Infuriating Things Your Partner Does

[Melanius Mullarkey]

1 hour ago, Dee Man said:

 

Do you think I take time out of my busy schedule to write my posts just for you not to read them?

Yes.

[deej]

She asks me to do stuff round the house, which is fine. I'll do it.

 

I don't need reminding every 6 months 

[superbigal]

I get requested to get a large carton of milk while I'm out.
13 whatsapp messages later I'm doing the weekly shopping. Think the vagisan and fanny pads are actually wind ups. Bunch of flowers however is not.
She's actually pretty savvy.

[Dee Man]

22 minutes ago, superbigal said:

I get requested to get a large carton of milk while I'm out.
13 whatsapp messages later I'm doing the weekly shopping. Think the vagisan and fanny pads are actually wind ups. Bunch of flowers however is not.
She's actually pretty savvy.

Either she's savvy or you're a sap. 

I know what my money's on. 

[Shandon Par]

 

19 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

.

Today she came and and started on about the way I had parked the car....".

.

No wonder. Looks like you’ve just abandoned it there.

 

Edited September 29, 2020 by Shandön Par

[mathematics]

Just learned that, last November, Mrs Mathematics spent £179 on a crisp packet with her portrait drawn on it by Vic Reeves.

[mathematics]

Just now, mathematics said:

Just learned that, last November, Mrs Mathematics spent £179 on a crisp packet with her portrait drawn on it by Vic Reeves.

and it hasn’t arrived.

[superbigal]

Just learned that, last November, Mrs Mathematics spent £179 on a crisp packet with her portrait drawn on it by Vic Reeves.

This it ?

[mathematics]

10 minutes ago, superbigal said:

This it ?

No that’d be closer to my portrait on a crisp packet.

[ICTJohnboy]

On 28/09/2020 at 17:21, coprolite said:

My wife went as far as booking me a hearing test because i kept saying she was mumbling, despite me having no difficulty hearing anyone else. It has now been confirmed by a qualified clinician that she is a mumbling b*****d. Ha. 

 

You should book elocution lessons for her.

[Derry Alli]

On 28/09/2020 at 17:14, Dee Man said:

Probably while standing with her hands on her hips. 

LET'S DO THE TIMEWARP AGAIN

[Raidernation]

Why's that a problem? Nobody's seeing her pants.

Spik for yersel [emoji6]

[coprolite]

2 hours ago, ICTJohnboy said:

 

You should book elocution lessons for her.

While i can see the funny side, i don't really need to be able to hear more of what i've done wrong, haven't done, or need to do. 

[St-ow!]

On 25/09/2020 at 13:23, Oldster said:

Sir!

There's a bit more to it than that. They're more devious than us for a start. Not many will contest that. And since you insist on being rude there's the acronym Cuga to remember for their erogenous zones -

Clitoris

Urethral opening (u-shape of sensitive tissue)

G-spot

Anterior fornix erogenous zone

So not the same as us in mind or body. Now behave yourself!

 

Auld yin,

That sounds like book learning, rather than lived experience; try -

1) a pillow under her hips;

2) humping her clit;

3) rolling your hips;

4) spending more time fckng her entrance;

5) to keep going throughout her orgasm.

Learn it; give your subconscious a few days to add it to your experience.

So - enjoy. And - please - relax!

 

[anonanist]

My most recent partner gave me a 'Chinese burn'. On my knob. With her teeth.

Gonnae no dae that!  

In fairness to her, I hadn't recently trimmed my finger nails - which had resulted in me accidentally cutting her in a very sensitive place. She described the experience as like "losing my virginity over again". 

That was 8 (eight) years ago. After which I gave up on the whole relationship thing.

Edited September 30, 2020 by anonanist

[scottmcleanscontacts]

My most recent partner gave me a 'Chinese burn'. On my knob. With her teeth.
Gonnae no dae that!  
In fairness to her, I hadn't recently trimmed my finger nails - which had resulted in me accidentally cutting her in a very sensitive place. She described the experience as like "losing my virginity over again". 
That was 8 (eight) years ago. After which I gave up on the whole relationship thing.

And that's why you're a w****r, now?

[Academically Deficient]

I clicked on this hoping to find more harrumphing about annoying (mainly) female behaviour that I could empathise with.

Shit got dark pfq

[Sergeant Wilson]

3 hours ago, Academically Deficient said:

I clicked on this hoping to find more harrumphing about annoying (mainly) female behaviour that I could empathise with.

Shit got dark pfq

Is this the dark web, an i going to be on a list?

[buchan30]

Is this the dark web, an i going to be on a list?

^^^^trying to pretend he doesn’t know what the dark web is.

I could be harsh and say that i am surprised you aren’t on a list already, but I won’t.

[Jacksgranda]

1 hour ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

Is this the dark web, an i going to be on a list?

 

7 minutes ago, buchan30 said:

^^^^trying to pretend he doesn’t know what the dark web is.

I could be harsh and say that i am surprised you aren’t on a list already, but I won’t.