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Infuriating Things Your Partner Does


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10 hours ago, Hedgecutter said:

i) the walk can be achieved by a shortcut through the local playing field as the crow flies, whilst the drive requires a more convoluted diversion involving roundabouts and speed bumps.

ii) you're assuming that we left at 18:30, which would be folly.  Turned out she was hunting for the Sellotape as she attempted to create a "back in 5 mins..." note to stick on the front door as she was 'expecting a delivery at any moment', which was news to me.

Did she think the delivery man would hang around till she got back?

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2 minutes ago, welshbairn said:

Did she think the delivery man would hang around till she got back?

Exactly what I said.

"maybe he'll pop back around if he has another delivery somewhere else nearby", which is fair enough I suppose... albeit somewhat hopeful.

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1 hour ago, Jacksgranda said:

My mother was a cook from 1960, golf club then a guest house. Excellent cook. I'd put my father down as reasonable. (He was better than I am. probably.)

My wife is a great cook, me, fair to middling

Step daughter nr 1, very good, if you could thole her constant where the f***'s this, where the f***'s, this bowl's not f****** clean, have you no f****** whatever

Step daughter nr 2, excellent with puddings and desserts, main course very good, but that's mostly her ex husbands in put (They're still on friendly terms and he helps out with the Christmas dinner.)

Step daughter nr 3, very good, partner would be passable I think, he did the cooking after his mother died as far as I know

Step daughter nr 1, very good, ex partner not so much.

My dad was, and still is, the cook. Every weekend we go to visit and he cooks up a breakfast for me and the kids (he makes a fry up for my son that would choke a racehorse). A couple of weeks ago mum phoned to say that dad was going fishing on the Saturday we were due to visit. Would we still like to come and she would do the cooking?

The kids decided that we would visit on the Sunday. They've chanced her cooking before. 

Here at home I cook every meal. The wife can do 2 or 3 and she maybe does the dinner once or twice a year, but no more. 

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I think you and your social circle are probably the exception. I'm scratching my head to think of any couples I know where the man does the (Bulk of) the cooking.

But as long as you're getting fed that's the main thing! :)

ETA: reply to @scottsdad

Edited by Jacksgranda
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2 hours ago, Hedgecutter said:

Exactly what I said.

"maybe he'll pop back around if he has another delivery somewhere else nearby", which is fair enough I suppose... albeit somewhat hopeful.

What actually happens is the deliverer says "if they're back in 5 minutes it'll be fine on the doorstep"

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Just posted on another thread about my great auntie, who came to visit and cooked for us and was fabulous. It seems my earlier statement was incorrect. 

Turns out that making sweeping generalisations about a whole gender based on lazy thinking, incomplete and contradictory information is sexist after all. My bad. 

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I'm working til one then we're heading away for the weekend. So she's getting the train to meet me at work so we can drive from here. I've had about 15 texts this morning moaning about absolutely everything. If she puts a dampner on this trip because she's decided to be moody for no real reason, Im going to be raging.

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WhatsApp from her earlier asking if there’s an Oak Furniture Land in Dundee. 
 

Yes there is, it’s literally 5 minutes from our house. 
 

Ah good I’ll let <insertnameofuselesspalhere> know. We’ve been messaging each other this afternoon and I was going to phone directory enquiries to find out.

Two women, messaging each other using iPhones connected to the internet, one was going to phone a fucking irrelevant service because neither of them thought to access the fucking world of information sitting right there in the palm of there hands.

 

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9 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

WhatsApp from her earlier asking if there’s an Oak Furniture Land in Dundee. 
 

Yes there is, it’s literally 5 minutes from our house. 
 

Ah good I’ll let <insertnameofuselesspalhere> know. We’ve been messaging each other this afternoon and I was going to phone directory enquiries to find out.

Two women, messaging each other using iPhones connected to the internet, one was going to phone a fucking irrelevant service because neither of them thought to access the fucking world of information sitting right there in the palm of there hands.

 

I used directory enquires once when I was stuck in a traffic jam and was going to be late for an appointment. The woman asked if I'd like her to put me through, so I said thank you very much to save me from scribbling it down. Cost me £8 for a one minute phone call.

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2 minutes ago, welshbairn said:

I used directory enquires once when I was stuck in a traffic jam and was going to be late for an appointment. The woman asked if I'd like her to put me through, so I said thank you very much to save me from scribbling it down. Cost me £8 for a one minute phone call.

I remember that. They charge you extra for connecting you rather than just dishing out the number. Like, a LOT extra. Think the one I tried was 0118 999 881 999 119 725 3.

Frankly astonished they still exist, although I suppose it must be cheap as chips to run. Some self-employed lad in his pants with a smartphone glued to him 24 hours a day, knowing that if he can get a dozen calls a day, he'll be making more than the living wage. There are worse jobs.

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The war department is a fine cook. Particularly with the baking, which I have no knack for. What she can't do is clean up as she goes, or after herself once she's done - or at all - in the kitchen, meaning it's easier for me to make a batch lot of anything that would feed 50 than it is to let her do so much as pasta and sauce. 

She has more than once arrived home at night and found the kitchen clean and asked if I've actually made the tea, seemingly thinking it impossible that someone could actually cook and clean up at the same time. 

Edited by Jimmy Shaker
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Last minute planning for somewhere to go this long weekend.

Her: I've never been to Yorkshire.

Me: Not even driving through it?

Her: Well, I went to York on a school trip.

Me: Last time I checked...

 

Eta:  Turns out our annual holiday is going to be spent at a hotel <1 mile from my childhood home. 

#jetsetter

Edited by Hedgecutter
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5 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

WhatsApp from her earlier asking if there’s an Oak Furniture Land in Dundee. 
 

Yes there is, it’s literally 5 minutes from our house. 
 

Ah good I’ll let <insertnameofuselesspalhere> know. We’ve been messaging each other this afternoon and I was going to phone directory enquiries to find out.

Two women, messaging each other using iPhones connected to the internet, one was going to phone a fucking irrelevant service because neither of them thought to access the fucking world of information sitting right there in the palm of there hands.

 

Ho ho, enjoy your new oak dining room tables and chairs. Probably set you back about 2k.

Thank you.

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6 hours ago, Jimmy Shaker said:

The war department is a fine cook. Particularly with the baking, which I have no knack for. What she can't do is clean up as she goes, or after herself once she's done - or at all - in the kitchen, meaning it's easier for me to make a batch lot of anything that would feed 50 than it is to let her do so much as pasta and sauce. 

She has more than once arrived home at night and found the kitchen clean and asked if I've actually made the tea, seemingly thinking it impossible that someone could actually cook and clean up at the same time. 

100x this. Surprised there are any plates left to eat off after she's turned the kitchen into Hiroshima.

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My issue is that despite working more hours than your average convenience store clerk recently & typically coming home to sit on the laptop til 10pm, it seems that the fact she's on the rag means all my shit has to stop and the world must revolve around her.

Literally just wanted 15 mins to myself last night after people barking at me since 8am, but apparently it was imperative that I learn about what Tracy did at work and why it was Trudy's fault and why that means Tina isn't allowed to sit with them at lunch anymore. The names may be made up, I could only hear white noise after the first 30 seconds or so tbh.

ETA: ah f**k it never mind

Edited by dave258
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