month old Mini since she'd 'be back in a minute'.

Headcase.

 

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