Academically Deficient Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 1 minute ago, Bairnardo said: 3 minutes ago, Academically Deficient said: A slight variant on this in our house: "What should I wear, these shoes or the black ones?" Me: these ones "Hmmm, not sure" Eventually changes into black shoes and is ready to go. Now 20 minutes late. Of course, if the black ones hurt her feet and spoil her night out, it's my fault for not insisting on the other ones. At least you can reasonably have an input on that. How the f**k would I know if she needs her glasses Have you of telling her not to take them in the hope she won't find her way home? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bairnardo Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 2 minutes ago, Academically Deficient said: Have you of telling her not to take them in the hope she won't find her way home? I think telling her to defer to the advice of the optician who prescribed them might be the better ling term solution here. It will of course result in me being told squarely to f**k off 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz FFC Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 Yesterday we took in 2 Amazon deliveries for our neighbours. The wife decided unbeknown to me the best place for them was on top of the fridge I assumed up until a few minutes ago she had dropped the parcels in to them. No she's decided out the road is where to leave them. I've just asked her why she put them there? Her - to get them out the road. Me - but you won't deliver them and I didn't know you'd hid them there. She now gets annoyed with me for talking loudly at her. What chance have you got. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 Me: "are you off to the petrol station?" Her: "aye, but for diesel" Nobody calls it the diesel station. Nobody. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 13 minutes ago, Hedgecutter said: Me: "are you off to the petrol station?" Her: "aye, but for diesel" Nobody calls it the diesel station. Nobody. The Yanks were ahead of their time. 'Are you going to the gas station?' 'How did you know that LPG was a thing?' 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bully Wee Villa Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 24 minutes ago, Hedgecutter said: Me: "are you off to the petrol station?" Her: "aye, but for diesel" Nobody calls it the diesel station. Nobody. Get revenge by telling her you're going to the station, but don't say which sort. Am I after petrol? Am I going on a train journey? Am I being arrested? Give yourself an exciting air of mystery. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coprolite Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 3 hours ago, Bairnardo said: Just prior to leaving the house for a night out... "Do you think I will need my glasses?" WTF This is clearly a trap of some kind. I can't figure out the angle or the mechanics, but you will be to blame. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted October 7, 2020 Author Share Posted October 7, 2020 Her complete inability to clean windows, mirrors, glass tables, worktops, tv screens etc, without smearing the shit out of them. The majority of the time they'd genuinely be better off left the way they are as she somehow manages to make them look dirtier than they started. Pretty sure it's been a cunning plan since the start to ensure I do all the glass cleaning. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buchan30 Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 Just prior to leaving the house for a night out..."Do you think I will need my glasses?"WTFCover your arse by saying “you better take them, just incase” 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 (edited) 8 hours ago, Bully Wee Villa said: Get revenge by telling her you're going to the station, but don't say which sort. Am I after petrol? Am I going on a train journey? Am I being arrested? Give yourself an exciting air of mystery. Or just tell her you’re going out. And never come back. Thats my 5 year plan. Edited October 7, 2020 by Melanius Mullarkey 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted October 7, 2020 Author Share Posted October 7, 2020 11 hours ago, Bairnardo said: Just prior to leaving the house for a night out... "Do you think I will need my glasses?" WTF Best to err on the side of caution and say yes so that she doesn't accidentally stand on you. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 On 01/10/2020 at 17:41, coprolite said: Reminds me of how i used to eat soup as a young child. Basically the same but with two slices of bread ripped and added at the same time to absorb all the soup. When i'm old i think I'll do that again. I think that's what I did as a youngster, too. Haven't yet quite reached the stage when I do it again. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the tungston weasel Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 Her complete inability to clean windows, mirrors, glass tables, worktops, tv screens etc, without smearing the shit out of them. The majority of the time they'd genuinely be better off left the way they are as she somehow manages to make them look dirtier than they started. Pretty sure it's been a cunning plan since the start to ensure I do all the glass cleaning. I now try to do as much of the cooking as possible just to avoid the apocalyptic state the kitchen is in afterward.The other day she went to get a bag of crisps and somehow the butter was left out. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derry Alli Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 On 01/10/2020 at 17:37, carpetmonster said: Doesn’t dip bread in soup. Rips a bit off. Puts into the soup. Dunks it about a bit with spoon. Once it becomes a small pillow of mush, scoops it up with spoon and eats. Boak. On 01/10/2020 at 17:41, coprolite said: Reminds me of how i used to eat soup as a young child. Basically the same but with two slices of bread ripped and added at the same time to absorb all the soup. When i'm old i think I'll do that again. Late to the party here but dipping bread in soup is shite. Toast, heavily buttered and dipped is the correct procedure. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 3 minutes ago, Mr. Alli said: Late to the party here but dipping bread in soup is shite. Toast, heavily buttered and dipped is the correct procedure. Butter roasted bread dippy dip 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 2 hours ago, the tungston weasel said: The other day she went to get a bag of crisps and somehow the butter was left out. An invitation if ever I saw one. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carpetmonster Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 31 minutes ago, Jacksgranda said: Butter roasted bread dippy dip The prosecution has now concluded, m’lud. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Terrapin Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 As a slight back story I have a pet hate of folk putting their shopping on the conveyor belt then fucking off and doing the rest of their shopping whilst others wait in the queue. Been shopping for my elderly Mother the last 6 months and always add a couple of tins(well 4) of Gin and Tonic to the list of essentials. This week necessitated the involvement of my wife as my Mum needed some 'women's things' that she obviously thinks her near pension aged son would be embarrassed to pick up? So we're in Asda and I pick up most of the list whilst she gets the 'women's things'. I'm at the till first and she joins me as the gin and tonics are about to be put through. She exclaims 'she doesn't like them' (despite the fact my mother has been scoffing them for the last 6 months without a hint of complaint), she then proceeds to remove the tins and goes looking for alternatives whilst folk are joining the queue behind us. She makes it back just as the last of the shopping goes through and has to go round the back of the teller because of the queue behind. And then she wonders why I'm not best pleased. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hk blues Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 13 hours ago, Joe Terrapin said: This week necessitated the involvement of my wife as my Mum needed some 'women's things' that she obviously thinks her near pension aged son would be embarrassed to pick up? I'm concerned as to why your mother would need such a thing if her son is near pension age. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gav-ffc Posted October 8, 2020 Share Posted October 8, 2020 Asked me to get her a drink while chilling out on the couch, got to the kitchen and by the time I was opening the fridge she was headed to the toilet seconds later. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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