Infuriating Things Your Partner Does

[Jacksgranda]

20 minutes ago, G51 said:

My wife just made a hot chocolate and asked if I wanted one. I said aye, so she makes it up, brings it over and says there's a surprise in it for you.

She stuck a Creme Egg in it. A fucking Creme Egg!

After about five seconds, it sunk to the bottom and, just like Archimedes predicted, hot chocolate started flowing over the sides of the cup due to displacement, burning the f*cking hands off me.

These fancy coffee shops have a hell of a lot to answer for.

So, was the creme egg liquidated...

[Boghead ranter]

2 hours ago, Genuine Hibs Fan said:

beetroot rolls are the bollocks

FTFY 

[Miguel Sanchez]

4 hours ago, Honest_Man#1 said:

The police need to search this man’s hard drive instantly.

I went to school with a guy who would eat Milky Ways by eating all the chocolate first then eating the inside.

[Busta Nut]

5 hours ago, hk blues said:

I even go as far as removing the coating from my fish fingers and eating both elements separately.  

Fish nonce.

 

[BFTD]

6 hours ago, The Moonster said:

There's your problem, you've presented yourself as a caring and kind colleague who is happy to go the lunch run for everyone. I'd probably take advantage of you too. 

Did you miss the bit where I said, "no, get it yourself"?  

I'll pick up a sandwich or can of juice for someone on the way past, but bollocks to anything that requires hanging about, or memorising a list of special demands.

3 hours ago, Boo Khaki said:

Hiya!!

I live in fear of being served vegetable 'medleys'. Carrot, peas, and sweetcorn causes a near-catatonic state.

My son used to be similar. Couldn't eat anything with any kind of sauce, Burgers patties had to be eaten on their own - no putting it in a bun with other ingredients. Pizza was a no-no.

He's worked through it to a degree and likes a pie these days, which still blows my mind every time I make him one.

1 hour ago, Miguel Sanchez said:

I went to school with a guy who would eat Milky Ways by eating all the chocolate first then eating the inside.

I used to do that with Feast ice lollies; remember them? There was a hard chocolate lolly on the inside, covered in a layer of chocolate ice-cream, with a coating of chocolate and nuts on the outside. It was oddly satisfying to try and bite off the outer coatings without breaking the solid chocolate inside.

If anyone fancies some next-level deviancy, try popping a Ferrero Rocher in your gob, and remove the chocolate/nut layer with your tongue before the inner wafer structure breaks.

[Miguel Sanchez]

1 minute ago, BFTD said:

I used to do that with Feast ice lollies; remember them? There was a hard chocolate lolly on the inside, covered in a layer of chocolate ice-cream, with a coating of chocolate and nuts on the outside. It was oddly satisfying to try and bite off the outer coatings without breaking the solid chocolate inside.

If anyone fancies some next-level deviancy, try popping a Ferrero Rocher in your gob, and remove the chocolate/nut layer with your tongue before the inner wafer structure breaks.

Were you holding the ice cream by your fingers while you were doing this?

[BFTD]

3 minutes ago, Miguel Sanchez said:

Were you holding the ice cream by your fingers while you were doing this?

Eww, no!  

Christ, the things that go through your mind sometimes.

[Boo Khaki]

15 minutes ago, BFTD said:

Did you miss the bit where I said, "no, get it yourself"?  

I'll pick up a sandwich or can of juice for someone on the way past, but bollocks to anything that requires hanging about, or memorising a list of special demands.

My son used to be similar. Couldn't eat anything with any kind of sauce, Burgers patties had to be eaten on their own - no putting it in a bun with other ingredients. Pizza was a no-no.

He's worked through it to a degree and likes a pie these days, which still blows my mind every time I make him one.

I used to do that with Feast ice lollies; remember them? There was a hard chocolate lolly on the inside, covered in a layer of chocolate ice-cream, with a coating of chocolate and nuts on the outside. It was oddly satisfying to try and bite off the outer coatings without breaking the solid chocolate inside.

If anyone fancies some next-level deviancy, try popping a Ferrero Rocher in your gob, and remove the chocolate/nut layer with your tongue before the inner wafer structure breaks.

I recently confessed to P&B that I strain baked beans. The tomato gunk they come in gives me the boak.

[Melanius Mullarkey]

21 minutes ago, BFTD said:

Did you miss the bit where I said, "no, get it yourself"?  

I'll pick up a sandwich or can of juice for someone on the way past, but bollocks to anything that requires hanging about, or memorising a list of special demands.

My son used to be similar. Couldn't eat anything with any kind of sauce, Burgers patties had to be eaten on their own - no putting it in a bun with other ingredients. Pizza was a no-no.

He's worked through it to a degree and likes a pie these days, which still blows my mind every time I make him one.

I used to do that with Feast ice lollies; remember them? There was a hard chocolate lolly on the inside, covered in a layer of chocolate ice-cream, with a coating of chocolate and nuts on the outside. It was oddly satisfying to try and bite off the outer coatings without breaking the solid chocolate inside.

If anyone fancies some next-level deviancy, try popping a Ferrero Rocher in your gob, and remove the chocolate/nut layer with your tongue before the inner wafer structure breaks.

The inside of a feast is probably the finest chocolate known to mankind. Just a shame you need to tunnel through utter shite to get to it.

[mishtergrolsch]

15 minutes ago, Boo Khaki said:

I recently confessed to P&B that I strain baked beans. The tomato gunk they come in gives me the boak.

Just buy a tin of Haricot beans. Save yourself the straining.

Job done.

[KnightswoodBear]

34 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

The inside of a feast is probably the finest chocolate known to mankind. Just a shame you need to tunnel through utter shite to get to it.

The early draft of The Shawshank Redemption wasn't up to much. 

[Bairnardo]

The inside of a feast is probably the finest chocolate known to mankind. Just a shame you need to tunnel through utter shite to get to it.

All frozen chocolate is revolting and for total Alvaro Negredo/Julio Baptista/Hank McCoys. You liking it this much has absolutely reinforced this point.

[Deanburn Dave]

Just buy a tin of Haricot beans. Save yourself the straining.
Job done.

Drained Haricot beans mixed with a spoonful of Heinz ketchup.....sorted.

[mishtergrolsch]

4 minutes ago, Deanburn Dave said:

38 minutes ago, mishtergrolsch said:

Just buy a tin of Haricot beans. Save yourself the straining.
Job done.

Drained Haricot beans mixed with a spoonful of Heinz ketchup.....sorted.

Drained haricot beans, couple spoons of passata, some smoked Paprika and an (optional) wee bit of chilli powder all cooked down makes a good gloop free healthy baked bean alternative.

[die hard doonhamer]

5 hours ago, Miguel Sanchez said:

I went to school with a guy who would eat Milky Ways by eating all the chocolate first then eating the inside.

Absolutely nothing wrong with this. It's the best way to eat a milky way.

[19QOS19]

I don't think I've had a Milky Way since I was in school but I used to eat the edges first.

[Shotgun]

Beetroot in a burger is fucking tremendous. It's a wonder some of you ever moved on from baby food.

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

7 hours ago, Miguel Sanchez said:

I went to school with a guy who would eat Milky Ways by eating all the chocolate first then eating the inside.

Before McVitie's got miserable with the chocolate on club biscuits this was equally achievable .

[hk blues]

18 hours ago, Rugster said:

So in essence you’re making a fish sandwich. 

I prefer to think of it as a deconstructed fish finger sandwich.

[hk blues]

14 hours ago, Jacksgranda said:

You're not f****** serious?

Deadly.  It's no different to eating fish without a coating.  Except you get to enjoy the coating afterwards (or before if you so wish).