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Dee Man

Infuriating Things Your Partner Does

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7 minutes ago, deej said:
11 minutes ago, Jacksgranda said:
What's an "apology"?

More of an acknowledgement that it wasn't me that moved it, but it's the closest I'll ever get to an actual apology.

Lucky you, that's more than I ever get...

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‘’you’ve probably moved it, you’re always moving stuff away so I can’t find them’’, she grumbled.
 


With the follow-up of you'd never tidy up it's always me that does it and only I ever put the dishwasher on...

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Funnily enough I've found something in my pocket today that she's been looking for (supermarket trolley token thing). Am I going to tell her I found it? Am I f**k. 

 

Currently thinking where to hide it that she might not have looked and it'll "turn up" in a couple of weeks. Probably. 

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21 minutes ago, deej said:

Funnily enough I've found something in my pocket today that she's been looking for (supermarket trolley token thing). Am I going to tell her I found it? Am I f**k. 

 

Currently thinking where to hide it that she might not have looked and it'll "turn up" in a couple of weeks. Probably. 

Down your moob  cleavage.

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10 hours ago, deej said:

Funnily enough I've found something in my pocket today that she's been looking for (supermarket trolley token thing). Am I going to tell her I found it? Am I f**k. 

 

Currently thinking where to hide it that she might not have looked and it'll "turn up" in a couple of weeks. Probably. 

That's easy! Drop it in her handbag. She'll have looked there at least 3 times, but that's irrelevant. You need to search a handbag a good half dozen times before you find anything in it anyway. 

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3 hours ago, Lisa Cuddy said:

You need to search a handbag a good half dozen times before you find anything in it anyway. 

Usually at the check-out line and only after the cashier has finished ringing up a full trolley's worth of groceries.

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9 hours ago, Lisa Cuddy said:

That's easy! Drop it in her handbag. She'll have looked there at least 3 times, but that's irrelevant. You need to search a handbag a good half dozen times before you find anything in it anyway. 

Just went for the bold strategy of sticking it right back on her keys where it stays. Will see if it pays off.

Now toying between denying she'd ever lost it (definitely wasn't my fault), or saying she must have found it and just cant remember. 

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Wrong thread maybe as this is more if a laugh at her moment.

Shes putting up a curtain pole. Shes about to use the cheap shitty rawplugs that come with it. I suggest she uses the better plasterboard fixings in the toopbox. Just make sure the screws with them screws arent too big for the brackets on the pole.

Five mins later.... her....These screws wont go in

Me "what into the curtain pole?"

Her "no, into the rawplug"

Me "how no? Is it in the wall?"

Her "No, am just checking that they would go in before I put it in the wall"

Me ".........."

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15 minutes ago, Bairnardo said:

Wrong thread maybe as this is more if a laugh at her moment.

Shes putting up a curtain pole. Shes about to use the cheap shitty rawplugs that come with it. I suggest she uses the better plasterboard fixings in the toopbox. Just make sure the screws with them screws arent too big for the brackets on the pole.

Five mins later.... her....These screws wont go in

Me "what into the curtain pole?"

Her "no, into the rawplug"

Me "how no? Is it in the wall?"

Her "No, am just checking that they would go in before I put it in the wall"

Me ".........."
 

Can you not just buy a larger set of step ladders.

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3 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

Wrong thread maybe as this is more if a laugh at her moment.

Shes putting up a curtain pole. Shes about to use the cheap shitty rawplugs that come with it. I suggest she uses the better plasterboard fixings in the toopbox. Just make sure the screws with them screws arent too big for the brackets on the pole.

Five mins later.... her....These screws wont go in

Me "what into the curtain pole?"

Her "no, into the rawplug"

Me "how no? Is it in the wall?"

Her "No, am just checking that they would go in before I put it in the wall"

Me ".........."
 

Need to get her on some kind of DIY course, college/night school. IMO.

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Not partner but other guys in the house here:-
1. Put on a film “on demand” (usually some mafia or rap shite) then get up and walk away after 15-20 minutes. Not only deafening me in the process but causing me to miss something I might actually want to watch.
2. One of the others is binge-watching some crap called “Power”. Every fucking morning

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I always imagined you to be an old man.

An old man in a flat share?

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every fucking day this happens now.

I have a kettle that takes about 20 mins to boil as it as big fucker, more like an urn.

I fill every morning, switch on then take the kids ti school and the wife to work, ready for a cuppa on my return and clean the feeding bottles for the wee one.

She takes the plug out when I'm off to the car, on return I have to sit and what for it to boil....I asked when she doesn't take the fridge plug out as well.....c**t

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On 28/06/2019 at 16:51, Bairnardo said:

Wrong thread maybe as this is more if a laugh at her moment.

Shes putting up a curtain pole. Shes about to use the cheap shitty rawplugs that come with it. I suggest she uses the better plasterboard fixings in the toopbox. Just make sure the screws with them screws arent too big for the brackets on the pole.

Five mins later.... her....These screws wont go in

Me "what into the curtain pole?"

Her "no, into the rawplug"

Me "how no? Is it in the wall?"

Her "No, am just checking that they would go in before I put it in the wall"

Me ".........."
 

^^^^^^

003.jpg

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I am now thoroughly fed up of answering Mrs. FP’s questions. Invariably they are queries which have been answered multiple times in the past. e.g. “how does this remote control work ?”, ........
I used to say, in a half-jokey way, “write it down if you can’t remember”........
Now, after each question, I have just taken to saying “What will you do when I’m deid?”
(I await comedy responses........)

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This evening she left the house to walk to the bus to get to work. About 5 mins later she phones to say she has left her watch in the house and can I go take it to her. I agree and she says she will wait where she is. This is fine, she was only at the end of the main road we live off of but as I was about to take the wee one to bed I decide to take the car. Get the kid all strapped in and just as I get to the junction for the main road she phones and tells me not to bother as she was on her way back. Sure enough she was about 10 yards away.

I was absolutely fuming as I had only driving about 50 yards. Handed her the watch out the window and had a go at her and she couldn’t understand why I was not happy with her.

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7 hours ago, Florentine_Pogen said:

I am now thoroughly fed up of answering Mrs. FP’s questions. Invariably they are queries which have been answered multiple times in the past. e.g. “how does this remote control work ?”, ........
I used to say, in a half-jokey way, “write it down if you can’t remember”........
Now, after each question, I have just taken to saying “What will you do when I’m deid?”
(I await comedy responses........emoji35.png)

“How do I save a picture onto my phone again.”

Every fucking day for the past 2 years.

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51 minutes ago, PB1994 said:

This evening she left the house to walk to the bus to get to work. About 5 mins later she phones to say she has left her watch in the house and can I go take it to her. I agree and she says she will wait where she is. This is fine, she was only at the end of the main road we live off of but as I was about to take the wee one to bed I decide to take the car. Get the kid all strapped in and just as I get to the junction for the main road she phones and tells me not to bother as she was on her way back. Sure enough she was about 10 yards away.

I was absolutely fuming as I had only driving about 50 yards. Handed her the watch out the window and had a go at her and she couldn’t understand why I was not happy with her.

Ooooh make up sex

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