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Dee Man

Infuriating Things Your Partner Does

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A genuine miracle and a ray of hope for us all...

Mrs. Nosejob has “discovered” that removing cans and yogurt pots from their multipack wrapping before putting them in the cupboard or fridge means they take up less space and are easier to retrieve. 
Sadly, I suspect this is down to her viewing a Facebook life-hack video, rather than my 20 years worth of telling her each week.

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Since we can gather in groups of 6 from 6 households, she has said her parents and brother are coming up on Saturday.  I advise her I am watching the Falkirk game at 12. She cracks up saying I am not sitting in the house when her family are here - as if they are the fucking Windsors. She knew fine well I'd be watching the football yet invites them up because it suits her. Her dad and brother are also Falkirk fans but would never pay for an away stream. 
So now I am to turn the TV unit and point it out the patio doors so we can watch the game whilst sitting distanced in the garden. Absolutely fuming. 
To compound matters, I am no longer allowed to call Mark Durnan and Connor Sammon useless c***s as it will cause offence. 
I've never considered myself to be very rough spoken but this family are a bunch of vanilla c***s. 
 
Sammon was useless at Motherwell but thought he might do a job at Falkirk after stepping down a few divisions - obviously not. The question then is, how far down does he need to go to be of use?

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She's working from home and I seem to be coming in to a mess of dishes she is using for breakfast and lunch.

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Sammon was useless at Motherwell but thought he might do a job at Falkirk after stepping down a few divisions - obviously not. The question then is, how far down does he need to go to be of use?
Sammon can be outstanding- all you need is a top class Finnish midfielder to put the ball on a plate for the big plank.

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3 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

 

She’s got 3 on the go John! And they’re just the ones she uses for baking. Obvz there are always two tubs of butter on the go too.

109B59C2-88D0-40BA-A6D2-E43B90A73145.jpeg

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She’s got 3 on the go John! And they’re just the ones she uses for baking. Obvz there are always two tubs of butter on the go too.
109B59C2-88D0-40BA-A6D2-E43B90A73145.thumb.jpeg.cefe80a9775b492abb49b5ffd5398941.jpeg
Last Tango in Lower Largo.

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Unrealistic alarm calls. 

All this week, and on many occasions before she's gone on about how much she has to do the next day, and how early she'll need to be up. Cue the alarm going off at 06.00, only for her to proclaim how she really is busy but too exhausted to actually fucking get up, before resetting the bloody thing for her usual 08.00 and promptly falling back asleep. 

I've been on the late backshift, so by the time I get in and have a quick bite to eat and unwind its between 1-2am  before I go to bed. I am also a hellish light sleeper, so this fucking charade leaves me lying awake, seething, every time. Silly bint. 

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Mine does that too.  Or more, sets maybe 5 pr 6 alarms in 5 or 10 minute intervals until it's time to get up.  It's like do you not realise I can fucking hear them and are getting woken up by them too?  What's wrong with setting one alarm for the time you want to be woken up at?  Like people with actual working brains do.

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14 hours ago, coprolite said:

We now have 4 open packets of spaghetti in the cupboard, each half used. 

Fuming

My son is guilty of that kind of stuff - the wife buys Oreos in mini-packs (it's a Filipino thing!) and he eats 2 of the 3 biscuits and then puts the one back.  We have a box with a load of Oreos that have gone soft.  

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50 minutes ago, 'WellDel said:

Unrealistic alarm calls. 

All this week, and on many occasions before she's gone on about how much she has to do the next day, and how early she'll need to be up. Cue the alarm going off at 06.00, only for her to proclaim how she really is busy but too exhausted to actually fucking get up, before resetting the bloody thing for her usual 08.00 and promptly falling back asleep. 

I've been on the late backshift, so by the time I get in and have a quick bite to eat and unwind its between 1-2am  before I go to bed. I am also a hellish light sleeper, so this fucking charade leaves me lying awake, seething, every time. Silly bint. 

 

43 minutes ago, TheScarf said:

Mine does that too.  Or more, sets maybe 5 pr 6 alarms in 5 or 10 minute intervals until it's time to get up.  It's like do you not realise I can fucking hear them and are getting woken up by them too?  What's wrong with setting one alarm for the time you want to be woken up at?  Like people with actual working brains do.

As a solution to this may I suggest having kids

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11 minutes ago, Pato said:

 

As a solution to this may I suggest having kids

Been there, done that. My daughter, like her mother was a pain in the arse in the mornings too. Her snooze alarm would go off every 10 mins in the next room until it reached the point of me banging the wall and yelling at her to get the fcuk up. 

T'was a great day when she moved out to flatshare with her friends. Alas, her mother's morning madness still persists. Fecking wimmin'. 

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As someone else saud a few pages back, I find myself doing more of the 'women' stuff on here than my Mrs. I'm the messiest of the two of us and I'm definitely a 'snoozer'. My Mrs sets her alarm and is up immediately. That for me is mental behaviour, I need the snooze.

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Mine makes a big fuss about not being up by a certain time, but then manages to find an extra 15-20 mins or so without issue whenever she's in a particular morning mood.   I'll leave that open to interpretation.

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18 minutes ago, 19QOS19 said:

As someone else saud a few pages back, I find myself doing more of the 'women' stuff on here than my Mrs. I'm the messiest of the two of us and I'm definitely a 'snoozer'. My Mrs sets her alarm and is up immediately. That for me is mental behaviour, I need the snooze.

Nah, I'm one of those unfortunates who sleep very lightly. Even if my alarm is set for a 03.00am rise, for a 04.00am start at work, there's a high chance I'll be awake and switch it off before it even sounds, leaving the mrs in blissful slumber unlike when it's the other way round and she's up first. 

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52 minutes ago, hk blues said:

My son is guilty of that kind of stuff - the wife buys Oreos in mini-packs (it's a Filipino thing!) and he eats 2 of the 3 biscuits and then puts the one back.  We have a box with a load of Oreos that have gone soft.  

Oreos are rank. The budweiser of biscuits. 

I've had a rage tidy of the cupboards this morning (slamming down tins, muttering, long exaggerated sighs) and found three open packets of stuffing mix and five open packs of gravy granules. 

That's before i get started on big pans stacked on little pans and round tubs in rectangular tubs. 

Get those Oreos in the bin. 

 

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Nah, I'm one of those unfortunates who sleep very lightly. Even if my alarm is set for a 03.00am rise, for a 04.00am start at work, there's a high chance I'll be awake and switch it off before it even sounds, leaving the mrs in blissful slumber unlike when it's the other way round and she's up first. 
I don't know if I envy or pity you. I'd love to be able to wake up before my alarm/bounce out of bed in the morning but I do enjoy that I'm a deep sleeper. The one drawback to my personal deep sleeping is that is usually comes with pretty bad night terrors.

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