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Infuriating Things Your Partner Does


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18 minutes ago, HeWhoWalksBehindTheRows said:

Lol, so naive. That will just be more rooms for her to fill with shite! You will still be living in the same few rooms, but with a couple more rooms for "storage".

They must all be the same...

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Comes home the other day from a run and tells me she's lost her house keys, then asks if I'll go over to Glasgow Green and help her re-trace her steps looking for them. As we got into the park, the conversation went along the lines of;

Me - 'The keys could be anywhere if you've done a couple of laps of the park'

Her - 'I think I know where they'll be, down near the boathouse'

Me - 'how could you possibly know where they'll be'

Her - 'I think I felt them fall out my pocket and hit my leg, while running'

Me - 'Why the f**k wouldn't you stop and check, if you think you've dropped your keys'

Her - 'I was in the groove with my run'

At this point, I decided not to say anything more before I lost it.  As we approached the boat house I noticed that someone had obviously seen the keys, picked them up and placed them on top of a trailer that was sitting parked up.  She walked right past them without even giving it a second look. 

This my friends, is responsible for the training and education of our NHS nurses. 

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27 minutes ago, MONKMAN said:

Comes home the other day from a run and tells me she's lost her house keys, then asks if I'll go over to Glasgow Green and help her re-trace her steps looking for them. As we got into the park, the conversation went along the lines of;

Me - 'The keys could be anywhere if you've done a couple of laps of the park'

Her - 'I think I know where they'll be, down near the boathouse'

Me - 'how could you possibly know where they'll be'

Her - 'I think I felt them fall out my pocket and hit my leg, while running'

Me - 'Why the f**k wouldn't you stop and check, if you think you've dropped your keys'

Her - 'I was in the groove with my run'

At this point, I decided not to say anything more before I lost it.  As we approached the boat house I noticed that someone had obviously seen the keys, picked them up and placed them on top of a trailer that was sitting parked up.  She walked right past them without even giving it a second look. 

This my friends, is responsible for the training and education of our NHS nurses. 

Out with the old man near a river as a kid. Got home - no keys. Unlike you guys, he didn't re-trace the steps. Just launched a brick through the bathroom window and clambered in. 

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Comes home the other day from a run and tells me she's lost her house keys, then asks if I'll go over to Glasgow Green and help her re-trace her steps looking for them. As we got into the park, the conversation went along the lines of;
Me - 'The keys could be anywhere if you've done a couple of laps of the park'
Her - 'I think I know where they'll be, down near the boathouse'
Me - 'how could you possibly know where they'll be'
Her - 'I think I felt them fall out my pocket and hit my leg, while running'
Me - 'Why the f**k wouldn't you stop and check, if you think you've dropped your keys'
Her - 'I was in the groove with my run'
At this point, I decided not to say anything more before I lost it.  As we approached the boat house I noticed that someone had obviously seen the keys, picked them up and placed them on top of a trailer that was sitting parked up.  She walked right past them without even giving it a second look. 
This my friends, is responsible for the training and education of our NHS nurses. 

I’m sorry, I’m against violence of all types, but, I’d have punched her fucking teeth in, picked them up & put them on the parked up trailer. That’s a nonsense right there!
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3 minutes ago, Bigmouth Strikes Again said:

Should use this rule before you come on here as well. IMO.

Thank you.

That would imply that I get concerned about the strangers on the internet. Other than Bigfoot coverups, and my seethe, are there any other fairy tales you’d like to share with us? 

Thank you. 

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Comes home the other day from a run and tells me she's lost her house keys, then asks if I'll go over to Glasgow Green and help her re-trace her steps looking for them. As we got into the park, the conversation went along the lines of;
Me - 'The keys could be anywhere if you've done a couple of laps of the park'
Her - 'I think I know where they'll be, down near the boathouse'
Me - 'how could you possibly know where they'll be'
Her - 'I think I felt them fall out my pocket and hit my leg, while running'
Me - 'Why the f**k wouldn't you stop and check, if you think you've dropped your keys'
Her - 'I was in the groove with my run'
At this point, I decided not to say anything more before I lost it.  As we approached the boat house I noticed that someone had obviously seen the keys, picked them up and placed them on top of a trailer that was sitting parked up.  She walked right past them without even giving it a second look. 
This my friends, is responsible for the training and education of our NHS nurses. 
Sounds suspiciously like she's stopped for a quick pumping off a random stranger round the back of the boathouse.
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On 29/05/2020 at 15:36, MONKMAN said:

Comes home the other day from a run and tells me she's lost her house keys, then asks if I'll go over to Glasgow Green and help her re-trace her steps looking for them. As we got into the park, the conversation went along the lines of;

Me - 'The keys could be anywhere if you've done a couple of laps of the park'

Her - 'I think I know where they'll be, down near the boathouse'

Me - 'how could you possibly know where they'll be'

Her - 'I think I felt them fall out my pocket and hit my leg, while running'

Me - 'Why the f**k wouldn't you stop and check, if you think you've dropped your keys'

Her - 'I was in the groove with my run'

At this point, I decided not to say anything more before I lost it.  As we approached the boat house I noticed that someone had obviously seen the keys, picked them up and placed them on top of a trailer that was sitting parked up.  She walked right past them without even giving it a second look. 

This my friends, is responsible for the training and education of our NHS nurses. 

Was it her you fucked in to the Clyde?

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She loves Springwatch and I enjoy it too, albeit not as much as she does.

But she can't watch it without getting over excited and chastising me for not being excited too.

'Look! LOOK! LOOK! WHY AREN'T YOU LOOKING! It's an otter!'

I am looking, I am just capable of sitting still.

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Mine keeps leaving jars with the lids not screwed back on properly. I used to smash a few, picking them up by the lid and the jar would fall off. I now find myself subconsciously putting the lids on properly before picking them up

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I came back from a doctor's appointment just as the post was being delivered, and waited in the car till he went back to his van. My wife had collected the mail by the time I got in and said did you speak to Davy (our normal postie). "It wasn't Davy." Half an hour later she said "I thought parcels didn't need signed for anymore?" "What?" "You said he was putting a parcel back in the van."

How does "It wasn't Davy" translate into "He put a parcel back in the van"?

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10 hours ago, Shandon Par said:

This seemed an innocent post at the time but now we know it’s because the postman’s head was in the bread bin.

Those that deliver her endless internet-bought tat are maybe the only safe people in Scotland.

Edited by mathematics
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12 hours ago, MixuFruit said:

This isn't really infuriating as such but:

Me: OK wife your task for today is to just go through a regular day doing regular stuff

Wife: Hah! That's easy!

Me: Without...

Wife: Uh-oh

Me: Walking into the edge of a table/tripping up on the ground/biting the inside of your cheek/otherwise injuring yourself

Wife: This is impossible.

Exhibit I M'lud posted on 10th June. Clearly explains how she tripped on an axe

Edited by 101
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10 hours ago, die hard doonhamer said:

Seems to be a delivery a day at the moment here. Pretty much all shite that we don't need, but it's easier just to agree.

I’m a delivery a day too: one from Royal Mail, one from DPD, one from Hermes, one from parcel force...

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