Infuriating Things Your Partner Does

[The Golden God]

2 hours ago, Spring Onion said:

My boss wouldn't, if I was late even a quarter of that then I would be getting my arse kicked. 

Aye I've fucked it there.

[Sergeant Wilson]

Left the living room door open 3 times in an hour last night, exposing me to an icy Siberian draught every time.

[Dee Man]

28 minutes ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

Left the living room door open 3 times in an hour last night, exposing me to an icy Siberian draught every time.

[Sergeant Wilson]

^^^Shut upi

This morning, left the living room door open, opened the front door, then stood on the step outside looking for stuff in her bag for about an hour* before I got up and closed them both.

*nearly an hour...more than half an hour...maybe a bit less.

[hk blues]

8 minutes ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

^^^Shut upi

This morning, left the living room door open, opened the front door, then stood on the step outside looking for stuff in her bag for about an hour* before I got up and closed them both.

*nearly an hour...more than half an hour...maybe a bit less.

Haven't you been told a million times before about exaggerating?  

[TheScarf]

11 hours ago, bernardblack said:

Watched a film earlier tonight and I’m surely due director/writer royalties for the amount of explaining I had to do and questions answered on the plot throughout.

I feel like that a lot of the time too.  Does your Mrs sit on her phone the whole time as well?

[Guest bernardblack]

I feel like that a lot of the time too.  Does your Mrs sit on her phone the whole time as well?

Yup. “This is too complicated”

[TheScarf]

Just now, bernardblack said:

 

Yup. “This is too complicated”

 

'Well maybe if you came off Facebook for more than 8 seconds you might actually work out what's happening you daft cow' - me every night.

[Guest bernardblack]

'Well maybe if you came off Facebook for more than 8 seconds you might actually work out what's happening you daft cow' - me every night.

Replace Facebook with tiktok and it’s the same

[gav-ffc]

13 hours ago, bernardblack said:

Watched a film earlier tonight and I’m surely due director/writer royalties for the amount of explaining I had to do and questions answered on the plot throughout.

 

1 hour ago, TheScarf said:

I feel like that a lot of the time too.  Does your Mrs sit on her phone the whole time as well?

 

1 hour ago, TheScarf said:

'Well maybe if you came off Facebook for more than 8 seconds you might actually work out what's happening you daft cow' - me every night.

100% this during lockdown we watch The Last Dance on Netflix which did involve a lot of time skipping back and forward but having to tell her what time the scene was in at least 3 times per episode as she constantly picked up the phone for a scroll.

[The Moonster]

7 hours ago, MixuFruit said:

Eyes forward. Do not engage. It's the only way.

This is correct, although I engage passively. Eyes forward, leave about a 5 second gap after she's asked a question, then say "what?" whilst maintaining full eye contact with the TV. Almost always met with a "doesn't matter".

[Bairnardo]

This is correct, although I engage passively. Eyes forward, leave about a 5 second gap after she's asked a question, then say "what?" whilst maintaining full eye contact with the TV. Almost always met with a "doesn't matter".

This. The delay is key.

Todays one for me.... She drops something off at her pal, who returns the favour by handing over 2 Halloween gifts bags with wee party hooter things in them. Gives these hooters to the weans, then almost immediately starts kicking off about the noise. f**k sake.

[Shotgun]

Her: What's the name of the guy who was in that film?
Me: What film?
Her: That wolf thing.
Me: ...Hugh Jackman?
Her: Yeah, that's him.

I think I might finally be getting the hang of this marriage malarkey.

[BFTD]

22 minutes ago, Shotgun said:

Her: What's the name of the guy who was in that film?
Me: What film?
Her: That wolf thing.
Me: ...Hugh Jackman?
Her: Yeah, that's him.

I think I might finally be getting the hang of this marriage malarkey.

I used to give nonsensical answers. My logic was, I'll put as much effort into finding answers as you put in to providing background information.

"Bob Holness" was the first answer that sprang to mind there.

[Hedgecutter]

Telling you the night before you head offshore that she nabbed all the bubble wrap from your kitbag (where it always lives to protect the laptop).  Naturally this is my fault “for leaving it so late”.

[The Golden God]

18 hours ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

Left the living room door open 3 times in an hour last night, exposing me to an icy Siberian draught every time.

My family are a nightmare for this. Constantly entering the room I'm in and not closing the door on the way out, sometimes even coming back in 10 seconds I've got up and closed the door and doing the exact same thing again.

 

[Jimmy Shaker]

Working from home. She's on a day off and is doing some cleaning. No entirely sure what she's doing, but it sounds like she's knocking a hole in the kitchen wall for a new door.

And I see she's committed the ultimate atrocity prior to coming down the stairs - she's stripped the bed and not immediately put new bedding on it, and instead will leave it bare until the bedding in the wash is clean and dry and she can put it back on. Which - of course - she won't do. Sadly for her, she's facing an early night for work tomorrow and will have to be in bed before me, and thus will realise the error of her ways when she goes up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire to find an unmade scratcher and I'm still sat trying to make up work hours late at night, and will be forced to make it when she's tired and pissed off. With hilarious results. 

[Melanius Mullarkey]

34 minutes ago, Jimmy Shaker said:

Working from home. She's on a day off and is doing some cleaning. No entirely sure what she's doing, but it sounds like she's knocking a hole in the kitchen wall for a new door.

And I see she's committed the ultimate atrocity prior to coming down the stairs - she's stripped the bed and not immediately put new bedding on it, and instead will leave it bare until the bedding in the wash is clean and dry and she can put it back on. Which - of course - she won't do. Sadly for her, she's facing an early night for work tomorrow and will have to be in bed before me, and thus will realise the error of her ways when she goes up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire to find an unmade scratcher and I'm still sat trying to make up work hours late at night, and will be forced to make it when she's tired and pissed off. With hilarious results. 

Deserves everything she gets for a stripped bed having to be made after 6pm.

[Sergeant Wilson]

1 hour ago, Jimmy Shaker said:

Working from home. She's on a day off and is doing some cleaning. No entirely sure what she's doing, but it sounds like she's knocking a hole in the kitchen wall for a new door.

And I see she's committed the ultimate atrocity prior to coming down the stairs - she's stripped the bed and not immediately put new bedding on it, and instead will leave it bare until the bedding in the wash is clean and dry and she can put it back on. Which - of course - she won't do. Sadly for her, she's facing an early night for work tomorrow and will have to be in bed before me, and thus will realise the error of her ways when she goes up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire to find an unmade scratcher and I'm still sat trying to make up work hours late at night, and will be forced to make it when she's tired and pissed off. With hilarious results. 

Ah, the bed time stand off. Been there, done that and win hands down every time. She can barely stay up past 9.00.

Edited November 2, 2020 by Sergeant Wilson

[Jimmy Shaker]

I'll do her the courtesy of at least running it through the dryer - she's fucked off out and not even bothered with this - so all she's to do is make the bed.

If nothing else, she should know better than to do this on a Monday when I'll burden myself with Monday Night Football and not come upstairs til gone four AM, leaving her with no choice but to sort out her own mess. Amateur.