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Dee Man

Infuriating Things Your Partner Does

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My wife just handed me the shopping list, with prices next to the items, and asked me to add it up, which I did. "Does that include the nappies?", she asked (we're expecting sundry grandchildren today). "Aye, you've them down at £2.00", (which seemed a bit cheap, but no matter). "No, no, that's two packs", she says. (Why right 2 packs on the lhs, and then 2 - for packs - on the rhs, I refrain from asking). So I add it up again. "Is that all, the lollies will be £8.00 on their own", she says. I then realise I'm supposed to multiply the price by the number of items and then add it up, I hadn't realised that the price beside each item was only for 1 nr of each. 

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Those tommy tippee machines that make the milk up are horrendous for germs, lots of impossible to clean internal parts that leads to illness, just make the bottle up yourself.
I used to fill it with previously boiled water to help with this.

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I have a very sore neck this morning and my judgement not the best.
WD40 works on brass I heard

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In Largs tonight, some poor guy called Lewis has received numerous phone calls in ten minutes, from his family who are sat near me:

Call 1 - go to the chip shop buy eight fish suppers.

Call 2 - go to the co-op and buy tomato ketchup.

Call 3 - HAND SANITISER (shouting orders at him now)

Call 4 - just leave the till and go and buy some drinks. Random cans. Just a selection for all. No just leave the till it won't take long.

I'm so stressed listening to all of this, I fear Lewis will taste anger and resentment when he's allowed to sit down for his chips.

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In Largs tonight, some poor guy called Lewis has received numerous phone calls in ten minutes, from his family who are sat near me:

Call 1 - go to the chip shop buy eight fish suppers.

Call 2 - go to the co-op and buy tomato ketchup.

Call 3 - HAND SANITISER (shouting orders at him now)

Call 4 - just leave the till and go and buy some drinks. Random cans. Just a selection for all. No just leave the till it won't take long.

I'm so stressed listening to all of this, I fear Lewis will taste anger and resentment when he's allowed to sit down for his chips.

^^^ Lewis

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27 minutes ago, Le Tout P'ti FC said:

In Largs tonight, some poor guy called Lewis has received numerous phone calls in ten minutes, from his family who are sat near me:

Call 1 - go to the chip shop buy eight fish suppers.

Call 2 - go to the co-op and buy tomato ketchup.

Call 3 - HAND SANITISER (shouting orders at him now)

Call 4 - just leave the till and go and buy some drinks. Random cans. Just a selection for all. No just leave the till it won't take long.

I'm so stressed listening to all of this, I fear Lewis will taste anger and resentment when he's allowed to sit down for his chips.

Lewis from Largs, if your are reading this, put them all under the patio.

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When I’m watching something (football, darts, etc) and her phone rings.

“Can you turn that down or pause it please? My mum’s phoning”

Fucking go upstairs and talk to her FFS. I’m not pausing live sport

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She’s never off her phone. Like never.

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14 hours ago, mizfit said:

She’s never off her phone. Like never.

Yet never answers when you phone.

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She’s never off her phone. Like never.


The second she puts it down after being on it all night though you’ll get the “you know you’re never off your phone...”

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We currently have a spray can of canola oil and a bottle of vegetable oil in the cupboard. She pulls out the spray can last night to fry some chicken and says, "I read the other day that these spray oils are bad for non-stick pans as the aerosol damages them and removes the non-stick material".

**proceeds to spray oil directly onto non-stick pan**

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Her: "Can I try a bit of your food (that you picked from the menu)?

Me: "Sure"

[tastes it]

Her:  "Hmmm... it's ok, but I prefer mine"

 

 

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