Infuriating Things Your Partner Does

[MONKMAN]

We'll start watching a new tv series then after an episode or two, she'll go onto wikipedia and read literally everything about it.  She then moans when a major part of the story happens (main character dies etc...), as she knew it was happening and couldn't enjoy it. 

Also, watching a new film or series... 5 minutes in I get bombarded with "who's that?" "what does he do?" "where are they"

"I don't fucking know, as I've seen the exact same as you" is the usual response.

 

[coprolite]

41 minutes ago, Jimmy Shaker said:

Either she goes to Tesco, or you do. Never both. Have spent the last six months doing weekend shifts in the place and bored spouses/other halves are just cluttering up the place. Them and idiot bairns with wheels in their trainers. 

On the rare occasions we go to the shop together i leave her on the way in. She goes of to look at shite. I get the shopping. In the car on the way home, I smile and nod while she tells me about the shite she looked at. 

Couples in shops are invariably ailse blocking arseholes. 

[Sugar_Army]

Spend weekend hillwalking.  Get to civilization and she mentions we need to get some groceries etc.

God forbid if I suggest Tesco.  Apparently it takes too long to walk around to get bread and milk (unlike the 6-8 hrs + doing Munro's each day).

I then make it worse by simply parking the car anywhere suitable rather than driving round for 10 mins to squeeze it as close as possible to the front door.  Apparently I am too far from the entrance (it's almost if that 1hr walk-in crossing burns and muddy tracks before our ascent in the wind and driving rain that weekend never happened.

 

 

[Rizzo]

3 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkay said:

is that a clock?

Id be taking a hammer to that.

It's a nixie tube clock that he made from scratch. The light must get turned off when he comes to bed as it's never on in the morning.

I 100% admire his ability to just buy the parts he needs and build things like this but its definitely not my favourite.

[Jacksgranda]

1 hour ago, coprolite said:

On the rare occasions we go to the shop together i leave her on the way in. She goes of to look at shite. I get the shopping. In the car on the way home, I smile and nod while she tells me about the shite she looked at. 

Couples in shops are invariably ailse blocking arseholes. 

I stay in the car while she goes in with our daughter. I usually bring a book with me to read while I'm waiting.

[philpy]

She is chewing gum very loudly with her mouth open. I may be getting charged with murder before the bells at midnight. 

[54_and_counting]

23 hours ago, ddfg said:

On a rare joint trip to Tesco yesterday, she drives past dozens of empty car parking spaces to get as close as possible to the door. She then fails to find a suitbably big space, ie no cars on either side and then proceeds to drive past the same empty spaces as she tries to get down the next lane for another shot at the front door. We could have been and got half of the shopping before she finally parked the car. Apparently I have no patience. 

Mines is worse, mines drives around the car park avoiding decent spaces then finds one that she thinks no one will park next to her, aye thats because you've parked fucking miles away, coming back out with the trolley im like a rally driver trying to navigate the fucking shitty car park to get to the car

[Vic Mackey]

6 hours ago, philpy said:

She is chewing gum very loudly with her mouth open. I may be getting charged with murder before the bells at midnight. 

Are you able to slip your cock in, in between the gurning?? 

[Busta Nut]

On 31/12/2021 at 16:41, 54_and_counting said:

Mines is worse, mines drives around the car park avoiding decent spaces then finds one that she thinks no one will park next to her, aye thats because you've parked fucking miles away, coming back out with the trolley im like a rally driver trying to navigate the fucking shitty car park to get to the car

This is mine. As far away as possible. I think she'd park over two spaces if she could.

[Mark Connolly]

52 minutes ago, Busta Nut said:

This is mine. As far away as possible. I think she'd park over two spaces if she could.

[Hedgecutter]

Other half: "whilst you're at the chemist, can you see if they have any KY Jelly please?"

Me (somewhat surprised): "this is a change"

Her: "No, I need it for going up to the stables this evening"

Me: "You might want to explain this one a bit more..."

 

 

It's for lubricating a rectal thermometer for a horse there.  Apparently.

Edited January 6, 2022 by Hedgecutter

[Raithie]

Wife's first day back at work today after the Christmas/New Year break. She's had breakfast, she's showered, hair and make up done, lunch is made, jacket and shoes on - she's effectively all ready and her next step would be to leave the house and get in the car, she's already running a bit late. She starts panicking "oh no, does the car need defrosted" (it's still dark outside) and proceeds to stand in the living room with the blinds open, big light on and staring intently to ascertain if the windscreen looks frosty. Just leave the house woman and you'll see if the cars needing defrosted!

[jimbaxters]

Probably one of the most exact deadlines one can have is catching a plane. As a result, I have been accused of getting to the airport too early to the point where it was becoming a family joke. Trying to rid myself of said stereotype, I have been more chilled about it all in recent years. Therefore, after Christmas when we were due at Edinburgh Airport the suggestion was to get to the airport building about 90 to 120 minutes before the flight. Mrs B stated she wanted to have a look at the daft wee trinket shops in the departure lounge and I wanted a skeck at the whisky. Why then did she decide halfway just after leaving Glasgow on the M8 that she needed a coffee? We had a hire car to refuel, return and get the shuttle to the terminal building even before the complete unknowns, time wise of bag drop and security but the time was apparently better spent going off the motorway looking for Dobbies which is never without a queue of octogenarians deciding which cake they want.

"I can feel you're not happy about this". Well done, you!

[Bairnardo]

Other half: "whilst you're at the chemist, can you see if they have any KY Jelly please?"
Me (somewhat surprised): "this is a change"
Her: "No, I need it for going up to the stables this evening"
Me: "You might want to explain this one a bit more..."
 
 

It's for lubricating a rectal thermometer for a horse there.  Apparently.

Its nice that she has something to do when you're working away.

Its got nothing to do with horses tho m8.

[Jacksgranda]

28 minutes ago, jimbaxters said:

Probably one of the most exact deadlines one can have is catching a plane. As a result, I have been accused of getting to the airport too early to the point where it was becoming a family joke. Trying to rid myself of said stereotype, I have been more chilled about it all in recent years. Therefore, after Christmas when we were due at Edinburgh Airport the suggestion was to get to the airport building about 90 to 120 minutes before the flight. Mrs B stated she wanted to have a look at the daft wee trinket shops in the departure lounge and I wanted a skeck at the whisky. Why then did she decide halfway just after leaving Glasgow on the M8 that she needed a coffee? We had a hire car to refuel, return and get the shuttle to the terminal building even before the complete unknowns, time wise of bag drop and security but the time was apparently better spent going off the motorway looking for Dobbies which is never without a queue of octogenarians deciding which cake they want.

"I can feel you're not happy about this". Well done, you!

Just say "No", peace and quiet all the way home...

[alta-pete]

33 minutes ago, jimbaxters said:

Probably one of the most exact deadlines one can have is catching a plane. As a result, I have been accused of getting to the airport too early to the point where it was becoming a family joke. Trying to rid myself of said stereotype, I have been more chilled about it all in recent years. Therefore, after Christmas when we were due at Edinburgh Airport the suggestion was to get to the airport building about 90 to 120 minutes before the flight. Mrs B stated she wanted to have a look at the daft wee trinket shops in the departure lounge and I wanted a skeck at the whisky. Why then did she decide halfway just after leaving Glasgow on the M8 that she needed a coffee? We had a hire car to refuel, return and get the shuttle to the terminal building even before the complete unknowns, time wise of bag drop and security but the time was apparently better spent going off the motorway looking for Dobbies which is never without a queue of octogenarians deciding which cake they want.

"I can feel you're not happy about this". Well done, you!

Did you make your flight without needing to break into a jog at any point? 

[coprolite]

35 minutes ago, jimbaxters said:

Probably one of the most exact deadlines one can have is catching a plane. As a result, I have been accused of getting to the airport too early to the point where it was becoming a family joke. Trying to rid myself of said stereotype, I have been more chilled about it all in recent years. Therefore, after Christmas when we were due at Edinburgh Airport the suggestion was to get to the airport building about 90 to 120 minutes before the flight. Mrs B stated she wanted to have a look at the daft wee trinket shops in the departure lounge and I wanted a skeck at the whisky. Why then did she decide halfway just after leaving Glasgow on the M8 that she needed a coffee? We had a hire car to refuel, return and get the shuttle to the terminal building even before the complete unknowns, time wise of bag drop and security but the time was apparently better spent going off the motorway looking for Dobbies which is never without a queue of octogenarians deciding which cake they want.

"I can feel you're not happy about this". Well done, you!

We once left at 1.30 am to drive to Gatwick (3hrs) for a check in that closed at 5.  At 1.45, she insisted that we go home to pick up her big wooly coat. We only just made it. Funnily enough she didn't wear her big wooly coat once during our whole stay on the shores of the Indian Ocean. 

[jimbaxters]

16 minutes ago, alta-pete said:

Did you make your flight without needing to break into a jog at any point? 

That's not the point!

[Hedgecutter]

I can't say anything as I almost missed a flight having sat opposite the gate in departures (playing Age of Empires) for about 4 hrs prior to boarding.

   

[Sugar_Army]

Only ever missed 3 flights. 

Chicago-Atlanta , no matter how quick we moved it was never gonna work. 

Lesson learned.  Avoid going through immigration while having an internal connection if you can.

 

Charles de Gaule-Heathrow.  Again never gonna happen due to times between connection.

Lesson learned.  Never completely trust your travel agent.

 

Boston-LA should have happened as had 5 hours between flight.

Lesson learned.  Don't allow 5 guys to use the free scratch cards that allow you to buy half bottles of whiskey for 75p in Manchester then once on the bevvy in Boston airport crack them all open to share with American guys you meet in the lounge.