Jacksgranda Posted September 28, 2021 Share Posted September 28, 2021 59 minutes ago, clarky-1979 said: My missus has the uncanny ability to talk to complete strangers in a shop, find out their whole life story, what their weins grew up to be, how many dogs they have and what they do for a living and then has then nerve to become indignant when she inevitably finds me back sitting in the car some 45 minutes later, when i tell her i'm not remotely interested in any of her new found information. Either that or we can go anywhere, and i mean anywhere on the planet and if she doesn't directly know someone she will start talking to a random person and they will know someone in common and slever complete shite for at least an hour. These strangers have their dogs out working? Please pm the details and I'll have ours out, too. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheScarf Posted September 28, 2021 Share Posted September 28, 2021 1 hour ago, clarky-1979 said: My missus has the uncanny ability to talk to complete strangers in a shop, find out their whole life story, what their weins grew up to be, how many dogs they have and what they do for a living and then has then nerve to become indignant when she inevitably finds me back sitting in the car some 45 minutes later, when i tell her i'm not remotely interested in any of her new found information. Either that or we can go anywhere, and i mean anywhere on the planet and if she doesn't directly know someone she will start talking to a random person and they will know someone in common and slever complete shite for at least an hour. Are you my dad? You've literally just described my mum to a tee. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted September 28, 2021 Share Posted September 28, 2021 1 hour ago, The Skelpit Lug said: Gran seemed satisfied, though. Must have been some roast. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aufc Posted September 28, 2021 Share Posted September 28, 2021 Must have been some roast.Wasn’t just the tatties that got roasted 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted September 28, 2021 Share Posted September 28, 2021 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Aufc said: Wasn’t just the tatties that got roasted Edited September 28, 2021 by Melanius Mullarkey 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted September 28, 2021 Share Posted September 28, 2021 2 hours ago, clarky-1979 said: My missus has the uncanny ability to talk to complete strangers in a shop, find out their whole life story, what their weins grew up to be, how many dogs they have and what they do for a living and then has then nerve to become indignant when she inevitably finds me back sitting in the car some 45 minutes later, when i tell her i'm not remotely interested in any of her new found information. Either that or we can go anywhere, and i mean anywhere on the planet and if she doesn't directly know someone she will start talking to a random person and they will know someone in common and slever complete shite for at least an hour. ^^^^^^Harry Drennan 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted September 28, 2021 Share Posted September 28, 2021 The wife asks me to pick up some grapes. A week later I am throwing out an unopened, bruised mess of grapes with some sticky goo in the bottom of them. Tell her I've thrown them out and she asks me to get more as she had forgotten about them...this is a cycle that has gone on for about 6 weeks now. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ICTJohnboy Posted September 28, 2021 Share Posted September 28, 2021 5 hours ago, clarky-1979 said: My missus has the uncanny ability to talk to complete strangers in a shop, find out their whole life story, what their weins grew up to be, how many dogs they have and what they do for a living and then has then nerve to become indignant when she inevitably finds me back sitting in the car some 45 minutes later, when i tell her i'm not remotely interested in any of her new found information. Either that or we can go anywhere, and i mean anywhere on the planet and if she doesn't directly know someone she will start talking to a random person and they will know someone in common and slever complete shite for at least an hour. Not sure why, but that reminds me of this story from a few years back... An Inverurie couple were holidaying in New York and were having a coffee in a cafe. An American guy, overhearing their accents asked where they were from. "We're from Scotland", hubby replied...."Fits he sayin', fits he sayin'" said his wife, who was a little hard of hearing. "He's asking where we are from", said hubby The American guy pipes up again....."Yes, I could tell you are Scottish, I just wondered whereabouts in Scotland" Before he could reply, his wife pipes up again..."Fits he sayin', fits he sayin" "He's asking whereabouts in Scotland" says hubby He then turns to the American and says "We're from a small town not far from Aberdeen called Inverurie" The American is astonished - "I've been to Inverurie several years ago," he says, "I remember that town very well because it was where I had the worst sexual experience of my life" "Fits he sayin', fits he sayin'" pipes up the wife yet again. "He says he kens ye," replies a somewhat exasperated hubby. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trackdaybob Posted September 28, 2021 Share Posted September 28, 2021 2 hours ago, scottsdad said: The wife asks me to pick up some grapes. A week later I am throwing out an unopened, bruised mess of grapes with some sticky goo in the bottom of them. Tell her I've thrown them out and she asks me to get more as she had forgotten about them...this is a cycle that has gone on for about 6 weeks now. There is an easy solution to this problem. I'm not sure you're quite ready for it though 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted September 28, 2021 Share Posted September 28, 2021 1 hour ago, Trackdaybob said: There is an easy solution to this problem. I'm not sure you're quite ready for it though Homemade wine? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superbigal Posted September 29, 2021 Share Posted September 29, 2021 My missus has the uncanny ability to talk to complete strangers in a shop, find out their whole life story, what their weins grew up to be, how many dogs they have and what they do for a living and then has then nerve to become indignant when she inevitably finds me back sitting in the car some 45 minutes later, when i tell her i'm not remotely interested in any of her new found information. Either that or we can go anywhere, and i mean anywhere on the planet and if she doesn't directly know someone she will start talking to a random person and they will know someone in common and slever complete shite for at least an hour.I assume she pulled you then ? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Moonster Posted September 29, 2021 Share Posted September 29, 2021 On 28/09/2021 at 12:21, Aufc said: On Sunday she fucked off for lunch with her mates and left me with the two kids. To get it up her, I entertained the two kids, cooked a Sunday roast for 5 people (her gran came), cleaned the whole house and had the dinner all set with a glass of wine waiting for her. At what point did you realise that doing all the shite she clearly can't be arsed doing is the worst possible way to get it up her? On 28/09/2021 at 12:21, Aufc said: Edited to add. Still didn’t get my hole Was it here? 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coprolite Posted September 29, 2021 Share Posted September 29, 2021 Always forgets to ask for one thing at the shops and times her call to ask me for it perfectly between me paying at the till and turning the ignition. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boghead ranter Posted September 29, 2021 Share Posted September 29, 2021 (edited) 18 minutes ago, coprolite said: Always forgets to ask for one thing at the shops and times her call to ask me for it perfectly between me paying at the till and turning the ignition. At which point I always say that I'm nearly home, so too bad. Edited September 29, 2021 by Boghead ranter 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted September 29, 2021 Share Posted September 29, 2021 1 hour ago, coprolite said: Always forgets to ask for one thing at the shops and times her call to ask me for it perfectly between me paying at the till and turning the ignition. Every fucking time. I now sit her down and ask here "DO YOU NEED ANYTHING FROM THE SHOP" before I leave the house. "DO NOT TEXT OR WHATSAPP ME AFTER IVE LEFT THE LIVING ROOM AS I NOT RESPOND" Just as Im leaving the checkout "oh can you get me liquorice allsorts and fags" "TOO FUCKING LATE" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aufc Posted September 29, 2021 Share Posted September 29, 2021 1 hour ago, The Moonster said: At what point did you realise that doing all the shite she clearly can't be arsed doing is the worst possible way to get it up her? Was it here? Just wanted to prove a point. I reckon she thinks i go to work and its easy etc whereas her being at home is very hard. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coprolite Posted September 29, 2021 Share Posted September 29, 2021 1 minute ago, Aufc said: Just wanted to prove a point. I reckon she thinks i go to work and its easy etc whereas her being at home is very hard. If she's anything like my wife she knows fine well how much of an arseache working is and that's why she gets you to do it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bairnardo Posted September 29, 2021 Share Posted September 29, 2021 Every fucking time. I now sit her down and ask here "DO YOU NEED ANYTHING FROM THE SHOP" before I leave the house. "DO NOT TEXT OR WHATSAPP ME AFTER IVE LEFT THE LIVING ROOM AS I NOT RESPOND" Just as Im leaving the checkout "oh can you get me liquorice allsorts and fags" "TOO FUCKING LATE"Its nice that you have posted what you hope one day you will have the nerve to do... Gives you something to strive for apart from.... Cement and thatSent from my SM-G780G using Tapatalk 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coprolite Posted September 29, 2021 Share Posted September 29, 2021 18 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: Every fucking time. I now sit her down and ask here "DO YOU NEED ANYTHING FROM THE SHOP" before I leave the house. "DO NOT TEXT OR WHATSAPP ME AFTER IVE LEFT THE LIVING ROOM AS I NOT RESPOND" Just as Im leaving the checkout "oh can you get me liquorice allsorts and fags" "TOO FUCKING LATE" She needs the art of a subtle guilt trip in there. "we need medicine for the children. Oh, and while you're in there, a bottle of cava." 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted September 29, 2021 Share Posted September 29, 2021 6 minutes ago, Bairnardo said: Its nice that you have posted what you hope one day you will have the nerve to do... Gives you something to strive for apart from.... Cement and that Sent from my SM-G780G using Tapatalk You think I went back in an bought the sweeties? Ha ha ha Spoiler Of course I fucking did 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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