Infuriating Things Your Partner Does

[Hedgecutter]

Mrs Par. “What shopping did you get?.
This is always asked just after I’ve filled the boot of the car with a week’s worth of shopping. Am I to spend the rest of the journey home trying to remember everything?

Annoy her by singing it to the tune of I've Been Everywhere by Johnny Cash, eventually repeating things on purpose, constantly making her say "you said that!". However, you don't pay attention to these interruptions, annoying her further.

I. Got. Everything.
I got the bog roll, bread rolls, Swiss roll, sausage rolls,
Tangerines, margarine and the milk both blue and green,
Bog roll, berries, tangerines, Ben & Jerry's,
Red wine, white wine, Swiss rolls, sausage rolls...

[deej]

I'm working from home , she's off till the 27th, so naturally yesterday she recited to me her list of things she was going to do today to be productive. 

I don't remember hearing "scroll through my phone till half 11, eventually get up and potter about, then when it gets to lunchtime I'll go out and get that stuff I said I was going to get first thing so we can have it for lunch"

Now she's out, and its lunch time, but no doubt I'll be the c**t if I just fire on and have lunch without her.

 

She also takes great offence when I suggest that I never expected her to do half the things she said, as is the case every single time she has a day off. Makes these statements about how it'll be such a productive day, she'll get loads done and the house will be spotless, only for her to lay in bed for the whole morning. Which is fine by me, I'm just fed up of the whole charade.

[Gaz FFC]

I've seen women on FB post these 5% cute 95% crazy posts and then laugh with a line like "yeah, that's me".

On behalf of Men everywhere this isn't an endearing quality and in actual fact we hate your drama and your pish.

[TheScarf]

43 minutes ago, Gaz FFC said:

I've seen women on FB post these 5% cute 95% crazy posts and then laugh with a line like "yeah, that's me".

On behalf of Men everywhere this isn't an endearing quality and in actual fact we hate your drama and your pish.

Which includes thinking we fancy and are shagging every female we say hi to in the street, due to the fact that we know them.

[microdave]

22 hours ago, Shandön Par said:

Mrs Par. “What shopping did you get?.

This is always asked just after I’ve filled the boot of the car with a week’s worth of shopping. Am I to spend the rest of the journey home trying to remember everything? Usually tell her she can read the receipt if she wants. How does she find the motivation to ask such an inane question?

Sounds a bit  like an episode at the end of the Generation game.

[gav-ffc]

On 22/12/2020 at 13:02, Bairnardo said:

Unsure how common this one will he but I suspect reasonably so, to some degree or another.

Just under the surface jealousy. Local delivery lassie goes to the same gym as me. She mentioned this to my wife. I didnt because it literally doesnt matter. I have spoken to the lassie once, in order to avoid an awkward "I know you from somewhere" type moment.

Now the wife is giving it "aw look it's your wee burd at the door" type chat. Shes sort of trying to put it across jokingly, but theres an undercurrent there, and tbqh, it leaves me seething.

This type of thing in general boils my piss.

What delivery place is this? 
 

Asking for a friend.

[Shandon Par]

22 minutes ago, microdave said:

Sounds a bit  like an episode at the end of the Generation game.

Spot on - been trying to remember what game show that section was from.

[Bairnardo]

20 minutes ago, gav-ffc said:

What delivery place is this? 
 

Asking for a friend.

Not food, delivery deliveries, like Amazon etc

[Florentine_Pogen]

Not food, delivery deliveries, like Amazon etc

Wait....... Your deliveries burd is an Amazon?
No wonder Mrs. B is suspicious. [emoji102][emoji3]

[mathematics]

She has just done it again, this time during an advert for “my 600lb life”.

[BFTD]

12 hours ago, mathematics said:

Mrs Mathematics does the “oh look, there’s your burd” routine, but only when she sees really fat or ugly people.

She is also wont to replace “burd” for “mum”, but then again, I am from Killie.

I had one of my terribly unfunny flippant responses all ready, but then it occurred to me that she maybe accuses you of being attracted to overweight and unattractive people because that's how she feels about herself.

Mentioning that to her seems like it might be a nuclear option, however.

9 hours ago, Gaz FFC said:

I've seen women on FB post these 5% cute 95% crazy posts and then laugh with a line like "yeah, that's me".

On behalf of Men everywhere this isn't an endearing quality and in actual fact we hate your drama and your pish.

"If you can't handle me at my worst..."

On 22/12/2020 at 15:18, Shandön Par said:

Mrs Par. “What shopping did you get?.

This is always asked just after I’ve filled the boot of the car with a week’s worth of shopping. Am I to spend the rest of the journey home trying to remember everything? Usually tell her she can read the receipt if she wants. How does she find the motivation to ask such an inane question?

I tried the "how am I supposed to remember?" answer, but eventually started just making shit up. Arse paddle, hamster loin, semprini, fork handles, that kind of thing. Unfortunately, she liked seeing what I'd come up with.

Considering that it was always me who went out to get the stuff, I discovered the answer of, "it's in the kitchen, go find out and put it away while you're there" didn't go down too well.

[Theroadlesstravelled]

Never buys good snacks.

An unsalted, gluten free rice cake is not a treat.

[gav-ffc]

Doesn’t think I don’t know her code of “we need this from the shop” is her way of saying your going to the shop to get this, especially after I’ve just started reversing the car up the drive after passing the shops. 

[the snudge]

Her "where's my brush?"

Me "dunno it's not something I use"

Her "ffs thats no use, why won't you help me find it blah blah blah"

Why dont they just ask if you can help them look instead of all that pish?

[mathematics]

11 hours ago, BFTD said:

I had one of my terribly unfunny flippant responses all ready, but then it occurred to me that she maybe accuses you of being attracted to overweight and unattractive people because that's how she feels about herself.

Mentioning that to her seems like it might be a nuclear option, however.

It was my mum that was getting the comparison.

[gav-ffc]

6 minutes ago, the snudge said:

Her "where's my brush?"

Me "dunno it's not something I use"

Her "ffs thats no use, why won't you help me find it blah blah blah"

Why dont they just ask if you can help them look instead of all that pish?

In a similar vein she’ll tell me to grab something from her purse and the conversation will go along the lines of:

Her - it’s in my purse 

Me - which is where?

Her - in my bag

Me - Which is where?

Her - I dunno wherever I left it.

Leads to me boiling my piss as the bags usually in the same room as her in the first place. Just tell me where it is not what it is in please.

[Florentine_Pogen]

Her "where's my brush?"
Me "dunno it's not something I use"
Her "ffs thats no use, why won't you help me find it blah blah blah"
Why dont they just ask if you can help them look instead of all that pish?

Her - "Do you know where my *random item* is.?"
Me - "Yes, it's exactly where you left it darling."

Never fails to create maximum seethe.

[buchan30]

In a similar vein she’ll tell me to grab something from her purse and the conversation will go along the lines of:
Her - it’s in my purse 
Me - which is where?
Her - in my bag
Me - Which is where?
Her - I dunno wherever I left it.
Leads to me boiling my piss as the bags usually in the same room as her in the first place. Just tell me where it is not what it is in please.

Glad to see it’s not only mrs b that does this.

Her "where's my brush?"
Me "dunno it's not something I use"
Her "ffs thats no use, why won't you help me find it blah blah blah"
Why dont they just ask if you can help them look instead of all that pish?

I sometimes get asked “where is random item” probably that she hasn’t used, touched in 3 months. To which i reply i don’t know, only to be met with, well you were the last one with it. If you remember me having it, surely you remember where i put it?

Actually, had this with her headphones the other week. She asked where they were, I remember putting them away somewhere. So i started looking in the cupboard I thought they were in, only to be told to get out of the cupboard because they “definitely, definitely won’t be in there”

Anyone want to take a guess where she found them the following day?

[Jacksgranda]

9 minutes ago, buchan30 said:

 

I sometimes get asked “where is random item” probably that she hasn’t used, touched in 3 months. To which i reply i don’t know, only to be met with, well you were the last one with it. If you remember me having it, surely you remember where i put it?

 

 

You're lucky, we get asked on a regular basis "Where's my keys/phone*/pen/puzzle book/address book etc", items that she's been using in the last 5 minutes.

How she manages to misplace things so often every day is a mystery.

* The amount of times I'm asked "Ring my phone" is ridiculous. Half the time it goes to voice mail anyway.

Edited December 24, 2020 by Jacksgranda
Update

[buchan30]

You're lucky, we get asked on a regular basis "Where's my keys/phone/pen/puzzle book/address book etc", items that she's been using in the last 5 minutes.
How she manages to misplace things so often every day is a mystery.

The cynic in me believes that she saves this for anytime that she sees me sat down for 5 minutes.