Infuriating Things Your Partner Does

[coprolite]

48 minutes ago, Jacksgranda said:

My wife hears words and rearranges them to suit whatever thoughts are circulating in her head.

We've got a chicken for dinner. I said "That's quite a big chicken, it's going to take two and a quarter hours to cook." Then I paused, before saying "Maybe two and a half hours." Her reply was "I'd cook it all at once, then separate it into freezer bags and use it as you need it, you couldn't put half a chicken back in the freezer." I asked "What are you talking about?" "Cooking the chicken, you said it was too big." "What?"

That's a big chicken. 

That's a variant on answering the wrong question. 

Me "do you need anything from the shop?" 

Her "I went to the shop on Tuesday" 

[Jacksgranda]

2 minutes ago, coprolite said:

That's a big chicken. 

That's a variant on answering the wrong question. 

Me "do you need anything from the shop?" 

Her "I went to the shop on Tuesday" 

Future wife to future stepdaughter: "When did you cut your jeans?" Future stepdaughter to future wife "They're an old pair."

[thomas]

Repeatedly asks if your nervous/ok? what's wrong with you? right before a Scottish Cup semi final

[JamesP_81]

My wife hears words and rearranges them to suit whatever thoughts are circulating in her head.
We've got a chicken for dinner. I said "That's quite a big chicken, it's going to take two and a quarter hours to cook." Then I paused, before saying "Maybe two and a half hours." Her reply was "I'd cook it all at once, then separate it into freezer bags and use it as you need it, you couldn't put half a chicken back in the freezer." I asked "What are you talking about?" "Cooking the chicken, you said it was too big." "What?"

Most common version of this with Mrs P is me asking what time dinner will be served being met with, " well I can't bloody cook it any quicker so you'll just have to wait" or some such variant.

[buchan30]

She works nightshifts, so as a result she doesn’t do a lot of tidying when she is on. Consequently, mainly the kitchen isn’t tidy when i finish work. No big deal, I understand that she doesn’t have time between sleeping and work. But i come in, i tidy it etc.
Who i do take umbrage at is her being crabbit on her days off when I haven’t tidied the kitchen (yet) because i was watching the football.

[philpy]

She cannot grasp the fact that chewing gum does NOT have to be chewed loudly, with your mouth open.

[19QOS19]

Are you raging that she hasn't taken the cover completely off or the fact she's stuck the tub to your wall?

[Tony Ferrino]

1 hour ago, philpy said:

She cannot grasp the fact that chewing gum does NOT have to be chewed loudly, with your mouth open.

Suppose a hooker is a partner if only for a brief time.

[mac.i]

I'm feeling like crap after my vaccination, so much the Mrs didn't want me to go to work yesterday.... Said she would get the kids to school this morning so I could have a long lie.

So far I've made their breakfast, lunches sorted clothes and got the wee man in the shower..... Last out of bed this morning is the wife......

[Bairnardo]

Whines like f**k about having no time. You get the same 24 hours a a day as me, the president of the USA, the finest minds in the world and most bone idle b*****ds imaginable. 

Spend less time fucking moaning and more time doing whatever it is you want to do. 

[Dons_1988]

Playing the pregnancy card a little too often for my liking now.

[mac.i]

Playing the pregnancy card a little too often for my liking now.

It's only just beginning..... when you are back at work and she's home on mat leave you'll be getting "it's alright for you, you can go to work".....

[Stellaboz]

How long has he actually been in Germany? I find it utterly bizarre when people do this, and have noticed him doing it a lot. I find it hard to believe that you can go from living in Scotland until say 30, then spend a few years abroad and suddenly lose knowledge of English grammar.
Reeks of being desperate for people to know he lives in Germany for some weird reason.

Who says I had knowledge of English grammar before I left?

On that topic, I don't remember getting too many lessons about it at school, it was all just assumed you picked it up as you went along.

[DA Baracus]

Just now, Stellaboz said:

Who says I had knowledge of English grammar before I left?

On that topic, I don't remember getting too many lessons about it at school, it was all just assumed you picked it up as you went along.

That's because you went to the shite primary and shite high school. Your primary school burned down in shame at the parade of dunces that shambled through the doors, all whilst looking across the road in envy.

 

[Stellaboz]

At least we know he's not Hitler or his name wid be Stellabo, AMARITE

I do need a name change, I haven't touched a drop of the original Stella Artois in many, many a year. Too many horrific hangovers with that stuff. Triple filtered is good though.

[Stellaboz]

That's because you went to the shite primary and shite high school. Your primary school burned down in shame at the parade of dunces that shambled through the doors, all whilst looking across the road in envy.
 

My primary school and high school could batter yours!

[DA Baracus]

Just now, Stellaboz said:

2 minutes ago, DA Baracus said:

That's because you went to the shite primary and shite high school. Your primary school burned down in shame at the parade of dunces that shambled through the doors, all whilst looking across the road in envy.
 

My primary school and high school could batter yours!

Prove it!

[Bairnardo]

Just now, Stellaboz said:

3 minutes ago, DA Baracus said:

That's because you went to the shite primary and shite high school. Your primary school burned down in shame at the parade of dunces that shambled through the doors, all whilst looking across the road in envy.
 

My primary school and high school could batter yours!

You couldn't knock snow off a rope you Fife c**t

[Dons_1988]

24 minutes ago, mac.i said:

26 minutes ago, Dons_1988 said:

Playing the pregnancy card a little too often for my liking now.

It's only just beginning..... when you are back at work and she's home on mat leave you'll be getting "it's alright for you, you can go to work".....

Oh I have no doubts. 

[Jacksgranda]

34 minutes ago, Stellaboz said:

Who says I had knowledge of English grammar before I left?

On that topic, I don't remember getting too many lessons about it at school, it was all just assumed you picked it up as you went along.

We got it drummed into us, particularly in primary 7. Parsing sentences, analytical analysis I think was another one (seems to be a bit of redundancy there, tbqhwy), subjective clauses, adjectival clauses etc. I quite enjoyed it, don't know how much use it's been to me in the 58 years since I was taught it, all the same.