Jacksgranda Posted May 24, 2020 Share Posted May 24, 2020 18 minutes ago, HeWhoWalksBehindTheRows said: Lol, so naive. That will just be more rooms for her to fill with shite! You will still be living in the same few rooms, but with a couple more rooms for "storage". They must all be the same... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MONKMAN Posted May 29, 2020 Share Posted May 29, 2020 Comes home the other day from a run and tells me she's lost her house keys, then asks if I'll go over to Glasgow Green and help her re-trace her steps looking for them. As we got into the park, the conversation went along the lines of; Me - 'The keys could be anywhere if you've done a couple of laps of the park' Her - 'I think I know where they'll be, down near the boathouse' Me - 'how could you possibly know where they'll be' Her - 'I think I felt them fall out my pocket and hit my leg, while running' Me - 'Why the f**k wouldn't you stop and check, if you think you've dropped your keys' Her - 'I was in the groove with my run' At this point, I decided not to say anything more before I lost it. As we approached the boat house I noticed that someone had obviously seen the keys, picked them up and placed them on top of a trailer that was sitting parked up. She walked right past them without even giving it a second look. This my friends, is responsible for the training and education of our NHS nurses. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted May 29, 2020 Share Posted May 29, 2020 27 minutes ago, MONKMAN said: Comes home the other day from a run and tells me she's lost her house keys, then asks if I'll go over to Glasgow Green and help her re-trace her steps looking for them. As we got into the park, the conversation went along the lines of; Me - 'The keys could be anywhere if you've done a couple of laps of the park' Her - 'I think I know where they'll be, down near the boathouse' Me - 'how could you possibly know where they'll be' Her - 'I think I felt them fall out my pocket and hit my leg, while running' Me - 'Why the f**k wouldn't you stop and check, if you think you've dropped your keys' Her - 'I was in the groove with my run' At this point, I decided not to say anything more before I lost it. As we approached the boat house I noticed that someone had obviously seen the keys, picked them up and placed them on top of a trailer that was sitting parked up. She walked right past them without even giving it a second look. This my friends, is responsible for the training and education of our NHS nurses. Out with the old man near a river as a kid. Got home - no keys. Unlike you guys, he didn't re-trace the steps. Just launched a brick through the bathroom window and clambered in. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Blades Posted May 29, 2020 Share Posted May 29, 2020 Comes home the other day from a run and tells me she's lost her house keys, then asks if I'll go over to Glasgow Green and help her re-trace her steps looking for them. As we got into the park, the conversation went along the lines of; Me - 'The keys could be anywhere if you've done a couple of laps of the park' Her - 'I think I know where they'll be, down near the boathouse' Me - 'how could you possibly know where they'll be' Her - 'I think I felt them fall out my pocket and hit my leg, while running' Me - 'Why the f**k wouldn't you stop and check, if you think you've dropped your keys' Her - 'I was in the groove with my run' At this point, I decided not to say anything more before I lost it. As we approached the boat house I noticed that someone had obviously seen the keys, picked them up and placed them on top of a trailer that was sitting parked up. She walked right past them without even giving it a second look. This my friends, is responsible for the training and education of our NHS nurses. I’m sorry, I’m against violence of all types, but, I’d have punched her fucking teeth in, picked them up & put them on the parked up trailer. That’s a nonsense right there! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigmouth Strikes Again Posted May 29, 2020 Share Posted May 29, 2020 2 hours ago, MONKMAN said: At this point, I decided not to say anything more before I lost it. Should use this rule before you come on here as well. IMO. Thank you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MONKMAN Posted May 29, 2020 Share Posted May 29, 2020 3 minutes ago, Bigmouth Strikes Again said: Should use this rule before you come on here as well. IMO. Thank you. That would imply that I get concerned about the strangers on the internet. Other than Bigfoot coverups, and my seethe, are there any other fairy tales you’d like to share with us? Thank you. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesP_81 Posted June 2, 2020 Share Posted June 2, 2020 Comes home the other day from a run and tells me she's lost her house keys, then asks if I'll go over to Glasgow Green and help her re-trace her steps looking for them. As we got into the park, the conversation went along the lines of; Me - 'The keys could be anywhere if you've done a couple of laps of the park' Her - 'I think I know where they'll be, down near the boathouse' Me - 'how could you possibly know where they'll be' Her - 'I think I felt them fall out my pocket and hit my leg, while running' Me - 'Why the f**k wouldn't you stop and check, if you think you've dropped your keys' Her - 'I was in the groove with my run' At this point, I decided not to say anything more before I lost it. As we approached the boat house I noticed that someone had obviously seen the keys, picked them up and placed them on top of a trailer that was sitting parked up. She walked right past them without even giving it a second look. This my friends, is responsible for the training and education of our NHS nurses. Sounds suspiciously like she's stopped for a quick pumping off a random stranger round the back of the boathouse. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted June 2, 2020 Share Posted June 2, 2020 On 29/05/2020 at 15:36, MONKMAN said: Comes home the other day from a run and tells me she's lost her house keys, then asks if I'll go over to Glasgow Green and help her re-trace her steps looking for them. As we got into the park, the conversation went along the lines of; Me - 'The keys could be anywhere if you've done a couple of laps of the park' Her - 'I think I know where they'll be, down near the boathouse' Me - 'how could you possibly know where they'll be' Her - 'I think I felt them fall out my pocket and hit my leg, while running' Me - 'Why the f**k wouldn't you stop and check, if you think you've dropped your keys' Her - 'I was in the groove with my run' At this point, I decided not to say anything more before I lost it. As we approached the boat house I noticed that someone had obviously seen the keys, picked them up and placed them on top of a trailer that was sitting parked up. She walked right past them without even giving it a second look. This my friends, is responsible for the training and education of our NHS nurses. Was it her you fucked in to the Clyde? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Empty It Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 The missus got a new car last night and she's hell bent on creating a problem with it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dons_1988 Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 She loves Springwatch and I enjoy it too, albeit not as much as she does. But she can't watch it without getting over excited and chastising me for not being excited too. 'Look! LOOK! LOOK! WHY AREN'T YOU LOOKING! It's an otter!' I am looking, I am just capable of sitting still. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Tourette Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 Mine keeps leaving jars with the lids not screwed back on properly. I used to smash a few, picking them up by the lid and the jar would fall off. I now find myself subconsciously putting the lids on properly before picking them up 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 On 18/05/2020 at 22:21, mathematics said: There’s nothing in the bread bin. This seemed an innocent post at the time but now we know it’s because the postman’s head was in the bread bin. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 I came back from a doctor's appointment just as the post was being delivered, and waited in the car till he went back to his van. My wife had collected the mail by the time I got in and said did you speak to Davy (our normal postie). "It wasn't Davy." Half an hour later she said "I thought parcels didn't need signed for anymore?" "What?" "You said he was putting a parcel back in the van." How does "It wasn't Davy" translate into "He put a parcel back in the van"? 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathematics Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 (edited) 10 hours ago, Shandon Par said: This seemed an innocent post at the time but now we know it’s because the postman’s head was in the bread bin. Those that deliver her endless internet-bought tat are maybe the only safe people in Scotland. Edited June 10, 2020 by mathematics 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
101 Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 (edited) 12 hours ago, MixuFruit said: This isn't really infuriating as such but: Me: OK wife your task for today is to just go through a regular day doing regular stuff Wife: Hah! That's easy! Me: Without... Wife: Uh-oh Me: Walking into the edge of a table/tripping up on the ground/biting the inside of your cheek/otherwise injuring yourself Wife: This is impossible. Exhibit I M'lud posted on 10th June. Clearly explains how she tripped on an axe Edited June 10, 2020 by 101 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
die hard doonhamer Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 On 10/06/2020 at 21:15, mathematics said: Those that deliver her endless internet-bought tat are maybe the only safe people in Scotland. Seems to be a delivery a day at the moment here. Pretty much all shite that we don't need, but it's easier just to agree. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Florentine_Pogen Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 On 10/06/2020 at 11:24, Jacksgranda said: How does "It wasn't Davy" translate into "He put a parcel back in the van"? 'Twas in davan....... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acastus Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 Cleaning electrical appliances like my Xbox with a wet cloth...while they're switched on. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted June 12, 2020 Author Share Posted June 12, 2020 3 hours ago, Acastus said: Cleaning electrical appliances like my Xbox with a wet cloth...while they're switched on. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathematics Posted June 12, 2020 Share Posted June 12, 2020 10 hours ago, die hard doonhamer said: Seems to be a delivery a day at the moment here. Pretty much all shite that we don't need, but it's easier just to agree. I’m a delivery a day too: one from Royal Mail, one from DPD, one from Hermes, one from parcel force... 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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